Leo Female Taurus Female help

The Taurus is my bestfriend of 3 years. I've been in love with her for all of that (She was person who 'made' me realise I was gay.). I've been with 3 people in that time. Two dudes, definitely made me realise I was gay if I didn't know I was before, and a girl. I was the one who ended all three, with the last one turning into a emotionally abusive relationship (She's an aquarius, and did stuff like threatening to kill herself if I broke up with her, slicing her arm in front of my family and little brother and making me responsible 24/7 in case she felt bad or was suicidal. When I wasn't there she'd get very angry, once escalating to her hitting me. She now angry-drunk texts me about how I'm a piece of butter and she'll kill me.)

I've sort of been floating in the acceptance that nothings going to happen, but still being stupidly infatuated with her. She's a Taurus sun, Leo moon and Gemini rising. I'm a Leo sun, Cap moon, Leo rising. Early 2015 I asked her out, and she let me down gently (she talked about how she thinks romance is silly at our age, how she appreciates my friendship and if anything happens in the future, it happens, but she's not ready for a relationship. She hasn't ever been in a relationship (since or before) and we've gone back to being great friends).

She's a very organised, practical person who's a high achiever. Like OP of 1, wants to be a physicist high achiever. She gets easily stressed out and overworks herself. Shes the kind of studious person who works hard to get what she wants. Alongside this, she's very chatty, but definitely not an extrovert. Indecisive, but stubborn with her values. Not physically affectionate, but puts it up from me. Stay at home and netflix kind of gal. She gets excited easily about things, but her natural state is mildly amused disappointment in me. Hates spending money.

I'm an introvert. 10/10 would pick being at home over being with others. I'm not organised. I am the antonym of that word. She is eternally trying to organise and keep me on task, which puts her in a very mothering position. I am by nature easy going. I tease her about it and she gets 'annoyed' but as soon as it reaches conflict I back off and apologise. I'm impulsive. I'm definitely conflict averse, tending to burst into tears when other people start yelling. Like, uncontrollable tears. I'm quiet calm when I'm at my best, but I have suffered from the fun mix of social anxiety to depression which lead to an eating disorder in the past. I'm in recovery right now, and am on antidepressents which saved my life. My self-worth is based on how much other people love me, and I'm super physically affectionate. I run on compliments. Not clingy tho, I can go days without talking to people and feel so rested afterwards. Hate it when people want constantly talk. I'm a perfectionist as well, and I'm competitive.

Are we well matched? How should I go about asking her out? Do I just keep trying to get over her? How do I make her happy?

aw we have a the same signs and same lover sign problems too haha. I posted a similar post the other day.

Can i ask how old you are ? It sounds like you're going through a lot of the same stuff I went through in high school. Depressed and isolated kinda. I know you probably really want her but it sounds like if you backed off and really really worked on yourself (have you tried meditating?) she might see that.

It does sound like you are really well matched in friendship. I think that if you worked harder on organizing yourself and recovering from that previous god awful relationship you could be a great partner to her too. Do you guys have a physical spark? Do you calm her down when she gets overly worked up?

Also antidepressants, I noticed, when i was on them, I would become STUPID infatuated with people. Don't know if it was the actual SSRI's affecting my brain or it was just who I was now. Be careful with that stuff (and dont drink on it!)

I hope that helped- you can always talk to me too! message me!