Why do you guys do this..........

Why, when a friendship ended badly and you told someone to leave you alone and that request was honored do you initiate contact again after 2 months? I'm so damn confused by this behaviour. Initially I was very happy but wary and unsure. The contact was only a few brief emails and now i haven't heard from him in over a week. If he is not interested in trying to regain our friendship then why bother contacting me at all? I don't get it. What does he want? I don't want to send him another email when he hasn't answered my last one :/ Should i just close my account and try to forget our friendship?

because we care.

Posted by xr0yc3x
because we care.

About what?? Do you not realize how hurtful this is to us?? If there is no interest in the other person anymore than why not just stay away??

Do what you need to do raven. If it is painful, withdraw. If the connection hurts, sever it. Even when men withdraw, it is common for them to touch base. Not all of them do it, but a lot do. Concentrate on yourself. So much energy expanded on what he's doing, why he's doing it, what are his motives, why, why, why? Sometimes we NEVER have the answers we seek. It is up to us to heal and move on with our lives.

Posted by venusianbull



Even when men withdraw, it is common for them to touch base.

When in reality .. it is actually women who tend to hang on, and not men.


So, are your feelings dependent upon what he says or does? The thing is, people end relationships and then have second thoughts, third thoughts, fourths, fifths, sometimes hundreds.

Is that so odd?

You do it, we all do it ... so why are you letting yourself get so confused about what is a normal part of being an emotional being?

Haven't you ever got ticked off at your sibling, or friend or even boyfriend and left, thinking 'that's it, I'm not taking this any longer', only to go back to them the next day like nothing has ever happened?


Get real

And you said it ended badly ... so perhaps he wanted to apologize about hurting your feelings. To end something badly means pain was inflicted by one or both of the parties. Or maybe it was you inflicting the pain and he wanted to see if your woman enough to own up to being in need of apologizing.


Seriously, you said no contact for 2 months, and then when he did after that amount of time, it left you confused.

Two months go by and you are STILL confused? Perhaps, the problem is yours, then ... perhaps, you need to work on having control of yourself and your feelings if after 2 months communication with him leaves you confused.

It's possible that he waited that long to see if you are going to change your tune, and then when he interpreted your attitude/disposition with him in the emails he decided ... nope, she's still the same .. bounce again.



Who knows .. we don't know .. we only know what you tell us, and as I interpret this, as I sense what is going on, I see a woman who cannot rationalize why an ex might contact her in the future, and then immediately attaches feelings to it, so it's evident that you are not in control of yourself.

"I had a pisces best friend. We had a falling out of sorts and things went downhill. I said some pretty awful things to him when I guess he needed space and wasn't just being an ass and ignoring me for a long time which is what i thought. I was a total cookiemonster. Unfortunately for me I can't seem to get over him and what i said to him and am having a very hard time."



You wrote that in March ... same person?

"When in reality .. it is actually women who tend to hang on, and not men."

Quite often, absolutely. Some though will have a random thought, touch base, then disappear into the Deep again. It's confusing at best. But sometimes you just need to shrug, say "Meh!" and get on with things. Put on them big girl panties and quit fussing.

You know, or maybe you dont' know ... it's not up to other people to stay away from you to make yourself happy .... it's up to you to make the decision on whom you are going to allow in your life to make you happy.


As you wrote this, you made the impression that your happiness in dependent upon this other person on making the decision whether he is in or out .. and there isn't any indication here that you are owning yourself, to make your own decisions of who should be attached to your feelings.

And on the heels of that. Wouldn't it be infinitely better emotionally to get your head right, then if a call comes out of the blue you can say: "Oh, that was nice, glad he rang." and have a smile instead of the roller coaster ride?

And, hold the phone. March? Oh dear.

Co-signing what P said. Truth. Lose the drama raven. It's not good for your psyche.

Well, I just went back and read the saga .. it appears that you are guilt-ridden for being a complete bitch to him in an email, when alls he wanted/needed was to be his fishy self and have some space.


so, naturally, since you are looking to be redeemed, to be rid of this remorse you carry for being unreasonable unjustifiably .. that you would grasp up anything from him, however tiny ... in baited-breathe waiting for him to say those 3 little words = I forgive you



I see why you are confused now ... because he hasn't said those 3 words, and you want so bad to hear them.



You know .. you could just own yourself, and not be dependent upon another like that ... that is very heavy baggage you carry, and you will be hard pressed to find a person to carry your guilt for you.

