krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
17 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 0 · Posts: 8735 · Topics: 522
Lessons along the way
I agree completely with you! I don't think it's a problem that women don't know this. The do, they just choose to ignore the facts... so they always end up learning the hard way /:
Very well put btw 🙂
1. You TEACH people how to TREAT you. Being a dominant doormat is just as worse as suffering in silence.
2. Men respond to ACTION. All the nagging or long "talks" go in 1 ear & out the other. Learn how to demand the things that you deserve by either positive OR negative reinforcement, and NOT by all the arguing, mind games, guilt tactics, character assassination, etc.
3. Establish the difference b/w DEAL BREAKERS & things that are annoying, BUT workable. Deal breakers are non-negotiable. Be very clear about that from the beginning. Don't bark about what you won't put up with if when it actually comes about, you put up with it. Again, you teach people how to treat you.
4. You're loving a ghost or a figment of your IMAGINATION if you're in love with the person they USED to be, or the person you WISH they were. Do yourself AND them the favor of loving who they currently ARE. If you discover that who they are isn't as fulfilling as who you WISH they were, then leave the relationship.
5. It is impossible to waste their time w/o also wasting your own time.
6. Damaged people don't belong in relationships. They deserve love of course, BUT loving someone & having to be with them are 2 different things that require different skillsets. Find someone who is ALREADY what you want. All the "Captain save-a-h*oe" or "therapy" relationships are a waste of time & usually backfire. If you want to be someone's therapist, go to school for it...at least you'll get paid for it lol
If you're spending all your time teaching someone how to be in a relationship, you'll never actually have time to enjoy the actual relationship (which DEFEATS the purpose of being in a relationship) lol
2. Men respond to ACTION. All the nagging or long "talks" go in 1 ear & out the other. Learn how to demand the things that you deserve by either positive OR negative reinforcement, and NOT by all the arguing, mind games, guilt tactics, character assassination, etc.
3. Establish the difference b/w DEAL BREAKERS & things that are annoying, BUT workable. Deal breakers are non-negotiable. Be very clear about that from the beginning. Don't bark about what you won't put up with if when it actually comes about, you put up with it. Again, you teach people how to treat you.
4. You're loving a ghost or a figment of your IMAGINATION if you're in love with the person they USED to be, or the person you WISH they were. Do yourself AND them the favor of loving who they currently ARE. If you discover that who they are isn't as fulfilling as who you WISH they were, then leave the relationship.
5. It is impossible to waste their time w/o also wasting your own time.
6. Damaged people don't belong in relationships. They deserve love of course, BUT loving someone & having to be with them are 2 different things that require different skillsets. Find someone who is ALREADY what you want. All the "Captain save-a-h*oe" or "therapy" relationships are a waste of time & usually backfire. If you want to be someone's therapist, go to school for it...at least you'll get paid for it lol
If you're spending all your time teaching someone how to be in a relationship, you'll never actually have time to enjoy the actual relationship (which DEFEATS the purpose of being in a relationship) lol
7. If you've got to guilt, pressure or manipulate them into being with you then they are NOT right for you. You might get what you want out of them temporarily, but once the guilt wears off, you'll lose them & be back to square one, so just give it up.
8. You can't say "IT'S EASIER SAID THAN DONE," forever! Sometimes you've gotta put on your big girl/boy panties & do what's best for you if it means you healing faster & upping your chances of finding the right person for you in the future
9. Be yourself in the beginning. There's nothing worse than falling in love with who the person was PRETENDING to be. I'm sure 99% of your heartbreak from the past stems from people turning out to be 100% different than what they advertised themselves to be in the beginning.
10. Date from your OWN mind. Don't let your friends or family members make your love life decisions for you. Your partner or crush wants you to love them from YOUR heart & according to YOUR standards, not theirs. All that matters is what YOU want & feel is fulfilling. Don't miss out on a good person b/c you don't have a mind of your own
8. You can't say "IT'S EASIER SAID THAN DONE," forever! Sometimes you've gotta put on your big girl/boy panties & do what's best for you if it means you healing faster & upping your chances of finding the right person for you in the future
9. Be yourself in the beginning. There's nothing worse than falling in love with who the person was PRETENDING to be. I'm sure 99% of your heartbreak from the past stems from people turning out to be 100% different than what they advertised themselves to be in the beginning.
10. Date from your OWN mind. Don't let your friends or family members make your love life decisions for you. Your partner or crush wants you to love them from YOUR heart & according to YOUR standards, not theirs. All that matters is what YOU want & feel is fulfilling. Don't miss out on a good person b/c you don't have a mind of your own
11. Men will NOT buy the software if they could download it for FREE. I get it, I get it. Some women ended up getting lucky & marrying the guy that she gave it up to the 1st night, BUT she is the exception to the rule! Everybody can't be in that 1% . Play it safe b/c it's rather to be safe than sorry
12. They have NOT changed, nor are they ready to change or accept responsibility if their apologies are filled with "BUT" or justifications/excuses somewhere included in their apology. When you're wrong, you're wrong. No ifs, ands, or buts.
13. You're not ready for a relationship if you wouldn't even date yourself
14. Be clear about what breed of person you want to attract. Don't just jump out there & take whatever you can get when it comes. If you're clear about what you want, it's a lot harder for some smooth player smooth talker to come manipulate you or wheel you in along the way. Don't stray from your goals.
15. If your "type" hasn't worked for you in the past, then it's time for your "type" to change. If it's not working for you, change it. Don't expect to get different results while you're still using the same mentality.
16. You can't shortcut love. It involves vulnerability, trust & risk taking. If you're not ready for or willing to do/give that, that's fine, BUT don't sign up for love or anything for that matter that you're ready to do what it truly takes to get. There's no such thing as a "Get rich quick" scheme in love. If you desire fulfilling AND long-lasting love, then do what it takes...that means being willing to give AND receive all the things YOU personally feel would make for a desirable relationship
12. They have NOT changed, nor are they ready to change or accept responsibility if their apologies are filled with "BUT" or justifications/excuses somewhere included in their apology. When you're wrong, you're wrong. No ifs, ands, or buts.
13. You're not ready for a relationship if you wouldn't even date yourself
14. Be clear about what breed of person you want to attract. Don't just jump out there & take whatever you can get when it comes. If you're clear about what you want, it's a lot harder for some smooth player smooth talker to come manipulate you or wheel you in along the way. Don't stray from your goals.
15. If your "type" hasn't worked for you in the past, then it's time for your "type" to change. If it's not working for you, change it. Don't expect to get different results while you're still using the same mentality.
