truecap
@truecap
13 Years10,000+ Posts
Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
Is it healthy to talk about exes?
I don't see why not. Funnily enough, past relationships always come up. You learn a lot about someone through them. Patterns, habits, issues etc
Posted by truecap
I have a lot of friends who are divorced and some of them had some pretty nasty experiences in the end of their marriages - cheated on, used financially, lied to, exes who screwed them over, etc.
Once these people take time to heal and finally date again, they eventually get into a committed relationship. Then they tend to talk to their about their negative experiences in detail to their new partner.
Is this healthy or unhealthy to the next serious relationship? Why or why not?
I see two sides of it. Healthy in that the other person can understand what they went through and can know where this person stands. Unhealthy because it could mean they still have unresolved issues or lingering bitterness.
Does time play a role or make a difference? Time since the divorce (one year, five years, etc)? Time in the newer relationship (one month, one year, two years)?
I've seen several people do it in different ways and in different scenarios. Just curious to what is healthiest and other opinions on the topic.
Discuss away!
how much is to much. I always say how can you move forward if your looking in the past. There is nothing wrong with telling them about your past, but when is it to much? so be careful.. when your with someone new let them be the your light.
There's a difference between two people discussing their past ... and dumping their baggage.
For the most part, women don't heal from emotional injuries ... rather they willingly carry this shit around to reflect on.
Women like to be in emotional pain ... they cherish it, they call everyone up they know to talk about it. Look in here, you don't see any women in here sharing good feelings .. you only see women being obsessive in holding onto what hurts them.
When this emotionally injured women meets a new guy, she bombards him with this ... usually because a female has no clue that men aren't female inside and they erroneously believe that all men want to share in emotions.
Wrong!
I doubt (most) women heal from it enough to be able to enter into another relationship without wanting the new man to stroke her pains away for her .. and that's what it is. She is only looking for him to coddle her, in telling her that it's ok that he'll never hurt her like that. She wants him to be responsible in fixing her emotional injury.
because if all she wanted was to observe him in how he handles himself ... then she'd be listening, rather than talking.
It's not really so much whether she shares this, truecap, rather what her intentions are .... and in most cases, her intentions are to have the new man feel bad enough for her emotional plight that he (acts) towards her/for her accordingly.
Posted by beautifulsoul74
I don't see why not. Funnily enough, past relationships always come up. You learn a lot about someone through them. Patterns, habits, issues etc
You find out where someone's trust issues are, their baggage, the things that turn them off.
Also, the things that the ex did that was bad that they couldn't tolerate and know not to do that! lol!
Posted by erd1983Posted by truecap
I have a lot of friends who are divorced and some of them had some pretty nasty experiences in the end of their marriages - cheated on, used financially, lied to, exes who screwed them over, etc.
Once these people take time to heal and finally date again, they eventually get into a committed relationship. Then they tend to talk to their about their negative experiences in detail to their new partner.
Is this healthy or unhealthy to the next serious relationship? Why or why not?
I see two sides of it. Healthy in that the other person can understand what they went through and can know where this person stands. Unhealthy because it could mean they still have unresolved issues or lingering bitterness.
Does time play a role or make a difference? Time since the divorce (one year, five years, etc)? Time in the newer relationship (one month, one year, two years)?
I've seen several people do it in different ways and in different scenarios. Just curious to what is healthiest and other opinions on the topic.
Discuss away!
how much is to much. I always say how can you move forward if your looking in the past. There is nothing wrong with telling them about your past, but when is it to much? so be careful.. when your with someone new let them be the your light.click to expand
When it's too much, it seems there are either lingering feelings or lingering bitterness.
Posted by P-Angel
There's a difference between two people discussing their past ... and dumping their baggage.
For the most part, women don't heal from emotional injuries ... rather they willingly carry this shit around to reflect on.
Women like to be in emotional pain ... they cherish it, they call everyone up they know to talk about it. Look in here, you don't see any women in here sharing good feelings .. you only see women being obsessive in holding onto what hurts them.
When this emotionally injured women meets a new guy, she bombards him with this ... usually because a female has no clue that men aren't female inside and they erroneously believe that all men want to share in emotions.
Wrong!
