Ex's

Why do so many people still stay friends with their "Ex's"?
After all , they are Ex's for a reason!!

Well, I'm only friends with my ex-fiance because we were together for a long time and he's like my brother now. He knows me too well, and he will always be a part of my life (in a non sexual way!). I was cool with some of my other ex's but we just lost touch (moved to different cities; grew up, etc). Life is too short to carry grudges, etc. I had good reason to NEVER talk to my ex-fiance ever again, but I took the high road, and I'm glad I did because I'm glad he's a part of my life. Sometimes things just don't work out, and that doesn't mean you have to cast the person aside or that they are mean or evil - that's just how I feel, but I know a lot of people who feel like you dogsbody and would NEVER be friends with their ex's. I just say, to each his own. You have to do what feels right to you and makes you happy.

Fair Enough :-)

For me it depends on WHY the person is an ex. For example, I have an ex from high school who I can still be friendly with. We broke up because his family moved away. He's a great guy - SUPER talented artist - no reason to not be friends with him. I have an ex from college who I was friends with prior to dating. We went on a few dates, realized that we were better off just as friends, and stayed friends. And then I have my ex who cheated on me like crazy, told me he was going to hockey game, and in fact flew to Vegas to get married to a girl he met in a sex chat-room. Am I friends with him? H*LL NO!!!!

I think too that sometimes people can't be friends after a relationship because of the intesity of the feelings that were involved. I worry about that with Mr. Aqua right now. As of right now, he's been a really great friend to talk to (we live too far apart to do anything other than talk right now, and we have flights booked to see each other soon), and he's been really supportive of me with all the crap I'm dealing with in my life right now. I actually just sent him a really nice email the other day telling him that I really value his friendship right now, and that no matter what the future might hold for us, I'm glad that he is back in my life in one form or another. I do fear though, that when I move back home, if we get together and things don't work out . . . I'm afraid I would have a hard time being his friend. We have a very intense history together, and I'm afraid that I would ALWAYS be reminded of those feelings, thus making it hard to just be friends.

I think that happens for a lot of people. *shrug*

"I know that they are really looking out for me and want the best for me and vice versa and they KNOW ME in a different way than friends who I was never involved with. My ex's can call me on shit I pull to sabotage a relationship, that other friends of mine cannot. They also are usually the first to be able to tell if I'm getting screwed over/taken for granted by someone because, again, they KNOW ME and know how much I give in a relationship. They are really good reality checks for me."

That's exactly how I feel about my ex-fiance'. He KNOWS me better than anybody and despite the fact that we are not together; we both want what is best for one another. He knows I have serious trust and commitment issues, so he looks to make sure I'm giving a guy a chance instead of just bailing out at the first sign of trouble. He is a good in that respect, as he is a Libra an wants things to be fair and balanced, and he knows that I have a lot of pride, so I will cut off my nose to spite my face if it means it will save me from being hurt in the future. Our difference is that he gives people the benefit of the doubt and they have to lose his trust; whereas, with me you have to earn it.

dogsbody, I completely agree with you. They are exs for a reason. I won't say its stupid to stay friends with someone you broke up with, but I see it as a waste. I think I addressed this on the cap board. I have to find it and paste the link 😉

I say you can be friends later in life if you cross paths again, but days, weeks, and months after you breakup.

There's a point to why people remain friends with exs, I don't know which board I typed it. I will have to look for it later I suppose.

Either way, it creates disharmony in the equilibrum of human interaction.

Something else to think about:
It cant be much fun for the current partner, knowing the ex is still on the scene!
If My partners Ex was still around, I wouldnt feel comfortable at all.
And thats not an insecurity issue, I just wouldnt feel comfortable being in the place where the "Ex" once was!!

I've dated a couple of people that are friends with their ex's and it didn't bother me, because I do know that you can have platonic friendships/relationships, even with people that they may have been intimate with. Like another poster suggested, people are ex's for a reason. Since we aren't together, from my perspective, we never will be. My ex and his girlfriend came to one of my friend's birthday party and his new girlfriend was like "Wow ___ is so cool, she even gave me a hug. I like her, and hope we can hang out again." That was her impression of me, and I thought she was a nice lady too. I'm not saying I'd be going on family vacations with them LOL, but I have no animosity, and she clearly doesn't care either, and knows I pose NO THREAT at all. I don't want him. Period.

That's true too LL. But, it also has it's challenges, because I have a male friend I've known since I was like 7 years old. We did hook up a couple of times when we were in between relationships during our college years, but we never got into a relationship, because I knew too much about him, and he said he couldn't afford me (lol). But we are the closest friends. He's married now, and I even went to their wedding in the Bahamas - I was like his "best woman." His wife knows me and she's cool with our friendship, as she knows we have been a part of each others lives for a long time, but he is in love with her.

i want an ex! 😢

LOL @ zen 🙂 Do you mean that you are currently with someone that you want to BE an ex (lol) or that you just want to date someone so you can eventually have an ex?

Circumstances would require two people to remain friends .. such as, you've gotten really close to family members and friends of each other, and both would deserve to have this love remain a constant in your lives. The main reason would be children. If two people parted, their children would deserve to have both parents respecting each other, so they could learn how to cope harmoniously with differences between two people.

more like 'that you just want to date someone so you can eventually have an ex'...SHEESHH - that sounds kinda wrong...oh dear...

"Why do so many people still stay friends with their "Ex's"?"

Booty call, duh.

"LOL" :-)

I'm friends with every single one of my ex's. I think for some relationships people are just better being friends and not so deep as romaticly involved. But hmmm... now that I think about it, this cant apply to every relationship, yet I am cool with every single one of my ex's. I think maybe its because libras(or maybe just me) like to keep people at a close distance, even if they are far away. We cannot ALWAYS fully let go. I think we are just very passionate like that that if we needed a backup (and that sounds horrible i know...) we will have someone to be there for us.

bijou...you sounded just like my aqua bf in all that you had said above about staying friends with the ex's. he also has 2 ex girlfriends that he was long term with and that he still considers friends and talks to. he feels the same way you do...that even though it didn't work out as a love relationship, he is still friends with them. i have asked him about his ex's before and he has said that he would never go back to them because he realizes that it didn't work out for them, but that they were just meant to be friends.
the thing with my aqua is that when things go bad for us in our relationship, he turns to the ex's for attention and advice, etc. and i don't really agree with that.

sometimes you are better friends than lovers

The trouble is, if you start dating someone and their "Ex" is still on the scene.
You never really know what the "Situation" is do you?
They have a history, they know each other very well, you are the stranger.