16. You can't shortcut love. It involves vulnerability, trust & risk taking. If you're not ready for or willing to do/give that, that's fine, BUT don't sign up for love or anything for that matter that you're ready to do what it truly takes to get. There's no such thing as a "Get rich quick" scheme in love. If you desire fulfilling AND long-lasting love, then do what it takes...that means being willing to give AND receive all the things YOU personally feel would make for a desirable relationship
17. Keep dating even when you're in the relationship or married! Don't ever stop dating & courting each other! Being comfortable & being complacent are 2 different things. There's always more room for improvement & for more fun. A person will fear committing to you in the long run if they feel like the best of you (or the mystery/challenge) ends the second the commitment is official.
Therefore NEVER stop doing what it took to get them.
18. Get your relationship advice from people who ALREADY are where you want to be or who have achieved the goals you have. Women that can't ever keep a man can't tell you how to get/keep a man. Whether or not they're single or taken doesn't matter IF you can see that at 1 point they were able to achieve the kind of happiness or relationship you are seeking. The best way to achieve happiness is by watching what happy people do (not unhappy people do). Watch what happy couples do (not unhappy couples).
19. Don't always be the man or woman who has to fall on your azz before you learn or avoid making mistakes. There are plenty of people in your shoes who are going through what you're going through OR who have been there, done that. LISTEN! A lot of people have great wisdom but they'll lose their edge too share if it no one ever listens. Don't be so stubborn to change ways that aren't even working for you.
Therefore NEVER stop doing what it took to get them.
18. Get your relationship advice from people who ALREADY are where you want to be or who have achieved the goals you have. Women that can't ever keep a man can't tell you how to get/keep a man. Whether or not they're single or taken doesn't matter IF you can see that at 1 point they were able to achieve the kind of happiness or relationship you are seeking. The best way to achieve happiness is by watching what happy people do (not unhappy people do). Watch what happy couples do (not unhappy couples).
19. Don't always be the man or woman who has to fall on your azz before you learn or avoid making mistakes. There are plenty of people in your shoes who are going through what you're going through OR who have been there, done that. LISTEN! A lot of people have great wisdom but they'll lose their edge too share if it no one ever listens. Don't be so stubborn to change ways that aren't even working for you.
20. Don't go through his phone, social network accounts or email. If you're gut is telling you that he's up to no good, then you're probably right. And if you're wrong, maybe you need to take some time apart to get your insecurities in check. Plus, it's not worth looking stupid & losing his trust once he finds out that you went snooping & didn't even find anything.
21. Without trust you have nothing. You may have "something," but it will NOT be fulfilling, fun or happy. Without those things, what's the purpose of being in a relationship?
22. Why do good girls go for bad boys? Well b/c they weren't ever "good" girls to begin with. Some women like bad boys b/c they are just alike & share a lot in common. In that case they are actually PERFECT for each other, which means that you are technically NOT even missing out on anything. Damaged women aren't any good for a good man anyways. Quit with the "captain save a hoe" or "damsel in distress" crap & realize that if a woman meshes better with someone who mistreats her, then she did you a FAVOR by sparing you the trouble. So guys, stop focusing on the girls who reject you & pay more attention to the women who won't.
21. Without trust you have nothing. You may have "something," but it will NOT be fulfilling, fun or happy. Without those things, what's the purpose of being in a relationship?
22. Why do good girls go for bad boys? Well b/c they weren't ever "good" girls to begin with. Some women like bad boys b/c they are just alike & share a lot in common. In that case they are actually PERFECT for each other, which means that you are technically NOT even missing out on anything. Damaged women aren't any good for a good man anyways. Quit with the "captain save a hoe" or "damsel in distress" crap & realize that if a woman meshes better with someone who mistreats her, then she did you a FAVOR by sparing you the trouble. So guys, stop focusing on the girls who reject you & pay more attention to the women who won't.
+1000 to this thread_??_
***Top "excuses" you should never accept when someone cheats on you:
1. "It just happened." Nothing just happens. It takes CONSCIOUS thought, effort & in some cases, planning
2. "One thing led to the next." The truth is really that they really wanted it in the moment so they went for it. Accept that some people thought about the consequences & risks, but took those risks anyways. Hard pill to swallow, I know BUT the truth is better than a soothing lie.
People won't prioritize being honest with you if you make it obvious that you can't handle it. Remember, people give you what you demand of them. So if you can't handle it, it's unfair to ask for it.
I get it, people make mistakes. BUT there's a difference b/w a choice & a mistake. And someone is most likely to make that same "choice" or "mistake" again if they were never held 100% accountable by you (or themselves) for their actions.
24. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. People don't change overnight or w/o any work being involved. Make sure someone's done the emotional & psychological work 1st AND then let their effort show through their actions. Simple "words" or "promises" shouldn't be good enough for you, b/c if they are, that's all you'll ever get. If someone is truly serious about changing, they won't be offended or bothered by the fact that you want to see some PROOF (actions).
1. "It just happened." Nothing just happens. It takes CONSCIOUS thought, effort & in some cases, planning
2. "One thing led to the next." The truth is really that they really wanted it in the moment so they went for it. Accept that some people thought about the consequences & risks, but took those risks anyways. Hard pill to swallow, I know BUT the truth is better than a soothing lie.
People won't prioritize being honest with you if you make it obvious that you can't handle it. Remember, people give you what you demand of them. So if you can't handle it, it's unfair to ask for it.
I get it, people make mistakes. BUT there's a difference b/w a choice & a mistake. And someone is most likely to make that same "choice" or "mistake" again if they were never held 100% accountable by you (or themselves) for their actions.
24. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. People don't change overnight or w/o any work being involved. Make sure someone's done the emotional & psychological work 1st AND then let their effort show through their actions. Simple "words" or "promises" shouldn't be good enough for you, b/c if they are, that's all you'll ever get. If someone is truly serious about changing, they won't be offended or bothered by the fact that you want to see some PROOF (actions).
25. If they'll do it WITH you, they'll do it TO you. You might go from the side chick to the main chick, BUT don't ever forget that once you're the main chick, the side chick position just opened up again. LET THAT MARINATE.
How you get him is sometimes how you lose him
26. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck & quacks like a duck, it's a F'ing duck!!
27. Your intuition is a built-in lie detector. If your gut is telling you to run, then run!! If it's telling you to stay, then stay! In whatever you decide, make sure you're following your heart! And denial interrupts your ability to look logically AND emotionally make the right decision(s)
28. Others are most likely to lie to you before your own intuition does. It makes NO sense that you'll believe a complete stranger's words, but yet won't believe your own built-in best friend
29. If you always DO what you always DID, you'll always GET what you always GOT. Old non-working strategies don't breed new or better results.
