Is My Taurus Lover Over His Ex??

Hello, i'm new here..But i don't really have anybody to talk to about my man problems cause i'm always with my boyfriend. He's a Taurus, We have been together for almost 3years, except for maybe 1 week when,I visited my sister... Don't get me wrong i love him to death and he's very sweet, most of the time. But here is where my question come into this... His ex left him 6 months before we got together. but 1 yr after, she wants to come home, but she never comes.. Now her clothes and a lot of other different items are still to his house, that she never picked up...He has emails of naked pic's from her that he get from time to time that i'm always deleting. But he doesn't understand why i'm so bothered that her things are still at his place and he doesn't seem like he plan on getting them out.. That's all we ever really fuss about. But am i wrong to want to really know if he over her, or not, Does it sound like he holding on to a part of her by still having her things in his house, after she been gone for over 3years?? I'm very sure of this because i live with him and he doesn't go anywhere without me.. We like glue, we really hang out 24/7... Help me out here am i bugging, or do i have a right to feel some type of about my situation—

Red flags that point in that direction.

1) a lot of other different items are still at his house
2) He has emails of naked pic's from her that he get from time to time
3) he doesn't seem like he plan on getting them items out
4) Selfishness, seems uninterested in compromising, also reluctant to empathize.

I don't think there really is a problem that can't be resolved but before you try to resolve the situation you have to be clear about what kind of relationship you have with him. Are you 100% certain you 2 are in an exclusive monogamous relationship? And have you ever discussed emotional affairs? Have you expressed to him that his behavior is a deal breaker or are you assuming that he should stop because you need and want him to?

Something tells me he's not really all that serious about you, in other words you're with him but he's not with you, also you've tolerated poor treatment thus you non-verbally communicated to him that although you'll complain, express anger & delete pictures you'll pretty much tolerate the behavior, in other words you'll STAY despite it all therefore the behavior doesn't stop.

If you're unwilling to walk away from blatant disrespect then you can't expect him to respect you, once a guy know he can disrespect you and get away with it, his attraction dissolves and he pretty much will not stop looking for his happiness through another person or more than one person, he'll continue to do what makes him feel good even if what he's doing brings you a lot of discomfort/pain.

Raise your standards, don't negotiate unless you're willing to over look his behavior, he know he's disrespecting you and the more you put up with the disrespect the less attraction he feels for you which actually encourages him to cheat emotionally and once that happens it's all downhill so it's a lose lose situation, let him know that the behavior has to stop now or it's done, see if he'll meet your standard and if he doesn't then you may want to consider moving on, if it's too hard to leave then slowly lower him as a priority in your life until you can move on completely.

You could see it as his fantasy like porn and just leave it alone, let him have his thrill, he's with you not her but it's really up to you but whatever you do STOP ARGUING because when you do that you appear unattractive and insecure and you make her look like the better option which is another reason why the behavior hasn't stopped.

Thank you both very much and i understand both of your points. Its just that he tells me he doesn't have pic's of her, but i'm always finding them. And yes that makes me very uncomfortable, because why would he lie about having the pic's to began with?? It makes me feel like he trying to hold on to her. He says she destroyed him when she left, him, she fucked his best friend and sent his male family members nude pic's of her as well... So why would he want to hang on to the items of a cheating stripper?? She took all his money, he almost lost his house behind her, she did so many terrible things to him, yet he holding on to her things?? That confuses me...

Is lying a deal breaker for you? If it is then you have to adhere to your standards but if it's not then you should probably leave it alone or just don't ask him so he won't be put into the position to lie to you. Some men like women that are uncontrollable, his objective is to control her which makes her more exciting, that's more of a male thing and maturity issue and has nothing to do with you, you're not as challenging because he has you, he know were you are, he don't have to feel uncertain or chase you so she yields a significant amount of power even after the break up, you'll have to get over that he loves her or challenge him to move her shit out by pulling back on your girlfriend duties until he can appreciate you more.

Posted by David13
Hello...

Taurus here. Personally, I don't think that you have anything to worry about... except for YOUR worrying about it. Worry is based on fear... not love. Keep this in mind for a moment.

I will agree with you that he has held on to these things for a long time... but for you to try and force him to get rid of his past, is only going to breed resentment in him... little by little. You have been together for 3 years ! This is not a trivial amount of time... only HE can decide when it is time to let go of HIS possessions. Maybe it would be a problem if he was constantly looking at these pictures you speak of... or sleeping with this woman's clothes... in which case, there would be reason for concern... but I am sure it is all in a box somewhere, right ? Let me ask YOU a question... how many things do you keep from YOUR past ? Does he concern himself with it ? Probably not. The past is what shaped you both, to be in the present in which you are in. The past... is what brought you together in the first place.

