How to kill and get away with it

My daughter has bought home a LOSER! She is working and making good money, he is spending it all, (alcohol and dope, I believe) doesn't have a job and makes little effort to finding one and lately is throwing hissy fits at her! He's lazy and dirty with bad habits and orders her around. Tbh, I'm totally dumbfounded as to why she puts up with his crap! I certainly never take shit from any man!

They are living with me and have been for 5 months as he has moved from our hometown. I have told them to find their own place but because he isn't working it is hard to get anything. Short of killing him or throwing them out on the streets, I'm at a loss as to what I can do. I've held my tongue for the last 6 weeks since he lost his first job but my patience is wearing really thin and I am starting to hate the guy! Rant over!

Wow sorry to hear that Sweets and the reality is...If you talk about bad about him to her face, confront her about his neglectful behavior she'll defend him but I think it's time you get this guy out of your house, yep you'll have to be a bitch about it but at some point you should sit them down and let them know in no uncertain terms that he either get a job, contribute to the bills or get out, tell your daughter she is welcome to remain in the home but he has to go, give them a time frame to get it together but at this point he's proven he's pretty much a loser and he may even become violent and try to kill you (no joke since he's doing drugs and probably desperate and clinging to your daughter for financial support) he may feel threatened and anything could pop off so for safety sake pack his shit, put it next to the door, record everything, take pictures so he can't come back and sue or claim you took anything and put him out and ask for police to escort him off your property but first speak with a lawyer to make sure you are not illegally evicting him so you won't be tied up in small claims court, I believe he may have squatters rights but he may not so be sure you check and recheck before evicting.

Hey Tiki, I was actually thinking of PMing you but decided to put it here 🙂

He is scared of me and hides especially if there is only the two of us around. Every week day he leaves the house to drop her off to the bus stop and doesn't return until he picks her up again. And yes I have told them right from the start if he isn't working by Xmas then he has to go back home. She is trying to get their own place before then so they can stay here. I'm just getting tired of seeing what she is going through as I know if the two of them together were working they would do well. He really isn't that bad as a person...or should I say there is something a bit sketchy about him but I can't put my finger on it. And it's not enough to ring alarm bells.

What annoys more is that he is lazy and dirty and has that "me man you woman mentality" and that is what is getting to me more and more as I see him letting her do everything, even after a long days work, 12 hours. After all she is my daughter and really has come a long way ( she was a horrible teenage)and I have finally got her back on track and doing sooo well and then this Handbrake!! Arrrg!

I have made a rod for my own back here by talking to her about things I want him/them to do and I think it is time to voice my opinion directly to him. I only hope he doesn't take it out on her because if I see this happening then I will be forced to throw them out. I guess I can live with her hating me tempararily. But it's never easy to involve yourself in anyone's relationship and especially not your own children!

I think it's time for a MAN to step in and set his ass straight, an uncle, or cousins, someone who has a positive influence in her life because honestly he could just be taking advantage of the fact that your both women and nothing will happen to him. I had a friend whose daughter boyfriend was taking advantage and the male figures in the family stepped in and set his ass right, he was no longer disrespectful and spending the nights over at the house, all of that ceased LOL. IMO he has no respect for women in general and from what it sounds like he looks down on women so he doesn't really feel threatened in a I better get my sh*t together kind of way, maybe it's time a couple of the male alpha dogs in your family set him real straight.

The key is being able to take your personal opinions about her life style and maybe go and seek counseling, someone who can mediate the situation and help you find a way to reach her in a way that doesn't make her immediately defend him and cause a rift between the 2 of you, if that's not option maybe you can talk to her without bringing him up, tell her what you envision for her life relationship wise, address how you see her behaving and ask her why she feel she need to be this way with a man, maybe you'll get a better view of why she feel she has to submit to a man, I don't know if she's ever saw you being this way at anytime in your life but if she has own it and apologize to her and let her know why you were that way and explain to her how seeing you go through it she could have picked this up through you or other family members, there could be a number of reasons why her self esteem is so low at this point in her life, something else is going on with her if she feel she deserve poor treatment, maybe she's going through a "I don't like myself" phase and thus needs some positive encouragement from you and the men in the family to help her shift out of this relationship, he's clearly got a mental hold over her b/c she's playing caretaker and unfortunately that role will only create and cause neglect/mistreatment.