I doubt (most) women heal from it enough to be able to enter into another relationship without wanting the new man to stroke her pains away for her .. and that's what it is. She is only looking for him to coddle her, in telling her that it's ok that he'll never hurt her like that. She wants him to be responsible in fixing her emotional injury.
because if all she wanted was to observe him in how he handles himself ... then she'd be listening, rather than talking.
It's not really so much whether she shares this, truecap, rather what her intentions are .... and in most cases, her intentions are to have the new man feel bad enough for her emotional plight that he (acts) towards her/for her accordingly.
It's not just women, men do it too.
I agree, though, one must heel completely before they should enter into a new relationship for that new relationship to be healthy.
As far as women talking to other women about their emotional pain, they need the support of other women to help them heel.
Posted by truecap
As far as women talking to other women about their emotional pain, they need the support of other women to help them heel.
Not really.
If you look around you, you will find women carrying on and on and on .. all the while, they will have women there supporting them, and still, they carry on and on and on ... then they go to another board to make another thread about it - women come, women support - then they make another thread.
They aren't healing from support ... they are submerging into it to continue the experience.
It sure would be nice if women could muster enough strength to actually step away from the wanting .... but, they don't, because they want to feel this, because women LIKE to suffer in their feelings.
Just like a tear jerker movie ... they like to feel it, whether it's on screen or in real life .. they'll take this glorious feelings where ever they can get it.
Posted by truecap
Once these people take time to heal and finally date again, they eventually get into a committed relationship. Then they tend to talk to their about their negative experiences in detail to their new partner.
If a person feels compelled to talk about their negative experiences with an ex .... then they never healed from it.
So, since they never healed from it ... how does the support of other women to heal them come into the picture exactly .. if this healing never took place?
A person who is healed from any bad experience .... doesn't have this need in sharing it.
If a person doesn't like something, or doesn't want something ... then they put a check on it and walk away from it, in not thinking about it.
If a person does like something, or want something .... then they address it with other people, and are indeed thinking about it.
If a woman feels compelled in talking to a new man about the bad issues with an ex .. then this means she hasn't healed from it at all, it means she's still carrying it around with her.
So, where does this support of other women come into play here, as being considered helping her? It's not helping her to heal .. it's helping her to continue thinking about it.
Posted by truecap
I have a lot of friends who are divorced and some of them had some pretty nasty experiences in the end of their marriages - cheated on, used financially, lied to, exes who screwed them over, etc.
Once these people take time to heal and finally date again, they eventually get into a committed relationship. Then they tend to talk to their about their negative experiences in detail to their new partner.
Idk if "healed" is the best word. If they were "healed" then there would be no need to talk about it. What you're describing sounds like cheap therapy (aka b*tch rant).
"Healthy" would be learning from the situation and putting into practice the lesson you learned. Discussing an ex with a new partner has nothing to do with the health of a new relationship. Applying the lesson (e.g. communicate needs more effectively, being open to other's opinions, whatever...) is what makes a relationship healthy.
I usually can only agree with bits and pieces of what P says, but I have to co-sign everything she wrote.
Although it's rare (from my experience), the trait can be seen in men as well.
Although it's rare (from my experience), the trait can be seen in men as well.
P-Angel you keep referring to women. Keep in mind there are men who talk about it as well.
Well, there are a lot of women who do heal from it. There are some who don't. You are right, there are some people who waller in it. But there are some who get support and a new perspective and do grow and heal. Here, on DXP, yes, there are a lot who waller, but DXP is not a good indication of the majority of people out there who do move on.
Talking about circumstances of a divorce doesn't necessarily mean you're not healed, it could be just simple conversation.
Well, there are a lot of women who do heal from it. There are some who don't. You are right, there are some people who waller in it. But there are some who get support and a new perspective and do grow and heal. Here, on DXP, yes, there are a lot who waller, but DXP is not a good indication of the majority of people out there who do move on.
Talking about circumstances of a divorce doesn't necessarily mean you're not healed, it could be just simple conversation.
Posted by P-AngelPosted by truecap
Once these people take time to heal and finally date again, they eventually get into a committed relationship. Then they tend to talk to their about their negative experiences in detail to their new partner.
If a person feels compelled to talk about their negative experiences with an ex .... then they never healed from it.
So, since they never healed from it ... how does the support of other women to heal them come into the picture exactly .. if this healing never took place?