How you get him is sometimes how you lose him
26. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck & quacks like a duck, it's a F'ing duck!!
27. Your intuition is a built-in lie detector. If your gut is telling you to run, then run!! If it's telling you to stay, then stay! In whatever you decide, make sure you're following your heart! And denial interrupts your ability to look logically AND emotionally make the right decision(s)
28. Others are most likely to lie to you before your own intuition does. It makes NO sense that you'll believe a complete stranger's words, but yet won't believe your own built-in best friend
29. If you always DO what you always DID, you'll always GET what you always GOT. Old non-working strategies don't breed new or better results.
30. Don't be so afraid to look in the mirror & point the finger INWARD when you notice your love life going through the same patterns. What if the real problem the whole time was you? Wouldn't you want to at least consider it so that in the case the problem IS you, you can face and fix your issues & then be on to a happy life in the future?
There's NOTHING to lose by looking in the mirror b/c there's always room for improvement. But know though that what isn't acknowledged can't be changed. You can't have 1 w/o the other.
31. Who/what you attract is a reflection of either your best qualities OR your worst qualities. Understand that some things are subconscious or unconscious. For example, you may be too afraid of trusting again or being vulnerable so you sub-consciously attract men who are emotionally unavailable b/c although it may suck that they won't be with you, AT LEAST they can't hurt you (if there's no closeness or full submissiveness involved)
32. You may be feeling like love isn't worth it anymore. BUT if absolutely is IF it's with the RIGHT person for all the RIGHT reasons at the RIGHT time. W/o one of those "right's," it most likely will be bumpy or even end altogether.
33. The craziest part about love & dating is that each person will either be the person you marry OR break up with LOL
There's NOTHING to lose by looking in the mirror b/c there's always room for improvement. But know though that what isn't acknowledged can't be changed. You can't have 1 w/o the other.
31. Who/what you attract is a reflection of either your best qualities OR your worst qualities. Understand that some things are subconscious or unconscious. For example, you may be too afraid of trusting again or being vulnerable so you sub-consciously attract men who are emotionally unavailable b/c although it may suck that they won't be with you, AT LEAST they can't hurt you (if there's no closeness or full submissiveness involved)
32. You may be feeling like love isn't worth it anymore. BUT if absolutely is IF it's with the RIGHT person for all the RIGHT reasons at the RIGHT time. W/o one of those "right's," it most likely will be bumpy or even end altogether.
33. The craziest part about love & dating is that each person will either be the person you marry OR break up with LOL
This is a good thread. Thanks for sharing.
34. Men are simple. Even when they're complicated, they're still simple. Their main needs are: Food, Shelter, money, sex & fun (and sports if they're a sport's lover) If you expect a man to meet all 4,000 of your needs/standards, the LEAST you can do is meet all 5 of his lol
35. If you don't want to be bothered, interrupted or made to feel bad when you feel like having a "girl's day" or hair/nails day, then give a man the same courtesy when he has peak periods of wanting to be alone, or hang out with his boys. Him wanting to have "me" time or alone time with his own friends is not unusual, nor is it anything to be suspicious over. A man needs a woman who is OK with him having a life outside his relationship.
36. There's no such thing as "he/she was too busy." If someone WANTS to make time for you, they will. The president of the United States is the BUSIEST MAN IN THE WORLD & yet even he makes time for golf, vacationing or anything else that he REALLY wants to do. Your man/woman is no different, trust me
37. Sometimes a person's demons or baggage OUTWEIGHS & OVERPOWERS their feelings for you. Sometimes it's not that they don't love you or want to change, but instead b/c their demons are bigger than you.
35. If you don't want to be bothered, interrupted or made to feel bad when you feel like having a "girl's day" or hair/nails day, then give a man the same courtesy when he has peak periods of wanting to be alone, or hang out with his boys. Him wanting to have "me" time or alone time with his own friends is not unusual, nor is it anything to be suspicious over. A man needs a woman who is OK with him having a life outside his relationship.
36. There's no such thing as "he/she was too busy." If someone WANTS to make time for you, they will. The president of the United States is the BUSIEST MAN IN THE WORLD & yet even he makes time for golf, vacationing or anything else that he REALLY wants to do. Your man/woman is no different, trust me
37. Sometimes a person's demons or baggage OUTWEIGHS & OVERPOWERS their feelings for you. Sometimes it's not that they don't love you or want to change, but instead b/c their demons are bigger than you.
Posted by Bsmurray
This is a good thread. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks love! You are welcome to add your input or lessons learned too! We can all learn from each other
38. All of the good love, good sex, good cooking & all the effort in the world will NOT make a man want you or change IF he's already made the final decision that you are not worth it (in HIS opinion, not yours) or that he doesn't want to change.
39. People don't realize what they have until it's gone? Not always true. Sometimes the truth is that they DID know what they had, but just never thought they'd lose you. Big difference
40. Do NOT automatically assume that someone is exclusive with you unless they verbally TELL you that they are AND want to be.
41. Do NOT automatically assume that you're in a committed relationship with someone unless they VERBALLY tell you that you two are AND want to be. All of that "Well I just kinda figured" stuff is insane!
42. Don't expect "wife" or "girlfriend" treatment if you are NOT the wife or girlfriend. A man that is truly into you will treat you in accordance with how important you are to him AT THE TIME. Give a man time to build up a strong admiration & respect for you, that way you'll feel more secure when he gives you the world (and you'll know that he's giving it all to you b/c he loves you & not b/c it's something he gives to any woman that comes along).
43. Seeing what someone WILL do is not the only way to tell how much someone loves & respects you. There's another way to tell. Pay attention to what they WON'T do to you or put you through (cheating, betrayal, stealing, etc.)
44. Passive-aggressiveness never got anyone anywhere. If you have something to say, just say it. if you want something from someone, just ask for it. If you want to know, just ask. If you don't have the balls to ask for it or say it just yet, then be silent & wait until you're ready. Passive-aggressiveness is annoying
39. People don't realize what they have until it's gone? Not always true. Sometimes the truth is that they DID know what they had, but just never thought they'd lose you. Big difference
40. Do NOT automatically assume that someone is exclusive with you unless they verbally TELL you that they are AND want to be.
41. Do NOT automatically assume that you're in a committed relationship with someone unless they VERBALLY tell you that you two are AND want to be. All of that "Well I just kinda figured" stuff is insane!
