Would you be mad if...

Your family/friends secretely did a background and/or credit check on your partner (or even just the person you were dating) w/o your knowledge—?

I mean could you really blaim them or stay mad at them for long if they actually found out something very incriminating that you didn't even know yet?

family? no i wouldnt be mad. i think the only reason one would be mad is if he/she already knew better than to be dating the guy/girl anyway and now someone else on the earth knows what a loser he/she is dating. before this point, no one else had to know. lol
friends?...now i would have to question them as to why they made it their biz to find out about my partner. girls do things for selfish reasons alot of times and i'd wanna know why they care so much about my partner. kinda crossing the line if you ask me.

No, my family and friends are only looking out for me. (my friends are like family not by blood). Plus, I've probably already looked him up anyway.

I am not very close to my family. So, if I found out they were checking up on me or someone I knew, I would be 1) hugely astonished, 2) freaked out to the point of paranoia.

Really, I personally would find that to be very intrusive and over the top.

For me, I guess it'd come down to intention.

Some people just have nosy family members & friends that do things like that just for the sake of being intrusive and/or causing problems. Ya know, the types of people that seem a little TOO pre-occupied with getting you to dump someone even if they can't really give you a clear explanation why or proof?! Some people literally wanna pick who you date, so they'll be so intrusive, if anything just to drive your partner away simply b/c they "don't like him." What guy is gonna stick around if he already knows up front within the 1st 6 weeks that his girl's father is acting like an FBI agent?!

However, if my family (mainly) picked up on something or did it just for my protection & delivered the news (good or bad) w/o giving me some kind of ultimatum, I'd be more thankful. I'd hope that if the background check came up empty that they'd tell me about it just like they would persay it came back that he was a convincted ax murderer.

I'd def. be more comfortable if someone in my immediate family were to do such a thing vs. 1 of my nosy co-workers or friends.

When it comes to my friends, I'd want them to trust me & my judgement. And if they saw/heard something fishy that they felt made my date/partner a little suspicious, I'd want them to run it by me 1st before going behind my back & excluding me from such a thing.

I don't know if I would be outraged but I'd be a little appalled by it. I know I wouldn't be cool if my SO's family ran my credit report as I would feel that it is an invasion of privacy. That would serve as a red flag that his family tends to overstep their boundaries and they would probably be a part of our relationship instead of supporting it. I'll pass.

I had a gal I was chasing do a full background check on me. She didn't tell me until years later. I found it kind of funny more than anything.

I suppose my nonchalant attitude about it is:
1. I have nothing to hide.
2. If she found something not to her liking, then she'll have to come to terms with it or walk away.

Posted by everevolvingepithet
If you did the same back for a laugh, who that be okay too ?

In my case? Oh she would have totally been bent about it lol.

Besides it's more fun to get that crap out if them with conversation.

Posted by ellessque
if someone grabs the wrong data somehow....your life could be screwed.
.

Hmm GREAT point! Say you're dating someone with a very common name...well if you pull up info on the wrong "John Smith," you might've caused the end to a potentially great relationship BEFORE you even realize you had the wrong person or that your source wasn't thorough.

Actually, you'd have to have lots of info about someone to do a background check. If anything, I'd be more skeptical as to how my family/friends are just THAT sure that they've pinpointed the right guy. I sure as hell wouldn't tell my circle my man's birthdate, social security, middle name, address or anything like that (all things you'd probably need to do a reliable background check--b/c those things separate 1 person from the other, especially the people who have the same name)

Posted by krysrenee7
Your family/friends secretely did a background and/or credit check on your partner (or even just the person you were dating) w/o your knowledge—?

I mean could you really blaim them or stay mad at them for long if they actually found out something very incriminating that you didn't even know yet?

I've got some family that has a history of bringing "infiltrators" into the family. It would be irresponsible if "Checks" weren't made. But, that's my opinion.

Yeah I would be pissed for minding in my business. Thats up to me to find out things and handle them myself what involves my relationships. I can't tolerate nosy people in general!

I'd not be pleased. They were invasive of his privacy and not mindful of my choice.

I would also have to start to wonder about trust. Sure, "your sister" did this whole background check thing. Do you think I am lying to you? Do you think I am hiding things from you? If I am lying or hiding things and you find out, well, good for you I suppose. If I am not lying or hiding things, but this is done, how much do I think I can trust you?

As I say, this may not even be done with your knowledge, but how do you prove that? Someone close to you is snooping in a unsavory fashion and you deny any knowledge. Gee, huh, a couple of red flags just popped up in my head....

^ Exactly.

(((Bull Squishies)))) and ^5's, yeh! Back to love, squishyness and all the good shit!

It would also depend on how long I've been dating the guy too. If I've only been dating him for 2 weeks & yet my family/friends already took it upon themselves to do a background/credit check on him, I'd be pretty upset. I'd be like damn! Back up! Give me time to exercise & use my OWN judgement 1st! But if we were dating for 2+ years or were about to get married, I'd be more understanding if someone did that kind of check on my s/o b/c it'd seem more out of genuiness, considering it's quite natural for family/friends to start getting a little "nervous" if they can see someone they love getting close to another person.