A person who is healed from any bad experience .... doesn't have this need in sharing it.
If a person doesn't like something, or doesn't want something ... then they put a check on it and walk away from it, in not thinking about it.
If a person does like something, or want something .... then they address it with other people, and are indeed thinking about it.
If a woman feels compelled in talking to a new man about the bad issues with an ex .. then this means she hasn't healed from it at all, it means she's still carrying it around with her.
So, where does this support of other women come into play here, as being considered helping her? It's not helping her to heal .. it's helping her to continue thinking about it.click to expand
I do understand what you're saying. Harping on it indicates there is an issue. Just telling someone what happened isn't harping on it, though.
I think it's best to say as little as possible.
Posted by truecap
P-Angel you keep referring to women. Keep in mind there are men who talk about it as well.
Well, there are a lot of women who do heal from it. There are some who don't. You are right, there are some people who waller in it. But there are some who get support and a new perspective and do grow and heal. Here, on DXP, yes, there are a lot who waller, but DXP is not a good indication of the majority of people out there who do move on.
Talking about circumstances of a divorce doesn't necessarily mean you're not healed, it could be just simple conversation.
Men do talk about it. I agree with everything P has said. But there is somewhat of a distinction. When we talk about it, we're looking for a solution rather than just re living it. This is not in any way to say that women don't or are lesser. Emotional pain is real. It's important to be supportive but not enabling. I've had women come to me with their problems and while I'm open to them talking about it, I usually present them with a solution because at some point it has to be resolved in order to move forward. As much as I want to be supportive, I can't date someone who continues to relive the past.
I do believe that it actually is different for men and women.
Women tend to lean on the emotional side, whine, cry, cling to support, etc. Waller in the pain til it all goes away.
But with men you say it's different. Men are looking for a solution?
Hmmm...looking for an example....okay....Say the ex screwed him over financially, spent all the money, ran up debt in his name, then left.... What would be the solution in that scenario? What would he gain by talking about it? A plan to prevent it from happening again?
Women tend to lean on the emotional side, whine, cry, cling to support, etc. Waller in the pain til it all goes away.
But with men you say it's different. Men are looking for a solution?
Hmmm...looking for an example....okay....Say the ex screwed him over financially, spent all the money, ran up debt in his name, then left.... What would be the solution in that scenario? What would he gain by talking about it? A plan to prevent it from happening again?
Posted by truecap
I do believe that it actually is different for men and women.
Women tend to lean on the emotional side, whine, cry, cling to support, etc. Waller in the pain til it all goes away.
But with men you say it's different. Men are looking for a solution?
Hmmm...looking for an example....okay....Say the ex screwed him over financially, spent all the money, ran up debt in his name, then left.... What would be the solution in that scenario? What would he gain by talking about it? A plan to prevent it from happening again?
We talk about it cause we're pissed lol. We simply talk to those we trust the most and who we know can support us and not necessarily financially. They are very few. Then its boils to solving the problem. Come up with practical(remember its about what you practice) solutions. If your ex screwed you over, date someone who is financially responsible next time. A long list could be made but everything comes back to maturity. When you're mature, you're responsible and accountable. Emotionally and otherwise. To yourself and others.
Makes perfect sense. Thanks for explaining.
Best thing people can do is figure out how they can improve themselves, work on themselves and become better people. Take it all as a learning experience and grow wiser and loaded with more education, you're more capable of make better choices.
Best thing people can do is figure out how they can improve themselves, work on themselves and become better people. Take it all as a learning experience and grow wiser and loaded with more education, you're more capable of make better choices.
Posted by truecap
Makes perfect sense. Thanks for explaining.
Best thing people can do is figure out how they can improve themselves, work on themselves and become better people. Take it all as a learning experience and grow wiser and loaded with more education, you're more capable of make better choices.
No prob_??_
Depends on who you talking you about your ex's
some people just dont want to hear it
some people will use the info against you
some people are actually there for you
depending upon the person you talking about your ex's if they are respectful towards you about it then yes it is
if they arent then it isnt healthy
some people just dont want to hear it
some people will use the info against you
some people are actually there for you
depending upon the person you talking about your ex's if they are respectful towards you about it then yes it is
if they arent then it isnt healthy
Posted by mfwb55
Depends on who you talking you about your ex's
some people just dont want to hear it
some people will use the info against you
some people are actually there for you
depending upon the person you talking about your ex's if they are respectful towards you about it then yes it is
if they arent then it isnt healthy
I'm talking about sharing your bad experiences with an ex to a new significant other.
