Emmaisintopisces
@Emmaisintopisces
14 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 12 · Topics: 3
What to do with you pisces?
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This is just me, but I never start conversations via text (or really, call) either even if I like the person. The fact that you said in the other thread that he always replies is something to consider. If there were a big time lag or his replies were short and like, "What is your point?" THEN I would think twice about contacting him.
Posted by intriguedbypiscesman
.... but you mast be patient and he'll eventually come around or just tell you he's not interested.
Neither of those two
1. patience doesn't make a Pisces eventually come around
2. a Pisces doesn't usually tell you he's not interested, in fact, what is typical is that the Fish vanishes without any communication at all.
So, I was merely pointing out that what you counselled was completely wrong.
2. a Pisces doesn't usually tell you he's not interested, in fact, what is typical is that the Fish vanishes without any communication at all.
So, I was merely pointing out that what you counselled was completely wrong.
Posted by Emmaisintopisces
So my crush a pisces never contacts me. What should i do....ignore him ? Or should i call/text him? Ahhh im so confused
The reason why you are confused is because you don't know the difference between a crush and a relationship.
A crush you have on someone has no expectancy on that person to do anything ... you are expecting him to behave in a way that suggests he cares.
What you should do is grow some emotional maturity and realize that another person doesn't owe you their emotional accountibility, simply because you have a crush.
Posted by intriguedbypiscesman
Posted by P-Angel
a Pisces doesn't usually tell you he's not interested, in fact, what is typical is that the Fish vanishes without any communication at all.
This is agreed. Why do they reply if they are not interested, rather than "vanishing"? If they know you are invested, I would think they would not want to feel as if they are leading you on.
click to expand
Your emotional investment is up to you, not up to anyone else.
I'm replying to you and totally uninterested in whether you care about me or not ... so, I don't get that co-dependence you talk about.
People don't really get that about Pisces .... we are completely independent and regard you the same way. We don't come to others, nor depend on others to take care of how we feel.
If you are being lead on due to the fact that you are depending on a Pisces to carry your emotional worth for you .. then that's leading you on, and not the Pisces.
Pisces people aren't attached to others, attached in the sense that our emotional value is dependent upon whether you approve of us ... this is something that you don't get, and most others don't get.
Blingy gave me the sleeping rat and I equally love it .. thank you.
If the Pisces loves you, and wants you as their partner .... then they bind themselves to you, wrap their entire existence around your every thought/want/desire/need. However, keep in mind that we do this for you, as our gift of how we express our love to you .... it is given only if not expected.
If you expect us to cater to you and your feelings, then it becomes an unvalued love to us .. and now a duty you expect us to do to suit your ego.
There's difference here ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ and it is critical to get it to understand how it isn't a contridiction to say ... we don't care/we care = two Fish swimming in opposite directions.
We care
We care not
^^^^ depends on whether you expect with your ego, or accept with your heart that we give freely of ourselves when we don't have to .. rather choose to.
In this case, if the Pisces isn't wrapping his entire world around you .... then he isn't emotionally connected to deep enough to be your partner. So, my advice to you is to put into memory what you want to take with you to recall .. as you find the exit door.
Because I guarantee you, if you are calling/emailing/texting him all the time while he isn't bothering to initiate then he doesn't consider you as being girlfriend material to him.
We've (Pisces) have talked about this issue many, many times in here ..... we don't initiate contact with anybody EXCEPT our partner. If you aren't being contacted, if you aren't being treated like you are the sparkle in his eye .... then you aren't, nor will be his partner.
If you expect us to cater to you and your feelings, then it becomes an unvalued love to us .. and now a duty you expect us to do to suit your ego.
There's difference here ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ and it is critical to get it to understand how it isn't a contridiction to say ... we don't care/we care = two Fish swimming in opposite directions.
We care
We care not
^^^^ depends on whether you expect with your ego, or accept with your heart that we give freely of ourselves when we don't have to .. rather choose to.
In this case, if the Pisces isn't wrapping his entire world around you .... then he isn't emotionally connected to deep enough to be your partner. So, my advice to you is to put into memory what you want to take with you to recall .. as you find the exit door.
Because I guarantee you, if you are calling/emailing/texting him all the time while he isn't bothering to initiate then he doesn't consider you as being girlfriend material to him.
We've (Pisces) have talked about this issue many, many times in here ..... we don't initiate contact with anybody EXCEPT our partner. If you aren't being contacted, if you aren't being treated like you are the sparkle in his eye .... then you aren't, nor will be his partner.
Posted by P-Angel
We've (Pisces) have talked about this issue many, many times in here ..... we don't initiate contact with anybody EXCEPT our partner. If you aren't being contacted, if you aren't being treated like you are the sparkle in his eye .... then you aren't, nor will be his partner.