42. Don't expect "wife" or "girlfriend" treatment if you are NOT the wife or girlfriend. A man that is truly into you will treat you in accordance with how important you are to him AT THE TIME. Give a man time to build up a strong admiration & respect for you, that way you'll feel more secure when he gives you the world (and you'll know that he's giving it all to you b/c he loves you & not b/c it's something he gives to any woman that comes along).
43. Seeing what someone WILL do is not the only way to tell how much someone loves & respects you. There's another way to tell. Pay attention to what they WON'T do to you or put you through (cheating, betrayal, stealing, etc.)
44. Passive-aggressiveness never got anyone anywhere. If you have something to say, just say it. if you want something from someone, just ask for it. If you want to know, just ask. If you don't have the balls to ask for it or say it just yet, then be silent & wait until you're ready. Passive-aggressiveness is annoying
The next thread about "why isn't he with me or does he want me".. I am directing them to this thread!
Great info in here!
Great info in here!
45. Pick up the phone & actually call each other now & then. Stop with all the constant texting. Texting is impersonal & it strips you of knowing the tone or demeanor in their voice. Not to mention, texting takes no effort. Use your voice & your in person company to communicate, especially in important matters. Leave the texting for emergencies or for convenience when you absolutely can't talk over the phone or see each other in person
46. Stop Facebook stalking them.
47. Disrespect doesn't suddenly stop being disrespectful just b/c they choose to do so on a social network. If anything, the fact that they disrespected or embarrassed you PUBLICLY is even worse than them doing it behind closed doors. Chances are, if they're careless enough to disrespect you or cross boundaries in your FACE, they're most likely also doing so behind closed doors when you're actually not looking. Double whammy.
48. Don't beat up on yourself so much all the time. If you did all you could do & put every possible effort into something but yet it failed, then at least you can walk away knowing that you did your part. Not trying & it failing is 10x's worse b/c the "what ifs" can be torture lol
49. Remember that over-analyzing is nothing more than a defense mechanism to distract your mind from focusing on that 1 thought/memory/situation that is really bothering you. Racing thoughts is your mind's clever way of distracting you from what the real problem is. Meditate sometimes. Practice different techniques that will calm your mind & your thoughts.
50. Ever been in a situation where someone seemed to move on right after they broke up with you (or vice versa)? Sometimes it's not that they moved on so quick b/c they never loved you. Sometimes it's that they broke up with you in their mind a lonnnnng time ago before the actual/literal break up happened. So from their point of view, they actually disconnected from you 6 months ago as opposed to 2 days ago like you think
46. Stop Facebook stalking them.
47. Disrespect doesn't suddenly stop being disrespectful just b/c they choose to do so on a social network. If anything, the fact that they disrespected or embarrassed you PUBLICLY is even worse than them doing it behind closed doors. Chances are, if they're careless enough to disrespect you or cross boundaries in your FACE, they're most likely also doing so behind closed doors when you're actually not looking. Double whammy.
48. Don't beat up on yourself so much all the time. If you did all you could do & put every possible effort into something but yet it failed, then at least you can walk away knowing that you did your part. Not trying & it failing is 10x's worse b/c the "what ifs" can be torture lol
49. Remember that over-analyzing is nothing more than a defense mechanism to distract your mind from focusing on that 1 thought/memory/situation that is really bothering you. Racing thoughts is your mind's clever way of distracting you from what the real problem is. Meditate sometimes. Practice different techniques that will calm your mind & your thoughts.
50. Ever been in a situation where someone seemed to move on right after they broke up with you (or vice versa)? Sometimes it's not that they moved on so quick b/c they never loved you. Sometimes it's that they broke up with you in their mind a lonnnnng time ago before the actual/literal break up happened. So from their point of view, they actually disconnected from you 6 months ago as opposed to 2 days ago like you think
Posted by justagirl
The next thread about "why isn't he with me or does he want me".. I am directing them to this thread!
Great info in here!
Thanx love! Feel free to add your own input & life lessons too!
51. Figure out what your "love language" is. If you're unaware with this terminology then google "The 5 love languages." It's actually pretty cool & you'll discover a lot about yourself in ways that you never deeply thought of before =)
52. Don't ever emotionally give what you can't afford to NOT get back. If you want an even 50/50 relationship, then stop being the person who does your part AND their part. Let them catch up & give you what you're giving them. A person will stop trying or lose interest altogether if you refuse them their space, time & pace to prove their interest in you by way of THEIR actions & the work THEY want to put into you.
53. You may not always get "CLOSURE" in the form/way that you want it. Sometimes they'll never be 100% honest, answers all your questions or fill in the blanks for you. And you have to accept that, be ok with that & move on. You don't have to wait for someone else to cut the puppet strings if you've got your own scissors.
54. Cheating is usually not about the physical or how the other person looks. Statistically, the NUMBER ONE reason cheaters say they cheat is: Lack of attention or a disconnect in chemistry. This explains why some of you look confused when you see that they cheated on you with someone who looks like lucifer (downgrade). Don't pay attention to how they look. For your partner, it wasn't about the looks. It was about that ONE something that the other person gave them that they felt you couldn't/wouldn't.
52. Don't ever emotionally give what you can't afford to NOT get back. If you want an even 50/50 relationship, then stop being the person who does your part AND their part. Let them catch up & give you what you're giving them. A person will stop trying or lose interest altogether if you refuse them their space, time & pace to prove their interest in you by way of THEIR actions & the work THEY want to put into you.
53. You may not always get "CLOSURE" in the form/way that you want it. Sometimes they'll never be 100% honest, answers all your questions or fill in the blanks for you. And you have to accept that, be ok with that & move on. You don't have to wait for someone else to cut the puppet strings if you've got your own scissors.
54. Cheating is usually not about the physical or how the other person looks. Statistically, the NUMBER ONE reason cheaters say they cheat is: Lack of attention or a disconnect in chemistry. This explains why some of you look confused when you see that they cheated on you with someone who looks like lucifer (downgrade). Don't pay attention to how they look. For your partner, it wasn't about the looks. It was about that ONE something that the other person gave them that they felt you couldn't/wouldn't.
55. It's actually a good move to find out about your partner or crush's past relationships. If you get a good clue of the kinds of women/men they're used to attracting, it can give you a good lead on how things will turn out with you. (For example, if their ex's are all bad boys/girls, then that means they either sniffed some of those traits out in you, hence the reason for their attraction to you OR b/c you're the complete opposite of what they're used to, which is a GOOD thing b/c it shows to some degree that they're trying to change old toxic relationship patterns).
