DrummerGirl
@DrummerGirl
12 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 4 · Topics: 1
Do I deserve another chance at love...
Hi!! Thank you for the quick response well I'm 31 now.. I hope that's still young...I've learned I truly have
You may be "subconsciously" seeking attention and validation from other guys, because that's what you never got from your parents. Maybe you aren't as innocent as you claim to be, but who is in this crazy world, I mean we're all a product of something.
I'm saying maybe he had a reason to be upset, and maybe you didn't see it and he did.
I'm saying maybe he had a reason to be upset, and maybe you didn't see it and he did.
Posted by enfant_terrible
You may be "subconsciously" seeking attention and validation from other guys, because that's what you never got from your parents. Maybe you aren't as innocent as you claim to be, but who is in this crazy world, I mean we're all a product of something.
I'm saying maybe he had a reason to be upset, and maybe you didn't see it and he did.
I think he did have a reason to be upset NOW, but then I just didnt see it because..It wasnt a big deal I guess .. He viewed it as guys hitting on me I didn't view it as such so in my mind he was just overreacting.
Oh hush. Stop acting like you were the demon & he was the angel. This guy obviously had his flaws of his own.
Had the tables been turned & you had been the 1 doing all the right things, you would've gotten tired of his possessive & jealous ways. Not only that but he resorted to abusive name calling when his back was up against the wall. Jealousy, name calling & constant snooping ruins relationships too, ya know.
I'm a firm believer that if things don't work out, there's your clue/hint that it wasn't meant to be.
There are plenty of couples who have experienced way worse trials than you 2 but yet have stayed & remained together. It is b/c they are meant to be & b/c both people loved each other enough to work through it.
I'm not saying that you guys didn't love each other at all. Just don't think neither of you loved each other enough. And there has to be an "enough" in order for the relationship to last. And loving someone "enough" has very little to do with the other person though. It has more to do with how much of yourself you love & how much of your baggage you've dealt with that gives you the permission to fully give your all (something you didn't do). You didn't love him enough b/c you didn't love yourself enough
Yes you will have another shot at love. If anything, your next relationship will be better b/c unlike in the past, you finally acknowledge & are ready to change the things that used to hold you back. That's 5 less things you'd potentially run a guy away!
Of course you used to shrug off his concerns. You never fully opened your heart to him bc your heart had become black b/c of all you've endured in the past. You never allowed yourself to be fully intimate & vulnerable with him. It's almost impossible to have empathy & the ability to recognize when you're hurting someone unintentionally when all your mind is concerned with is protecting yourself.
And hurt people spend so much time feeling bad for themselves & trying to protect themselves that they rarely ever consider how their unwillingness to be 100% understanding & vulnerable, completely crushes the other person.
The fact that you're having so many epiphanies now tells me that this was a wisdom that you only would've learned had you lost that guy. Whose to say that you would've been ready to change, let go of the baggage or fully invest yourself had you not been with him or been single?
There's a reason you went through it & I highly doubt that you went th
Had the tables been turned & you had been the 1 doing all the right things, you would've gotten tired of his possessive & jealous ways. Not only that but he resorted to abusive name calling when his back was up against the wall. Jealousy, name calling & constant snooping ruins relationships too, ya know.
I'm a firm believer that if things don't work out, there's your clue/hint that it wasn't meant to be.
There are plenty of couples who have experienced way worse trials than you 2 but yet have stayed & remained together. It is b/c they are meant to be & b/c both people loved each other enough to work through it.
I'm not saying that you guys didn't love each other at all. Just don't think neither of you loved each other enough. And there has to be an "enough" in order for the relationship to last. And loving someone "enough" has very little to do with the other person though. It has more to do with how much of yourself you love & how much of your baggage you've dealt with that gives you the permission to fully give your all (something you didn't do). You didn't love him enough b/c you didn't love yourself enough
Yes you will have another shot at love. If anything, your next relationship will be better b/c unlike in the past, you finally acknowledge & are ready to change the things that used to hold you back. That's 5 less things you'd potentially run a guy away!
Of course you used to shrug off his concerns. You never fully opened your heart to him bc your heart had become black b/c of all you've endured in the past. You never allowed yourself to be fully intimate & vulnerable with him. It's almost impossible to have empathy & the ability to recognize when you're hurting someone unintentionally when all your mind is concerned with is protecting yourself.
And hurt people spend so much time feeling bad for themselves & trying to protect themselves that they rarely ever consider how their unwillingness to be 100% understanding & vulnerable, completely crushes the other person.
The fact that you're having so many epiphanies now tells me that this was a wisdom that you only would've learned had you lost that guy. Whose to say that you would've been ready to change, let go of the baggage or fully invest yourself had you not been with him or been single?
