Don't men chase women anymore?

Seems like men want the women to do all the initating these days. Nothing wrong with that later in the relationship but I feel if a man wants a woman he will go after her. Thoughts?

Its not a matter of being "DIRECT" my Venus in Aries...leaves NO room for uncertainty..
If I'm feelin you, they gotta be ready for the overflow of my feelings for them and the complete possession that comes along with it. ONLY after he's WORKED his tail off for my attention & affections.

Ladies you GET what you allow. Don't be crazy to chase a man, you'll only be rewarding their bad behavior.
IF they are not Chasing you, they're chasing another woman who is NOT putting up with their BS.

I do the chasing! gotta thank that particular fire placement out of all the water!

I'm going to say now what I said a few months ago on a similar thread.


If the premise is that a man is suppose to chase in order to prove himself or that he wants someone...doesn't the same standard apply to women?

Posted by SweetLibra

Posted by Mr. Defense
I respect initiative, I don't respect women who take on the men role. Last week at a bar, one of the hostess came up and introduced herself to me. She told me her name and ask for mine. That's inactive. A woman setting the pace and trying to pick me up is awkward.

I said this before. Men do not like when women approach them or ask them out. They say they do, but I don't believe it.

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Sweet Libra...are you trying to bait me into an argument? We went through this before 😉 muah

For me personally I'll chase a women I really like long as she doesn't make it seem like she's playing games or playing hard to get.....

You might say what I said just contracted itself not really... See if you ignore 50% or more of my phone calls... Im not calling you even if you want me to. How am I supposed to know you want me to if you fucking ignore all of them. Just like Mr.Defense, who I rarely agree with I might add, I don't like to waste my time. You want me to chase you? Then make it obvious you do by being receptive to my attempts and responding rather than ignoring in a vain attempt to bait me to keep coming. Why do I like you? Probably cause your sweet to me and I like what we have to talk about BUT if I rarely get to talk with you and you always ignore my calls I will definitely think otherwise. Im an Aqua your lucky if I chase you at all lol.

And there is nothing wrong in my opinion with a women being direct as well... Sorry mister Mr.defence but I don't mind 😉 I like it when a lady knows what she wants sometimes it can come as a surprise but I will never ever say I don't like that. All I know is you wanna play hard to get fine but you have to remember your a female... You should respond to a males initations as the initiator.

^^^hmm if I thought chasing this one girl would make her fall in love I would do the same lol!! Im sure he did not ignore correct??

Oh I know she likes me... I talked with her enough to know... It's either a) Im not done with school yet and neither is she or b) she likes to control people with mind games. I always got the vibe right from the beginning that she was trying to do stuff to get a rise out of me. I never took the bait at first but when I finally did poof all the sudden she has nothing to do with me ^.^ that's the kinda BS Im talking about. Ehh w/e she is a scorpio so probably I just don't really understand her or something. Something tells me after I haven't contacted her for long enough Im going to be mysteriously contacted by her with some absurd reason to do so just to save face.... She is really pretty and smart and actually really a nice person from what I can tell... But these goddamn games are not nice! LoL and why the hell are they even necessary. Does she feel intimidated or something ^.^? Like I really don't get it to be honest and Im at the point where I just don't give a flip anymore... This has been going in for to long now.

on*

i think it's sexy when a man chases the woman & she plays a little hard to get. it builds up the sexual tension & it gives them time to learn about eachother & what kind of person you're dealing with... and if you should even continue pursuing or allowing him to pursue you.
now or days people are just so easy, and straightforward .... where's the fun in that ?

My thoughts are that men should make the first initiative. If a woman is receptive she should respond in kind and not play head games or "hard to get". It's already tough enough for a man to take that first step (for some anyway). A man should feel that the woman does like him and she can show that without being overly aggressive. I've been told by one man that if a woman wants to go out he doesn't ask them "he" normally does the asking. I said cool and went on my merry way because I wasn't jumping on that bandwagon. Other men have told me that if they want to get to know someone they always take the first initiative--that they don't mind "chasing". I don't mind intiating things after he's taken the first step to show him I'm interested,but as far as doing all the calling and making dates, etc. in the beginning stages of getting to know someone--no.

Posted by LoveeStoned
i think it's sexy when a man chases the woman & she plays a little hard to get. it builds up the sexual tension & it gives them time to learn about eachother & what kind of person you're dealing with... and if you should even continue pursuing or allowing him to pursue you.
now or days people are just so easy, and straightforward .... where's the fun in that ?

I agree with this! Nothing should be so easy and as long as she's showing interest in his pursuit...

Posted by LIBRA1234
There are a lot of holes in your explanation. Is she dating anyone else? do you think if you go ahead with the chase you have a high chance of her responding in a good way?