THIS.
This is what I've been trying to tell you, intrigued.
I feel compassion for you, I do.. it hurts when you care for someone in a way that is not returned.. but that's on YOU, not him. Waiting around and hanging on will NOT trigger a Pisces to feel what he does not already feel. Emotionally wrecked or not, it does not take a Pisces more than 5 months to fall in love, and to wrap his/her world around you. Tragic circumstances or not, if he felt romantic love for you, you would know by now! Pisces often do not say they're not interested.. they think it would be obvious.. because if they ARE interested, YOU ALREADY KNOW! So I'm afraid he feels friendship for you, not romantic love. And you can't MAKE him love you. Most Pisces fall in love FAST.. it's either THERE.. or it's NOT.
Posted by intriguedbypiscesman
I'm sure I sound selfish asking about his feeling while he's going through this, but I feel I can be good for him. I ask this as someone who when goes through depression, can't care about anything else at that time. So that I just don't know if it's the case with him too, where later he may see that I stayed with him through this.click to expand
As a friend, yes.. he would know you "stood by" him, and appreciate that (in as much as a Pisces does.. we don't EXPECT you to carry our emotional burdens for us.. so we don't EXPECT you to do anything while we deal with our own lives in our own ways... but if YOU then expect something in return.. some big show of gratitude or a sense of obligation for it.. or for us to feel LOVE for you in return for this thing you chose to do for us (UNASKED!)... you will be sorely disappointed, and feel taken advantage of, though it would be your own fault and your own choice all along.. and it will leave him unmoved).. but it will not EVER trigger romantic feelings for you. Ever.
Posted by intriguedbypiscesman
"I am trying to set my feelings aside and be supportive of him" I AM setting my feelings aside and said I understand now why friends is all we are. I still want more and I can't help that, but to me he comes first, before my wants and I accept that.
And this is the BIGGEST reason you can't let go.. you're martyring yourself (how unattractive!), and holding onto something that isn't there. Let it go! Go on with your life, leave room to find someone else.. this Pisces man isn't it, and he won't be impressed by you wasting so much time on hold instead of having a life.
Why are you allowing a man (and one who is not YOUR MAN anyway) come before your own wants, needs, feelings? That doesn't make you strong.. it comes across weak, needy, clingy.. like you're nothing without him, like you can't have a life without him. That's just too much to put on a man.. and is a HUGE attraction-killer!
No, men don't want some ball-busting bitch.. but they don't want a doormat either! He wants a woman strong and secure enough to stand on her own, and one who stand up for herself, loves and respects herself enough to not settle for a half-assed anything, and who would not keep putting HIM before HER OWN NEEDS!
And you're lying to yourself if you think you can happily be "just friends".. that's impossible when one has non-friend feelings, period. Don't fool yourself on that.
Thanks everyone. Just because I like him doesn't mean he has to like me back, everyone has a right to like whoever they want 🙂 The reason why I started having a crush on him in the first place was because of how he communicated with me. I honestly thought he was interested in me whenever I worked with him, I would always catch him looking at me with this intense look in his eyes. Whenever I spoke to him, he would always laugh or smile at almost everything I said. Whether it's good or bad, he always has a smirk on his face. He would subtly touch me when passing by or pinched a my arm (lightly) during conversation and he would always find excuses to touch me. For e.g he would tuck my hair behind my ears when having a conversation with me .I guess I took all this as signs that he liked me 😛
Posted by Emmaisintopisces
I would always catch him looking at me with this intense look in his eyes. Whenever I spoke to him, he would always laugh or smile at almost everything I said. Whether it's good or bad, he always has a smirk on his face. He would subtly touch me when passing by or pinched a my arm (lightly) during conversation and he would always find excuses to touch me. For e.g he would tuck my hair behind my ears when having a conversation with me .I guess I took all this as signs that he liked me
He probably does like you. He probably likes a lot of people.
pisces are affectionate people .... one of our most memorable traits that makes the people we like feel special is that we give our undivided attention. We will indeed look you dead in the eyes and stroke your hand and listen fully to what you say if we care to make you think we are a part of your people.
But, that is not an indication that there are romantic feelings involved. If his feelings for you are on the romantic level then you will know because a Fish isn't shy about letting the object of thier romantic affections know that they most definately want to be connected.
To have hope that a Pisces likes you is vanity. But, don't let me stop you from the dream .. dream away.
Telling a person goodbye at a low point in life is probably not a wise move. Someday, you will be looking at the bottom and needing people to say hello, not goodbye.
At any rate .. the whole problem is that you had the vision of love, the thought of what you expected of that love, the desire of how you wanted that move to unfold already in your head, already in your heart .... and attempted to apply it to another person to fulfill for you.
You're not alone. That error is done by the majority of women.