I have one friend who always wants to bad mouth her ex, like she's a victim and he's an evil douchebag. She tells her new boyfriends all about him and how he mistreated her and how he did this and that.
It turns them off and they start pulling away.
I can only imagine what these guys are thinking:
Is she going to bad mouth me if this doesn't work out?
Is she wanting me to go kick his ass?
Is she a diva? Surely, she contributed, it can't be all one sided.
Is she a doormat for letting him treat her this way?
What's wrong with her as to why she tolerated that treatment?
Hmmm...she has no self esteem, I don't want to be with anyone like that.
It turns them off and they start pulling away.
I can only imagine what these guys are thinking:
Is she going to bad mouth me if this doesn't work out?
Is she wanting me to go kick his ass?
Is she a diva? Surely, she contributed, it can't be all one sided.
Is she a doormat for letting him treat her this way?
What's wrong with her as to why she tolerated that treatment?
Hmmm...she has no self esteem, I don't want to be with anyone like that.
But I also think if one does share, out of conversation sake and not with the intention of being a victim, that it is not necessarily a bad thing as long as you stay calm and factual. Admitting what you contributed to the problem is like letting someone know you've learned from the experience. Stating what you've learned shows you are mature and that you have come out of it a better person.
Plus, it shows character to admit where you went wrong and that you take responsibility for your portion of the failed relationship.
Nothing wrong with it unless you harp on it like the person above.
Plus, it shows character to admit where you went wrong and that you take responsibility for your portion of the failed relationship.
Nothing wrong with it unless you harp on it like the person above.
Posted by truecap
Is this healthy or unhealthy to the next serious relationship? Why or why not? I see two sides of it. Healthy in that the other person can understand what they went through and can know where this person stands. Unhealthy because it could mean they still have unresolved issues or lingering bitterness
Timing has a lot to do with it. I think it's best if you wait until the other person starts asking you questions about the past. Some people don't turn on the "understanding" button within themselves unless they start hearing about your past when they are READY to.
The other person's willingness & ability to understand things is a big factor too. If a person is not really that interested in you, then all your sob/horror stories about the past may scare them away, especially if those stories are told too soon.
However, the person who truly is interested in you & is starting to transition to the "Ok let's stop lusting & actually get to know each other," phase will be a little more understanding of your past & won't be as ready to run or judge you. Their interest in you can make or break how someone reacts to info about your past
I hear this is a big problem with online dating. Instead of people posting 100% positive things about themselves & life as their "30 seconds" to wheel you in & impress you, they're instead posting things like "I'm tired of the games. I'm tired of being played. If you're not an honest person, keep it moving!" This reeks of "Yep, I'm not over my past yet!" to the other person.
Long story short (lol): Level of interest & timing are the 2 biggest factors in my opinion
It's kind of like the person who comes into work every morning complaining. It sets everyone in a bad mood, right?!
They may have legitimate complaints. They may even be an overall great person. But it doesn't matter; it's still annoying b/c people hate starting things off on a bad/negative note. The same goes for dating
When people 1st meet you, they want to focus on the good. They want to see the best in you 1st. They want to laugh, have fun with you & see what your best traits are.
The problem with talking about the past too soon is that those kinds of convos usually turn into long blown out conversations. And if the person is talking about the past with too much passion or anger OR if they don't know when to shut it off eventually, it just leaves too much room for the other person to get turned off.
And if a person isn't ready for that or if the interest in you is not high enough yet, it can really turn the other person off. That's fair & understandable.
They may have legitimate complaints. They may even be an overall great person. But it doesn't matter; it's still annoying b/c people hate starting things off on a bad/negative note. The same goes for dating
When people 1st meet you, they want to focus on the good. They want to see the best in you 1st. They want to laugh, have fun with you & see what your best traits are.
The problem with talking about the past too soon is that those kinds of convos usually turn into long blown out conversations. And if the person is talking about the past with too much passion or anger OR if they don't know when to shut it off eventually, it just leaves too much room for the other person to get turned off.