That is the biggest mystery of them all.... She almost talks to no one at school of the opposite sex... AND she even told me how she moved out of her boyfriends place two years ago after she moved down here with him. She also said she stays ALONE at her apartment lol. And yet when I finally confront her about how she feels which in hindsight was stupid but her response seems just as stupid... She claims she does have a boyfreind!!! and even gets some guy to call me on her phone... BUT he didn't seem that upset that I had been talking to her this whole time. She gave me her number lol I never asked for it and we even scheduled classes together for this semester so.... You tell me.

At first sure she seemed receptive to my advances... definitely NEVER let me know I was barking up the wrong tree... But this whole rarely answering the phone and responding to text messages is bull lol. She would come to class and act like nothing happened ^.^? I dunno what to tell you; the wholes in the story are ones I would like filled too.

Some women like the attention, they play around with another guy because they feel insecure in their own relationship and enjoy seeing that "hey I could totally have him... if I was single." I got several guy-friends who have been in that situation. They would tell me "but things aren't going well with her boyfriend". That's bullshit. In the end, it was always just a rough patch and they would be completely fine with their boyfriends a month later.

And by the way my best friend is a scorpio, too, and she would be exactly like those girls. She likes the attention, but it doesn't mean she will ever want anything more than that!

LoL look I'm fine if she INFACT had one guys... SHE never made that clear till I made her make it clear about what she thought of me period. You think I would be calling and texting a girl I knew had a boyfriend? It's the fact that she never mentioned it and even agreed to go on a date or two with me... Had I known she had a boyfriend the whole time I would not have pursued her at all in anyway. It's the fact that she let me do it and never told me that she did??

That's what makes me wonder if she even really does have a boyfriend or not... And even to this day in class this semester she seems to do stuff every now and then to catch my damn attention. But who knows maybe it's all in my head I just think that for me to be way off about it would mean I'd have to be dilusional seriously ^.^?

Posted by CluelessCancer
I don't care for men who chase for the thrill and not for a long term commitment...i guess it's better to be a bit reserved..and kind of figure one another out..until you both want to chase one another.

+1

Posted by SweetLibra

Posted by Mr. Defense
I respect initiative, I don't respect women who take on the men role. Last week at a bar, one of the hostess came up and introduced herself to me. She told me her name and ask for mine. That's inactive. A woman setting the pace and trying to pick me up is awkward.

I said this before. Men do not like when women approach them or ask them out. They say they do, but I don't believe it.

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Ditto. Sure, they like the ego boost but rarely does anything come out of it. You can say we are living in modern times and all that, but men are men and women are women. You do lose some respect because men wonder about how many other men you've asked out or hit on. They may think you are "easy" or desperate. Same thing if you give up the goods too soon, the man will lose respect for you and not treat you as relationship material. But then again, I am a traditional girl.

God coming up and introducing yourself doesn't mean your jumping in my lap.
I like initiating anyways so whatever I just think games are retarded...
Why make a man wonder what your really like when you can just show him?
Playing overly hard to get just raises a lot of questions...
I can live the rest of my life alone instead of living with some chick who needed to have her precious ego stroked constantly for reassurance...

Who needs that ^.^?

If it is just playful in a flirtatious kinda way well then that's different I suppose.
I dunno the whole thing just seems dumb to me if it isn't done right.

I just read in a book on relationships, that it is the man's role to take the initiative and it is the woman's role to be receptive (which encourages him to take initiative).

This book, called Mars and Venus on a Date, states that when those roles are reversed, the relationship gets started out on the wrong foot. It says in order for the man to develop interest in the woman and for that interest to turn into feelings, then he must be the one persuing the woman. In order for the woman to develop healthy feelings and trust, then she must feel that he is willing to make sure she knows he is there for her (evidently, persuing her makes her feel he will do whatever it takes to win him over).

Sounds like very old fashioned advice, but it does make sense.

*win HER over.

^^^valid point truecap one I won't contest... Just I think being selectively receptive to someone you want to be around in the attempt to draw them in more is not exactly a healthy way to go about things.

But hey I always like a challenge 😉

Posted by truecap
I just read in a book on relationships, that it is the man's role to take the initiative and it is the woman's role to be receptive (which encourages him to take initiative).

This book, called Mars and Venus on a Date, states that when those roles are reversed, the relationship gets started out on the wrong foot. It says in order for the man to develop interest in the woman and for that interest to turn into feelings, then he must be the one persuing the woman. In order for the woman to develop healthy feelings and trust, then she must feel that he is willing to make sure she knows he is there for her (evidently, persuing her makes her feel he will do whatever it takes to win him over).

Sounds like very old fashioned advice, but it does make sense.

Sometimes the old fashioned things work better. I totally agree with this. I like for the man to pursue. I also let him know that he doesn't have to do all the work once we're in a relationship. A man likes to feel as if he's wanted as well yanno. The trick is to ensure he feels wanted without being smothered. He gives, I give. Simple.

The user who posted this message has hidden it.

