Deep, Deep, Doo-Doo...

Ok folks, I have a semi-defcon situation going on in my personal life. I take full responsibility for bringing it into my life.. I am an idiot. In fact Forrest Gump ain't got nothin going on when it comes to my brand of wicked awesome stupidity.

Here is the semi-novel for the background. I met a guy who to keep it vague, worked in different areas of the entertainment industry at different times. We met a couple of times at different events and hit it off as friends.

He lives in another state, so we kept in touch through facebook. Communicated a lot through facebook. Got to know his girlfriend through the comments in the newsfeeds and we got along real well. So she friend-requested me. Accepted. Kept in touch equally with both of them.

Then bad things happened in my personal life. My dad who I took care of for a long time died. I went through struggles to get him cremated and buried in another state. Then had some hard times financially. I was getting really depressed being in the same city he passed away in. I thought if I stayed there I would get suicidal or some type of cray-cray would happen.

I got into a work project that paid over 3000 during the course of a month and a half. I decided to move out of state for a fresh start. I figured what better place than where there is people I know? I knew and was friends with at least 4 people in the place I went to including my entertainment ndustry friend and girlfriend.

To back up a bit me and my entertainment industry friend share the same hair color. Then need to mention me and his girlfriend have similar interests in common. Moreso than he does with her. They're like the smart version of Sam and Diane from Cheers. Except they were different to where it worked.

Or so I thought.. continued next post

I move there and get to know the entertainment industry friend and his girlfriend. She moved from out of state to be with him. They have been together a long time. But she is unhappy at times cause of the difference in their interests.

Well, fastforward to a major entertainment event she wanted to go to happening. She needed tickets to it but couldnt pick them up due to being at work. I had the day free being an unemployed job-seeker. As a gesture of FRIENDSHIP, I told her I'd pick it up for her. She was over the moon about it. I stood in line for two hours to get the ticket.

I want to stress that the reason I did it was I had friends be kind to me when I went through some hard times financially and personally. I made a promise to myself that after that, I would work on being a better friend to my friends.

Which is why I got the tickets. I tried to get them for both her and my friend. But could only get one as it was a one ticket per person event, It turns out he was happy i did not get him a ticket as he was not a fan of the event.

She went and was super happy. Kept thanking me. They both wanted to do something nice for me. But I declined telling them I just wanted to pay it forward so to speak.

But ever since then, the entertainment friend's girl is communicating more frequently with me. Kind of being flirty. Now she asked me to come to christmas dinner at her and boyfriend's apt.

I politely declined at first stating they should have some time alone since they work a lot. She told me it was no problem of me being there. And that she wanted me there as she does not care for her boyfriend's family. And is unable to be with her family this year due to finances.

I finally acquiesed out of guilt. But now i am worried. Cause I was reading an online article about signs your friend's girlfriend is interested in you and 3 signs matched it.

I could be massively overthinking or maybe misreading it. But I am scared she is going to want to hang out and do something even if her bf can't come. I ain't gonna lie she is very attractive.

And if I wasn't friends with her bf I would probably be poncing on it like a fresh real doll. But one, I am not a douche (at least not completely) cause I have never hooked up with a friend's gf. And I have had opportunities in the past.

Two, there is already a brunette girl I like who is single. I am focused on wooing her, Third, even though me and friend's GF share

the same interests we are different people. We share different senses of humor and ways we approach things. And again, I don't touch my friends girlfriends..

What can I do to deesculate this situation? Pull an Eddie Wilson and disappear for 25 years hoping this goes away. Limit our interactions to strictly back to computer?

I am just trying to avoid a Mrs Robinson situation. BTW she is a Leo with either Virgo or Libra moon. I don't know birth time sorry.

This is all my fault I realize that. Now I just wanna dig myself out of this mess. Maybe I am misreading and she just likes me as a friend. But since I am a Leo magnet it is highly doubtful..

Posted by ZenArcade
And if I wasn't friends with her bf I would probably be poncing on it like a fresh real doll. But one, I am not a douche (at least not completely) cause I have never hooked up with a friend's gf. And I have had opportunities in the past.

So if she was in a relationship you'd still hit on her..you hesitate only because she's your friend's girlfriend.

Posted by soultalk
admit it, you are being overly friendly and available to her only because she is attractive. if she was a plain jane gf of your friend, would you stand in line for two hours to get her tickets? you were not trying to be friendly, you were trying to please her. so yes, you created this mess. and from what i know leo women can be fiercely loyal to their SO's, but they wouldn't mind attention every now and then from someone other than SO. they might even play you into giving them attention. all just to satisfy their ego. not to hurt or play with anyone's emotions. again, like i said before they can be loyal, but they won't say no to any attention you give. just based on my knowledge.

