How is This Dishonest?

I was having a discussion with a female co-worker about health and since I am in my late 30's I have to be more diligent in my regards to that.

She was shocked to find I was in my late 30's as according to her I look more like I am in my late 20s. She got into a deeper discussion and ask if I ever been married. Told her no.

Told her I am trying to date women in my age range but it is hard as most of them are already taken or single moms.

And that I tend to attract 20 something women when I have gone out in the day or at night rather than women my age.

She got nosier asking how do I handle my age since I am in my late 30's. Basically if I bring it up. I told her I dont unless I am asked. As until we have discussions about getting serious I dont feel it is an urgent thing

She said I should be transparent with the girl from the start since I am not on a dating app which lists age. Otherwise in her words "it's a bait and switch" that due to the fact I look younger I am misleading the women I date. As lot of women in their 20s may feel late 30's is too old for them

I feel I am doing nothing wrong as I will disclose my age if asked But since I am only casually dating I shouldnt have to volunteer that information unless again im asked or we are talking about getting serious.

Am I wrong? I cant control looking younger than I am and sure as hell aint going to wear a sign saying "over 30 and dirty"

I would love to date 30 something women if there were actual singles ones in my area . But there is not so I am making due with what I have which is mid late 20 somethings.

Again, I am not roping anyone into anything. If they ask me I tell them. But for whatever reason I am not asked.

I dont feel I should volunteer my age unless that person wants to get serious. Then at tht apoint I will give full disclosure on age

@thatlibralife - LOL Yeah she is a unhappily married woman from what I know. I think there is slight resentment from her end on people who are my age that are single never been married and no kids. I just laughed it off but thought her line of thinking borders on ridiculous and resentful

Posted by slowdive80

Told her I am trying to date women in my age range but it is hard as most of them are already taken or single moms.

I feel I am doing nothing wrong as I will disclose my age if asked But since I am only casually dating I shouldnt have to volunteer that information unless again im asked or we are talking about getting serious.

Am I wrong? I cant control looking younger than I am and sure as hell aint going to wear a sign saying "over 30 and dirty"

No your not wrong.

But in that same vein... don't get upset if your dating a woman who waits to tell you she's a single mom when you both talk about getting serious.

If that would upset you, spending time on someone where if you would have know upfront they have kids you would've walked away, then yes your in the wrong. Because you are basically doing the same ish that would upset you if the shoe was on the other foot.

Posted by tiziani

Whichever way we want to word it

"casually dating" to "getting serious later"

or roping someone into it, it's the same thing.

If your coworker is hating on you that's a shame.

But she made a valid point "As lot of women in their 20s may feel late 30's is too old for them" - these are the women you want to filter out from the start. Because it's your time.

Yep. Just like he filters out the single moms from the start.

Let me make this clear - no girl ever asks me. All they have to do is ask and I will be more than happy to disclose my age.

I wouldnt be upset if a single mom came out to me with having kids. But she has no right to be be upset if I told her I didnt want to get serious after that. Just like I couldnt be if a girl thought I was too old for her.

I am not against dating single moms if the kid is grown up and out of the house. But otherwise I am not interested in raising a family.

All these girls have to do ask me directly or have the "where is this going?" conversation I dont want to waste someones time for a serious relationship.

All it takes is just ask. I'm also up front with a girl if I dont think of them as long term relationship material if they want to get serious.

Im open to being in relationship with a younger woman provided she is at least 25 and up. And shows she is mature beyond her years on a emotional level.

As long as open communication is involved, then I feel like Im doing no harm here

@littlestar -

I relate to that I took care of a relative for years and I have no interest in taking care of someone else.

Besides if people really did the homework on how bad climate change really is they wouldnt be having kids either.

The thing is I have been mistaken for being younger than I am since I was a teen My parents both have genetics where they looked younger than they were. I think what also played a factor is that I never was a drinker or smoker. Never did any drugs. Because all of that can cause your appearance to age faster as well

I still have a bit of a baby face so I can see why people think Im in my late 20's

I dont see the issue though as far as relationship with if a girl Im dating is from 27 and up and is cool about not having kids.

If you are going to date an old timer anyway, dont you want one who no baggage like prior marriages and no kids?

Look if I met an attractive 38 or 39 year old who has no kids, and she had her personal crap together, I would be trying like crazy to lock that down on exclusive contract

But the problem is women in that age range who are single dont exist in the place I live. And neither does single women in their early 30's They are all snatched up

So again I have to make due with what is out there.

Lol she’s not dating you she doesn’t need to tell you what to do.

If you think and feel like what is right, you do your own thing

Dont worry guys I tell a girl if she wants to get serious that I never want kids so I dont waste her time.

Younger women have always been attracted to me instead of people my own age since i can remember. When i was in high school if i was a junior, it was the freshmen girls that were interested. If I was a college freshman it was the high school senior girls who liked me - (went to a small college in a small town if that helps) Now currently its 21-24 year olds

I remember I approached a girl who looked to be in my age group at a lounge She politely rejected me and laughed it off saying i was only 20 something years old. Told her my age and she still didnt believe me I showed her my id and she said it had to be fake since it was out of state (even though i just moved here at the toe)

I already resigned myself to the fact that if i get serious with a girl she will always be much younger than me. Women in my age group just want nothing to do with my babyface a--

@the_verdictofkiki -

Yeah, I can see in retrospect how may that come across as bragging. Even though it was meant as a lament that I can never date in my age range.

Problem is the place I live in is full of 20 somethings. All the late 20 gals are snatched and thirtysomethings are married or single moms.

I am trying to move to a city that is more helpful in terms of being able to date 27-35.

But for now it is frustrating. Ive never returned any girl's interest that looks like she is under the age of 21.

But if it is 21 and she knows up front I am not looking for anything serious, I dont see the problem. Old enough to drink is old enough to think in my view I usually only go out with the fun loving party girl types since they are usually not seeking a commitment.

I'm very cautious in terms of using both condoms and spermicidal inserts. Having a unplanned pregnancy is my worst nightmare

If you asked me 5 years ago if I would even bother with a 22 yr old I would have said hell no. But then I moved here and desperation is high when living in a college town so :p