And if a person isn't ready for that or if the interest in you is not high enough yet, it can really turn the other person off. That's fair & understandable.
maybe most of us women just like to discuss LIFETIME drama amongst ourselves. Our woes and our sadness, those bad men who got away, that kind of thing. 🙂
I kind of enjoy reading what you all have to say about your past woes too and the best part is when you all "grow" from it. Its pretty awesome.
Can you imagine what the men talk about amongst themselves?
Women and men are so different.
I kind of enjoy reading what you all have to say about your past woes too and the best part is when you all "grow" from it. Its pretty awesome.
Can you imagine what the men talk about amongst themselves?
Women and men are so different.
I think it depends on timing and who brings it up.
If the other asks and wants to know, then obviously it's coming up. If it's a little earlier than usual to discuss, keep it minimal and save the details for later if the relationship progresses.
If you bring it up too early, like early dating stages, it could very well turn someone off. Depends on the individual. It's bound to come up eventually, though so I'm not sure why it's made out to be such a big deal. I only see it as a faux pas if you're whipping out this info on the first date.
I think it's kinda weird when someone won't talk about that type of stuff. It makes me think they're hiding something. They don't have to talk about it now, but if they never bring it up later on when things are established relationship-wise, you start to wonder wtf.
If the other asks and wants to know, then obviously it's coming up. If it's a little earlier than usual to discuss, keep it minimal and save the details for later if the relationship progresses.
If you bring it up too early, like early dating stages, it could very well turn someone off. Depends on the individual. It's bound to come up eventually, though so I'm not sure why it's made out to be such a big deal. I only see it as a faux pas if you're whipping out this info on the first date.
I think it's kinda weird when someone won't talk about that type of stuff. It makes me think they're hiding something. They don't have to talk about it now, but if they never bring it up later on when things are established relationship-wise, you start to wonder wtf.
I think we can all agree that the convo has to be had at some point at least. "When" depends on the chemistry of the couple
There's a right & wrong time for everything.
It all depends too on your intentions for telling a new person about your ex's. Some people just want to tell long drawn out stories b/c they want sympathy & love being the victim; they believe that new people will be less likely to hurt them if they know that they've already been hurt 1,000 times. It may not be true b/c people who wanna hurt you will do so regardless, BUT that's what they believe.
Some people are more interested in your response. It's a "test" to see if the other person is gonna judge you once they hear about your skeletons. It happens too. If I meet a guy who tells me that all 10 of his ex's cheated on him & if he presents his stories like he's always the victim, I'd start believing that perhaps he can't ever take blame or responsibility for his part in things & if I stiff that out in him, I'll def. lose interest.
Some people tell stories about their past b/c it's their passive/aggressive way of warning you that they've got some justified (or unjustified) insecurities, fears & issues. They're not telling you about their past b/c they want you to get to know them, no they're telling you b/c it's their secret warning to you not to even dare thinking about putting them through the same thing lol
Some people bring it up pretending like they're telling you so that you can get to know them as a "whole" when the real truth is that they just wanted the perfect opportunity to bad mouth their ex/past.
And then there's the people who tell you b/c they want you to know all of them as a whole. And if that's the case, ya kinda can't leave out the last 10+ years of your life lol
There's a right & wrong time for everything.
It all depends too on your intentions for telling a new person about your ex's. Some people just want to tell long drawn out stories b/c they want sympathy & love being the victim; they believe that new people will be less likely to hurt them if they know that they've already been hurt 1,000 times. It may not be true b/c people who wanna hurt you will do so regardless, BUT that's what they believe.
Some people are more interested in your response. It's a "test" to see if the other person is gonna judge you once they hear about your skeletons. It happens too. If I meet a guy who tells me that all 10 of his ex's cheated on him & if he presents his stories like he's always the victim, I'd start believing that perhaps he can't ever take blame or responsibility for his part in things & if I stiff that out in him, I'll def. lose interest.
Some people tell stories about their past b/c it's their passive/aggressive way of warning you that they've got some justified (or unjustified) insecurities, fears & issues. They're not telling you about their past b/c they want you to get to know them, no they're telling you b/c it's their secret warning to you not to even dare thinking about putting them through the same thing lol
Some people bring it up pretending like they're telling you so that you can get to know them as a "whole" when the real truth is that they just wanted the perfect opportunity to bad mouth their ex/past.