Woman chase man now=D

Posted by msmarilynmanson
who cares who chases? as a woman, you see something you like and go for it. it might work, it might not. sometimes you have to take one for the team *shruggs lol

^^^He can do that too. When I've been the initiator I'm told I'm too aggressive. So I said fuck it; if they won't pursue fuck them and on to the next one.

Posted by msmarilynmanson

Posted by GemStar05

Posted by msmarilynmanson
who cares who chases? as a woman, you see something you like and go for it. it might work, it might not. sometimes you have to take one for the team *shruggs lol

^^^He can do that too. When I've been the initiator I'm told I'm too aggressive. So I said fuck it; if they won't pursue fuck them and on to the next one.

ha! they pulled the too aggressive card huh? its a shame we cant just get what we want. smh

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Screw that! I'm with you! I love a girl who goes for what they want but then it's a fight of who gets to be on top!

Posted by truecap
I just read in a book on relationships, that it is the man's role to take the initiative and it is the woman's role to be receptive (which encourages him to take initiative).

This book, called Mars and Venus on a Date, states that when those roles are reversed, the relationship gets started out on the wrong foot. It says in order for the man to develop interest in the woman and for that interest to turn into feelings, then he must be the one persuing the woman. In order for the woman to develop healthy feelings and trust, then she must feel that he is willing to make sure she knows he is there for her (evidently, persuing her makes her feel he will do whatever it takes to win him over).

Sounds like very old fashioned advice, but it does make sense.

I'm sorry but that book is apply blanket ideology to specific individuals. It simply doesn't make sense. Its like trying to open a door that has a combination lock using a key. You have to figure our the combination. Hence the getting to know phase. All that book shows is the fact that most relationships don't get started or last for different reasons...including incompatibility. It has nothing to do with who initiates or "chases." The premise of the book can be applied to both sexes equally because we both feel the same emotions but express them differently. Heck, every guy want to feel that his woman will do what it takes to win him over. But since society has taught him to chase because he operates on "instincts" when it comes to dating, he's adverse to a woman chasing him. The same applies to women. Telling them that a man is supposed to chase actually serves them up to be a victim and takes away their freedom to be a woman. Whether chasing or chased, it really boils down to the type of person you're trying to date. If they're not right for you...

Posted by Marrakesha
Nope. Both men and women want shit to come easy. Neither one wants to put in any work. It's pathetic and uninspiring to say the least.

They don't have to. Not when women are serving themselves up on a silver platter for free.
Now that's pathetic. I suppose when those type of women realize they are throwbacks, they will refrain and history will repeat itself and men will come forward again.(?) There are some good guys left, but you won't find them among shallow or fake people.

I also agree with if there is a "connection"..the eye contact, smile etc.. If I feel that, I'll approach in a subtle manner. It only takes me a few minutes to know if the guy wants to get laid by the conversation and eye contact during the conversation. If it's just a hump..I keep walking.😢

Posted by beautifulsoul74

Posted by truecap
I just read in a book on relationships, that it is the man's role to take the initiative and it is the woman's role to be receptive (which encourages him to take initiative).

This book, called Mars and Venus on a Date, states that when those roles are reversed, the relationship gets started out on the wrong foot. It says in order for the man to develop interest in the woman and for that interest to turn into feelings, then he must be the one persuing the woman. In order for the woman to develop healthy feelings and trust, then she must feel that he is willing to make sure she knows he is there for her (evidently, persuing her makes her feel he will do whatever it takes to win him over).

Sounds like very old fashioned advice, but it does make sense.

I'm sorry but that book is apply blanket ideology to specific individuals. It simply doesn't make sense. Its like trying to open a door that has a combination lock using a key. You have to figure our the combination. Hence the getting to know phase. All that book shows is the fact that most relationships don't get started or last for different reasons...including incompatibility. It has nothing to do with who initiates or "chases." The premise of the book can be applied to both sexes equally because we both feel the same emotions but express them differently. Heck, every guy want to feel that his woman will do what it takes to win him over. But since society has taught him to chase because he operates on "instincts" when it comes to dating, he's adverse to a woman chasing him. The same applies to women. Telling them that a man is supposed to chase actually serves them up to be a victim and takes away their freedom to be a woman. Whether chasing or chased, it really boils down to the type of person you're trying to date. If they're not right for you...

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When it takes more effort, doesn't it make you like her more? If she were putting out all the effort, would you appreciate her as much or would you take her for granted?

Not how I would prefer them too.

Maybe its the city Im in, but these guys are very afraid of rejection...or maybe they're just "not into me like that" but I keep running into guys that are into the subtle pursuit. They'll pursue for months, or even a year, but in ways where I can never tell if they really like me. To me, that's not being chased....however, one guy did say "you just dont get it."

I like aggressive guys that know what they want and go after it with no fear, but then I also like a little strategy. I have yet to run into that guy.