EmoGrrl
@EmoGrrl
11 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 40 · Topics: 2
Trying Again - Now What?
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I can't help but feel disappointed that he'd rather play D&D than hang out with me on Saturday, but I'm not sure if this is warranted since he's entitled to have his own life too. Should I expect that he should want to hang out with me on Saturday? There are things I like doing too but if I had such limited free time I would want to hang out with him when I was free.
I can't tell how into me he is. When we're together he seems super interested and attentive, but when I leave him I never know when I'll hear from him again. Certainly not as frequently as I'd like.
At this juncture I don't feel I can talk about my feelings for a little while for risk of overdoing it. We just got through turbulent waters where I was overly emo and I'd really like things to flow for a little while before I bring up more heavy stuff. However, if I don't communicate I feel like I will get passive aggressive and explode.
We have been seeing each other for about 2 months now and I would like a relationship with him, but I'm not sure what he wants. Is it too soon for him to know? He tells me he's not seeing or actively trying to pursue anyone else. Should I just relax and go with the flow for a little while longer?
At one point (about a month ago) he told me he wanted to share with me and that I was welcome in his life, but lately I haven't felt very welcome. Again, we're reconnecting after a rough few weeks so I'm not sure how much I need to 'flow' before bringing up feelings again.
Your constructive feedback is much appreciated. I'm a sensitive cancer, so please don't be a hater. Thank you.
GOOD GOOGY MOOGY.........it has only been 2 months...repeat 2 months...repeat again 2 months!!!! TWO MONTHS...
Breathe...goodness...you are already expecting this man to spend every waking moment with you...he is being a typical man..he has told you what he is looking for, what he wants etc...
None of it is good enough....you go through his phone...to see what you can find..again it's only been 2 MONTHS...
If I could talk to him I would tell him to run! He needs to run the heck away from you and he will if you don't get a dang grip of yourself. If you are that insecure then do not..DO NOT engage into a relationship and drag another person through your demons..get emotionally healthy first and find things to occupy yourself with. He has..he likes D&D...don't question that..he was doing it before you let him continue..uninterrupted!
SMH..I feel sorry for him....let him go...do yourself a favor and love yourself first....I think I said this before to you...let this man go. Spare him because in the end he will run..and you will be hurt.
Breathe...goodness...you are already expecting this man to spend every waking moment with you...he is being a typical man..he has told you what he is looking for, what he wants etc...
None of it is good enough....you go through his phone...to see what you can find..again it's only been 2 MONTHS...
If I could talk to him I would tell him to run! He needs to run the heck away from you and he will if you don't get a dang grip of yourself. If you are that insecure then do not..DO NOT engage into a relationship and drag another person through your demons..get emotionally healthy first and find things to occupy yourself with. He has..he likes D&D...don't question that..he was doing it before you let him continue..uninterrupted!
SMH..I feel sorry for him....let him go...do yourself a favor and love yourself first....I think I said this before to you...let this man go. Spare him because in the end he will run..and you will be hurt.
Some of what you write is constructive, and some is simply mean. I'll reply regardless.
Yes, it has been only 2 months. Dating for 2 months does not a relationship make. Is that what you're saying?
I don't expect him to spend every waking moment with me. Perhaps just his only FREE DAY?
The snooping part you're right about. It's just wrong. I need to learn how to deal with my trust issues. This one isn't easy though.
When we first met, he was very more attentive and pursued me more than he does now. While he's still in my life, it doesn't feel like he's as present as he was before. While I am not ready to let him go, this still bothers me.
When I meet someone I really like, I want to spend a lot of time with them. Is it wrong to want the same from someone else?
Yes, it has been only 2 months. Dating for 2 months does not a relationship make. Is that what you're saying?
I don't expect him to spend every waking moment with me. Perhaps just his only FREE DAY?
The snooping part you're right about. It's just wrong. I need to learn how to deal with my trust issues. This one isn't easy though.
When we first met, he was very more attentive and pursued me more than he does now. While he's still in my life, it doesn't feel like he's as present as he was before. While I am not ready to let him go, this still bothers me.
When I meet someone I really like, I want to spend a lot of time with them. Is it wrong to want the same from someone else?
"Oh no, he won't hang out with me on Saturday ehhhh wah wah wah". First World Problems. I got two things for you- An open book and a picture of a bridge. Here's the open book, now shut it. And here's the picture of the bridge, now get over it. There's fish in the sea but there's also shit on land. Broaden the horizons.
EmoGirl....we have to be mean to you because you are not listening!!!!! Stop the nonsense. Two months your just having fun...getting to know one another..etc..no it is not a relationship.
For petes sake girly...step back and let this man come to you. You are up his ass.. He will run faster than a cheetah...he is going with this other girl because you are smothering him!!!!
Be a friend..stop snooping in his phone..stop expecting every free day he is to be with you. GET YOUR OWN LIFE!!!!! Stop making a man your life and create a life a man will be fighting to be a part of.
You are not going to get different answers...you need the cold hard truth!
Now..let him come to you...let him initiate time to be with you..make plans..want to be with you...your killing him slowly with this smothering him....
For petes sake girly...step back and let this man come to you. You are up his ass.. He will run faster than a cheetah...he is going with this other girl because you are smothering him!!!!
Be a friend..stop snooping in his phone..stop expecting every free day he is to be with you. GET YOUR OWN LIFE!!!!! Stop making a man your life and create a life a man will be fighting to be a part of.
You are not going to get different answers...you need the cold hard truth!
Now..let him come to you...let him initiate time to be with you..make plans..want to be with you...your killing him slowly with this smothering him....
Posted by EmoGrrl
When I meet someone I really like, I want to spend a lot of time with them. Is it wrong to want the same from someone else?