Firstly....we were best friends....and only friends. We were very close. Yes I said horrible things but I am getting over that fact and am most definitely NOT looking to hear that he has forgiven me because i have finally forgiven myself. All I am saying is...if he does not really want to remain friends then why bother initiating contact again, especially when he was so adamant that I leave him alone. I was trying to get over all of this even though it hurt and for him to do this has just left me confused. Nothing more. I mean, when I am done with someone I am done. Period. Not just for today or for a month or 2 but forever. I don't get what he is thinking by doing this at all.

Two things ....


1. You call him "only friends" ... and then present to dxp over the several threads made about him, that higher feelings are attached to him than just friends. So, basically, you like him more than you admit to yourself.

*** ques word 'confused' .. see above ^^^^^^^^^

2. Simply because you would behave a certain way once you've struck a person out of your life, doesn't mean that others are suppose to behave the same way ... and you are having an expectation that because you would exclude a person forever, that he is supposed to also.

*** you do realize that he isn't you, don't you? And will behave his own way.

What a mess, huh? The Pisces here have given you golden advice.. maybe it's not what you want to hear, maybe you just can't wrap your mind around it.. you're not a Pisces. We contact because we care, want to see how you're doing. Something reminds us of you and we surface long enough to reach out... most times we're disappointed because we find that nothing's changed... but even if we're not disappointed, even if we were just pleased to make contact with you again, see how you're doing... it doesn't mean we're going to instantly rekindle a connection that was painful, particularly in the end. He is not you, and he will not do things the same way you would... YOU would just sever the tie with someone you can't/won't dive right back into, like nothing happened. WE ARE DIFFERENT. We aren't AFRAID of pain, but we aren't STUPID about it either. He's NOT going to jump right back into the same situation with you again, something has to significantly change first. But yes, we'll stay in touch with someone we have NO desire to roll back the time with, or ever be with in the same way. Call it sentimentality. Call it a flaw in our nature. Call it assholishness if you want. But we care about you, we may keep a faint connection even if we don't want a stronger one, and that's enough for us. If you don't like this about us.. LEAVE. YOU sever the tie - it's not OUR responsibility to set YOUR limits and boundaries, to modify our nature because we can't give you what you want. If it hurts you, it's up to YOU to cut that person out of your life. It's not HIS fault you are confused and tangled up and feeling this way. Own your own feelings and emotions, they aren't HIS responsibility. It's self-destructive to pin your happiness and contentment on someone else's behaviors, feelings, and reactions. It sends out a very NEEDY CLINGY vibe, which is highly unattractive and off-putting. Get busy making YOURSELF happy, no matter what he does or doesn't do. Eventually, he may want to swim closer and bask in your positive energy, but negative energy/vibes bring us down and make us swim away in self-protection.

Why is it so hard to grasp that he cares, but doesn't want everything to go back to the way it was before? That he cares enough to get in touch, but still won't change his very nature and need for space? Him resurfacing and then dropping down again is nothing strange to us. He doesn't NEED a constant connection to you to be your friend.

If I had a dollar for every old friend/flame I got in touch with... sometimes me initiating, sometimes them... I touch base, feel them out, see how they're doing... and drop back to my depths. Currently.. there's an old Sag friend who got in touch with me again. We've been friends for 8 years or so, but hadn't spoken in almost two years. Last September, he got in touch with me again by email. I was stunned to find out he'd developed a huge crush on me, which I did not reciprocate. I liked him, but I love my Libra... the Sag guy is not only 10 years younger than me, but also a SAG! (Great for friendship with me - romantically, it would be slow suicide and I KNOW this!) I told him I did not feel anything but friendship for him and he lost his damn marbles, called me a lot of choice names, took a few cheap shots at me to insult me. He swore we were never friends, then "took back" his words of love/adoration (infatuation?) and declared himself to be happily married to a woman a thousand times better than me. I wished him well and expressed my sadness at losing his friendship... He exited from my life in a cloud of hateful words and hard feelings. Fast forward to May... he emails me to ask how I've been, give me his new cell number, and to try rekindling our friendship. Great, right? Nothing's changed for me... I'm still in love with my Libra, and will still never be in love with my Sag friend. He says that's fine, he just needs a friend right now... he lied about his wedded bliss; they're actually having troubles. (Red Flag!) So I take a (mental) step back.. he responds to my vibe by pushing forward... he is so ANGRY when I do not text him back/fast enough. I refuse to rise to the bait, reminding him that we are friends and I have a busy life. He asked for a cell pic to assign to my number - I sent him one and he said he could tell by the date on the pic that I didn't take it right then just for him and got mad. I didn't react to his anger and drama, which made him even angrier and more dramatastic. He said yesterday that I don't ACT like a friend, a friend calls or texts every day. A friend gives a lot of time and energy to the friendship. I simply told him that we have different views on what friendship means. He said in a very childish and bitter tone that I can just text or call him when I "make some time" for him. Riiiiiight.. hope he's not holding his breath. I will NOT be controlled by someone's petulant, childish fits. Sags! lol