And then there's the people who tell you b/c they want you to know all of them as a whole. And if that's the case, ya kinda can't leave out the last 10+ years of your life lol
Posted by krysrenee7
I think we can all agree ....
There you go, thinking you can speak for everyone.
Most times, with people like you, I find that they cannot handle their own decisions and actions ... so they attempt to make it seem like the choice was universal, so that they can be relieved from any guilt about making wrong choices.
First of all if someone (male/female) is not over their ex and feels the need to regurgitate that pain, then they have no right to be dating or getting involved in a relationship. Period.
ESPECIALLY A DIVORCE. If they aren't able to take 6 months to a year to deal with it, then get professional help. To bring up an ex and whine about the negative to someone new, is like emptying a box of termites into the potential of a new relationship.
Deal with the emotional drama and baggage, and move on.
ESPECIALLY A DIVORCE. If they aren't able to take 6 months to a year to deal with it, then get professional help. To bring up an ex and whine about the negative to someone new, is like emptying a box of termites into the potential of a new relationship.
Deal with the emotional drama and baggage, and move on.
Posted by P-AngelPosted by krysrenee7
I think we can all agree ....
There you go, thinking you can speak for everyone.
Most times, with people like you, I find that they cannot handle their own decisions and actions ... so they attempt to make it seem like the choice was universal, so that they can be relieved from any guilt about making wrong choices.click to expand
She does that all the time. It's a desperate way to get people to agree with her with the hopes of misery loves company and that she really isn't alone. Then when someone debates it, and says NO KRYS, I'm nothing like that and nothing like you she gets pissed off. People like her will do this after repeated failures in life and instead of wondering why, assumes and uses the words "i think we ALL can agree" or "all women...." for that comfort of validation without ever figuring out the "whys" of one failure after another. smh
Posted by LetltB
First of all if someone (male/female) is not over their ex and feels the need to regurgitate that pain, then they have no right to be dating or getting involved in a relationship. Period.
ESPECIALLY A DIVORCE. If they aren't able to take 6 months to a year to deal with it, then get professional help. To bring up an ex and whine about the negative to someone new, is like emptying a box of termites into the potential of a new relationship.
Deal with the emotional drama and baggage, and move on.
Agreed.
And further, I don't believe it is necessary or healthy to discuss past specific exes with new partners. It is your responsibility as an adult to put everything in proper perspective, put a period behind it all, adjust your standards if applicable ... and step into the new relationship with your new outlook.
Hi. Great topic.
Honestly, I rarely think about my ex spouse anymore. But I recall thinking of him and talking about him a lot in the first few years following our divorce. It wasn't that I wasn't over him -- I was over him before I left him and leaving him was almost a "personal honeymoon" for me. The main reason I talked about some of his behaviors and issues was probably an effort on my part to process the relationship.
But it was really more burdensome than helpful. Discussing it and analyzing it and even mocking it just sort of "kept it alive" longer. It probably prevented me from moving forward more quickly with my life.
Talking about unpleasant, stressful events is really overrated IMHO.
Honestly, I rarely think about my ex spouse anymore. But I recall thinking of him and talking about him a lot in the first few years following our divorce. It wasn't that I wasn't over him -- I was over him before I left him and leaving him was almost a "personal honeymoon" for me. The main reason I talked about some of his behaviors and issues was probably an effort on my part to process the relationship.
But it was really more burdensome than helpful. Discussing it and analyzing it and even mocking it just sort of "kept it alive" longer. It probably prevented me from moving forward more quickly with my life.
Talking about unpleasant, stressful events is really overrated IMHO.
Agreed.
And further, I don't believe it is necessary or healthy to discuss past specific exes with new partners. It is your responsibility as an adult to put everything in proper perspective, put a period behind it all, adjust your standards if applicable ... and step into the new relationship with your new outlook.
"It is OUR responsibility." Those were your exact words. You're placing your opinion of what YOU feel you would do & in doing so telling others that they should all be doing the same thing. Interesting, b/c that's the same thing you just "lectured" me about doing. Remember, what YOU feel people should do & what EVERYBODY feels they should do are 2 different things but you just merged the 2. The irony
But please keep this going. I love it when complete strangers and internet bullies come to psychoanalyze me instead of just plainly saying "I agree" or "I disagree." But I wouldn't expect you 2 to agree. You don't know how to bring constructive criticism to an argument w/o using character assassination as a tool to get YOUR point across. lol The irony
It's almost as if you guys believe that my very purpose for being on this site is to gain your approval lol Sorry, but you're not that important to me.