There is no way a person is able to live up to an expectation of perfect that you have spent a life time in molding in a dream ... it is totally unrealistic, and the number one reason why relationships fail.
In that scenario ... the other person isn't really loved at all, rather the idea of how you percieve love to be, as this character is being played by the person you have chosen for the act.
In the future, for you and all women .. I would suggest you shed all expectations of how you expect to be loved by another and allow him care for you the way he needs to express his love for you.
Only then can you ever say you were loved.
At any rate .. the whole problem is that you had the vision of love, the thought of what you expected of that love, the desire of how you wanted that move to unfold already in your head, already in your heart .... and attempted to apply it to another person to fulfill for you.
You're not alone. That error is done by the majority of women.
There is no way a person is able to live up to an expectation of perfect that you have spent a life time in molding in a dream ... it is totally unrealistic, and the number one reason why relationships fail.
In that scenario ... the other person isn't really loved at all, rather the idea of how you percieve love to be, as this character is being played by the person you have chosen for the act.
In the future, for you and all women .. I would suggest you shed all expectations of how you expect to be loved by another and allow him care for you the way he needs to express his love for you.
Only then can you ever say you were loved.
Posted by P-Angel
Telling a person goodbye at a low point in life is probably not a wise move. Someday, you will be looking at the bottom and needing people to say hello, not goodbye.
At any rate .. the whole problem is that you had the vision of love, the thought of what you expected of that love, the desire of how you wanted that move to unfold already in your head, already in your heart .... and attempted to apply it to another person to fulfill for you.
You're not alone. That error is done by the majority of women.
There is no way a person is able to live up to an expectation of perfect that you have spent a life time in molding in a dream ... it is totally unrealistic, and the number one reason why relationships fail.
In that scenario ... the other person isn't really loved at all, rather the idea of how you percieve love to be, as this character is being played by the person you have chosen for the act.
In the future, for you and all women .. I would suggest you shed all expectations of how you expect to be loved by another and allow him care for you the way he needs to express his love for you.
Only then can you ever say you were loved.
nice
Posted by Pecheresse
P-Angel is sooo fucking right. I asked a similar question about Pisces and patience and stuff when I first got here & I obviously was doing totally wrong and only now do I understand fully what she means. P, sorry I told you to fuck off back then I just couldn't handle the truth!
You don't have to apologize to me ... the only thing I ever want is for people to have eyes wide open
Intrigued, personally I feel it might have been premature to send him a farewell email, especially since you've mentioned a handful of times that he's questioning stay on this Earth. That comment alone saddens me to read...nobody should feel like that's their only option. I'm not sure how long ago all these tragic events happened to him, but I do wonder if he's seeing a therapist or talking to someone rather than bottling these things up (someone at a professional level and not an internet friend).
If I had told someone that I didn't know if I wanted to stay on this Earth and then get an email from someone telling me farewell, I would feel as if another person doesn't understand me and dig me deeper into a pit - especially if I'm not seeing a professional therapist.
You are enamored with this guy and if anything, I would have liked to see you stay friends with him and let him know that you were there for him for this down time. If he's so depressed that he devalues his life, the best thing he needs right now is a friend, not a romance.
I hope you reach out to him and keep in touch with him and offer an ear whenever he needs it....sounds like he needs it.
If I had told someone that I didn't know if I wanted to stay on this Earth and then get an email from someone telling me farewell, I would feel as if another person doesn't understand me and dig me deeper into a pit - especially if I'm not seeing a professional therapist.
You are enamored with this guy and if anything, I would have liked to see you stay friends with him and let him know that you were there for him for this down time. If he's so depressed that he devalues his life, the best thing he needs right now is a friend, not a romance.
I hope you reach out to him and keep in touch with him and offer an ear whenever he needs it....sounds like he needs it.
Emma in response to your OP, it would really depend on what your level of communication had been up to the point that the replies stopped coming. Is he really your crush or were the feelings mutual? If he was your crush, then your feelings are wrapped up in it more than him. But if you two had mutual feelings for one another, then I would call him (or email, whichever you guys do) and ask him if everything is OK. Open up the door to get him to talk to you if he is up to.
Posted by houstonpeach74
Intrigued, personally I feel it might have been premature to send him a farewell email, especially since you've mentioned a handful of times that he's questioning stay on this Earth. That comment alone saddens me to read...nobody should feel like that's their only option. I'm not sure how long ago all these tragic events happened to him, but I do wonder if he's seeing a therapist or talking to someone rather than bottling these things up (someone at a professional level and not an internet friend).
If I had told someone that I didn't know if I wanted to stay on this Earth and then get an email from someone telling me farewell, I would feel as if another person doesn't understand me and dig me deeper into a pit - especially if I'm not seeing a professional therapist.