Posted by Midgetbull
VB, you say to lose the drama. And here I am, in a very similar situation with a pisces. He says he cares and wants to stay in contact and then removes all contact. WTF is the deal with these men? Why can't they just say what's on their minds... "I don't love you anymore" "I found someone else" rather than going through a whole list of complete bullshit excuses and lies about how they care. If they cared, they would stay in our lives.

Maybe he DOES still love you (our capacity for loving forever is unparalleled, even if we never want to BE with that person again!) Maybe he DIDN'T find anyone else. Maybe he just CARES about you... he won't change his nature for you; he CAN'T. And us staying "in your lives" (esp as much as you want us to!) has nothing to do with our CARING. So I give you the same advice... if YOU are not happy with it.. YOU are in control of who you allow into your life.. blaming HIM is counter-productive and will get you nowhere.

Besides.. bitterness, anger, all those feelings you have about him not contacting you enough... you may THINK you're "hiding" them and being all "cool".. but your vibe is SCREAMING at him. We absorb energies from people.. positive, happy people make us want to stay and bask... negative, needy ones make us want to run.

Posted by Midgetbull
Friendship works the same way as a relationship. It's a 2-way street. Not afraid of pain? Okay.. i see that. Every time any small sign of incompatibility arose, he would end the relationship. What does that mean to me? The relationship never meant jack to him, and i wasted my time.

So... it's not a two-way street to a Pisces because we do not contact or stay as close as YOU would or would like? It's one way because he contacts, rekindles... but not enough for you or in the way you want? Really? o.O And I guarantee you that there's more to your repeated breakups than you present. Biggest one probably being that he comes back hoping something's changed or improved... but it hasn't.. you're still rigid in your opinions on how AWFUL he's been, still RESENTFUL about all he's "done" to you... there's that negative energy again. *swish* *swish*

Also... honestly.. Pisces are different about romantic relationships than they are about friendships. Your relationship troubles with a Pisces have different roots, causes, and solutions than one's friendship troubles with a Pisces.

Friends are WAAAAAAAAAAAY less "typically important" to us than relationships are. To others, it looks like we don't want or need or care about our friends, because we do not generally behave in the same way as others do in friendships. Truthfully, I could lose every single one of my friends, and only ONE would truly hurt me. Soak that in for a minute... does that make me a bitch? Perhaps. But that's my singular nature. I don't NEED friends.. they need ME.

Now relationships - Pisces are one of THE most complicated species in relationships (I find Virgos and Libras almost as complicated, but not quite!) We're so changeable and moody... we absorb, we reflect.. we hold things in, we stay private and aloof... we come closer on OUR terms, and we swim away when we cannot take any more. We're riddles wrapped in mysteries, shrouded in conundrums. We will drive you as crazy as we are, if you allow us to. *sigh*

Maybe you'd both be better off leaving Pisces well enough alone - obviously your Pisces men aren't very compatible with you both, and I'm sure there's easier signs out there for you!

Just because he says he cares, does not mean he is suppose to behave a certain way. It appears as though there are expectations for him to communicate to you, as you would want.


so, he only calls once a in while ... you cannot make the determination that he doesn't care or is lying about his care for you.


It is situations like this that made make the thread about treating people only as you would treat them ... as being selfish.

Posted by Midgetbull
Friendship works the same way as a relationship. It's a 2-way street. Not afraid of pain? Okay.. i see that. Every time any small sign of incompatibility arose, he would end the relationship. What does that mean to me? The relationship never meant jack to him, and i wasted my time.

So what?


If it doens't mean shit then you are wasting your own time right now putting energy into a relationship that never meant jack.


You cannot bitch about him doing something to you that you do to yourself, also.