I don't know about "playing her into giving attention"-- but we do enjoy people who are nice to us.

And she'll be good to you, right back-- friend till the end; but she may be shocked to find out you have a big, fat crush on her.

Maybe you should decline the invite.

Also-- why does it matter that you and her bf have the same hair color?

*perplexed*

You sound sincere.

Ok this situation sounds not good the Leo girl is playing both you and your friend as I think she might be married or with someone other than your said friend. I feel she is an outsider.

I would forget about the brunette and concentrate on whatever it is you are doing in the entertainment industry.

Also She(the Leo girl) calls this someone(he) partner and 'he' calls her partner as well. Seems they been together a long time so not sure why your friend is with her at all. Maybe said friend doesnt know she with anyone else

How can you possibly blame HER attraction to you on YOURSELF? If you were walking around flexing your muscles, that's 1 thing. But if you're just simply showing up, how is that your fault?!

Unless there's something that you're not telling us (like you secretly flirting back with her), then it sounds like you are sincere & that this is just another typical situation where you're not pretending to be stupid & act like someone isn't showing signs of interest when you know deep down that they are.

I'd be careful anyways. You know how people can be. They don't mind you being friends with their girlfriends until you 2 start getting a little TOO close for comfort. Then all the possessiveness, accusations, ultimatums & jealousy comes out & the next thing you know you're caught in the crossfire.

All you can really do is trust your instincts. That's all you need. If your gut is telling you that she's interested then no don't stop being her friend, but slowly scale back a little. Don't agree to go to her events, not only b/c it would make you uncomfortable, but also potentially make her boyfriend uncomfortable if it starts happening too much

If you're brave enough, hell I'd even test the waters. The next time you feel that she's flirting with you, say, "Are you flirting with me?" & see her reaction. Her reaction will tell you everything. If she gets all giggly & says shxt like, "Maybe!" or a flat out "yes" then yeah, it's time to wrap up that friendship not only to keep yourself out of trouble but out of respect for your male friend's relationship.

I say you should test the waters to get a quicker answer.

I think it's pretty awesome though that you've already set boundaries in your head & have already declared her off limits. Some men would pretend they don't notice, fall for it anyway, give in, mess around with her & then claim it was all HER fault b/c "She came onto me" when it's all said & done. You've acknowledged that things look fishy & you're gut is probably correct as I'm sure it always is.

Sorry folks, got locked out of DXP by forgetting my password. So that is why I have been out and not responding.

Let me address a couple of things-

One, for those who say I have a "crush"- I said I was attracted to her. But the difference is I never acted on it. Cause he was my friend, and I have never hooked up with a friends girlfriend. I have had a couple of opportunities in the past, but I never did cause my friends come first.

It is human to find someone's partner attractive. Difference being that you dont act on it. As I said I fell on hard times back in october last year. I had some great friends who helped me through that time. It inspired me to be a better friend. So yes, I would have helped her regardless if she is plain or attractive. That is what friends do. Take your jadedness elsewhere, cause it dont fit here.

Yeah, about the hypothetical thing too. If I didnt know my friend, yeah I would have gone for it. It's the universal man code (although some psycho jealous guys forget that even if they are guilty too) - If you don't know the other guy and as long as there are no children in the picture, the sky's the limit.

2nd, me doing that favor for her was strictly out of being a friend. 3rd, on the hair color thing, let's just say my color is not that common. To be continued..

Here is the update on the situation -

I went to dinner with them, at christmas. She insisted I come even though her and him just had a phone. He had a little bit of an attitude towards me at first. Then I diffused it by joking around and asking how things have been for him.

Then the dinner went well. Had a great time. I became more convinced than anything she was lonely and needed someone else there since she couldnt have her family and all her other friends were busy with christmas.

Stayed in touch with both of them through FB. Then in January my then friend got hit in the face by some guy just because he told him he was blocking the parking spot. Residents of their apts get their own parking spot. Police report was filed, then they get the ok from their landlord to break their lease and move elsewhere.

Then flashforward two weeks later, he issues a statement saying him and her have decided to go their separate ways. I was speechless. In my head I thought how am I going to balance having two friends who are split up as I can't take a side?

I told them both that I am there for them but could not take a side. A couple of days later I asked the girl if I could pick up my mail. Long story but I am on government benefits and I dont trust the current place I am staying at to get mail. So my mail was mailed to their address which they volunteered to do. I did not ask them.