You are enamored with this guy and if anything, I would have liked to see you stay friends with him and let him know that you were there for him for this down time. If he's so depressed that he devalues his life, the best thing he needs right now is a friend, not a romance.
I hope you reach out to him and keep in touch with him and offer an ear whenever he needs it....sounds like he needs it.
Hey HP! Nice to see that you weren't chased away hun! Welcome back!
I dunno I think H was right on point... she needs to do this.
Hi Tbird. It takes a lot more than being called a troll to scare me away. I travel a lot, so just haven't had time to lurk on the site.
Intrigued, for him to talk about death isn't anything to be concerned about.
Pisces are fully aware of other dimensions, other realities, and therefore we 'get' that this physical form isn't life, rather a part of life.
There is no death from life, only death from the body ..... there is absolutely no reason to believe that just because he talks about his physical living in the flesh as being nearing it's end and time to move on, that this is something you need to worry about, especially NOT a low point in life.
Quite the opposite .... to move onto another level existence is a high point, not low.
I remember reading somewhere about George Harrison having to remove certain people from his deathbed because they were sorrowful and wailing and bringing him down and ruining his experience of dying.
Pisces are fully aware of other dimensions, other realities, and therefore we 'get' that this physical form isn't life, rather a part of life.
There is no death from life, only death from the body ..... there is absolutely no reason to believe that just because he talks about his physical living in the flesh as being nearing it's end and time to move on, that this is something you need to worry about, especially NOT a low point in life.
Quite the opposite .... to move onto another level existence is a high point, not low.
I remember reading somewhere about George Harrison having to remove certain people from his deathbed because they were sorrowful and wailing and bringing him down and ruining his experience of dying.
Posted by winterwroughtPosted by intriguedbypiscesman
I feel rejection when I stay even knowing he's not ready, and anguish when I leave. The hurt is on me, not him and it's my fault if I subject myself to the letdown to support him knowing I want more than he can give me. He owes me nothing as I have told him. I just want to touch him and hold him someday, and look into his eyes. Not just read his words in an email. I can't apologize for that.
Lucky man (regardless of the cirumstances).click to expand
Exactly it's HIS loss not HERS. H needs reassurance and love that he cannot provide for her at the time. He hasn't came forth and told her he wants more than friendship. If he steps up and lets her know his feels then yes she should stay. But she shouldn't have to wait longer than what she has for someone who hasn't stepped up to be the man that she needs him to be. True he's going through such hard times and my heart breaks for him... truly it does but this isn't healthy for H to stay and wait and hope. She needs to break from him and heal herself.
I do truly hope that once they are both healed they can reunite at least as friends...even though I think when he's overseas (which I think is a lot) will put more strain on her heart. H... you know I love ya and you know how I feel in this matter.
It's one thing to be on your death bed, but it's another to commit suicide...
H...if you want me to HIDE this let me know...
The dude is in an institution... he NEEDS help and he is getting it... this isn't a oh I'm so sad I'm going to kill myself talk or call for attention.
The dude is in an institution... he NEEDS help and he is getting it... this isn't a oh I'm so sad I'm going to kill myself talk or call for attention.
Posted by intriguedbypiscesman
"difficult to express what I truly feel"....that's what makes me wonder if he needs to meet me first, before saying so. He's stated it'd be nice to meet. Would he say that if he had no intentions of making it more than friends?
Yes, he would say that and not want anything romantic from you.
You know, you came here a while back and talked and talked about Pisces, and at first glance I thought that you were a person who understood the Fish. But, you don't. Not really.
Pisces find it difficult to express what they feel on just about every topic.
You don't know that ... and that is Pisces101
Posted by intriguedbypiscesman
I mean he knows good and well I want to become intimate with him if the feeling moves me/him.
If he knows good and well, and still doesn't want to have an intimate relationship with you ... then you were suppose to move at that very moment and NOT spent all this time trying to convince him otherwise.
This is a person you are talking about and not clay
Posted by intriguedbypiscesman
tbird...i'll give them a chance to see that comment and them I may ask it be removed. Was, as far as I know, not is, but was and has been. I once asked him how he never gave up on his own life. Before I learned of this. No answer.