I'm sure you already know if you're against him she'll rebel and honestly I wouldn't have given him until Christmas, I'd put his ass out on the streets, he'd find some place else to go, you are just being way too nice, I wouldn't ENABLE my daughter to take care of a man but then again maybe I'm being way too harsh, you are doing the best you can and you want your daughter to be safe and that's understandabl

I'm sure you already know if you're against him she'll rebel and honestly I wouldn't have given him until Christmas, I'd put his ass out on the streets, he'd find some place else to go, you are just being way too nice, I wouldn't ENABLE my daughter to take care of a man but then again maybe I'm being way too harsh, you are doing the best you can and you want your daughter to be safe and that's understandable. Whatever happens I wish you the best.

make it look like suicide 🙂

not sure if tiki said it already, but the problem isn't just with the guy. a relationship is with 2 people is it not? you're daughter is to blame also for taking that shit and being with a boy.


as for how to get away with murder, i heard about this story recently about a guy who robbed a bank, and purposely got stopped by a cop and pretended like he did not have an ID and told them he was from mexico. so they deported the dude to mexico(so he could escape the police). then after heat died down, he came back to the US(kept his ID). it would've been the perfect crime except somehow the police found him a year and a half later.

Put them both out. People don't change unless they are forced to. If that doesn't change anything eiher, she can keep the loser if she wants, but you shouldn't allow it to be in your house.

Boundaries.

There is no good reason for you to allow a dope fiend to live in your house. Your daughter is grown, time to let her live with her own decisions.

Posted by ellessque
okay, okay

WHAT'S HIS CHART?

I have $ 5 on pisces. 😛

I bet the next dried up piece of chewing gum stuck to the sidewalk I see, that his sign is:

Libra

Posted by everevolvingepithet
The Libra would've charmed her so his lesser qualities were a non-issue 🙂

But I think she kind of hinted that for the first few months she was charmed and now 'Prince Charming' has turned into 'Prince Charmin' cause he is utter shit.

Posted by sweethearts
My daughter has bought home a LOSER! She is working and making good money, he is spending it all, (alcohol and dope, I believe) doesn't have a job and makes little effort to finding one and lately is throwing hissy fits at her! He's lazy and dirty with bad habits and orders her around. Tbh, I'm totally dumbfounded as to why she puts up with his crap! I certainly never take shit from any man!

They are living with me and have been for 5 months as he has moved from our hometown. I have told them to find their own place but because he isn't working it is hard to get anything. Short of killing him or throwing them out on the streets, I'm at a loss as to what I can do. I've held my tongue for the last 6 weeks since he lost his first job but my patience is wearing really thin and I am starting to hate the guy! Rant over!

i didn't catch this intially. surely they have friends they can stay with? or your daughter stays with you, he moves in with a friend? it's your home, you don't have to put up with that. are you worried your daughter will turn against you if you put your foot down? on a personal note...any man talking out of his neck to my daughter and ordering her around in my house is out on his arse before he can inhale, exhale.

it's complex, man. mother-daughter relations...but with regards to rent-a-loser, she'll have to see the light herself. there is nothing you can say or do...except drive her further into his arms when they start seeing you as the common enemy.

i can't choose between pisces or libra. *tosses a coin* 😛

But she said he was dirty! Not a Pisces!

Haha, you guys are so funny! How could he possibly be Libra, we might be lazy at times but I don't think filthy... except of minds 🙂

His birthdate is 18th May 1993 making him Taurus.

I'm ready to pack their bags and put them out the door. I spoke with her this morning about how he is making her do everything and how her friend and boss both have my view on him. Told her he has to man up and that he isn't my man so there is no reason that I need to put up with his shit! If she wants to be treated that way then that's her choice but my younger daughter and I don't want them around anymore.

There is little saved money but her dad is prepared to put up bond for them and I have given her numbers this morning to a beautiful camping ground that rent units long term. This is the easiest was for them to get out and cheapest too. I am forcing the issue and also making it very unpleasant for them to be here in my home. Her problem with leaving is she thinks she has choices because I have provided a lavish life style which they have used and abused for too long now. I take blame for being too nice but that's part of my personality and my downfall. However now I'm over being that person in this situation and I am forcing them out!

My girls and I often bump heads about their situations with their friends/bf's and they have never appreciated how I don't hold back on my opinions and yes there has been many a cat fights with us but at the end of the day they know I love them and we have a unbreakable bond. Whether I like their men or not, their choices in life are their own to make and I keep out mostly unless they are under my roof!