I told girl I could meet her at a bakery to pick up my mail. To repay her by buying something there as a thanks for driving out to give me my mail. She flips the script and asks if I want to pick up the mail then go grab sushi to play catch up. At first I told her I would have to think about it as I am tight on money and dont like my friends to pay for me.

She insisted and I said I dont want to take advantage of a friendship as they already helped me out more than they needed to. Finally I came into some cash. So I accepted the invitation. I insisted though on paying for half the meal.

We meet up. Start to talk. Things go well then, to be continued..

My friend calls her. They have a minor squabble about where to put their pets. As she can only take two of the three into the place she is moving to as they charge high prices for keeping pets.

Her mood gets kind of down. I tried to cheer her up by keeping things light and really asking about things in regards to her writing. She is a writer btw. That goes ok, but I could tell her mind is elsewhere and stressed.

So I unloaded the gun and asked the question - "What happened to cause the breakup" Cause I could tell she needed to vent.

She starts telling me how he got a special check in the mail which was a sizeable amount of money. It was related to a thing in the entertainment industry he once did. He kept that he had gotten the check. And she found out by seeing a check stub he left by accident.

Let me backtrack a bit. They have been together going on 8 years. For a lot of those 8 years she was the breadwinner. He wasnt working full time at first as the industry gig he originally had slowed down. Then he went to be a freelance in the tech industry. But he never got consistant work there either. So she was supporting both of them. And in charge of their finances.

Then in the last couple of years he got full time work. One job sucked so he job hunted while still working there and got a better one. This last year he has only been stable financially.

Anyway they got into a huge fight about his dishonesty. Flash forward a couple of days later. A little more back ground. He has always stayed friendly with his ex. And said he will always care about her as a friend and they will be in each other lives for a long time. No big deal right?

Well he is upset she remained friendly with her ex. He goes crazy everytime she has the slightest bit of contact with him. And they have arguments.

Well she wanted to avoid a fight, and told him she was going to see a friend. She admitted in hindsight it was wrong to do that. But she was stressing over some other things and did not need the additional headache of an argument. She goes to see him.

Apparentely my then friend had been hacking into her online journal and reading the writings. I guess she wrote about meeting to catch up with the ex. He also got into her phone and went through the texts with the ex.

He loses it and they get into a huge fight when she came back from eating with him that night. That is what caused the final split in their breaku

their breakup.

I didn't comment except to say that I noticed there was tension between them at beginning of christmas dinner.

Then she drops the bombshell on me. Before christmas dinner, they had their fight. In the middle of fight or at end he makes this remark "I would go hang elsewhere for christmas, but I know you'll f---k him"

Let me backtrack once again. I always have been supportive of them as a couple. Liking pics of them on FB. Telling them too they were a great couple. I always was supporting them doing things by themselves instead of them hanging out with me. I always made sure he got the most attention in conversation so he wouldnt think I was hitting on her.

So I am greatly pissed and upset as you can imagine. For him to pretend to be friendly with me and act like nothing was wrong is completely unacceptable. He could have come to me with his concerns if it was that big of an issue. So I was hurt that he insulted my morals and was two-faced.

Here comes the big bang though. Apparently, he had been slightly physically abusive with her during the argument. But she said so casually, in such a offhand way like it was a normal thing I almost missed it.

I asked her to tell me the place he hurt her. She showed me and then said in an argument before that one he wanted to slap her.

So my rage is at an all time high. A combination of disappointment and moral outrage. I was raised that you never ever, raise your hand to a woman no matter how upset a man is. The only time it is even appropriate to use physical violence is if a girl is acting like Lorena Bobbitt or trying to kill you.

There are two deal breakers in friendship for me. Physical violence against your loved one and being two-faced with me unjustly.

I knew she wasnt lying to me as I have a good BS detector. And in the past he has shown signs he could be really vicious if angry.

BTW the guy is a Libra Sun, Pisces Moon, Leo Mars.

To Be Continued..

I was fuming so bad I wanted to come over to their place and beat the living hell out of him.

But I got calm again and just listened to her. I told her I felt upset and betrayed. And what he did to her was unacceptable.

I said I would pretend to be cool with him. But that I would be keeping my distance from him at this point on.

I made a vague FB post that night venting my anger. Just saying that if you suspect somebody of doing the worst thing imaginable that they havent given you reason to before, you are just mirroring the worst traits in your own character. The girl caught the dig and liked my post. So did her mom.