Yes, it is wrong! You are you. He is he. You can't expect him to want what you want after only 2 months. Give this 2-months relationship some breathing room so it has a chance to grow positively, otherwise instead of him growing fond of you, he will grow bore of you. Do you want him to grow bore of you?
It is a man's job to come hunting for what they want...be that exceptional person he wants to hunt, court, catch and be proud of.
Posted by Sn1p3r187
"Oh no, he won't hang out with me on Saturday ehhhh wah wah wah". First World Problems. I got two things for you- An open book and a picture of a bridge. Here's the open book, now shut it. And here's the picture of the bridge, now get over it. There's fish in the sea but there's also shit on land. Broaden the horizons.
I have no idea what this means.
Truly Emo Girl he sounds like he isn't into you. He makes excuses not to see you..and he avoids you. Your killing this...all by yourself....When a man wants you he makes sure he wants you. Pisces men particularly since I have dated two they come charging and sit...and stay..and love you and spend time...and are clingy..LOL...stop what your doing...seriously..your losing this...
Posted by SpinCycle
It is a man's job to come hunting for what they want...be that exceptional person he wants to hunt, court, catch and be proud of.
Part of it is that I'm in my 30's and I don't feel like I have time to waste. I want to find a life partner. I'm worried I will invest time into him only to find out he doesn't want a relationship, but at the same time I'm not allowed to ask him if he wants a relationship after only 2 months. Not sure how to deal with that!
Posted by SpinCycle
Truly Emo Girl he sounds like he isn't into you. He makes excuses not to see you..and he avoids you. Your killing this...all by yourself....When a man wants you he makes sure he wants you. Pisces men particularly since I have dated two they come charging and sit...and stay..and love you and spend time...and are clingy..LOL...stop what your doing...seriously..your losing this...
You are right. I'm torn between playing it cool and breaking it off. Both are nearly impossible.
Posted by EmoGrrlPosted by SpinCycle
It is a man's job to come hunting for what they want...be that exceptional person he wants to hunt, court, catch and be proud of.
Part of it is that I'm in my 30's and I don't feel like I have time to waste. I want to find a life partner. I'm worried I will invest time into him only to find out he doesn't want a relationship, but at the same time I'm not allowed to ask him if he wants a relationship after only 2 months. Not sure how to deal with that!click to expand
Let him do all the work...just sit pretty..and let him hunt...and enjoy...stop working so hard...when he calls to spend time..don't act all excited...just say hey...yeah that sounds good I look forward to it.
Do not ask him about a relationship now..you cannot force a relationship..it has to progress and grow..and he has to do most of that work..you have to uplift him, listen to him..appreciate his efforts and most important be his cheerleader to his aspirations and dreams. Men want a woman they can feel secure about and have his back. They don't want some clingy woman going through his phone. Now unless he is douch bag...then let him hunt you. If he is a douch bag you will know because he won't hunt you and he will disappear....swim towards something less work.
Let him do all the work...just sit pretty..and let him hunt...and enjoy...stop working so hard...when he calls to spend time..don't act all excited...just say hey...yeah that sounds good I look forward to it.
Do not ask him about a relationship now..you cannot force a relationship..it has to progress and grow..and he has to do most of that work..you have to uplift him, listen to him..appreciate his efforts and most important be his cheerleader to his aspirations and dreams. Men want a woman they can feel secure about and have his back. They don't want some clingy woman going through his phone. Now unless he is douch bag...then let him hunt you. If he is a douch bag you will know because he won't hunt you and he will disappear....swim towards something less work.
This is really good advice, thanks! 🙂
Do not ask him about a relationship now..you cannot force a relationship..it has to progress and grow..and he has to do most of that work..you have to uplift him, listen to him..appreciate his efforts and most important be his cheerleader to his aspirations and dreams. Men want a woman they can feel secure about and have his back. They don't want some clingy woman going through his phone. Now unless he is douch bag...then let him hunt you. If he is a douch bag you will know because he won't hunt you and he will disappear....swim towards something less work.
This is really good advice, thanks! 🙂
Posted by EmoGrrl
... being needy, emo and selfish (I'm a cancer).
- ... his only free day is Saturday, and we haven't gotten to hang out on Saturday in 3 weeks.
- ... "just to confirm our discussion last week, you're not trying to date anyone else. Is this still correct?"
- ... I asked him about hanging out on Saturday.
- Should I expect that he should want to hang out with me on Saturday?
- ... before I bring up more heavy stuff.
- I would like a relationship with him, but I'm not sure what he wants.
- Is it too soon for him to know?
- ... before bringing up feelings again.
He chooses D&D over you because he can... he knows you'll be available whenever he wants.
You're too into him-- you do all the asking and arranging for the both of you. :/
He obviously likes you, but you're setting yourself up for a heartbreak with the neediness.
It is a little soon to have expectations-- if someone asked me, "You're not seeing anyone else, right?"
I would be on high alert-- the way it's posed fairly screams insecurity, since that should be a
mutual decision when and if things get serious.
No offense intended-- it is what it is... but you may want to ease up, and make him come after you, instead.
🙂
Posted by MontgomeryPosted by EmoGrrl
He chooses D&D over you because he can... he knows you'll be available whenever he wants.
You're too into him-- you do all the asking and arranging for the both of you. :/
He obviously likes you, but you're setting yourself up for a heartbreak with the neediness.
It is a little soon to have expectations-- if someone asked me, "You're not seeing anyone else, right?"
I would be on high alert-- the way it's posed fairly screams insecurity, since that should be a
mutual decision when and if things get serious.
No offense intended-- it is what it is... but you may want to ease up, and make him come after you, instead.