Posted by Midgetbull
Yeah, because after the first major one when i went to see a psychiatrist (that i am still seeing) who put me on mood stabilizer meds, I hadn't changed right? Or maybe the time when no one came to my new years party because they threw their own and invited me, i got liquored up and some friends convinced me to go, and he left me because when i got there i didn't anticipate them not having internet so i couldn't skype on our anniversary. Yeah.. sounds like me being a complete and utter thoughtless heiffer who never changes.

I don't even know you and your bitterness is apparent even to me. Relationships ending are almost never one person's fault - you don't own up to anything, do you? I can't help you, I wouldn't know where to begin. YOU are in control of YOU. And your vibe is twisting my stomach... I can't imagine what your Pisces man feels when he's once again barraged with your negative energy.


Oh.. and as far as the anniversary thing.. yeah.. you're presenting ONE side. HIS side might go like this: "She got DRUNK and went off with friends on OUR anniversary and blew me off! THEN when I express how I feel about it, she expects me to be fine with it cuz she 'didn't know' her friends didn't have internet. She just doesn't understand how badly that hurt me." It was kinda like saying - BooHooHoo, suck it up. I'll do what I want, when I want to, even if it's supposed to be OUR special day and I blow our plans. Wasn't my fault! It's someone else's fault! You can't blame ME for getting into this situation, cuz I THOUGHT they'd have internet! And you'd better be fine with that buddy!... WHAT?! You're breaking up with me over this?! Asshole! Prick!!

I am not in any way trying to hurt or insult you or blame you for everything. I'm a very nice person, actually. But I know you're only presenting YOUR (biased) side of the story... maybe because you are so rigid and hurt and bitter that you can't SEE his side. Unfortunately, that won't help you grow or change or fix anything.

Posted by Midgetbull

Posted by Nefer

Posted by Midgetbull
VB, you say to lose the drama. And here I am, in a very similar situation with a pisces. He says he cares and wants to stay in contact and then removes all contact. WTF is the deal with these men? Why can't they just say what's on their minds... "I don't love you anymore" "I found someone else" rather than going through a whole list of complete bullshit excuses and lies about how they care. If they cared, they would stay in our lives.

Maybe he DOES still love you (our capacity for loving forever is unparalleled, even if we never want to BE with that person again!) Maybe he DIDN'T find anyone else. Maybe he just CARES about you... he won't change his nature for you; he CAN'T. And us staying "in your lives" (esp as much as you want us to!) has nothing to do with our CARING. So I give you the same advice... if YOU are not happy with it.. YOU are in control of who you allow into your life.. blaming HIM is counter-productive and will get you nowhere.

Besides.. bitterness, anger, all those feelings you have about him not contacting you enough... you may THINK you're "hiding" them and being all "cool".. but your vibe is SCREAMING at him. We absorb energies from people.. positive, happy people make us want to stay and bask... negative, needy ones make us want to run.

So he can feel my negative energy when he's halfway around the world? okay...

click to expand

*I* can feel it!! Jeez.. it's ROLLING off you in WAVES in just a FEW posts... I feel like throwing up, to be honest, you've got me so psychically pounded with your negative energy. Who WOULDN'T he feel it - he's connected to you, and I'm not. You're like this... black cloud, rolling over me... shot through with lightning... my mind is recoiling from it, and from you... only sheer willpower keeps me here, TRYING to open your eyes!

:/

Posted by Midgetbull
Sorry, I'm kind of super pissed off at him right now. He broke my heart, my cancer moon is making it difficult to recover, plus some recent things... Just pissed. I haven't spoken to him in a couple weeks.

I'm sorry for your pain, truly. I feel the world's pain, have to shield from it. You might benefit from doing some more research on your Cancer Moon, esp over in the Cancer boards.... your Cancer Moon is a SERIOUS effect on you.. like WHOA. Maybe you have no idea how it affects you... Cancer Mooners are something else entirely.

And you'd definitely benefit from Googling Rori Raye. Fix YOU, and the rest falls into place.

Posted by Midgetbull
VB, you say to lose the drama. And here I am, in a very similar situation with a pisces. He says he cares and wants to stay in contact and then removes all contact. WTF is the deal with these men? Why can't they just say what's on their minds... "I don't love you anymore" "I found someone else" rather than going through a whole list of complete bullshit excuses and lies about how they care. If they cared, they would stay in our lives.