I would drop this subject with him right NOW. Don't worry about it... don't force it. HE is with YOU. It is a little selfish to try and change him to be what YOU need... and you will always be disappointed with the results. He will let these things go when HE decides. By your bringing it up all the time, you are drawing attention to it... YOU are essentially keeping his past in HIS present... delaying the time in which he opt to throw it all out. You also make yourself out to be a controlling person... which is something a Taurus does NOT want. If you love him, you must love him without condition. You see... you accepted everything (issues included) about him in the beginning... why is it difficult for you to accept everything about him now ?

He is not going anywhere... HE is with YOU... like glue.

+1

I actually agree with David (both posts).

Also, he is a taurus, so don't try and force him to remove the other persons stuff, because that stubborn trait in him will plant its hoofs and never budge.

Have you and he been living together long? have you known about her things at his house since even before you moved in? This may have been the time then to let him know in no uncertain terms that you would not be moving there if you have to share your space with the ex (speaking of her belongings)

I really believe he is into you, as you have mentioned it has been a 3 year relationship for which you two do everything practically together, and he hasn't acted like this is a problem or like he wants to sneak off to do his own thing. He seems to genuinely be into "You two together" and you did say you always delete the nasty pics of her, and other than voicing his non understanding of your attitude about it, he does not seem to be overly angered, or bothered by your doing it so....

I believe that he does have issues to deal with stemming from that breakup, or actually, not about the breakup, but the things she put him through. We all deal with stuff in different ways.

I really think he will let go of these things in time, but it likely won't be because you insisted...that won't work, he is too stubborn. I also think he really does care about you, and about the relationship in general.


May I ask your sun sign...might help us better understand how you react to things, and maybe we can give advice on how you can handle this in a way where you are also happy. Because it is a relationship, and compromise only makes sense when both parties will come out of it okay, so your feelings really are important too.

Posted by Sometimes4me

We have been together for almost 3years

i live with him and he doesn't go anywhere without me.. We like glue, we really hang out 24/7...

I want to know what's up with you?

Why are you so insecure?

If a person wanted to dig around and snoop, I'm sure they could come up with evidence that you have had other men in your life. Certainly, you still possess something that belonged to each one of those men.

The problem isn't with him. The problem is you, and you being insecure.


From what you've described, the only thing wrong with the relationship is your doubts, mistrust, insecurity, fear ... you are looking for somethign to be wrong.

and the question remains ... why?

Um, seems like it's not him who's still obsessed with his ex- but his ex who's still obsessed with him if anything. I'd be bothered about her still sending him naked pictures, that I can see would be a bit hurtful. About the clothes though, I wouldn't worry too much. They may remind him of his past, a token of a memory or a past feeling that he doesn't want to forget. It may be that he's already let go of her entirely but doesn't want to let the memory of what once was slip his mind, because it quite possibly could have made him who he is today.
I'm with a Taurus now also, and if he's been with you for three years- trust me darling, he's in love with -you-. It's understandable that you're a little bit freaked out by the pictures-I get that. I'm a Scorp, and I understand the whole...uncomfortableness at the possibility that he could be looking at his ex naked. Take it from someone who's practiced a lot to get rid of this defect- don't be paranoid. If you're mind is running in circles playing over possible scenarios- DON'T listen to it. Focus on the present, focus on the fact that he's with you. -ENJOY- The present, or else you're paranoia and constant questioning will make him tired, and you may CREATE just what you fear most.
He's been dedicated to you for three years, calm down. He loves you, and Taurus men are honest men.

My goodness, yall mean to tell me its normal to be with a man for 3yrs with his ex clothes still in his closet lol? I give up.

I guess its safe to assume if you still had your ex clothes in your closet and naked pictures of him on your phone he would totally understand. yea.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by Sometimes4me

We have been together for almost 3years

i live with him and he doesn't go anywhere without me.. We like glue, we really hang out 24/7...

I want to know what's up with you?

Why are you so insecure?

If a person wanted to dig around and snoop, I'm sure they could come up with evidence that you have had other men in your life. Certainly, you still possess something that belonged to each one of those men.

The problem isn't with him. The problem is you, and you being insecure.


From what you've described, the only thing wrong with the relationship is your doubts, mistrust, insecurity, fear ... you are looking for somethign to be wrong.

and the question remains ... why?

click to expand

I agree here...also another thing to consider is this...generally when a person goes snooping they will always fins something, and every little nothing will be magnified to look like something.

Thinking about P-angel's post above, the thought occured to me that perhaps even though he has these things, you may be the one actually looking at them and bothered by them more than he is. Perhaps, he never even thinks about the fact that stuff is there, and the pics are there until you bring them up.