🙂
click to expand
This is great constructive feedback. Much appreciated thank you! A few questions; is it ok to be available when he asks me to hang out? I mean if I AM available. Per SpinCycle I shouldn't act too excited when he asks me to hang out, and I agree with that. I will try to play it cool moving forward, but I'm not sure if I should tell him I am not available when I am? Also, his idea of asking me to hang out is "wanna come over?". I actually don't mind doing that, but I worry by doing it I am giving him exactly what he wants so that he doesn't need try. Being myself obviously isn't working, so how should I be?
Posted by SpinCycle
Stop making a man your life and create a life a man will be fighting to be a part of.
I have no idea how to do this. 😢
Posted by SpinCycle
Truly Emo Girl he sounds like he isn't into you. He makes excuses not to see you..and he avoids you. Your killing this...all by yourself....When a man wants you he makes sure he wants you. Pisces men particularly since I have dated two they come charging and sit...and stay..and love you and spend time...and are clingy..LOL...stop what your doing...seriously..your losing this...
Gosh, all I want is for him to come charging and sit, stay, love me, spend time and be clingy, lol.
Posted by EmoGrrlPosted by Montgomery
He chooses D&D over you because he can... he knows you'll be available whenever he wants.
You're too into him-- you do all the asking and arranging for the both of you. :/
He obviously likes you, but you're setting yourself up for a heartbreak with the neediness.
It is a little soon to have expectations-- if someone asked me, "You're not seeing anyone else, right?"
I would be on high alert-- the way it's posed fairly screams insecurity, since that should be a
mutual decision when and if things get serious.
No offense intended-- it is what it is... but you may want to ease up, and make him come after you, instead.
🙂
This is great constructive feedback. Much appreciated thank you! A few questions; is it ok to be available when he asks me to hang out? I mean if I AM available. Per SpinCycle I shouldn't act too excited when he asks me to hang out, and I agree with that. I will try to play it cool moving forward, but I'm not sure if I should tell him I am not available when I am? Also, his idea of asking me to hang out is "wanna come over?". I actually don't mind doing that, but I worry by doing it I am giving him exactly what he wants so that he doesn't need try. Being myself obviously isn't working, so how should I be?
click to expand
It isn't about NOT being yourself-- at all.
🙂
You get it-- it's about maintaining your own integrity.
If he asks you over, and you have plans-- don't break them.
Don't agree to go over there with five minutes notice, either... you may not *mind*, but
you deserve time to PLAN.
He plans well in advance, when he will be doing his thing-- so should you
because your time is just as valuable and YOU are just as valuable.
But if you don't treat yourself as though you are... he won't either.
Posted by EmoGrrlPosted by SpinCycle
Stop making a man your life and create a life a man will be fighting to be a part of.
I have no idea how to do this. 😢click to expand
do not depend on him as your main interest. romantically, yes but interests/passions, no. what would you be doing on a Saturday afternoon if he wasn't around? If your answer is dreaming about having a man... then this will never work out. If you enjoy music festivals or hanging out by yourself or friends just keep doing that. fantasize about being with them whilst going about your life.
He wants to spend the night before with you, jesus let him unwind and have his ONLY day to himself to pursue his own interests and maybe fantasize about you.
2months in he's keeping his eyes open to other girls and probably comparing his time with them to time with you. not in a romantic way just a "positive vibe to be around" way. Pisces have females friends who are just that, friends... get used to it. If he enjoys being with non clingy, nagging, over emotional you.. he'll dedicate more of his personal time to that but because he wants to not because you think he should want to.
relax. put the pinchers away.
*him* not them
Cancer females (a lot of them) are pain freaks...They love getting into impossible situations and then whine and moan about it for weeks, months, sometimes years.
This guy has demonstrated he's being casual and dishonest to boot. Do you really feel this is the kind of life partner you want Emo?
If you're looking for a life partner in a guy that puts work first, puts his hobbies first and lies about dating other women/another woman then you're truly misguided and need to take a big step back and re-evaluate what you desire in a partner/life partner.
Stop having sex with him because you're hormones are running the show and keeping you in a desperate position to want a man that doesn't really want you in the same way.
I don't usually give advice to Cancer females because they are hard headed, don't listen, desperate for love and affection and tend to cling onto the wrong man.
Find your dignity, don't put up with half ass lying men or you'll never get the life partner you deeply desire.
This guy has demonstrated he's being casual and dishonest to boot. Do you really feel this is the kind of life partner you want Emo?
If you're looking for a life partner in a guy that puts work first, puts his hobbies first and lies about dating other women/another woman then you're truly misguided and need to take a big step back and re-evaluate what you desire in a partner/life partner.
Stop having sex with him because you're hormones are running the show and keeping you in a desperate position to want a man that doesn't really want you in the same way.
I don't usually give advice to Cancer females because they are hard headed, don't listen, desperate for love and affection and tend to cling onto the wrong man.
Find your dignity, don't put up with half ass lying men or you'll never get the life partner you deeply desire.
It isn't about NOT being yourself-- at all.
🙂
You get it-- it's about maintaining your own integrity.
If he asks you over, and you have plans-- don't break them.
Don't agree to go over there with five minutes notice, either... you may not *mind*, but
you deserve time to PLAN.
He plans well in advance, when he will be doing his thing-- so should you
because your time is just as valuable and YOU are just as valuable.
But if you don't treat yourself as though you are... he won't either.
+1 Montgomery
Don't agree to be a man's option/booty call.
If you demonstrate you have no integrity why in the hell would he want to be with that kind of woman--someone whose so desperate she'll jump up out of her comfy bed to get a wet ass in the middle of the AM--doesn't sound like girlfriend/wife material, sounds more like a someone to use/be his doormat.
(Sigh) Why bother?