I agree. I really think it is bs that they think they can just drop in every now and then. WTF for?? It IS emotional torture. Nothing more. That is not caring. Not one bit. You're right...if they truly cared they would be IN our lives in some way not just pop in and out on a whim. When they say they are done...STAY done. Don't let us start to finally heal and then reopen all the wounds. Maybe he could "sense" that I was finally, slowly able to let him go as hard as it is. He actually sent an email to an old address first and then kept following up till I checked my email. How on earth can he tell "nothing has changed" with a couple of words?? Complete bs and a total copout. Maybe he is upset because I didn't send him a new pic like he was hinting at.

"if they truly cared they would be IN our lives in some way not just pop in and out on a whim. When they say they are done...STAY done."

Ahhh, there is no one more blind than one who will not see.

So, in other words, he needs to be more like you, do things like YOU would do them, for your benefit. He has to CHANGE the way he is to make you happy. Those damn stubborn Pisces assholes - If they don't do it YOUR way, in the way YOU like and understand and would do things, then they are liars, users, and playing games. Anything else, anything but whatever YOU would do, must mean they don't care and thrive on "torturing" you.

I repeat: If it's such torture for you - GTFO. Not HIS responsibility to set YOUR limits and boundaries. Why is this so hard to grasp?! Several of you come here, blaming someone else for YOUR OWN FEELINGS AND REACTIONS... but YOU allow them into your life, though they hurt you. No adult person is a true victim - you're doing it to yourself and crying woe, FFS.

If he's not worth it - CUT HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE! I don't care if he's a Pisces, an Aries, a Virgo, or a little green Martian! If he IS worth it, stop bitching that he doesn't do things YOUR way, start accepting him as a person wholly DIFFERENT and completely SEPARATE from you, stop putting blame and responsibility on HIM to create YOUR happiness by conforming to YOUR expectations!

Kid gloves are fuckin' OFF now, ladies. NOT ONE OF YOU THREE BITCHING ABOUT YOUR PISCES MAN HAS A HEALTHY MENTALITY OR APPROACH TO THESE RELATIONSHIPS. Not ONE of you. You're all about giving YOUR side, wanting to hear that YOU were right and HE was wrong. You don't want advice, you don't want to SEE HIS SIDE.. cuz you still think IT'S ALL ON HIM - HE'S the prick, the asshole liar and user. Couldn't POSSIBLY be that you're all even more fucked up than he is, rigid, unwilling to understand any POV but your own, pushing your own agenda. Couldn't POSSIBLY be YOU NOT HIM that needs to work on YOURSELF. ANY man will RUN from the NEEDY CLINGY MAKE ME HAPPY CUZ I CAN'T DO IT vibes you all give off. NEWSFLASH: The ONLY person you can control is YOU.. get YOU healthy, and the rest falls into place. Stay UNHEALTHY and continue to think you're FINE the way you are, watch it continue to crumble.

Fuck it, I'm outta here.

I absolutely agree with Nefer. Absolutely.

And YES. Lose the damned drama. All the tear in your beer, overwrought, hyperactive, whining "MY NEEDS" horse shit! You could be the most wonderful human being on the planet. Doesn't make a damned bit of difference. It takes two in a relationship. TWO. That doesn't mean one by themselves. Two to work, two to try, two to stand back to back and hammer away at the world. A team. There is a reverse side to every story in existence.
Everyone needs to grieve a relationship. This isn't about that. It's about getting STRONG again and standing on your own two feet and believing in yourself. That means wrapping ones head around the base fact that things are OVER. Done, later, seesya, toodles. It's in the past.
SO! If you think I'm blowing smoke up your skirt just because I can, walk with me over to what used to be a marriage. A relationship. Thirteen years strong, at least I thought so. Not so. And yes indeed I fell apart. But there comes a point where you just have to get pissed. Pissed because you are a good person, pissed that things didn't work, but also pissed at yourself because it FAILED. That's a clean burn. And you need to harness that, own it, utilize it.
You must come to the realization that you did the best you could with what you had AT THE TIME. And that does not leave the fault solely at the feet of MEN. It comes back at us, as women. Because heaven knows we're not all sunshine, light and cheer. We can be right bitches sometimes. Every single one of us.
So my advice to you, madam, is to go outside and SCREAM. Give it over to something bigger than yourself. Surround yourself with people, good people that will listen. And listen to everything. Crank some righteous rock, treat yourself to a manicure, pedicure. Leave the house often. Go through that process, because you must. But you MUST sever ties, for your own sake.
I am telling you this from EXPERIENCE, young Bull. Heed it.