I also agree with the op that said Taurus men are generally faithful as well as you should just enjoy the moment (now) and the dynamics of how well your relationship is in fact solid and happy. Don't let this backfile because it could very well snowball into your insistance about these things being what actually prompt his mind to revisit this time period (with the ex) hope this makes sense

Posted by lnana04
My goodness, yall mean to tell me its normal to be with a man for 3yrs with his ex clothes still in his closet lol? I give up.

I guess its safe to assume if you still had your ex clothes in your closet and naked pictures of him on your phone he would totally understand. yea.

Not exactly normal no. However, the time for her to speak on this should have been when they first decided to live together...might have made a huge difference. And I agree he most likely would not like it either. Taurus can be a bit jealous so I believe he would have verbalized his disapproval up front. She on the other hand did not do this.

at this point, she could however, gently ask him to tell her how he would feel if the situation was reversed. He might see it then, IDK?

I still believe he is geniune in this current relationship and with his feelings for her so I really don't know how to advise. Maybe if moving out for awhile is an option without jeopardizing what they have, he might see that he would much rather have her there then the ex's ghost (meaning her belongings, etc.)

Thanks guys you have all been a great help... Im done worrying now, because, Im here she's not, and we are happy together.

Posted by lnana04
My goodness, yall mean to tell me its normal to be with a man for 3yrs with his ex clothes still in his closet lol? I give up.

I guess its safe to assume if you still had your ex clothes in your closet and naked pictures of him on your phone he would totally understand. yea.

LOL Good post!

Nope nothing normal about it and yet she's normalizing this behavior by staying in the relationship so now what.

I've held on to items from past relationships. All relationships. Romantic, Friendly, Family. I mostly just don't want to forget some memory or lesson that I learned. It was a big mistake to have not made this an issue right from the beginning. You set the tone of the relationship, you can't change it now. At least not without a fight. If I were the Taurus in this relationship I would think- well it didn't bother you before, so why is it bothering you now? I would dig my heels in and not budge.

hello all...im back....well i did some thinkin, and i decided to try something different... See every morning i wake up and kiss him and say good morning. and at nite its the same thing. I finally realized this man has never walked up to me and said." i love you". He never says it unless i say it first......... Soooooooooo, for the past week, i haven't greeted him. kissed, or touched him. And he don't seem to notice or care. So, i'm giving it 1 more month, if he don't mention my change then, i'm leaving, i deserve better!!

And i'm an ARIES....SO 2013 I JUST MAYBE MOVING ON....

If i was in a relationship with a guy for 3 years her stuff WOULD NOT be hanging around the house, if he didn't remove it himself of his own free will then I would removed it and if he had a problem with that he could remove himself. As for the naked pics, once the second one arrived it would be coming behind my back as I walked out the door. The arrival of the first one would merely give him the opportunity to stop her from sending any more.

Posted by David13
only HE can decide when it is time to let go of HIS possessions.

But they are not HIS possessions, they are his ex girlfriends clothes. Holding on to small items from past relationships is normal and probably what most people do, holding onto someones clothes is not. I would find this very disrepectful. Apart from the fact that they are well out of fashion at this stage 🙂

Posted by David13
It is a little selfish to try and change him to be what YOU need

click to expand

True to an extent, however its more selfish IMO to not find out and give what the person you supposedly love needs. To ask that someone rids themselves of moth eaten clothing belonging to a former love is not selfish to me.

Personally I can't see him being Glued to her in any loving way, stuck to her 24/7 sounds unhealthy, he was fucked about by the naked pics lady it seems and now he won't let the new "love" out of his sight - sounds more like control than love.

He is probably "over" her alright, but not over what she did to him.

Personally I would be moving out and telling him that I'd live with him again only on condition that we both live where we are comfortable living in conditions we were both comfortable living in, he can then choose to do whatever he wanted with that. But then she has been allowing him to treat her disrepectfully for 3 years it seems so he can only really assume that she's not completely unhappy with the situation.

Posted by Sometimes4me
hello all...im back....well i did some thinkin, and i decided to try something different... See every morning i wake up and kiss him and say good morning. and at nite its the same thing. I finally realized this man has never walked up to me and said." i love you". He never says it unless i say it first......... Soooooooooo, for the past week, i haven't greeted him. kissed, or touched him. And he don't seem to notice or care. So, i'm giving it 1 more month, if he don't mention my change then, i'm leaving, i deserve better!!

Good for you, to be honest, no matter what the other bulls have said on this thread, I do not see genuine love, care and respect coming from this man to you - so I wasn't surprised to see your response here. His merely staying with you for 3 years does not signal love.