She has been dating the guy for 2months
She has no idea who he's texting and meeting because she snooped... she didn't ASK him but he's a liar. No mention that she's invading privacy.
And you guys are talking about life partners? Do you really decide on a "life partner" after 2 months of dating? Usually, the advice is to date around and don't put your all into one person so early in the dating game.
It seems there are different rules for water signs *eye roll*
She has no idea who he's texting and meeting because she snooped... she didn't ASK him but he's a liar. No mention that she's invading privacy.
And you guys are talking about life partners? Do you really decide on a "life partner" after 2 months of dating? Usually, the advice is to date around and don't put your all into one person so early in the dating game.
It seems there are different rules for water signs *eye roll*
Posted by djbuck1Posted by tiki33
Cancer females (a lot of them) are pain freaks...They love getting into impossible situations and then whine and moan about it for weeks, months, sometimes years.
This guy has demonstrated he's being casual and dishonest to boot. Do you really feel this is the kind of life partner you want Emo?
If you're looking for a life partner in a guy that puts work first, puts his hobbies first and lies about dating other women/another woman then you're truly misguided and need to take a big step back and re-evaluate what you desire in a partner/life partner.
Stop having sex with him because you're hormones are running the show and keeping you in a desperate position to want a man that doesn't really want you in the same way.
I don't usually give advice to Cancer females because they are hard headed, don't listen, desperate for love and affection and tend to cling onto the wrong man.
Find your dignity, don't put up with half ass lying men or you'll never get the life partner you deeply desire.
This is right on target in every respect.
As far as your having "received mostly vicious responses from haters," my jaw dropped at that statement.
OP you clearly have not read much on DXP. You have no idea how toxic some posters can be. In both of your threads, you have been treated pretty cordially. You just don't like what you are reading because people are (correctly) not enabling you.
Very seriously, you'd best leave now before some of the REAL haters on this site show up and tear you apart.click to expand
He has a point. You haven't seen the worst of this site and if you stick around then you're sure to see the worst of it. You don't want to see what happens when sheep get torn apart by wolves. I only say what I say because I do think that you have more power than this and you're not really listening nor doing anything to take charge of your situation. And you say you're 30 and you want to see here and chase this dude? (sigh) I would've thought since you're in your 30's you'd much more responsible and mature about this. But I guess some people never take life lessons to heart. But either way off of that, leave while you have a chance and figure this out before you wake the wolves.
AND he has 1 day off. That day should be spent with her.... or he's half assed and putting his hobbies before her?
wow
wow
Like I said in my original post, some of the feedback (generously) provided has been constructive criticism, and some has been blatantly facetious. I realize a many of you think it's for my own good. but cruelty is the approach which has the least effect. I am not looking to be enabled. I am trying to figure out how to be and act in these types of situations. It's obvious I suck at intimate relationships (I'm an awesome friend though!). I know what I have been doing is wrong yet I can't seem to stop myself, and as a result it makes me feel terrible inside. Some of y'all have done a great job at helping me figure it out as I move forward. I am struggling with the emotions that I am not yet ready to let this unicorn go completely, yet I know I must now detach and take a major step back. I so wish this wasn't the case though, because once I detach completely and my heart heals I am never able to feel the same way about that person again. I am addicted to love. It is the one thing I want most in this life and as a result I am a bit desperate for it, but not desperate for just anyone, only when it feels special. I got a little taste of it with this guy and I got hooked. I've almost scared him away and now I need to detach, move on with my life and hope he will decide to open his life to me again. There is nothing else I can do.
So no one here has ever met someone you instantly knew you wanted a relationship with? That's how it has always happened for me, except it happens so infrequently (sometimes it takes years), that when I find him I tend to latch on too tight and too quickly. I wish the feeling would be mutual. It's nice to get lost in love for a little while until the seratonin wears off. In the beginning he was attentive and made me feel safe, so I let myself get attached (after about 3 weeks), but then I started taking him for granted. I was insecure and freaked out to the point I almost lost him. Now he's still in my life but not with the same interest and intensity as he was before, and I worry our dynamic has transitioned into more of a booty call than a budding relationship. I don't know how to turn that around without communicating with him about it, but that's the one thing I'm not allowed to do. At one point he told me I am welcome to be a part of his life and that he wants to share with me, and at first I felt that way, but after my freakout I felt a shift in him, and now it feels like he could take me or leave me.
I'm not sure w
So no one here has ever met someone you instantly knew you wanted a relationship with? That's how it has always happened for me, except it happens so infrequently (sometimes it takes years), that when I find him I tend to latch on too tight and too quickly. I wish the feeling would be mutual. It's nice to get lost in love for a little while until the seratonin wears off. In the beginning he was attentive and made me feel safe, so I let myself get attached (after about 3 weeks), but then I started taking him for granted. I was insecure and freaked out to the point I almost lost him. Now he's still in my life but not with the same interest and intensity as he was before, and I worry our dynamic has transitioned into more of a booty call than a budding relationship. I don't know how to turn that around without communicating with him about it, but that's the one thing I'm not allowed to do. At one point he told me I am welcome to be a part of his life and that he wants to share with me, and at first I felt that way, but after my freakout I felt a shift in him, and now it feels like he could take me or leave me.
I'm not sure w
I'm not sure whether it would be best to 'officially' break it off, or not say anything, hang in there a little while longer, let him initiate and try not freak out. He is so special that I am having a really difficult time walking away completely. There are obviously some serious flaws in my behavioral habits that I need to work on and change. Last time I LISTENED to the constructive feedback provided to me here and it worked!!! So, I decided to try again. I appreciate the enlightenment I receive from this site on love, relationships, astrology, etc.