Just say the word and it's gone
@intrigued
i have to agree with the others who have said that fishies tend to be all in or all out. if they're in "thinking" mode, they aren't really "thinking" about you in the way you would hope.
i also don't think that they give transparent "no's." ie, my bff kept accepting invites from a guy to go out even though their previous encounters had gone nowhere, she knew she wasn't over her ex, she had attempted to decline when he asked but then felt bad for not being able to move on and turning down such a nice guy so she accepted...only to regret it.
my point is, you say that "no one here really does" know his intent. you've said it twice now i believe.
i think what you need to come to accept is that although you feel that you connected with this guy, online, you're far too old and hopefully not too desperate to recognize that you met a really great person who happened to not be "the one."
he's essentially a stranger and he's proven that by acting well...strange.
i met my fishy similarly and they are generally very clear when it comes to positive feeling. sure, some may be timid in how they express it, others may be far more direct, but, i don't think you'd ever doubt if they DO like you or wish to be with you. you will simply just know.
i think that that's in part these weirdos gift. when they care for you, it's unconditional, thoughtless and is given with such ease that if you're not careful, you can take it for granted.
so i think what others saying is that where no one can say with 100% certainty what dude feels, if YOU don't feel confident in terms of how he feels about you, he probably doesn't feel that way about you and truth be told, isn't that true of any man of any sign? in fact, i think they wrote a book about it...
"he's just not that into you"
love isn't hard and you're old enough to have learned that by now.
i have to agree with the others who have said that fishies tend to be all in or all out. if they're in "thinking" mode, they aren't really "thinking" about you in the way you would hope.
i also don't think that they give transparent "no's." ie, my bff kept accepting invites from a guy to go out even though their previous encounters had gone nowhere, she knew she wasn't over her ex, she had attempted to decline when he asked but then felt bad for not being able to move on and turning down such a nice guy so she accepted...only to regret it.
my point is, you say that "no one here really does" know his intent. you've said it twice now i believe.
i think what you need to come to accept is that although you feel that you connected with this guy, online, you're far too old and hopefully not too desperate to recognize that you met a really great person who happened to not be "the one."
he's essentially a stranger and he's proven that by acting well...strange.
i met my fishy similarly and they are generally very clear when it comes to positive feeling. sure, some may be timid in how they express it, others may be far more direct, but, i don't think you'd ever doubt if they DO like you or wish to be with you. you will simply just know.
i think that that's in part these weirdos gift. when they care for you, it's unconditional, thoughtless and is given with such ease that if you're not careful, you can take it for granted.
so i think what others saying is that where no one can say with 100% certainty what dude feels, if YOU don't feel confident in terms of how he feels about you, he probably doesn't feel that way about you and truth be told, isn't that true of any man of any sign? in fact, i think they wrote a book about it...
"he's just not that into you"
love isn't hard and you're old enough to have learned that by now.
^so i think what others *are saying is that where no one can say with 100% certainty what dude feels, *but if YOU don't feel confident
Punky, I like your picture!
Posted by intriguedbypiscesman
"Telling a person goodbye at a low point in life is probably not a wise move. Someday, you will be looking at the bottom and needing people to say hello, not goodbye".
I did this on impulse because of what Nefer said. I know she's right but he's completely alone. I'm so confused.
P-Angel is right. Again.
*sad face* intrigued.. I said LET GO and stop trying to MAKE something happen, that you're doing a disservice to yourself.. I did not say send him a goodbye letter and make it a disservice to him. He's done nothing to justify you sending him that letter, except not love you in the way you wanted. In fact, I submit that the letter was your I'LL-SHOW-YOU-BUDDY.. to say you're leaving, going, disappearing when he's down and unwilling/unable to give you the love you want.. and you were secretly hoping it would shake him up enough for him to think, "OHNOEZ.. I don't want her to let go completely!" and you were secretly hoping for a reaction from him, maybe say something that would allow you to justify sticking it out a little longer on hold while he does his thing and gets his shit together. Doing something with the hopes of a certain result or reaction comes with SECRET EXPECTATIONS, and feels manipulative and controlling.. esp to the guy on the receiving end. NOT a good idea.
MUCH better would have been for you to LET GO.. no fanfare, no theatrics or drama, no emotional manipulation, no "heartfelt" bittersweet goodbye.. just let go and get to living your own life. And THAT would have given him comfortable time and "space" to live his life.. AND LATER, should he so desire to contact you, he could. But now.. you've said goodbye, you've closed the door.. why do women want CLOSURE so bad?! It's CLOSURE.. it's done, finished. Leave it alone, let it go.. but don't slam doors shut. Just LET GO, stop squeezing so tight you lose sight of yourself.
Posted by Nights22
I think your goodbye was premature Intrigued.click to expand
Absolutely.
Posted by intriguedbypiscesmanPosted by winterwrought
Lack of trust.. fear of intimacy. Sounds familiar.
I'm the opposite....I've been hurt, but I take a leap of faith anyway, to get crushed yes but I'd rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Yes I know that's not my quote.
Neither is this "Behold the turtle, he makes progress only when he sticks his neck out"click to expand
That's right!
Snap snap!!!