**Opposite sex friendship rules:
1. Your partner will NOT trust your judgement if who you call a "friend" if it just so happens that all of your "friends" are ex's, ex f***ck buddies, people that have shown extreme interest in you in the past (or vice versa), people that JUST SO HAPPEN to be your "type," or people you just randomly met.
2. "Friends" means PLATONIC. Not "Well he/she still likes me but we're just friends," or "My ex still texts me at midnight, but I swear we're just friends."
3. Establish boundaries. Don't be naive to the fact that opposite sex "friends" that may have wanted you before (or still want you) may not be the best source to go to when you're having relationship problems & need a shoulder to cry on. Remember, that everybody doesn't have your best interests at heart. Some people are waiting on your relationship to fail either b/c they want you or b/c your breakup lessons the blow of your partner rejecting them at some point in time.
4. Make it clear to your "friends" that they should and WILL respect your relationship at all times. They may not like it, but they should never be rude, make snide remarks or treat your partner with disrespect. If someone disrespects your partner, they are technically disrespecting you two. Know how to put others in their place.
If your relationship isn't worth fighting for, then why are you even in it?
**Opposite sex friendship rules:
1. Your partner will NOT trust your judgement if who you call a "friend" if it just so happens that all of your "friends" are ex's, ex f***ck buddies, people that have shown extreme interest in you in the past (or vice versa), people that JUST SO HAPPEN to be your "type," or people you just randomly met.
2. "Friends" means PLATONIC. Not "Well he/she still likes me but we're just friends," or "My ex still texts me at midnight, but I swear we're just friends."
3. Establish boundaries. Don't be naive to the fact that opposite sex "friends" that may have wanted you before (or still want you) may not be the best source to go to when you're having relationship problems & need a shoulder to cry on. Remember, that everybody doesn't have your best interests at heart. Some people are waiting on your relationship to fail either b/c they want you or b/c your breakup lessons the blow of your partner rejecting them at some point in time.
4. Make it clear to your "friends" that they should and WILL respect your relationship at all times. They may not like it, but they should never be rude, make snide remarks or treat your partner with disrespect. If someone disrespects your partner, they are technically disrespecting you two. Know how to put others in their place.
If your relationship isn't worth fighting for, then why are you even in it?
56. Never stop giving compliments to or affirming your partner. Don't "assume" they know that you love them or were proud of them last week. Tell them. Is it really going to kill you to utter a few words, especially considering those few words of acknowledgement & appreciation will carry your relationship a long way?
***Relationship killers
1. Constant nagging. If they're that damn bad, then just f'ing leave! Save all the constant bickering, screaming, cussing & low blows for a brick wall b/c that's the only thing that wants to hear it!
2. Cheating. If monogamy isn't your thing, that's fine (trust me, plenty of people secretly feel the same way but will never admit it). But if it's not your niche, then PLEASE do yourself & your partner the favor of moving on to find someone or a relationship that better suits your/their needs. Don't punish someone all b/c you were too coward to leave them. Cowardice has never been an admirable trait.
3. Everybody being in your business. It's good to have friends outside of your partner. But if you notice that everybody feels it's their place to put their 2 cents into everything you & your partner go through, that's an indication that you slipped on establishing boundaries & demanding respect.
Don't subliminally or directly tell Facebook, twitter or everybody willing to listen, your problems! Everybody that's listening may not have your best interest at heart nor does everybody have the tools to help you healthily get through whatever problems you are dealing with. If you need a venting partner, choose 1 person that you trust & that can relate to what you're going through.
4. An end to the fun, mysteriousness or challenge in the relationship. It's technically fair that your partner will expect for you to remain being the fun, outgoing & good-spirited person if that's how you advertised yourself to be in the beginning & if that's the person they actually fell in love with.
5. Feeling a disconnection in your relationship? Ask yourself or them what most attracted them to you in the 1st place. 9 times out of 10, if there's a disconnection, it's b/c you've strayed AWAY from that person you were in the beginning. The best way to reconnect is to do what you did and be who you were that wheeled them in from the beginning. Sometimes the problem is really that they were starting to lose hope that the "old you" disappeared & is never coming back.
***Relationship killers
1. Constant nagging. If they're that damn bad, then just f'ing leave! Save all the constant bickering, screaming, cussing & low blows for a brick wall b/c that's the only thing that wants to hear it!
2. Cheating. If monogamy isn't your thing, that's fine (trust me, plenty of people secretly feel the same way but will never admit it). But if it's not your niche, then PLEASE do yourself & your partner the favor of moving on to find someone or a relationship that better suits your/their needs. Don't punish someone all b/c you were too coward to leave them. Cowardice has never been an admirable trait.
3. Everybody being in your business. It's good to have friends outside of your partner. But if you notice that everybody feels it's their place to put their 2 cents into everything you & your partner go through, that's an indication that you slipped on establishing boundaries & demanding respect.
Don't subliminally or directly tell Facebook, twitter or everybody willing to listen, your problems! Everybody that's listening may not have your best interest at heart nor does everybody have the tools to help you healthily get through whatever problems you are dealing with. If you need a venting partner, choose 1 person that you trust & that can relate to what you're going through.
4. An end to the fun, mysteriousness or challenge in the relationship. It's technically fair that your partner will expect for you to remain being the fun, outgoing & good-spirited person if that's how you advertised yourself to be in the beginning & if that's the person they actually fell in love with.
5. Feeling a disconnection in your relationship? Ask yourself or them what most attracted them to you in the 1st place. 9 times out of 10, if there's a disconnection, it's b/c you've strayed AWAY from that person you were in the beginning. The best way to reconnect is to do what you did and be who you were that wheeled them in from the beginning. Sometimes the problem is really that they were starting to lose hope that the "old you" disappeared & is never coming back.
57. Opposites may INITIALLY attract, but ultimately 2 couples end up staying together based more on the things they have in COMMON & the ways they ARE alike, as opposed to the ways they are different.
***For the SINGLE ladies. If you're still single & can't find any luck, ask yourself these questions:
1. Are you going to the kinds of places/environments where the kind of man you are looking for would most likely be?
2. Are you allowing someone to slowly peel back the layers & reveal to you who they are OR are you already creating dream fantasies in your head about who they are & who you want them to be on the 1st date?
3. Are you having sex with these men too soon? (Women who give it up too soon end up being booty calls more than the women who make men wait)
4. Do you have a shield of armor stacked so HIGH that it's impossible for a man to break through your barriers?
5. Are you constantly giving men the answers to the test? (It's ok to tell a man what you like & what you expect, but NEVER tell a man the key to winning your heart, b/c giving them answers to the test strips a man of his ability to feel you are a challenge & win you over the natural way though his own efforts & challenges to get you. Be mysterious & a challenge sometimes).