I'm a good person with good intentions, but I am extremely insecure and need to learn how to cope with this or I will sabotage every relationship in my life. I am not justifying my actions in snooping, it was wrong, but in the past it has helped me gain insight into that person's life. It helps me feel closer to them and relax, or in this case go even more crazy since I'm now uncertain whether he is trying to pursue another woman.
Just really torn about what to do. I know you all will say to let him go and walk away, and to a point I agree, but I do not feel ready to close my heart to him yet. I am just not sure how to keep it open and continue this way.
I'm a good person with good intentions, but I am extremely insecure and need to learn how to cope with this or I will sabotage every relationship in my life. I am not justifying my actions in snooping, it was wrong, but in the past it has helped me gain insight into that person's life. It helps me feel closer to them and relax, or in this case go even more crazy since I'm now uncertain whether he is trying to pursue another woman.
Just really torn about what to do. I know you all will say to let him go and walk away, and to a point I agree, but I do not feel ready to close my heart to him yet. I am just not sure how to keep it open and continue this way.
"She has been dating the guy for 2months
She has no idea who he's texting and meeting because she snooped... she didn't ASK him but he's a liar. No mention that she's invading privacy.
And you guys are talking about life partners? Do you really decide on a "life partner" after 2 months of dating? Usually, the advice is to date around and don't put your all into one person so early in the dating game.
It seems there are different rules for water signs *eye roll*"
She asked him flat out was he communicating/attempting to be with another woman and he said no, that's a lie.
As far as knowing him for 2 months, I agree it's too early to peg him as a life partner but she definitely should know what she desires/wants in a potential life partner before she begins her dating journey, being his booty call is nowhere near being a good potential life partner.
If he's already pursuing a booty call situation with her, lying about dating another woman then she can be sure he's most likely not going to be a life partner fit for her this early on.
She has no idea who he's texting and meeting because she snooped... she didn't ASK him but he's a liar. No mention that she's invading privacy.
And you guys are talking about life partners? Do you really decide on a "life partner" after 2 months of dating? Usually, the advice is to date around and don't put your all into one person so early in the dating game.
It seems there are different rules for water signs *eye roll*"
She asked him flat out was he communicating/attempting to be with another woman and he said no, that's a lie.
As far as knowing him for 2 months, I agree it's too early to peg him as a life partner but she definitely should know what she desires/wants in a potential life partner before she begins her dating journey, being his booty call is nowhere near being a good potential life partner.
If he's already pursuing a booty call situation with her, lying about dating another woman then she can be sure he's most likely not going to be a life partner fit for her this early on.
" I am addicted to love. "
There you go, that's the real problem. Addiction is not love. Love is not addiction. Google love addiction and you'll find some self help groups that can potentially help you.
Addiction will play you out, it will have you living in a space where you're the one being used and have you feeling terrible about it.
He's not her issue, the love addiction is her issue, the desperation will have you doing some ass backwards behaviors.
Keep being his booty call and snooping which is toxic by the way but at least you'll have the little bit you have now but you will not get much more than that and to expect more is misguided.
DXP is can't help you build what you lack which is self esteem. It takes a significant amount of positive self esteem to maneuver through your situation and you don't have much of it to begin with.
Love addiction and low self esteem are relationship killers and until you fix that you're pretty much doomed to fail and continue repeating the same negative relationship patterns.
There you go, that's the real problem. Addiction is not love. Love is not addiction. Google love addiction and you'll find some self help groups that can potentially help you.
Addiction will play you out, it will have you living in a space where you're the one being used and have you feeling terrible about it.
He's not her issue, the love addiction is her issue, the desperation will have you doing some ass backwards behaviors.
Keep being his booty call and snooping which is toxic by the way but at least you'll have the little bit you have now but you will not get much more than that and to expect more is misguided.
DXP is can't help you build what you lack which is self esteem. It takes a significant amount of positive self esteem to maneuver through your situation and you don't have much of it to begin with.
Love addiction and low self esteem are relationship killers and until you fix that you're pretty much doomed to fail and continue repeating the same negative relationship patterns.
Posted by tiki33
" I am addicted to love. "
There you go, that's the real problem. Addiction is not love. Love is not addiction. Google love addiction and you'll find some self help groups that can potentially help you.
Addiction will play you out, it will have you living in a space where you're the one being used and have you feeling terrible about it.
He's not her issue, the love addiction is her issue, the desperation will have you doing some ass backwards behaviors.
Keep being his booty call and snooping which is toxic by the way but at least you'll have the little bit you have now but you will not get much more than that and to expect more is misguided.
DXP is can't help you build what you lack which is self esteem. It takes a significant amount of positive self esteem to maneuver through your situation and you don't have much of it to begin with.
Love addiction and low self esteem are relationship killers and until you fix that you're pretty much doomed to fail and continue repeating the same negative relationship patterns.
This is pretty obvious, and not helpful at all.
Do not generalize this Cancer on the rest of us (I'm a Cancer) 😉
Emo honey dear it's been only 2 months. You barely know this guy! You're getting a little Single White Female/Fatal Attraction and that's not cool. Get it together lady!
Let me tell you know he's just using you. He's manipulating you with that charm and stringing you along but it's 2 months also so you're part of a group of chicks he's seeing.
Since it's 2 months it would be great to have fun on your own. Do what you like. Enjoy your time alone or meeting new people. From what I'm reading this guy doesn't care about what you want or what you like. It's all about HIM. He plays D&D (gag? what year is this?!)... you're in your 30s. I think it's time to find some places and meet new people. Try trivia, book clubs, film clubs etc. Get busy. Romance yourself. Be YOUR love partner and the rest will fall into place.
Yes there's a connection between fishes and crabs but if communication is lost or one is just in it for a piece of booty it will not end well. And this is what's happening. Run to the light Carol Anne!
