Is it love or am I aksing for trouble?

I met her a few months ago and it was filled with passion in the beginning. A month and a half into it she found that she lost the emotional feelings towards me/relationship. She can't pinpoint the reasons (I trust her being honest) but she really wanted this to work so she continued to spend time with me hoping she would come around. We had some talk last few nights and I concluded that it's time to let go. It's very difficult because I started to fall in love with her and I had some of the best moments in my life with her in the beginning.

Through the talk I found out she's going through some life issues (direction, purpose, age, etc.) but I can't say it affects how she feels about me. I decided not to see her again but I feel terrible if I leave her at this moment, as a friend or soulmate, because she doesn't even talk to any friends about what she is going through. I love her and I'd like to stand by her to get through this. I admit that I still have feelings but I am not going to expect to develop a romantic relationship again. Of course I would like it deep inside of me. Am I asking for trouble and a messy situation?

Posted by Maddy
Well, as you describe it she is going through a hard time and you're not sticking w/ her through hard times. Maybe she is just testing you to see if you're going to stick through thick and thin.
As I'm understanding this, you asked her to end things right? Did she ever asked you to leave her alone, not to contact her again? did she tell what she is going through? Fill us more details please and hopefully someone can help

Thanks for the reply. Don't think she's testing me because she's quite straight forward and not into any game. The way it ended was like we knew the relationship wasn't growing at this point and someone had to do something. She didn't ask me to do anything but she did say there would be no guarantee if she would feel connected again in the future. The best way to describe the issue is that she feels her life is stuck without a direction.

We are in the late 30's and I'm an Aries. I guess I want to be there not because I'm hoping for her to change her mind. I really don't want her to deal with this alone. Yes, because I care about her. Thanks so much Maddy.

1. If she's emotionally unavailable for WHATEVER reason, there's nothing you can do to change that. Only SHE can. Only SHE has the solutions to those problems.

2. The best thing about having a "connection" with someone is that none of us can ever really explain it in words. It "just is." So if that connection is lost, it's usually lost for good or atleast for a long time. And if it ever comes back, it's probably too late b/c 1 or both people have already moved on to someone else.

3. If you want to stand by her with the hopes of maintaining her friendship, do that. BUT, if you only want to stay around b/c you have motives/incentives that doing so will somehow get her to want a relationship with you, that's NOT right & won't breed the results you were looking for.

4. These situations happen all the time. Some of the most insecure & troubled people don't allow their security wall/issues to come out until AFTER they've already established a connection with someone. By the time the connection/chemistry starts, THAT'S when insecure people remember that well, they're insecure & that they have no business going to high levels with someone unless they have it in them to. Sucks for the other person, but this happens alot. And when it does, a person's insecurities/baggage will always OUTWEIGH/OVERSHADOW any immediate/temporary connection they've developed with someone else.

5. It comes down to YOU & whether or not you're willing to take certain risks.

Are you willing to wait it out, stand by her side & continue investing in her even though there's NO guarantee that you'll get her OR the connection back?

OR are you willing to take the risk of leaving a potentially good thing (had you just been patient) & go on to find someone else? (Which you may regret later on or not)

Either way, there ARE risks involved. The question is in what side of the table you're gonna sit on. You have alot to possibly gain AND lose either way.

For some people, had they just been patient& unselfish, they would've easily walked off into the sunset with the person they truly wanted.

For others, had they NOT been so trusting, so naive and/or so patient, they wouldn't currently be regretting the fact that they wasted time & energy that they'll never get back.

Krysrenee7, thanks so much for this. You point about insecurity makes me curious. So is the insecurity kind of like a fear that something bad will happen? Or is it like a kid who had been burned by fire before so he is always scared and staying away from the stove?

In my case, she said she still remembered when she felt connected but the emotional feelings was just lost at one point. How do I know if this is really an insecurity issue? She admitted she had been hurt before but she always knows how much I love her and how consistent I am.

Well it depends on WHY the connection was lost. Did she ever want it in the 1st place? Or did you do (or not do) say something that changed the chemistry/connection? THAT is the question

On 1 hand, if she's so stressed out that she's allowing herself to transition into "emotionally unavailable" status, she did the right thing by semi letting you go b/c it wouldn't be fair to you for her to make a promise to be/do something that she just doesn't have it in her to do.

However, she may not even aware that she's allowing her insecurities/baggage/issues to intervene & affect her ability to get close to others, therefore she's sub-consciously wrong. What might be happening is that the connection was NOT lost, but moreso that her issues outweigh/overshadow any feelings she may have towards you.

Doesn't mean that the feelings aren't there or that they went away...just means that she doesn't mentally have enough room for you on her plate, thus had she not been so bombarded with so many issues right now, she probably wouldn't be claiming that the connection went away

Either way, she's dead serious. Her issues right now overshadow & outweigh any connection, bond or chemistry she may be feeling with you.

And her issues may not go away right away. It may take a long time for her to stop allowing her current baggage to affect her relationships/friendships with others.

So again...it comes down to whether or not you're willing to take that risk & wait...

Doesn't mean that you personally did/said something wrong...but moreso that in her mind, she feels that she's doing the right thing in NOT being selfish enough to drag you along in the mud while she's going through so much.

Another possibililty is that she really DID lose the connection with you & is only staying around b/c she doesn't want to feel guilty for walking away from such a loyal & good friend. Almost like she'd feel better if she kept you semi-around & at a distance vs. letting you go even though you've done nothing wrong & looking like the ungrateful & cold-hearted bxtch for it

If you really care to get deep into it, just ask her. Ask her if you did/said something wrong to get her feelings to change. If she says that you've done nothing wrong, I doubt that the connection is really gone like she's claiming. It's just probably that she's confusing the power of her baggage to be her not having that same connection with you anymore

And baggage can have that affect on people...just like depression or any other mental-drainer can