6. Are you expecting to receive more what you're not even willing/ready to give in return? (A lot of you ladies want a man who's completely 100% honest even though honesty is not something you'll give to them OR yourself).
7. Given where you are in life & how you currently think, is a man most likely to have a positive OR negative experience with you if he were to fall in love with you & give you everything you wanted RIGHT NOW? This question is important b/c often times women forget that they're not the only ones who are annoyed when a man lets you fall w/o any intentions of catching her. Men hate that too, ya know!
***For the SINGLE ladies. If you're still single & can't find any luck, ask yourself these questions:
1. Are you going to the kinds of places/environments where the kind of man you are looking for would most likely be?
2. Are you allowing someone to slowly peel back the layers & reveal to you who they are OR are you already creating dream fantasies in your head about who they are & who you want them to be on the 1st date?
3. Are you having sex with these men too soon? (Women who give it up too soon end up being booty calls more than the women who make men wait)
4. Do you have a shield of armor stacked so HIGH that it's impossible for a man to break through your barriers?
5. Are you constantly giving men the answers to the test? (It's ok to tell a man what you like & what you expect, but NEVER tell a man the key to winning your heart, b/c giving them answers to the test strips a man of his ability to feel you are a challenge & win you over the natural way though his own efforts & challenges to get you. Be mysterious & a challenge sometimes).
6. Are you expecting to receive more what you're not even willing/ready to give in return? (A lot of you ladies want a man who's completely 100% honest even though honesty is not something you'll give to them OR yourself).
7. Given where you are in life & how you currently think, is a man most likely to have a positive OR negative experience with you if he were to fall in love with you & give you everything you wanted RIGHT NOW? This question is important b/c often times women forget that they're not the only ones who are annoyed when a man lets you fall w/o any intentions of catching her. Men hate that too, ya know!
58. Don't be so upset or obsessed with the fact that your ex has already moved on. Maybe you can learn a lesson or two from them in that moving on is a lot better than harping over spoiled milk or beating a dead horse.
59. Tone is everything. Sometimes it's not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it.
60. Stop being so uptight! Everybody's pace in love/lust is different. Some people like to go fast, while others like to go slow. Don't automatically assume that someone isn't into you just b/c they're not willing to drop everything & act like you're their spouse. On the flip side, don't be so frustrated just because someone may want to move faster, not b/c they're rushing you but b/c they have less baggage & less fear of vulnerability than you!
59. Tone is everything. Sometimes it's not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it.
60. Stop being so uptight! Everybody's pace in love/lust is different. Some people like to go fast, while others like to go slow. Don't automatically assume that someone isn't into you just b/c they're not willing to drop everything & act like you're their spouse. On the flip side, don't be so frustrated just because someone may want to move faster, not b/c they're rushing you but b/c they have less baggage & less fear of vulnerability than you!
***Signs YOU are the side chick OR that the person you're dating is married:
1. He won't introduce you to anybody who's important to him (friends, family, co-workers, etc.)
2. He never wants to take you out in public
3. He always wants to meet at hotels or at your place (His place is off limits b/c his girlfriend/wife OR someone who knows his girlfriend or wife lives there)
4. He's not available at night or after hours (If you call him at 7pm, and you know he's not sleep & that he's not at work, and yet he doesn't return your call/text until the next day, it's b/c he's with his REAL partner)
5. He doesn't ever answer your phone calls, but yet will respond immediately to your texts.
6. He keeps you blocked from his social network profiles or ANY places that his relationship status is most likely on display
7. If there's an INDENT on his finger, he's married ladies. Anybody can take their wedding ring off, but removing the indent is a helluva lot harder!
8. He's not around for holidays or special occasions (Valentine's Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, or any days where a man is most likely to be stuck with his family or REAL partner)
9. He gets nervous & his demeanor changes when you're anywhere near his phone or keep asking him if he's seeing anybody else
10. You see evidence that he's most likely in a relationship or married (Only a fool would believe that he's really single EVEN THOUGH his profile says that he's married or when there's a woman other than you always calling him consistently)
1. He won't introduce you to anybody who's important to him (friends, family, co-workers, etc.)
2. He never wants to take you out in public
3. He always wants to meet at hotels or at your place (His place is off limits b/c his girlfriend/wife OR someone who knows his girlfriend or wife lives there)
4. He's not available at night or after hours (If you call him at 7pm, and you know he's not sleep & that he's not at work, and yet he doesn't return your call/text until the next day, it's b/c he's with his REAL partner)
5. He doesn't ever answer your phone calls, but yet will respond immediately to your texts.
6. He keeps you blocked from his social network profiles or ANY places that his relationship status is most likely on display
7. If there's an INDENT on his finger, he's married ladies. Anybody can take their wedding ring off, but removing the indent is a helluva lot harder!
8. He's not around for holidays or special occasions (Valentine's Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, or any days where a man is most likely to be stuck with his family or REAL partner)
9. He gets nervous & his demeanor changes when you're anywhere near his phone or keep asking him if he's seeing anybody else
10. You see evidence that he's most likely in a relationship or married (Only a fool would believe that he's really single EVEN THOUGH his profile says that he's married or when there's a woman other than you always calling him consistently)
61. For those who feel that they'll never find the right person for them: Oh please, that's just your pessimism or depression talking. For you to believe that you won't be able to find ONE person that fits you perfectly in a world of 7 billion people is just irrational. Sometimes the answer isn't yes or no but WAIT
62. Just b/c some people may not feel you're worth it right for you doesn't mean that you're actually not worth it or perfect for somebody else. You can't be ALL things to all people. Some people may not like you or feel you're a good fit over something small like: Your waist isn't small enough, you're not outgoing enough, you're not aggressive enough, they don't like the way you dress, you're not the eye candy they were looking for, your sex isn't good enough, or you don't kiss their azz enough.
Either way it goes, stop feeling like you're missing out on a person that doesn't even think you're worth it. After all, you don't accept every single guy or girl that comes your way do you? Are you sitting at home feeling guilty & like the worst person in the world all b/c everybody that holler'd at you wasn't your type? NO! So stop making others feel guilty b/c you weren't their cup of tea & focus more on finding the person who thinks you are good enough.
63. Be careful what sexual toys you introduce into your bedroom. If those toys perform better than your partner, you might lose sexual attraction to your partner or at least the appreciation/fulfillment that you gave to your partner long before those toys were introduced. Don't ever let sex toys take up 99% of the pleasure you're getting at home. This explains why the women who are with porn addicts tend to feel left out or not as desired by their partners.