There's a reason you went through it & I highly doubt that you went th
...There's a reason you went through it & I highly doubt that you went through all of that, just to learn all of that about self & others, all for nothing! Clearly, the Lord wants you to use that wisdom towards your next relationship.
You WILL find love again. Hopefully you'll spend the time you have now (being single) actually facing AND fixing those issues so that when you do find the right guy for you, your relationship & your sense of what true love really means, will be much more better & fulfilling
I think it's silly to believe that a man who is in love with someone else must be the 1 for you. Allowing someone that's moved on already to keep your heart is the EASIEST/FASTEST way to lose the next great guy!
You WILL find love again. Hopefully you'll spend the time you have now (being single) actually facing AND fixing those issues so that when you do find the right guy for you, your relationship & your sense of what true love really means, will be much more better & fulfilling
I think it's silly to believe that a man who is in love with someone else must be the 1 for you. Allowing someone that's moved on already to keep your heart is the EASIEST/FASTEST way to lose the next great guy!
@Krysrenee7 thank you so much. Your advice is wonderful it made me feel much better about my situation thanks again 🙂
Very wise advice from krysrenee7
A drummer girl? You'll have plenty of chances. 🙂
Thanx!
But I understand why you're feeling helpless & this bad in the moment. Breakups will do that to ya. Your ex moving on while you're still miserably single will do that to ya too!
The fact that you're ready to face & fix your issues means that you are humble deep within. It means that you have the ability to recognize when you've F'd up! Some people don't have that ability! Throughout their entire life they go from 1 relationship to the next, unloading all their baggage, expecting others to "fix" them, & therefore ruin all of their relationships.
But you said "Enough is enough." So pat yourself on the back for that! Give yourself some credit for facing issues that some carry when them unfixed, for a lifetime. Give yourself some credit for having a conscious b/c some people can't relate lol
The best & most happiest people are not those who have gone through nothing; most have gone through hell & back BUT made it out b/c they had the moment you're having & decided to fix the problem vs. b**tch about it forever w/o actually fixing it.
And the best/happiest couples are those who love themselves & each other enough to try not only protecting their own feelings but also the feelings of their partner. Most of the time, we only hurt others b/c our feelings are the only ones we protect & nourish, not theirs. When you learn how to be a good best friend to yourself AND your partner, you've found love =)
But I understand why you're feeling helpless & this bad in the moment. Breakups will do that to ya. Your ex moving on while you're still miserably single will do that to ya too!
The fact that you're ready to face & fix your issues means that you are humble deep within. It means that you have the ability to recognize when you've F'd up! Some people don't have that ability! Throughout their entire life they go from 1 relationship to the next, unloading all their baggage, expecting others to "fix" them, & therefore ruin all of their relationships.
But you said "Enough is enough." So pat yourself on the back for that! Give yourself some credit for facing issues that some carry when them unfixed, for a lifetime. Give yourself some credit for having a conscious b/c some people can't relate lol
The best & most happiest people are not those who have gone through nothing; most have gone through hell & back BUT made it out b/c they had the moment you're having & decided to fix the problem vs. b**tch about it forever w/o actually fixing it.
And the best/happiest couples are those who love themselves & each other enough to try not only protecting their own feelings but also the feelings of their partner. Most of the time, we only hurt others b/c our feelings are the only ones we protect & nourish, not theirs. When you learn how to be a good best friend to yourself AND your partner, you've found love =)
Girl, I'm 45. Divorced at 43. I've found love again. You're NEVER too old to find love.
Hell, I hear about people in their 60s (after divorce, widows, etc) finally finding the love of their lives.
Just keep a good attitude and do whatever makes you happy. Happy people are attractive. 🙂
Hell, I hear about people in their 60s (after divorce, widows, etc) finally finding the love of their lives.
Just keep a good attitude and do whatever makes you happy. Happy people are attractive. 🙂
I agree with Krysrenee
someone to love is easy ... keeping a person is the hard part. And it sounds to me like you probably won't be able to keep a person, according to what you said.
Posted by DrummerGirl
I just thought he was overreacting and I did nothing about it.
Posted by DrummerGirl
I think he did have a reason to be upset NOW, but then I just didnt see it because..It wasnt a big deal I guess .. He viewed it as guys hitting on me I didn't view it as such so in my mind he was just overreacting.
click to expand
It doesn't matter what or why he is/was upset ... what matters is that you care that he was .... and you didn't care.
You don't have to understand why ... you just have to care that he is. You just blew his feelings off, and I don't see anything in what you wrote that even remotely suggests that you grasp that for reals. The only thing I see is that in hindsight, you're lonely, so you are only NOW in your lonliness deciding that maybe you could have been a little more sensitive to his feelings, and that's NOT coming to an honest and genuine understanding of how he felt ... that's just you feeling sorry for yourself, so you're being a pity freak.
So long as you don't really care .... you won't really be able to keep a love-life. You will likely just be pieces of ass along the way.
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