How soon is too soon?

To put your toe back in the dating pool after a break up?

Thanks for your answers! I think you are right. I've only been single for a total of grand week and the break up was awful, but there's no chance I'd ever go back. I also feel energized with valuable information I've learned about myself and it's almost like I want to go right back out and test my new found strengths.

However, on the other hand I feel like I really need to pay close attention to everything and not get caught up in any whirlwinds. I've already been asked on two dates and I think I'm gonna take them up on their offers.

It's always so hard to make sure you don't repeat your old patterns. What are some techniques or tricks you have picked up to make sure you don't do these things all over again?

I have to say it depends on if you're hurt or not. If you got attached you should probably wait until your head is on straight again. If not, hell you don't need to wait at all if you don't want to. How to avoid the same mistakes? I'm not too good at that, but I can tell you you'll be *LOOKING* for those things to avoid them. My problem is moving too fast.. kind of inherent in who I am (scorsagian) but I'm working on it.

I thought you were going to make a Japan joke.

Posted by mr.crabby
I thought you were going to make a Japan joke.

Every single time you come out of retirement it is totally worth it.

Mr Crabby for President!

Posted by dreamer23
Its all about living and learning. If you see a red flag, recognize it for what it is and dont negate it or make excuses because you like the guy. Dont make decisions based on your emotions. Be your motherfuckin self. 😉

Great advice about excuses! I was thinking about journaling my dates as soon as I get home, that way I can't romanticize anything away. Also, if there are any warning signals that go off I can be sure to document them and decide from there if the guy is worth further investigation.

Anyone else do anything similar? Does posting every single detail on dxp count as jounraling.... I kid, I kid.

Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal

Posted by mr.crabby
I thought you were going to make a Japan joke.

Every single time you come out of retirement it is totally worth it.

Mr Crabby for President!

click to expand

Do I get a complimentary redhead? 🙂

Posted by mr.crabby

Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal

Posted by mr.crabby
I thought you were going to make a Japan joke.

Every single time you come out of retirement it is totally worth it.

Mr Crabby for President!

Do I get a complimentary redhead? 🙂

click to expand

Hahaha, aren't you the uncrabby crab today. 🙂

H - A.A. had something come up with his daughter. I told him I completely understood and family first. We rescheduled for HH on Tuesday. 🙂

Now I'm at the Creeks of Onion and playing on my laptop with a cold made in Texas brewski. Hope you girls are having fun, or you could just ditch them and come meet me. We can replay Friday, but sans the couch and add Creeks of Onion table.

Lub ewe bish. Also, love how we communicate through 45 mediums. LOLswers.

Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal
To put your toe back in the dating pool after a break up?

1. Depends on each person. Everybody doesn't need 5 yrs to get over someone.

2. Depends on the kind of breakup it was. Not all breakups are nasty & filled with heartache or drama. Some are very peaceful or mutual. I've found that the more peaceful/mutual the breakup, the quicker each person can move on AND the more genuine their quest for the "next best thing" is.

3. Just b/c a person is in a relationship doesn't mean that they know what they want or know who they are. So if this kind of person gets dumped, they shouldn't be focused on finding someone else until they have mastered the art of finding/loving themselves.

6. In other words, it all depends on why the person no longer in the relationship feels that moving on or being in a relationship is so important. If they're in it for all the WRONG reasons, they should wait for as long as possible before stepping back into the dating pool.

7. There's no exact day, month or year "later" that anyone can say is the right time for someone to start dating again. It's not about numbers, it's about the quality of the person after the breakup. The more damaged they remain after the breakup (for whatever reason) the longer they should wait to find someone else & inevitably dump all that baggage onto the next person.

8. It also depends on how long the relationship lasted. If you just got out of a 10 yr relationship, whether the breakup was peaceful or not, you'd be full of shxt if you convinced yourself that 3 days later, you were ready for love again. Even if that person didn't necessarily hurt you, there's still a "healing process" involved, if anything so that you can get used to that person NOT being in your daily routine/life any longer. And that process can take 2 weeks to some, 3 months to others or for some even 2 years. It all just depends.

If I could take a guess, I'd say that going out on dates again (with the intention on finding love or a relationship again) within the 1st 30-60 days after a breakup, is too SOON. Some may beg to differ but that's just my opinion

Posted by dreamer23
Its all about living and learning. If you see a red flag, recognize it for what it is and dont negate it or make excuses because you like the guy. Dont make decisions based on your emotions. Be your motherfuckin self. 😉

That's the spirit...Thankx for the motivation 🙂

Posted by kstarks2
Krys, really? I mean REALLY? LOL

That's A LOT of chatter.

Why do you people expect for my writing style to change?! I'm not writing any more on this post than I already & normally do on other posts! Why do you people keep looking like deer in headlights when I once again, express my opinion in the ways I feel comfortable?! Seriously...I'm not saying praise me but sheeeeesh, let's not turn this topic into being about me; All that matters is that I took the time out of my day to thoroughly explain my opinion. If that's a bad thing, oh well, sue me or don't read it!

i've always had this theory that if your heart was broken, it will take half the amount of time you were together in order to heal. 2 yrs of relationship = 1 yr healing. this theory of course does not apply if you were the one who left. in my own life i tend to think in terms of learning...did i make a mistake in the last relationship and if so, do i have a handle on that before making the same mistakes in the next one? I see nothing wrong with dating whenever you garner interest - getting into a relationship is another thing.

i think it's great that you're back out there! way to pick yourself up by your bootstraps. xoj