Anywho, moving on.
I strongly believe that the convo needs to be had at some point at least before you hit the damn alter lol
I don't think it's necessarily necessary on the 1st date or even on the 3rd, but I do feel that the convo should eventually be had. Learning about someone's past says a lot about them, their demons from the past & about what kinds of people/traits they were attracted and attached to.
I think some people only hold your ex stories against you when they feel you're either 1. Telling them in the time that THEY consider to be "too soon." 2. When it's obvious that you're telling the stories to vent as opposed to genuinely wanting to let someone "in" & learn about you & 3. When they hear or get the sense that you're so strongly attached to your past that you can't help but to compare everything to your past. I think these are all valid reasons to be "turned off." But I'm sure there are some who disagree or feel differently. Just my opinion
I strongly believe that the convo needs to be had at some point at least before you hit the damn alter lol
I don't think it's necessarily necessary on the 1st date or even on the 3rd, but I do feel that the convo should eventually be had. Learning about someone's past says a lot about them, their demons from the past & about what kinds of people/traits they were attracted and attached to.
I think some people only hold your ex stories against you when they feel you're either 1. Telling them in the time that THEY consider to be "too soon." 2. When it's obvious that you're telling the stories to vent as opposed to genuinely wanting to let someone "in" & learn about you & 3. When they hear or get the sense that you're so strongly attached to your past that you can't help but to compare everything to your past. I think these are all valid reasons to be "turned off." But I'm sure there are some who disagree or feel differently. Just my opinion
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
.... how many women there are who are with a man because he liked her. He woos her, charms her .... and now she is wi
I asked a man for coffee he said yes before I'd even finished the sentence! We'd been flirting all night and talking abo
hello there so a few days ago me and the guy I was going out with, kissed, it was our first kiss and I was expecting so
Share with me your experiences on the topic.
A large group of us travelled up to watch our friend fight in the UFC this weekend. Event was held an hours travel from
Which do you sleep on and state whether you are male or female. I also wonder if this changes from country to countr
I love forehead kisses; they are so endearing. But what would compel a man to kiss your forehead while he thinks you're
I dated this guy for about a year and eventually we both relocated. Because of the relocation we do not communicate very
Are these to blame for our romanticized outlook on RL? This week I was watching a romantic comedy and of course the
I'm curious as to how much is appropriate to spend on a Christmas gift. We haven't talked about it and I've already boug
My sister in law gave me this idea and I like it so I'm going with it, She feels if you want something you meditate on i
Hi All, My ex disappeared almost 2 months ago without actually ending us and has now posted a profile on a dating sit
OK! This is kind of a long story so I will try to condense it. So, a long time taurus guy and I started dating a little
Granted, the first guy wasn't well groomed. But think about it, how many times in pop culture do we hear women saying t
approaching someone? Can work both ways I guess. I've seen someone around who intrigues me, the situation is at a sp
I never, ever had any doubt in my mind that I can put up with dating a musician. My passion is in art, the fact that I c
Hello, I'm a sagittarius woman and I've been dating my cancer man for 9 months now. He's told me before he's depressed a
For those who say, Why weren't they just honest with me? I wonder if the 100% raw truth would've been something you'd
I've come through a breakup which took longer than I thought and took it's toll on me personally, but it's done after an
To people who's been cheated on, lied to, played, hurt: Would you trust the person again or give him/her a second chan
Once these people take time to heal and finally date again, they eventually get into a committed relationship. Then they tend to talk to their about their negative experiences in detail to their new partner.
Is this healthy or unhealthy to the next serious relationship? Why or why not?
I see two sides of it. Healthy in that the other person can understand what they went through and can know where this person stands. Unhealthy because it could mean they still have unresolved issues or lingering bitterness.
Does time play a role or make a difference? Time since the divorce (one year, five years, etc)? Time in the newer relationship (one month, one year, two years)?
I've seen several people do it in different ways and in different scenarios. Just curious to what is healthiest and other opinions on the topic.
Discuss away!