62. Just b/c some people may not feel you're worth it right for you doesn't mean that you're actually not worth it or perfect for somebody else. You can't be ALL things to all people. Some people may not like you or feel you're a good fit over something small like: Your waist isn't small enough, you're not outgoing enough, you're not aggressive enough, they don't like the way you dress, you're not the eye candy they were looking for, your sex isn't good enough, or you don't kiss their azz enough.
Either way it goes, stop feeling like you're missing out on a person that doesn't even think you're worth it. After all, you don't accept every single guy or girl that comes your way do you? Are you sitting at home feeling guilty & like the worst person in the world all b/c everybody that holler'd at you wasn't your type? NO! So stop making others feel guilty b/c you weren't their cup of tea & focus more on finding the person who thinks you are good enough.
63. Be careful what sexual toys you introduce into your bedroom. If those toys perform better than your partner, you might lose sexual attraction to your partner or at least the appreciation/fulfillment that you gave to your partner long before those toys were introduced. Don't ever let sex toys take up 99% of the pleasure you're getting at home. This explains why the women who are with porn addicts tend to feel left out or not as desired by their partners.
*** Things just run a whole lot more smooth when you have these things in common:
1. Political beliefs
2. Religious beliefs
3. Goals about marriage and having kids (Either you both should want it or you both completely not want it) (Someone is bound to feel they're settling if you guys don't want the same things)
4. An agreement in mentality on what monogamy & infidelity means (You'd be surprised that some people may not consider something to be cheating while you might)
5. The same life goals (If they wanna travel to Africa for years but yet you have dreams of starting a family in California, there could be a little problem lol)
6. Are on the same or at least a similar level financially. (It's not technically fair to expect a person to have all the things that you don't even have. If he must have a house, a job, a car & a 401K, it wouldn't hurt to make sure you're also bringing the same to the table)
1. Political beliefs
2. Religious beliefs
3. Goals about marriage and having kids (Either you both should want it or you both completely not want it) (Someone is bound to feel they're settling if you guys don't want the same things)
4. An agreement in mentality on what monogamy & infidelity means (You'd be surprised that some people may not consider something to be cheating while you might)
5. The same life goals (If they wanna travel to Africa for years but yet you have dreams of starting a family in California, there could be a little problem lol)
6. Are on the same or at least a similar level financially. (It's not technically fair to expect a person to have all the things that you don't even have. If he must have a house, a job, a car & a 401K, it wouldn't hurt to make sure you're also bringing the same to the table)
65. Being loyal or a ride or die is completely DIFFERENT than being a doormat. There is a DIFFERENCE. You shouldn't have to resort to the level of being a doormat just to prove a point that you love someone or that you're loyal. It is OK to have deal breakers. Don't ever forget that loving YOURSELF is just as fulfilling & important as loving someone else.
66. If loving yourself means leaving an unhealthy relationship or toxic person, then choose YOURSELF to love instead of them! You are NO good to anyone if you lack a backbone or love for yourself.
67. Don't threaten to leave or swear that you're "done" unless you really mean it. False alarms just make it harder for your partner to take you serious in the event that you actually ARE serious one day lol If you want people to take you serious then say what you mean & mean what you say.
***The best way to heal & get over someone
1. Put away OR throw away all items that remind you of them
2. Endure the emotions that you are feeling in the moment. Don't suppress them. The quicker your brain can navigate through the pain/emotions, the quicker the healing will come. Don't run from the emotions. If you stay in the tunnel forever, you'll never get out of it to the light.
3. Don't look at their social network profiles. Understand that everything a person says or does (even if it's not that big of a deal or something that would usually bother you) may annoy you or bother you or make you emotional, so it's best to just not even look. If you look for trouble, you WILL find it.
4. Make the decision that you're truly done. If this decision is final within yourself, it dramatically decreases their chances of using manipulation, pressure or guilt to wheel you back into a toxic situation. When you stand firm, it's a lot harder for people to knock you down or off your horse.
5. Invest in distractions. Your partner used to be a part of your daily routine, so the key to feeling less empty is to find things that fill those empty spaces like friends, family, old or new hobbies, etc.
6. Get out a sheet of paper & write "All the Bullsh***t I had to go with when I was with this person" at the top. You'd be surprised at how fast you write & how quickly you might need a new sheet of paper to finish writing your thoughts!! Any time you feel yourself slipping, refer back to that piece of paper. Sometimes the corniest things actually work!
66. If loving yourself means leaving an unhealthy relationship or toxic person, then choose YOURSELF to love instead of them! You are NO good to anyone if you lack a backbone or love for yourself.
67. Don't threaten to leave or swear that you're "done" unless you really mean it. False alarms just make it harder for your partner to take you serious in the event that you actually ARE serious one day lol If you want people to take you serious then say what you mean & mean what you say.
***The best way to heal & get over someone
1. Put away OR throw away all items that remind you of them
2. Endure the emotions that you are feeling in the moment. Don't suppress them. The quicker your brain can navigate through the pain/emotions, the quicker the healing will come. Don't run from the emotions. If you stay in the tunnel forever, you'll never get out of it to the light.
3. Don't look at their social network profiles. Understand that everything a person says or does (even if it's not that big of a deal or something that would usually bother you) may annoy you or bother you or make you emotional, so it's best to just not even look. If you look for trouble, you WILL find it.
4. Make the decision that you're truly done. If this decision is final within yourself, it dramatically decreases their chances of using manipulation, pressure or guilt to wheel you back into a toxic situation. When you stand firm, it's a lot harder for people to knock you down or off your horse.
5. Invest in distractions. Your partner used to be a part of your daily routine, so the key to feeling less empty is to find things that fill those empty spaces like friends, family, old or new hobbies, etc.
6. Get out a sheet of paper & write "All the Bullsh***t I had to go with when I was with this person" at the top. You'd be surprised at how fast you write & how quickly you might need a new sheet of paper to finish writing your thoughts!! Any time you feel yourself slipping, refer back to that piece of paper. Sometimes the corniest things actually work!
68. It's ok to be single sometimes =) Don't be so fooled by all the news about couples getting engaged, married & having beautiful babies. Who's to say that they'll actually last or that they're really as happy as they seem? People put up fronts all the time! You'll have your day & your moment when the right person walks in your life. And if you're patient & actually know what to do when the right person walks into your life, you'll be more focused on the moments of happiness you're feeling with them instead of being more focused on bragging or showing off to other people.