@Nefer...
ok so that's BS though. well, for the "normal" person. i agree in that it's the WISE thing to do, but given how she's reacted thus far, "wise" isn't on the table.
admittedly, we've all been stupid before so as a recovering member, i welcome you intrigued and shake you warmly by the hand.
we've all been in this situation in one form or another. where your intent, at this moment, is to be free from the drama, cut him off, never speak to him again, fare thee well, the reality is, in a day or two, you're going to remember that he's having a tough time and "oh shyt!, did i REALLY say that?"
or maybe it's the standard manipulation. he doesn't respond the way you like and "oh shyt, maybe if i emailed him 'one more time...,' he'll finally come around."
the overall point is that when a woman is in this state...
low to no self-esteem
rationalizing
manipulating
desperate
lonely...
in no particular order, the best thing for her to do is to cut it off...him off 😛
not so much because it is the "right" course of action, but rather because it is the ONLY course of action that will allow her to retain some level of sanity and dignity.
sure, we'd all like to think that we can play martyr, take it on the chin and not be bitter to someone who has just wasted our time, our energy, our affection, but some of us ain't quite that grow'd yet.
this chick clearly isn't and therefore, i say, keep steppin! don't look back. say what you mean, mean what you say.
you're a total bitch for dropping him in the way you did, but bitches thrive and survive...like roaches! so go forth and multiply or some other cliche that is applicable in these circumstances.
ok so that's BS though. well, for the "normal" person. i agree in that it's the WISE thing to do, but given how she's reacted thus far, "wise" isn't on the table.
admittedly, we've all been stupid before so as a recovering member, i welcome you intrigued and shake you warmly by the hand.
we've all been in this situation in one form or another. where your intent, at this moment, is to be free from the drama, cut him off, never speak to him again, fare thee well, the reality is, in a day or two, you're going to remember that he's having a tough time and "oh shyt!, did i REALLY say that?"
or maybe it's the standard manipulation. he doesn't respond the way you like and "oh shyt, maybe if i emailed him 'one more time...,' he'll finally come around."
the overall point is that when a woman is in this state...
low to no self-esteem
rationalizing
manipulating
desperate
lonely...
in no particular order, the best thing for her to do is to cut it off...him off 😛
not so much because it is the "right" course of action, but rather because it is the ONLY course of action that will allow her to retain some level of sanity and dignity.
sure, we'd all like to think that we can play martyr, take it on the chin and not be bitter to someone who has just wasted our time, our energy, our affection, but some of us ain't quite that grow'd yet.
this chick clearly isn't and therefore, i say, keep steppin! don't look back. say what you mean, mean what you say.
you're a total bitch for dropping him in the way you did, but bitches thrive and survive...like roaches! so go forth and multiply or some other cliche that is applicable in these circumstances.
Oh, Tubbz.. Not BS.. didn't say she needed to wait around for this guy to contact her... absolutely, I agree that after 5 months, he's not feeling it (for whatever reason) and it's time for her to let go and move on, esp for her own sanity and peace of mind. I told her that, in fact.
I want this woman to go on with her life, fill it with light and love, oodles of SELF-LOVE... and then, if this guy comes back around, it's likely that she'll know that she DOESN'T want to hop the Crazy Train again, and she WON'T be hooked back in and wasting her time on a losing proposition that does not serve her well.
But the truth is, she sent that letter impulsively.. AND hoped to shake him up with it -- doing something FOR a reaction is never a good idea, esp if you're doing something you don't TRULY want deep-down (like a permanent goodbye), just hoping to make him give you what you want.. And she didn't actually WANT to do a permanent, no going back goodbye (evidenced by her writing him AGAIN, to say she jumped the gun prematurely)..
Saying goodbye in your mind and letting go of such a situation is great.. even writing a goodbye email that you never send can be cathartic... getting on with your life and taking care of yourself is absolutely crucial...
But sending a goodbye email was definitely overkill.. and she knows she was secretly hoping it would shake him up and make him say something so she could stay right where she was. I get it, I do.. change is scary.. letting go is terrifying..
ACTIONS, not WORDS. INFORMING a (non-romantic, non-relationship) guy of your INTENTIONS to move on.. really? If he was her boyfriend, YES, she owed him a goodbye. In this case, a goodbye is not warranted, all that's needed is for her to let go, fade out, get on with her life... without him.
I want this woman to go on with her life, fill it with light and love, oodles of SELF-LOVE... and then, if this guy comes back around, it's likely that she'll know that she DOESN'T want to hop the Crazy Train again, and she WON'T be hooked back in and wasting her time on a losing proposition that does not serve her well.
But the truth is, she sent that letter impulsively.. AND hoped to shake him up with it -- doing something FOR a reaction is never a good idea, esp if you're doing something you don't TRULY want deep-down (like a permanent goodbye), just hoping to make him give you what you want.. And she didn't actually WANT to do a permanent, no going back goodbye (evidenced by her writing him AGAIN, to say she jumped the gun prematurely)..