Backtrack again on the mom. Her mom messaged me at beginning of december thanking me for getting the tickets for her daughter. We started trading messages and got alone well, so she friend requested me.

Anyway, I made a post about my late mother since it was the anniversary of her passing. Girl's mom complimented me on my mother raising me to be a nice young man.

I shrugged it off with a joke saying "dont let people know that. According to certain people, I am a douche with no morals" 2nd dig at friend.

A few days later I go onto FB to find he has unfriended me. I made a post anonymously addressing him that I was glad he was gone and that I didn't appreciate the way he treated my friend.

Girl's mom commented saying anonymously he had unfriended her as well. I messaged her and asked what was going on. She told me that my former male friend had told the girl he was sending the mom an email stating to stay out of their affairs. Cause apparently girl had talked to the mom.

Then she said he wanted the girl to no longer communicate at all with mom through email. Even though they are breaking up. He is still staying there till he gets situated in the new place.

Then the mom starts unloading all the times the guy had been emotionally and minorly physically abusive to her daughter. That he tells her what friends she can have. And that she'll do things that he wants to do. But he has no interest in stuff she wants to do. And how the girl has been carrying the load financially for most of the relationship. He is like a poor version of Kevin Federline.

The mom and the dad were concerned for girl. But relieved that she finally is walking away for now. Girl is hunting for her own place.

I got more horrified and outraged than I did before. I told mom I would keep an eye on her

Back away slowly, man...this sounds like a complicated situation.

daughter. And make sure no more crap happens to her.

Mom thanked me for being a good friend. So I have been focused on keeping her spirits up. Sent her an E-Card congratulating her on the promotion. And just trying to be there as a friend.

I am going to get her a nice unromantic rose for Valentine's Day along with cake to ease the sting of being single on that day. Along with a card offering words of encouragement to keep on the path she is going.

I want her to get in a good place mentally first and have time to be on her own. Being her friend is the #1 priority. I'm not going to lie, Istill feel a kinship with her due to the mutual interests we have. But being a friend and making sure she is well and safe comes first.

I may talk to her sometime in the next 3 months when she feels she is centered again and ready to date. And see if there is something between us. If not, it is no big deal as I am still her friend at the end of the day.

Tiziani -

This isn't the movies, so your analogy is crap. Two, as far as getting his side of the story, let me throw you this little gem.

The guy has a gay female friend. It is his friend, not the girls. She messages me out of the blue the exact same day as I got the confession from the girl. We had been communicating through FB as we got on well sharing the same sense of humor and interest.

She asked how I am handling this situation. Then goes onto mention she is distancing herself from the guy. Cause she witnessed not one but THREE different instances of guy being controlling or abusive.

It was hard for her cause they have been friends for a long time. But she finds his behavior unacceptable.

Remember this is HIS FRIEND. She never has hung out with his girlfriend. And she is strictly gay and happily engaged so there is no agenda on on her part.

So when a friend of your own friend tells you that, dont you think that is a major red flag?

I dont want to "bang" her. I did feel after the admission of him trash-talking me, never addressing his feelings along with the accusations of physical abuse from 3 different people did free me in a way.

I am behind her as a friend first. I doubt if Ill actually address the whole "do we like each other more than friends" as her friendship is more important.

The only snake movements are coming from you. Those who are quick to judge are generally guilty of the same behavior they are judging. I wasn't quick to judge to my ex friend, I had three different people confirm his behavior. The benefit of the doubt goes out the window after that.

I pretty much agree with Tiz. OP, you sound intrusive and you put yourself in a position you had no place in which to be. You were private messaging this dude's girl? HELLO?!

But, you knew better. Your dick did the thinking for you and all this yap about psychical violence and moral outrage are just reasons to further insert yourself. Shit like this are why snakes get shot, prison time don't mean shit in this context. I hope you RUN LIKE YOUR ASS IS ON FIRE from this situation and never again repeat it. It don't matter if your female 'friend' plays the ultimate damsel in distress (set-up, 90% of of the time) or if your good intentions/morals shield you from the shit-stirring you're doing.

Your friend is passive, I woulda been whooped your ass by now.

Your novella boils down to this... You can't make this sound casual enough, but it's a little too studied.

Posted by ZenArcade
...a nice unromantic rose for Valentine's Day....

We've seen right through you I'm afraid.
Sorry to sound so skeptical, but I really think you need to be a little more honest with yourself about your intentions?
Good luck either way working this out, it sounds like a lot of worry and trouble.

Do u have a cliff notes version of all this?