How to handle this Aquarius male?

Hi,

After 8 months of being best friends, my married Aquarius friend told me that he loved me and intended to leave his wife so that we could be together. The romance was there, flowers and everything. He had secured an apartment, had an appointment with the divorce lawyer, and had shuffled money around. His parents knew everything (except the part about me). We made many plans, including getting married and living in the country (which we both love).

Ten days later he abruptly announced that the guilt and anguish were killing him and that he decided that he needed to stay put and focus on his marriage. So he is staying with his room-temp-IQ wife who has the personality of a tree.

I love this man and am devastated. In typical Aquarian fashion he asked if we could still be friends. He has called daily, but I haven't answered --- I have nothing civil to say to him right now but probably will eventually.

This is my first Aquarian love interest. Any comments or suggestions?

Thanks.

CC

Yes, I agree -- married men are off limits. We Cappies are "good girls" and respect the tradition of marriage and all of that. This was not planned by either of us; things just evolved. As his best friend, he confided in me quite a bit and he had never committed adultery, although he had been tempted to leave her once before when things got really bad at home. Also, there was no sex involved whatsoever -- he kept saying, "Wait til this ring comes off!"

The above details don't change the big picture but may help flesh things out a bit.

Thanks for your feedback.

how to handle an aquarius male? who cares anyway :-P

All good points Scorpiogoat and i agree 100% ... especially about the stereotyping!

Well, ScorpioGoat, you are one smart lady. You've hit the nail right on the head!

Over the weekend I had a consultation with a professional astrologer. She said that my friend is incredibly conflicted: Aquarius is all about making their own rules and doing what they want, but he has a lot of Capricorn in his chart, which signifies a strong sense of responsibility and "doing the right thing." With his Venus in Capricorn, she has no doubt that I looked really good to him; in fact, she said that I had "sprinkled fairy dust on this guy." All of this ties in with my experience: We have (or had) an incredible bond.

It is indeed a sad situation; as I said earlier, I am heartbroken. But all of this objectivity helps me to put things into perspective.

Thanks again for your responses.

If you end up with him he will do to you what he is doing to his wife. Save yourself some heartache and shut him out.

Aquarians suffer deeply from guilt...its just plain awful. (thats my expereinnce at least 😛)

I have no intention to deter you from your awful situation.

I have three siblings, all aquarius. My older brother was living with a Taurus for 6 years and they always held off marriage for several reasons. Recently, he left the Taurus and MARRIED a Capricorn. His way about doing it seemed kind of cold and inconsiderate, but my brother had expressed to me that he fell for this cap girl who had a nice way of talking and loved him almost obsessively, whereas it seemed so mature and final with his Taurus. After leaving the Taurus, he often talked about how he missed her and felt bad for her, but he also loved his new Capricorn differently and she made him feel like a bigger person. Looking at the relationship now, my brother hasn't really changed (in behaviour/routine), but I do get along with the Capricorn a bit better than the Taurus. Her family is also nicer. The Taurus' retribution has become scary as well... and I'm a Scorpio. Talking to her now, it's ridiculous how much went into turning a cheek to all the problems (she held back so much that it all came back as negatives when this went down). The Cap is the usual cap, sometimes you need your space from them since they are so switched on constantly. Luckily for him, my brother is less considerate than I am and easily sends her off to do something when he needs private time. I assume she has a shorter memory than myself or the Taurus, so it should work for her.

My brother has these habits where he will buy electronics and then feel bad if it's less than what he wanted or if something better comes out. There's a lot of regret there I think and it's something he lives with until the absolute breaking point. I've made it a point to make sure he holds off on purchases if I know there's something better coming out, or if he just plain doesn't need it. He seems to share my "highest standard" philosophy, but he always manages to justify the impulse purchase because it's a good deal. I usually have to say "You wouldn't buy 500 boxes of band-aids because they were half-off wouldja?" In that sense, I think his logic usually excludes the bigger picture, which is a problem. I suspect he applies the same perception towards women, which is why I think they would need some outside viewer to help them out there. My advice, he has to consider the bigger picture and see what will make him truly happy/satisfied in the longrun and not what will make him feel less guilty now. You too. Ever wonder if people stay together just to avoid the mess of the break-up? Bad idea.

Note, my sis-in-law was aware of his relationship with the Taurus before she became a part of the picture too. No offense, but it's kinda a repeating pattern in my experience with Capricorns, even ones in relationships.

Just to add more notes to complicate things needlessly... Love isn't always as exclusive as we'd all like it to be. I doubt anyone is saying the man doesn't love his wife and naturally, like all things of emotion, the amount you invest into it determines its intensity. That being said, you can't always work out your emotions with logic. My brother has often said to me that the mind can overcome (whatever mental scorpio problems I was having at the time), but I have always come out from my decisions in the longhaul with no regrets. You have to follow your heart first, it will tell you if you are on the right track. Even as you are working things out, your heart should be what's pushing you through it, not the guilt. That'll just lead to regret if you can't completely reverse it.

It was his decision to work it out. That's great, however, he might find it's not for him. Hopefully he isn't doing it out of guilt. There's a difference between being unhappy and being bored in a relationship... sometimes there's just no problem to work out and people just have to try something out before they know if it's for them. This is me being objective here, pulling from experience of my siblings... I'm sure I might see it differently if I was labelling you as a homewrecker and you were shutting down for your own piece of mind, but I'm neither a woman nor married, so I won't pretend to understand that point of view. All I know is some things are wrong by essence and others by human-made conventions. This is a gray area where what's right is up to the perception and beliefs of the person.

Personally, I'm not saying you should interfere, I'm just saying you shouldn't completely dash your own hopes by disconnecting yourself completely and condemn him by taking away his options with you (you obviously patch a void in his life). You could still be friends. With three aqua siblings, my estimation is that they are really good at preparation, preservation, and survival, but they're missing something when it comes to applying that stuff towards emotional issues and needs where being too smart just has to let being happy take the wheel.

"My brother has these habits where he will buy electronics and then feel bad if it's less than what he wanted or if something better comes out. There's a lot of regret there I think and it's something he lives with until the absolute breaking point. I've made it a point to make sure he holds off on purchases if I know there's something better coming out, or if he just plain doesn't need it."

-it's funny that you say this...because i sometimes wonder if aquarius men are like this with the women in their lives...it is a great metaphor!
do they string a woman along until something better (or what they think is something better) comes along...and then regret the decision either way—

hey, so i wrote that after reading the rest of your post, waterphoenix...LOL!!!
i think it could be true that aqua men tend to do that with women as well...

also, i do believe they have a lot of regrets because they do not follow their heart, as you had said also. they need to learn to listen to their heart, even if it is only once i a while...because their heart will lead them in the right direction most of the time.

No matter what his sign; he's married and has too much baggage. When you meet someone, you want someone whole and happily single, the same place where yourself should be.

My boyfriend is an Aquarius and I have never been with someone that is so impulsive in my life. I call him my dreamer🙂 I love that about him but his ideals are kindof non conventional and he never thinks things through. When I read what you wrote I cant help but shake my head because I know what you mean. In his perfect world with no consequences he would leave his wife for you but when push comes to shove and reality settles in he finally starts thinking of the consequences. Its quite funny how they are.

I am sorry this happened to you and that you are hurting by the way😢 However with that said he is married and you can't expect anything good to come out of this kind of relationship.In the long run I promise you will be happier that it didn't work out. Good luck to you though

give him lots and lots of room. they get stifled extremely easily and will leave as soon as their freedom is threatened. if you are a water or earth sign be prepared for a lot of heartache and not as much intimacy as you want.