I'm going back to my mage woman cave in the mountain now.
Emo honey dear it's been only 2 months. You barely know this guy! You're getting a little Single White Female/Fatal Attraction and that's not cool. Get it together lady!
Let me tell you know he's just using you. He's manipulating you with that charm and stringing you along but it's 2 months also so you're part of a group of chicks he's seeing.
Since it's 2 months it would be great to have fun on your own. Do what you like. Enjoy your time alone or meeting new people. From what I'm reading this guy doesn't care about what you want or what you like. It's all about HIM. He plays D&D (gag? what year is this?!)... you're in your 30s. I think it's time to find some places and meet new people. Try trivia, book clubs, film clubs etc. Get busy. Romance yourself. Be YOUR love partner and the rest will fall into place.
Yes there's a connection between fishes and crabs but if communication is lost or one is just in it for a piece of booty it will not end well. And this is what's happening. Run to the light Carol Anne!
I'm going back to my mage woman cave in the mountain now.
Also suggest improve comedy. Tragedy is always a funny story and that's therapeutic.
Posted by tiki33
Love addiction and low self esteem are relationship killers and until you fix that you're pretty much doomed to fail and continue repeating the same negative relationship patterns.
THIS!
OP you don't have to explain anything to him, cut him off or make this situation dramatic. All you have to do is step back and get control of yourself. Many Pisces have said it, don't chase him let him come to you. He made plans with you on Friday... so just see him then and stop fussing.
Since when is making plans to see someone later in the week a booty call?
@tiki this is what she said...
Posted by EmoGrrl
So a few days ago, I messaged him and said "just to confirm our discussion last week, you're not trying to date anyone else. Is this still correct?" He replied quickly with "Correct".
click to expand
How is meeting someone at a tech event "trying to date someone else." Maybe it's a colleague or someone he has a shared interest with. If it was a guy would he be gay trying to date? The assumptions being made by you tikki are ridiculous.
OP, you have to sort yourself out. If that means not sleeping with him anymore to clear your head... then say that, do that and own your own feels.
Posted by shellshocker
AND he has 1 day off. That day should be spent with her.... or he's half assed and putting his hobbies before her?
wow
I do not see it as unreasonable to hope he would want to spend his free day with me, especially when we have not been able to spend Saturday together in 3 weeks. However, I have spent significant time with him this week and do understand hobbies/activities like these are needed for the spirit. I remember one time (pre freakout) he had a work event, and he said; "I wish I was free and didn't have to work." So I said: "What would you rather be doing?" and he said: "Hanging out with you."
After he told me he's playing D&D on Saturday, I asked him to hang out on Friday night into Saturday and he agreed. But yesterday I found out my girlfriend is in town for a few days and wants to hang out tonight, so I told him I am going to hang out with her tonight instead. His response was 'Cool.'
Posted by EmoGrrlPosted by shellshocker
AND he has 1 day off. That day should be spent with her.... or he's half assed and putting his hobbies before her?
wow
I do not see it as unreasonable to hope he would want to spend his free day with me, especially when we have not been able to spend Saturday together in 3 weeks. However, I have spent significant time with him this week and do understand hobbies/activities like these are needed for the spirit. I remember one time (pre freakout) he had a work event, and he said; "I wish I was free and didn't have to work." So I said: "What would you rather be doing?" and he said: "Hanging out with you."
After he told me he's playing D&D on Saturday, I asked him to hang out on Friday night into Saturday and he agreed. But yesterday I found out my girlfriend is in town for a few days and wants to hang out tonight, so I told him I am going to hang out with her tonight instead. His response was 'Cool.'click to expand
so you've been hanging out with him all week... what's the problem again?
so YOU broke the plans with him for your girlfriend... yet you are on here complaining that he won't spend Saturday afternoon with you... only Friday night and Saturday morning. what's the problem again?
Hmmm, I think it's you.
If he had cancelled plans to see a buddy in town... I'm sure you'd hear an earful of how he's stringing you along and probably out with other women. But if the woman breaks the plans... she's being independent and having her own life.
Tell me OP, are you pissed that he didn't complain you cancelled on him? This whole thread is stupid...
Posted by kissmygrits
Do not generalize this Cancer on the rest of us (I'm a Cancer) 😉
Emo honey dear it's been only 2 months. You barely know this guy! You're getting a little Single White Female/Fatal Attraction and that's not cool. Get it together lady!
Let me tell you know he's just using you. He's manipulating you with that charm and stringing you along but it's 2 months also so you're part of a group of chicks he's seeing.
Since it's 2 months it would be great to have fun on your own. Do what you like. Enjoy your time alone or meeting new people. From what I'm reading this guy doesn't care about what you want or what you like. It's all about HIM. He plays D&D (gag? what year is this?!)... you're in your 30s. I think it's time to find some places and meet new people. Try trivia, book clubs, film clubs etc. Get busy. Romance yourself. Be YOUR love partner and the rest will fall into place.
Yes there's a connection between fishes and crabs but if communication is lost or one is just in it for a piece of booty it will not end well. And this is what's happening. Run to the light Carol Anne!
I'm going back to my mage woman cave in the mountain now.
I am confident he is not seeing anyone else, or at least he wasn't, though he might be trying to now. I am not sure he is trying to see this girl, but I am not sure he's not either. I do know is she is younger, hotter, and more a part of his world than I am. In the past the women he has been in relationships with have already been a part of his world. I am interested in his world and would like to be a part of it, but he may already want someone who is in it.
At first he was very open and communicative about his relationship status. He had gotten out of a 1 1/2 year relationship 3 months before he met me.
And when we see each other, it's not all about the booty. The other night we stayed up all night working on something he has been trying to motivate himself to do for awhile. I inspired him and when a saw him again a few nights later he had done more work on it and was excited to show me.