Posted by celticlioness
If i was in a relationship with a guy for 3 years her stuff WOULD NOT be hanging around the house, if he didn't remove it himself of his own free will then I would removed it and if he had a problem with that he could remove himself. As for the naked pics, once the second one arrived it would be coming behind my back as I walked out the door. The arrival of the first one would merely give him the opportunity to stop her from sending any more.

Hell to the YES!! All of that shit would've had to go, pronto. Naked pics? Seriously...he must like getting them.

Posted by BullGem
Wow, now that I think about it, the best thing the OP could do is let that bull go.
He already delt with a manipulative, scheming woman, he doesn't need or deserve another (even though they operate on different levels).

Poor bull, whoever you are...I feel you 🙂

I don't see this as manipulative, you get back what you give out, according to the OP he's not giving to her what she needs and she is reciprocating his actions now. Obviously this and other things should have been addressed from the get go, she should have had enough respect for herself to command respect, maybe she is starting to look for that now, which is probably too late, but then if he didn't have the common sense to automatically do these things then they are both better off without each other.

hello ALL!!!! Well this time i come to you with the best news ever..We were just laying in bed watchin a movie and he just came out with it.. He was like baby you do know that "I LOVE YOU ", right? So, I was like, no, not til now...This is the first time i ever heard you say it without me having to say it to you first.... But, he also ask me to get up and walk in the next room. He went into the closet and grabbed all the bags off the shelve( where his ex-wife's) shit was... Well we took it out back and SET IT ON FIRE!!! He said he noticed that, I stopped sayin good morning and good nite.. And, he misses me kissing him...So yall know i gave him the biggest kiss ever right...lol

Good job!!

Posted by LunarMaiden
Good job!!

Thanks

Posted by BullGem
Good for you, S4me. Here's to hoping it lasts 🙂

Yeah, I'm hoping and praying it lasts forever..

That's great, continue showing him how you like to be treated and nip anything that makes you unhappy in the bud from the outselt in the future, same for him 🙂

Posted by celticlioness
That's great, continue showing him how you like to be treated and nip anything that makes you unhappy in the bud from the outselt in the future, same for him 🙂

thanks

Okay, I know EXACTLY WHAT UR GOING THREW!! I have been with my Taurus guy for 5yrs, & when we first got together it was a fcking NIGHTMARE !! His ex of 1yr, who was a filth dump whoooooooore who cheated on him on a daily basis, & I literally mean everyday.. Would constantly try getting in between us. He actually dumped me for her "or should I say "her son who wasn't even his" .. Whatever that's irrelevant. Let me tell you, a Taurus man who is IN LOVE will only see YOU. After years of experience my Taurus man has become wrapped around my finger. I'm a Cancer/Leo (born on cusp .. But I think I'm more Leo) and I've learned that the ONLY way that you will love your point is if you PUT UR FOOT DOWN & say how u feel. Ask questions, demand answers and don't be afraid. A Taurus man LIKES to be put in his place. No matter what anyone says my boyfriend is the TRUE definition of a Taurus. Stubborn, short tempered, arrogant, hostile, aggressive, a typical BULL. He has actually admitted that he likes when I put him in his place, & if I hadn't done it in the past he probably wouldn't have fake back to me. When I realized he was cheating on me with his ex.. I completely GAVE UP CHASING HIM.. Didn't call him, I went out and did EVERYTHING and ANYTHING that I wante.. Which drove him crazy. I made him miserable and it hurt him like hell. I always made sure I looked top notch just so he realized what he was missing for that mess. Then finally I stopped answering his calls, or I'd answer and keep it short. Ditched plans, and made him chase me around like a dog for about 2-3months. So basically a TAURUS MAN WILL CHEAT... I he has a reason too. Don't nag him, don't show any tears... And remain confident in ALL ASPECTS. If he isn't having sex with you, or even showing any affection... Then Houston u have a problem.


Take care!

Posted by Sometimes4me

He went into the closet and grabbed all the bags off the shelve( where his ex-wife's) shit was... Well we took it out back and SET IT ON FIRE!!! He said he noticed that, I stopped sayin good morning and good nite.. And, he misses me kissing him...

Ok, now I know for sure you're full of shit.

You go all this time, pardoning that in which you don't like ... and jus because you stopped kissing him and saying you love him .. he read your mind and now knows it's because of her stuff.

that's pretty ludicrious, considering he never even realized you were bothered by it.

and then he sets the stuff afire? That's pretty dramatic, considering he hasn't been arsed to care.

Title: Is My Taurus Lover Over His Ex??



To refer to him as a "lover" makes the insinuation that he isn't regarded for his integrity.

He's titled: lover

Not titled: boyfriend



So what the fuck difference does it make to you what he does or says, or looks at online?