Posted by ianthefish
we dont know how we hurt others sometimes.... e.g. getting back in touch..

we think we are just checking up on you to see how life is treating you.....
you relive all the love, hate, enjoyment, pain, sorrow etc. all over again....

we swim off, you stand there wandering what happened.....

How can you not know?? It is beyond hateful and cruel to keep doing that to someone. Why on earth do you guys "need to check up on us" I don't get it. Not at all. Why can't you just move on with your lives and let us try to move on with ours 😢

@Ian

Well you'd think so wouldn't you. I am trying to ignore things now, it's just not easy. For me, I just cannot turn off all of the memories and when he contacts me after saying to leave him alone...which I did....it makes things very hard. I guess really what i have to do is delete any contact info he has and try to move on and forget him. It's painfully obvious that I cared for him and in the end I really was nothing at all to him, just someone to fill in time 😢

Posted by ScorpioDreamer
Raven, I find it hard to believe you meant nothing to him. If that were the case he wouldn't have wasted his time. Just remember all of the good memories you two shared and do whatever it takes to move on and find peace. If that means blocking/deleting any and all contact with him then so be it.

I wish you well and I know this is all easier said than done. Just don't give up.

I don't. I am beginning to think I was nothing more than someone to occupy his time. It's obvious that I truly cared for him and he could care less about me. He was able to just walk away after many years. You don't do that to someone who meant something to you.

There is nothing to give up on. I have a wonderful husband and great kids. To me, our friendship was something special. We always used to joke that we were like twins separated at birth. I know people used to be envious of our closeness. It hurts that the entire thing was really just a lie. I feel like I have had the biggest joke played on me.I actually believed the bs he told me 😢

Posted by ianthefish
*shakes head in disgust*

im done..

Disgust at what. Our familes used to get together all the time. We were ALL friends. Good lord you make a friendship seem like something like an affair or something. Nothing was hidden from anyone...there was nothing to hide. We were like brother and sister close...and not in a disgusting way. I am a very faithful person and my hubby means the world to me. If he was a female pisces no one would think that way. A man and a woman really can just be great friends. Wtf.

Yes they can.

And no it obviously didn't 😢 It was apparently one sided all along. If it wasn't he would not have walked away.

No I don't have "feelings" for him or vice versa. We just come from very similar backgrounds and have the same outlook on just about everything and had helped each other through some bad shit.....stuff other people would have had a hard time understanding.

Posted by ianthefish
and i never mentioned an affair, you did..

Well it seemed like it was implied :/ Sorry.

Posted by ianthefish
and i find it hard to believe that you have an inkling of knowledge about what goes on inside your pisces head.... you cant even wrap your head around him contacting you again...

so im not sure how you can say that he doesnt have feelings for you... because obviously you know little about what he feels..

I can't because HE was the one who angrily and adamantly told me to leave him alone. I did for 2 months and then he just decides to contact me. Wtf.

No he does not have feelings for me. If he did he wouldn't act like this would he.

He has a serious girlfiend and has for a long time.

oops girlfriend lol

Posted by ianthefish
yes actually he would act like this...

Why do you say that??

Posted by ianthefish
well lets see, he sticks it out for how many years?
only to realize that you dont even have feelings for him....

poor guy has been strung along the whole time in hopes of just a chance...

of course hes going to swim off....

That's not true. He was not strung along :/ It's not like that at all. We BOTH have and always had other people....I was always married and he....for the most part.... was always involved with someone. He was not hoping for any kind of chance...ever. There was never even a hint of that.

and I definitely know i never gave off any kind of vibe that would lead him to think otherwise.

Posted by ianthefish
well whats the point of this thread anyhow?

lol....I just wanted to somehow understand why the hell he would contact me when he said to leave him alone :/ I just don't see the reason. All I want is to understand so I can get past it I guess :/

Posted by ianthefish

Posted by raven29
and I definitely know i never gave off any kind of vibe that would lead him to think otherwise.

you ever ask him?

click to expand

No. Why on earth would I have?? We are happy with our respective partners.

Posted by ianthefish

Posted by raven29

Posted by ianthefish

Posted by raven29
and I definitely know i never gave off any kind of vibe that would lead him to think otherwise.

you ever ask him?