It would just be nice to get out and do something with him, like an activity. Awhile back he invited me to a party with some of his friends but then told me we couldn't go because his ex would be there and he was worried there would be drama. Another time we went to a party together and hung out with on
Posted by shellshockerPosted by EmoGrrlPosted by shellshocker
AND he has 1 day off. That day should be spent with her.... or he's half assed and putting his hobbies before her?
wow
I do not see it as unreasonable to hope he would want to spend his free day with me, especially when we have not been able to spend Saturday together in 3 weeks. However, I have spent significant time with him this week and do understand hobbies/activities like these are needed for the spirit. I remember one time (pre freakout) he had a work event, and he said; "I wish I was free and didn't have to work." So I said: "What would you rather be doing?" and he said: "Hanging out with you."
After he told me he's playing D&D on Saturday, I asked him to hang out on Friday night into Saturday and he agreed. But yesterday I found out my girlfriend is in town for a few days and wants to hang out tonight, so I told him I am going to hang out with her tonight instead. His response was 'Cool.'
so you've been hanging out with him all week... what's the problem again?
so YOU broke the plans with him for your girlfriend... yet you are on here complaining that he won't spend Saturday afternoon with you... only Friday night and Saturday morning. what's the problem again?
Hmmm, I think it's you.
If he had cancelled plans to see a buddy in town... I'm sure you'd hear an earful of how he's stringing you along and probably out with other women. But if the woman breaks the plans... she's being independent and having her own life.
Tell me OP, are you pissed that he didn't complain you cancelled on him? This whole thread is stupid...click to expand
I broke plans with him for tonight because my girlfriend is in town and I was trying to take the advice provided to me here and not be too available. I don't even know that he would have followed through on the plans tonight. He could have said he was too stressed out with work (happens to him sometimes on Fridays).
The bottom line is that I just want more from him. I want him to include me in his life, and I want to feel some emotion from him. I'm not getting either.
It would just be nice to get out and do something with him, like an activity. Awhile back he invited me to a party with some of his friends but then told me we couldn't go because his ex would be there and he was worried there would be drama. Another time we went to a party together and hung out with on
one of his best friends. He also invited me to go to an event with him one night, and that was super fun, but this was all awhile ago now, 'pre-freakout'. He hasn't attempted to invite me to anything in about a month now.
2 months is long enough to know whether you want a relationship with someone. However, because of my actions he is probably uncertain about what he wants with me. Since I am not ready to cut him out of my life completely, the only thing I can do is detach and take a step back. This probably means he will fade out of my life completely. He's probably looking for a way out anyway.
You took.... One instance he was at work and would rather be hanging.out with you (duh who would pick work over sex) and are letting that confuse you into not understanding that when he does have free.time he doesn't choose you. Clear as day... He doesn't feel what you feel. He is giving just enough to keep you on the hook of hopefulness... So that he has the option when he feels like it. Does that stamd out to you yet?
Further illustrated that you break plans with him and he carries on with life instead of having an emotional event about it.
If you are in your 30s... And looking for serious, stop wasting your time on men who aren't serious. You need to start working on recognizing that.
Not everyone has that innate abilityand yes it does make dating much more difficult, but it is possible to change it. There is no excuse though, if you continue buying crumbs when you didn't set out to make stuffing.
That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him, or that he is doing anything wrong. It just means his ingredients in present day aren't in your recipe. You can keep looking at the ingredients until the market closes, or you can shelve them and head back to the store before it closes....
Further illustrated that you break plans with him and he carries on with life instead of having an emotional event about it.
If you are in your 30s... And looking for serious, stop wasting your time on men who aren't serious. You need to start working on recognizing that.
Not everyone has that innate abilityand yes it does make dating much more difficult, but it is possible to change it. There is no excuse though, if you continue buying crumbs when you didn't set out to make stuffing.
That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him, or that he is doing anything wrong. It just means his ingredients in present day aren't in your recipe. You can keep looking at the ingredients until the market closes, or you can shelve them and head back to the store before it closes....
Posted by deezie
You took.... One instance he was at work and would rather be hanging.out with you (duh who would pick work over sex) and are letting that confuse you into not understanding that when he does have free.time he doesn't choose you. Clear as day... He doesn't feel what you feel. He is giving just enough to keep you on the hook of hopefulness... So that he has the option when he feels like it. Does that stamd out to you yet?
Further illustrated that you break plans with him and he carries on with life instead of having an emotional event about it.
If you are in your 30s... And looking for serious, stop wasting your time on men who aren't serious. You need to start working on recognizing that.
Not everyone has that innate abilityand yes it does make dating much more difficult, but it is possible to change it. There is no excuse though, if you continue buying crumbs when you didn't set out to make stuffing.
That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him, or that he is doing anything wrong. It just means his ingredients in present day aren't in your recipe. You can keep looking at the ingredients until the market closes, or you can shelve them and head back to the store before it closes....
The problem is that he was acting serious at first until I freaked out on him, and since then it's like he had some sort of epiphany and mental shift. I had him and lost him, and I want him back.
Posted by deezie
You took.... One instance he was at work and would rather be hanging.out with you (duh who would pick work over sex) and are letting that confuse you into not understanding that when he does have free.time he doesn't choose you. Clear as day... He doesn't feel what you feel. He is giving just enough to keep you on the hook of hopefulness... So that he has the option when he feels like it. Does that stamd out to you yet?
Further illustrated that you break plans with him and he carries on with life instead of having an emotional event about it.
If you are in your 30s... And looking for serious, stop wasting your time on men who aren't serious. You need to start working on recognizing that.