And no to the person that thought that I ever let any man treat me like this...would never and has never happened!

I think that boys mum had a hand in that. Instead of bringing him a bacon sarnie she should have been telling him to get off his ass and make his own. Lil' Lord Fauntleroy he is not, nor is he old enough to be the cock of the walk.

That aside cutting them loose is the best thing. Bow out gracefully and let them make their own mistakes. You're putting that into motion so advise in that vein is fairly moot. Tough love Mum, this will also involve turning a bit of a deaf ear to the caterwauling you know you'll be enduring in near future when the shine falls off this knights armour and she sees things just as they are.

You know what is funny this seems to be an alarming trend for that generation. A lot of them still squatting at home, playing video games, not having a job, and really just no ambition at all. I for one have made it a rule that I do not date guys living at home, unemployed, no car, etc. They get mad about it but guess what too damn bad. I like younger guys but the problem with that is having to wait around for them to get their life on track so I never get serious about them. I believe your daughter will eventually tire of it and boot him the hell out. It's only a matter of time. She's young and at that age girls do really retarded things. This isn't a "forever" relationship. Teens at that age don't make commitments for anything. I used to let boyfriends stay with me until I realized "Wow what the hell is all this shit?" 10 years later the rule is still solid. No one is living with me. I don't need a man child, I need a man. I believe that your daughter will come around, hopefully. Sometimes people need to see it for what it really is, and not what they would like it to be.

Update : They were excepted for the flat she applied for 🙂 They will be moving this Saturday. Soooo relieved.

And yes, VB think you are spot on there, his Mama made him the boy he is today. Before coming here he hadn't worked at all and sat around home being catered to. Once here he performed for about 8 weeks and then left his job without a replacement and has been sitting around ever since!!

Because of the work conditions I wouldn't have minded but then there was no effort on his part to help himself better himself or do anything to help her out. The other day they were pulled over in their car which isn't road worthy and they have 2 weeks to get it right. A week later and come Saturday morning, he's sleeping in and she's up at a sparrows fart sorting the car out!!! I mean wtf?? That's when I really lost it. I don't and won't sit there and watch her live that life style . Her choice and thank goodness she is taking it elsewhere so I can concentrate on my own love life. Which by the way is just perfect with my Leeb 🙂

One word: succinylcholine

Great! Now she can move into her own place and nurture that loser in the privacy of her own home, she'll eventually get sick of pulling his side of the relationship, she can't do it all forever and maybe this will teach her how to love herself a bit more instead of over functioning to get love.

I hope so Tiki, most people have to go through and learn their own lessons. But it still kills me inside having to bite my tongue and watch as she struggles with him. She earns great money for her age, but barely enough to support two with high priced habits!

However, under NO circumstances will she be moving back into my home with or without him! I've come out of this having learnt my own lesson...one which I knew going in but was too nice to say No!

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

My relationship with all my children is solid, they understand that I have my views and opinions and even though they don't like it, I always let them know it's because I can see the wrongs and love them which is why I won't hold back. I have had therapy earlier this year and was told that they are all of age where I should let go and let them walk there own mile...tough love

I personally think that they both need to step up now. He is learning that the money isn't going to last now that they also have bills and food to buy. This morning they have asked several things of me. Going to court with him because of being picked up without his licence. I dropped him off and left him to it. She is holding his hand and babying him and I have told her that if she continues to do this then he will never take ownership and be the man she wants him to be.

Secondly taking him to the city so he can hand his resume in for a job which apparently is his if he gets there...once again, he needs to sort that out himself and prove he wants the job!

Their house is a mess, they have little food. this morning I had breakfast there, went through the cupboards and cooked me something to eat and then left the mess for them to clean up 🙂 felt great for the shoe to be on the other foot!

I agree with you Decs, he will never be the man that she is looking for. Her standards are higher than that but I cannot chose her path as they never listen. I have no fear for my personal relationship with her. I know she loves me unconditionally!

Like me (her mother) she has to learn by her own mistakes, and I'm confident she will when he fails again and agin to meet the mark. I'm not fearful of losing her to Class A drugs they only smoke Marijuana (been there done that in my days)

I just can't sit there and watch it all happening as it does effect me as a mother that has higher expectations.