No. Why on earth would I have?? We are happy with our respective partners.

you sure? because you seem to be pining over this guy on dxp..

click to expand

No I'm not pining....just forget it.

I guess none of you have lost a good friend over something stupid.

I realize you can't answer for someone else. I was just hoping for some thoughts....not an attack on my motives, or to be called spineless, whiny and whatever else has been thrown into this thread. It has nothing to do with not liking the answers.

idk how this thread got so long... all you had to do was ask the guy why he contacted you... seriously...

maybe he just wanted to make you feel like crap? who knows? we don't

all you told us is you guys had a fight and he told you to leave him alone and you did. maybe he felt bad? maybe he wanted to see if you guys could forgive each other and go back to this great friendship? the situation doesn't seem that bad and we probably only know half of the real story.

also, how can you go and say everything was a lie when you can't even understand why he acts the way he does? you most likely have no clue what he feels and you're just going into denial lol.

Posted by watermoccassin


The most likely answer would seem to be that he was in the same position as you... he wanted to talk you, but he was wary. We Pisces-men types are spooked easily. I'm not trying to make excuses for him. The fact is, (some) of us just aren't the Alpha-male type and that's that.

If you're posting here, then he's gotten under your skin.

You have a choice

1) Contact him, albeit with something brief but friendly.
2) Forget about him.

Thank you. I appreciate your advice. I know I am very wary and scared of contacting him. He did initiate contact again so maybe that is a posive thing, even though it was a few brief messages and I haven't heard from him again in over a week. Maybe we are both afraid. I don't know. I'm just trying to take it very slowly and one day at a time.

raven29 you are seriously in denial about your feelings for this guy.

The way your interest peeked when ianthefish began to throw this option out there...
The way you started to act all coy and surprised like the thought had never crossed your mind... please

Even if you're not ready to face the fact you have strong(er) feelings for him... he already has it all figured out. You need to catch up.

You originally got mad at him and said horrible things because he wanted space? But you're just friends... and you're happily married with children?

I'm not buying it...

Posted by shellshocker
raven29 you are seriously in denial about your feelings for this guy.

The way your interest peeked when ianthefish began to throw this option out there...
The way you started to act all coy and surprised like the thought had never crossed your mind... please

Even if you're not ready to face the fact you have strong(er) feelings for him... he already has it all figured out. You need to catch up.

You originally got mad at him and said horrible things because he wanted space? But you're just friends... and you're happily married with children?

I'm not buying it...

You're wrong. I am very happily married and always have been. In fact I am in the midst of planning a renewal of our vows in Maui for our anniversary. Again, if it was a female friend this would NOT even be an issue with some of you. My interest did not "peak" with Ian's responses :/ I do not, nor have i ever acted coy. Wtf. I may be confused about why he has contacted me again but I am most assuredly NOT confused about how I feel...which is that he was a friend and nothing more. I can assure you I am not in denial. Good lord people.

Congrats on the vow renewal raven. 🙂

I have lots of plutonic guy friends. Some are very, very close to me.

BUT... if I had a falling out with one of them (it's happened) and we took a break for awhile... it would be perfectly natural for him to come back into my life, eventually.
Why wouldn't he contact me again? Things have cooled down and now we can work on the friendship... or not.

The fact you are so confused that he's contacted you again, is well... confusing.
All this talk about being cautious and taking it slow... doesn't sound like friendship.

If it was a girl, would you be pinning the way you are? All sad, thinking she never cared about you?

Hey... if i'm wrong, i'm wrong. who cares what I think right?

Posted by shellshocker
I have lots of plutonic guy friends. Some are very, very close to me.

BUT... if I had a falling out with one of them (it's happened) and we took a break for awhile... it would be perfectly natural for him to come back into my life, eventually.
Why wouldn't he contact me again? Things have cooled down and now we can work on the friendship... or not.

The fact you are so confused that he's contacted you again, is well... confusing.
All this talk about being cautious and taking it slow... doesn't sound like friendship.

If it was a girl, would you be pinning the way you are? All sad, thinking she never cared about you?

Hey... if i'm wrong, i'm wrong. who cares what I think right?

LOL...I can see your point about why it may come across that way.

I'm only confused because he was adamant that I leave him alone

Posted by venusianbull
Congrats on the vow renewal raven. 🙂

Thanks 🙂 I'm very excited!

🙂 I would be too. The ocean, sunset, Maui, your man. Honestly. 🙂