Saying goodbye in your mind and letting go of such a situation is great.. even writing a goodbye email that you never send can be cathartic... getting on with your life and taking care of yourself is absolutely crucial...
But sending a goodbye email was definitely overkill.. and she knows she was secretly hoping it would shake him up and make him say something so she could stay right where she was. I get it, I do.. change is scary.. letting go is terrifying..
ACTIONS, not WORDS. INFORMING a (non-romantic, non-relationship) guy of your INTENTIONS to move on.. really? If he was her boyfriend, YES, she owed him a goodbye. In this case, a goodbye is not warranted, all that's needed is for her to let go, fade out, get on with her life... without him.
Okay, re-read what you wrote, Tubbz.. I get it now.
You're right, this situation isn't normal, and doing the wise thing is difficult for a woman caught in the snare.. (handshakes all around.."Hi, I'm Nefer, and I've been an ensnared dumbass doormat before too!").. and likely she felt (panicked) that she had to cut it off NOW, cut it down DEAD and BURY it to get away... which is fine, if it's truly true. But what's true in this case is that she DIDN'T want it dead and buried so she could cauterize the wound quickly and move on to bigger and better things... she wanted a reaction, one to allow her to stay ensnared and therefore not responsible for her own happiness and contentment, putting it all in HIS hands a little longer.
But I'm leaving the post up, cuz even though I understand that you weren't saying I was speaking bullshit... I leave it for Intrigued's benefit to read.
You're right, this situation isn't normal, and doing the wise thing is difficult for a woman caught in the snare.. (handshakes all around.."Hi, I'm Nefer, and I've been an ensnared dumbass doormat before too!").. and likely she felt (panicked) that she had to cut it off NOW, cut it down DEAD and BURY it to get away... which is fine, if it's truly true. But what's true in this case is that she DIDN'T want it dead and buried so she could cauterize the wound quickly and move on to bigger and better things... she wanted a reaction, one to allow her to stay ensnared and therefore not responsible for her own happiness and contentment, putting it all in HIS hands a little longer.
But I'm leaving the post up, cuz even though I understand that you weren't saying I was speaking bullshit... I leave it for Intrigued's benefit to read.
Posted by Nefer
But what's true in this case is that she DIDN'T want it dead and buried so she could cauterize the wound quickly and move on to bigger and better things... she wanted a reaction, one to allow her to stay ensnared and therefore not responsible for her own happiness and contentment, putting it all in HIS hands a little longer.
that's my point.
your initial advice is for a mature woman/person. by virtue of her intent, she's not being mature and therefore incapable of a mature response.
my overall point is that sometimes when we're hurt, spurned and knee deep in a situation, it makes it all the more difficult to think and behave rationally. that's when the cycle of self-abuse starts. the games, the manipulation, the dRAahMA!
i think if you can recognize that you're in the midst of it and simply STOP!...whether you want to or not, you're bound to have better results than if you continue to behave immaturely.
this isn't to say that a stupid woman is incapable of behaving maturely. i just don't think this chick is necessarily ready for that step yet. it takes time to not give a shit and move on.
let me clarify why you're stupid. you said...
and the bigger point is that you were lying to yourself then and didn't recognize it. not to mention that you're quite flexible for a vertebrate.
there are some who say that you react/reacted to prematurely. i say that the problem was not in your reaction, but rather in your lack of conviction and follow through.
people who are at your stage in dating do NOT need to look back because all it does it keep them in places where they do not belong.
overall, the very notion of abandoning a boyfriend, a friend, a foe, a dog when they have lost so much is unfathomable to me. but i'm mature and smart...lest we not forget that i am smart.
Posted by intriguedbypiscesman
Yep. I'd be lying if i said I wasn't thinking and pondering, but I have a strong back bone and I say what I do and do what I say. He can change his mind, but I won't. I've neglected too much of my own crap that is long overdue.
and the bigger point is that you were lying to yourself then and didn't recognize it. not to mention that you're quite flexible for a vertebrate.
there are some who say that you react/reacted to prematurely. i say that the problem was not in your reaction, but rather in your lack of conviction and follow through.
people who are at your stage in dating do NOT need to look back because all it does it keep them in places where they do not belong.
overall, the very notion of abandoning a boyfriend, a friend, a foe, a dog when they have lost so much is unfathomable to me. but i'm mature and smart...lest we not forget that i am smart.
Posted by aPiscesPrincessPosted by intriguedbypiscesman
But I know how awful it was that I did it because if he is interested at all, he's likely afraid he'll loose me too. One car accident on Christmas day took his wife, their baby and his mom, two years later his sister from cancer...only a month into us meeting. He may have been ready but her death set him back and took him to that dark place. I knew he needed me and I hate what I did today.