Not everyone has that innate abilityand yes it does make dating much more difficult, but it is possible to change it. There is no excuse though, if you continue buying crumbs when you didn't set out to make stuffing.
That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him, or that he is doing anything wrong. It just means his ingredients in present day aren't in your recipe. You can keep looking at the ingredients until the market closes, or you can shelve them and head back to the store before it closes....
Yes I am in my 30's and looking for something serious, which means I can't just cut someone out of my life as soon as things aren't going the way I want them to. I see too many women do this. How much time I give/invest into someone though is important. I am going to give this one more month to see where it goes, and the only reason is because of the mistakes I have made. If it goes nowhere I will feel better about walking away. Thank you all for your comments. You have helped me recognize what I want/need to do. If you'd like we can end this 'stupid' thread now. ;}
There's a chick on the boards right now, who is in love with a guy who says to her...
"I'm going to see other people... I don't mind if you date others. I care for you, but our feelings are not parallel."
She's convinced this is the love of her life and will keep holding on... and people are agreeing with her.
Meanwhile, on the Pisces board. A girl is seeing a guy for 2 months, has gone to parties with him, spends all week with him and makes plans for the weekend. Sometimes they hang out and work on projects together. He's told her that he's not trying to date anyone else and has been open about his past relationships...
But he is giving her crumbs and stringing her along to keep her on a hook because he doesn't spend ALL his free time with her.
only on dxp...
"I'm going to see other people... I don't mind if you date others. I care for you, but our feelings are not parallel."
She's convinced this is the love of her life and will keep holding on... and people are agreeing with her.
Meanwhile, on the Pisces board. A girl is seeing a guy for 2 months, has gone to parties with him, spends all week with him and makes plans for the weekend. Sometimes they hang out and work on projects together. He's told her that he's not trying to date anyone else and has been open about his past relationships...
But he is giving her crumbs and stringing her along to keep her on a hook because he doesn't spend ALL his free time with her.
only on dxp...
Emo fix your damn issues FIRST before attempting to love someone. How on earth can he love you when you struggle with loving yourself.
You cannot love someone you're addicted to, that's obsession and infatuation which has nothing to do with love.
Snooping is bad behavior no matter how you twist it. You cannot love and trust someone when you're seeking to understand him through snooping, that behavior points to you being controlling and feeling out of control and your unwillingness to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
No man least not an emotionally healthy man wants to be straddled down with a woman with self esteem issues which is why none of your relationships are working. You are work! Too much work! Men don't get into relationships to do more work.
You will NOT get more from him. He will not include a woman with your issues in his life and you will not feel any kind of emotion from him because an insecure woman cannot handle her own emotions so how can you be trusted with his emotions.
You won't get any of it because you have failed to rectify some pivotal issues in your own life FIRST.
He cannot love a woman whose struggling. How can he trust a woman who is insecure and has low self esteem/love addiction issues. He cannot and that is what you are failing to see and understand, until you fix you he won't be able to trust you with his heart.
You cannot love someone you're addicted to, that's obsession and infatuation which has nothing to do with love.
Snooping is bad behavior no matter how you twist it. You cannot love and trust someone when you're seeking to understand him through snooping, that behavior points to you being controlling and feeling out of control and your unwillingness to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
No man least not an emotionally healthy man wants to be straddled down with a woman with self esteem issues which is why none of your relationships are working. You are work! Too much work! Men don't get into relationships to do more work.
You will NOT get more from him. He will not include a woman with your issues in his life and you will not feel any kind of emotion from him because an insecure woman cannot handle her own emotions so how can you be trusted with his emotions.
You won't get any of it because you have failed to rectify some pivotal issues in your own life FIRST.
He cannot love a woman whose struggling. How can he trust a woman who is insecure and has low self esteem/love addiction issues. He cannot and that is what you are failing to see and understand, until you fix you he won't be able to trust you with his heart.
Posted by shellshocker
There's a chick on the boards right now, who is in love with a guy who says to her...
"I'm going to see other people... I don't mind if you date others. I care for you, but our feelings are not parallel."
He has actually said something similar to me, but in the opposite way. He doesn't mind if I date other people, because he realizes his time may not be enough for me. Yet he says he is not seeing anyone else and has not wanted to see anyone else. Yet, I have noticed he does not say he WILL not see anyone else.
Are you reading anything I'm writing? yes we have gone to parties together, but he hasn't invited me to anything in about a month now, and he is going out to events, etc. He mentioned something the other night about a birthday party (he was texting with a friend) but didn't invite me.
There have been multiple loves of my life (about 5) but they come along very infrequently. It's why I have such a hard time letting go when one comes along.
Posted by EmoGrrlPosted by shellshocker
There's a chick on the boards right now, who is in love with a guy who says to her...
"I'm going to see other people... I don't mind if you date others. I care for you, but our feelings are not parallel."
He has actually said something similar to me, but in the opposite way. He doesn't mind if I date other people, because he realizes his time may not be enough for me. Yet he says he is not seeing anyone else and has not wanted to see anyone else. Yet, I have noticed he does not say he WILL not see anyone else.
Are you reading anything I'm writing? yes we have gone to parties together, but he hasn't invited me to anything in about a month now, and he is going out to events, etc. He mentioned something the other night about a birthday party (he was texting with a friend) but didn't invite me.
There have been multiple loves of my life (about 5) but they come along very infrequently. It's why I have such a hard time letting go when one comes along.click to expand
^^^😆
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So a few days ago, I messaged him and said "just to confirm our discussion last week, you're not trying to date anyone else. Is this still correct?" He replied quickly with "Correct".
When I left his place yesterday I asked him about hanging out on Saturday. He told me he wants to play D&D on Saturday and explained why (helps his creativity) but we did make plans to hang out on Friday night into early Saturday afternoon.