I disagree with Dr. Phil

...when he said that step parents should NOT be allowed to discipline their step children.

I strongly disagree with that.

I can agree that the step parent shouldn't be the primary disciplinarian BUT to say that simply being a step parent doesn't give you any authority in your own home at all is just crazy

What do you guys think?

it depends on how badly the kid is behaving.
the fact that there's no blood relation between a step parent and a step child shouldn't matter if the kid is out of control and causing major problems.
step parents should definitely try to set good examples for their step kids. that shouldn't be solely up to their biological parents.
it doesn't matter if the kid ain't yours. brats need to be dicipilned or they're gonna grow up to be troublemakers, causing problems in society.

The family (especially parents) should work together as a UNIT, regardless of how biologically the people in that family are related.

That's the same as saying that an adoptive mom/dad has NO right to discipline the children simply b/c they're not biologically related. That's bull!

So what if the biological parent is in the military or leaves town for a few weeks...so if the child acts up, the step parent shouldn't enforce any discpline until the biological parent gets back? That makes no sense!

Discipline is 50% of how children grow to respect their parents AND elders. How can a child respect an authority figure like a parent (step parent or not) if they're not allowed to correct the child when they're in the wrong?

Not to mention, sometimes the step parent may be more effective in his/her disciplinary methods than the actual biological parent. And I think it'd be pretty devestating to the family dynamic if the parent with the most effective disciplinary methods can't discipline the child simply b/c they're not the biological parent.

Are we talking discipline or smacking?

Talking to a child about behaviour if you are a step parent is all fine but I think that in all honesty and depending how old the children are it will come across deaf ears no matter how it is done. The children already have a dislike (mostly) for another partner in their parents lives and that just adds to the complication of a step parent. Why would the step parent want to take on a role that is only going to further alienate the children and cause problems not only within the marriage but within the newly formed family?

I am seeing this first hand with my ex and his soon to be fiance. Our children are grown and any little thing she does alienates them from her.

I personally would draw the line with my partner disciplining my children, knowing only too well that it will/does create more drama and conflict than necessary!

Posted by sweethearts
Are we talking discipline or smacking?

Either one. There are many different forms of discpline

And Dr. Phil said that he doesn't believe that any step parent should be using ANY form of discipline whatsoever. And THAT'S where I disagree with him.

HOW the discipline is being carried out is 1 thing. But WHO the discpline can come from is a different story.

I can agree/understand children being upset if their friends, babysitters, maids, siblings, teachers, distant relatives, other adults, etc. try to enforce discipline.

BUT 1 of the MAIN things the biological parent SHOULD be teaching their children at all times is that they MUST respect all forms of authority. And if a step parent (although not biological) is contributing to the family unit, pays half the bills, & is half the reason those children even have a roof over their heads, my children would be in serious TROUBLE if they didn't not only respect their stepfather but ALSO adhere to whatever discipline he feels is necessary.

If both parents work together & agree to the same forms of discipline, the children should respect & obey BOTH parents.

I would never teach my children to ONLY respect/listen to someone who is biologically related to them. I get that it may take some children a long time to grow out of their resentment for another father figure other than their real father, BUT if I teach them the RIGHT way, they'll learn to respect, appreciate AND obey any figure who is helping me put food into their mouths & a roof over their heads.

Posted by dreamer23
If I recall, didnt Dr. Phil say that step parents shouldn't discipline AFTER A CERTAIN AGE?

That bit of fact seems to have been omitted .. I wonder why Krys did that?

Posted by dreamer23
If the biological parent is alive and active in the child's life I dont see any need for the step parent to be taking any real disciplinary action in the household. Of course s/he has to command some level of respect from the child as an authority figure, but I think thats where it should end.

Well said, that's right. I agree.

Posted by dreamer23
If I recall, didnt Dr. Phil say that step parents shouldn't discipline AFTER A CERTAIN AGE?

He said that before. But NOW on his website (article) he's saying that that he nows believes that step parents shouldn't be disciplining the children at all, during the remainder of their stay within the family unit

And that's what I disagree with.

And even if Dr. Phil said that step parents shouldn't discpline the child after a certain age, that still doesn't make sense. So what he's aloud to discipline a child at 5 years old but not at 15? That makes no sense.

AS LONG as that step parent is apart of the family unit, discipline should be allowed period.

Doesn't mean that the discipline has to be harsh, cruel or continual

Posted by Prince_Pisces
People watch his show? LOL

I know, right?

I will tell off any child i see mis-behaving regardless of whether or not I know them or their parents! I wouldnt hit someone elses child who i wasnt responsible for but if I was living in the household with them and they were my step-child I would treat the exactly the same as I would treat my child. Children in a household should not be being treated differently.It would be absoloutely stupid if one child was mine and the other was a step child and they both got into trouble and I was able to deal with one and the other had to wait till their biological parent came home—