Wow that's terrible that he lost his wife and their baby and his mom in a car accident, and then his sister later 😢 No wonder he's in such a bad place in his life now. He might be afraid to get too close to you because he doesn't want to lose someone he loves again.
But ultimately do what's best for you, and what you can handle. If it hurts you too much to *just* be his friend now, you can't be blamed for it either.click to expand
exactly!
don't apologize for wanting what you want when you want it. you want a genuine relationship and what's wrong with that?
the humanistic part of you recognizes that this person is in a rough place in his life, but given your timeline, for a family, for a connection, have you allowed for the possibility that he may simply not be ready to get close?
having lost my mother at a young age, the one thing i recognized is that time is a vacuum. you may have people who are ride or die and stand by you through everything, but that doesn't mean you're ready to fully acknowledge/accept their worth.
frankly, it's scary.
what if he loses you too? what's the point of getting close to people only to lose them? what's the point of developing bonds if "life" can take them away?
he's probably in a stage of "hardening." in life, there is death and with that realization, one has to make a choice. either you can just say "f'it! i don't want to encounter pain anymore...ever again OR i can choose to accept the reality."
and i think that's where you find this pisces. a pisces facing reality. a pisces trying to rationalize and be logical.
where the resolution may sound simple, "surround yourself with love," it's not simple at all. in part, it's the problem. loved ones go. loved ones die. why surround myself with people who will cause me pain?
if you can understand this, you can understand why i say that it'
ugh!
...
where the resolution may sound simple, "surround yourself with love," it's not simple at all. in part, it's the problem. loved ones go. loved ones die. why surround myself with people who will cause me pain?
if you can understand this, you can understand why i say that it's ok to just cut your losses. you're 33 and if you want certain things out of life, you have to recognize that he may not be able to give these things to you in your time frame.
this doesn't make him an a-hole. this doesn't mean he doesn't recognize your worth. he is simply "not ready" and a mature person would accept that.
...
where the resolution may sound simple, "surround yourself with love," it's not simple at all. in part, it's the problem. loved ones go. loved ones die. why surround myself with people who will cause me pain?
if you can understand this, you can understand why i say that it's ok to just cut your losses. you're 33 and if you want certain things out of life, you have to recognize that he may not be able to give these things to you in your time frame.
this doesn't make him an a-hole. this doesn't mean he doesn't recognize your worth. he is simply "not ready" and a mature person would accept that.
Intrigued, do you think you have found a comfort zonewith this guy because he's an Internet friend? We know your situation at home is not that great. But I have to wonder if you would put up with this with somebody like him in person. I think you've grown attached to him because of your situation and because he's been available to you at certain point when you needed him. But now that he is not reciprocating you feel totally different. How did you meet him and have you ever met him in person?
I guess my other point is neither of you are emotionally or physically available for a relationship. But of course it's for two different reasons.
I don't know intrigue. My Pisces Venus picking up some red flags.
And my Leo moon is about To call BS on the guy. LOL
Some great stuff on this thread and I don't mean to be a downer but if he's not ready to date... what's he doing on a dating site?
You may be too intense for him. he may just be interested in getting laid without emotional attachment. He is a Pisces, don't you know...
Are you sure you're seeing the whole picture?
You may be too intense for him. he may just be interested in getting laid without emotional attachment. He is a Pisces, don't you know...
Are you sure you're seeing the whole picture?
Posted by shellshocker
Some great stuff on this thread and I don't mean to be a downer but if he's not ready to date... what's he doing on a dating site?
You may be too intense for him. he may just be interested in getting laid without emotional attachment. He is a Pisces, don't you know...
Are you sure you're seeing the whole picture?
As I said, I see red flags.
Posted by intriguedbypiscesman
I told him today that I sent that on impulse and I let him down. I agreed before now to be friends, I just keep letting my emotions overrule. Luckily he understands I'm as screwed up right now as him. I'm sure he knew I couldn't leave him standing in the cold.
and THIS is exactly why you should/need to X yourself from this situation. you want him or what you perceive him to be far too much.
i think back to when i'd have my emo meltdowns and would flip out on the leo, only to retract everything i said in that fit of frustration and how justified i'd feel for it because he'd indulge me thereafter.
at the end of the day, he was still an asshole and no matter how much i willed/desired him to be what i thought he was capable of, he was giving me the real him...i just chose to believe otherwise.
so, "he knew i couldn't leave him standing in the cold." oh really?
what if he doesn't NEED you as badly as you want him to? what if you actually stopped all communication? do you honestly believe his world would stop turning or that if he contacts you 3 months from now that it'd mean he'd finally woken up?
all in all, you're not ready for a mature relationship because you're not ready to accept that once you require more, you get more. when you don't get what you need and ultimately desire, you don't lower your standards. you just find another guy.
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