Screw what other people think! Screw the pressure! Some people find true love in their teens. Others find it in their late 20's or late 30's or even early 50's. If you were 80 years old & still having trouble finding a good mate, that'd be 1 thing lol but if you're under 40 or even 50 years old, RELAX! You've got the rest of your life to be in a relationship, And it's best to find the right person b/c you were patient and it actually last vs. settling & having to go through a bunch of dead-end relationships just to save face.
69. Spice it up every blue moon. Don't always wait until things get boring or bad before you start thinking of ways to better yourself or the relationship. I'm not saying you should constantly be thinking that you or your relationship is a broken piece of glass that needs to be fixed. All I'm saying is that sometimes you can avoid rough/boring patches of your relationship if you were already prepared & stocked up (with ideas) AHEAD of time! Be 2 steps ahead of potential problems or boring patches!
70. When you finally find the right person, be 100% submissive. Not 50% disguised as 100% . Be brave. Take a risk. Be vulnerable. Be open. Give it your best. Give it your all. If it fails, so what!!! It wasn't the end of the world before when past relationships failed, now was it?! Brave love is real love =)
71. Make sure the fun you're having in your life sometimes involves your partner. Not just you with your girls or him with his boys. Make sure that you guys actually do fun activities together, or that you even join your friendships together & go out to events as a group. Your partner should never stop associating "fun" with "you."
Screw what other people think! Screw the pressure! Some people find true love in their teens. Others find it in their late 20's or late 30's or even early 50's. If you were 80 years old & still having trouble finding a good mate, that'd be 1 thing lol but if you're under 40 or even 50 years old, RELAX! You've got the rest of your life to be in a relationship, And it's best to find the right person b/c you were patient and it actually last vs. settling & having to go through a bunch of dead-end relationships just to save face.
69. Spice it up every blue moon. Don't always wait until things get boring or bad before you start thinking of ways to better yourself or the relationship. I'm not saying you should constantly be thinking that you or your relationship is a broken piece of glass that needs to be fixed. All I'm saying is that sometimes you can avoid rough/boring patches of your relationship if you were already prepared & stocked up (with ideas) AHEAD of time! Be 2 steps ahead of potential problems or boring patches!
70. When you finally find the right person, be 100% submissive. Not 50% disguised as 100% . Be brave. Take a risk. Be vulnerable. Be open. Give it your best. Give it your all. If it fails, so what!!! It wasn't the end of the world before when past relationships failed, now was it?! Brave love is real love =)
71. Make sure the fun you're having in your life sometimes involves your partner. Not just you with your girls or him with his boys. Make sure that you guys actually do fun activities together, or that you even join your friendships together & go out to events as a group. Your partner should never stop associating "fun" with "you."
72. At least once a day, tell your partner 1 thing you love about them. Give them at least 1 compliment. Affirm them in SOME kind of way, even if it is through a good deed or through affection. Even on your bad days, your relationship should still feel like a warm and loving place =)
73. If he wants to open doors for you or be chivalrous with you, freakin' let him! You acting funny when he's trying to open a door for you is the equivalent of him acting funny or "too good" when you put a plate in his face after you were nice enough to cook for him. Let a man be a man! He gets that you have your own arms, but his point of being chivalrous wasn't to imply that you can't do things on your own, but instead are a man's way of showing his adoration for you. So stop being so stuck up or "independent" & let him be the gentleman you've been swearing that you've always wanted!
74. Think before you speak. If you know that your mood is on "HELL" then at least give your partner or crush a head's up so they'll stay away from you & not accidentally press your buttons. And if you absolutely have to engage in a serious discussion/talk during 1 of your horrible days, then please practice thinking before you speak! A lot of unnecessary and hurtful arguments are avoided that way!
73. If he wants to open doors for you or be chivalrous with you, freakin' let him! You acting funny when he's trying to open a door for you is the equivalent of him acting funny or "too good" when you put a plate in his face after you were nice enough to cook for him. Let a man be a man! He gets that you have your own arms, but his point of being chivalrous wasn't to imply that you can't do things on your own, but instead are a man's way of showing his adoration for you. So stop being so stuck up or "independent" & let him be the gentleman you've been swearing that you've always wanted!
74. Think before you speak. If you know that your mood is on "HELL" then at least give your partner or crush a head's up so they'll stay away from you & not accidentally press your buttons. And if you absolutely have to engage in a serious discussion/talk during 1 of your horrible days, then please practice thinking before you speak! A lot of unnecessary and hurtful arguments are avoided that way!
75. If a guy is showing all the signs that he's not that into you, that's NOT code for try harder or get clingy. If he's being distant b/c he's going through something that doesn't involve him, let him know that you're there & that you care, but back off & give him some space. You know how annoying it is when people are all in YOUR face or making it about them when you really just want to be alone, so give others the same courtesy.
***Signs he's NOT that into you:
1. He never courts you or makes the effort to show you a good time. (If you're the girl he really wants, he'll do anything to impress you, including being creative to find ways to take you out to free places in case money is a problem)
2. He disappears for days or weeks at a time. If this happens very often, he's not that interested in you. He disappeared b/c he's gotta take some time to put in the effort to chase/get something from other women
3. He keeps finding reasons to bring up sex (even if you've told him before that the topic makes you uncomfortable or is too soon to talk about). If a man is only after sex, he won't be able to help himself & will keep trying to bring it up in hopes that you'll finally break & give in, despite your attempts to convince him that you're "not that kind of girl."
4. He never asks you how your day is going. He never asks you personal questions that most people ask when they're trying to get to know someone. He'll wanna know little things like how you're doing, what you're doing & how your day is going. He's not that into you if all of your conversations about mainly him talking about himself.
5. He tells you that he thinks you & him should just be friends. Unless there is an LOL or "just kidding" included in his sentences, he is NOT joking & is dead serious. He may like you a little bit BUT not ENOUGH to consider thinking about you as anything more than a friend.
6. He discusses other women or flirts with them in front of you. Every guy on earth knows that if he's trying to impress a woman, the LAST thing he'll do is make her feel like she's competing with 1,000 other girls. Even if a man is dating multiple women but yet actually does like you, he'll at least respect you enough not to brag about his "sexcapades" or adventurous b/w him & other women.
***Signs he's NOT that into you:
1. He never courts you or makes the effort to show you a good time. (If you're the girl he really wants, he'll do anything to impress you, including being creative to find ways to take you out to free places in case money is a problem)
2. He disappears for days or weeks at a time. If this happens very often, he's not that interested in you. He disappeared b/c he's gotta take some time to put in the effort to chase/get something from other women
3. He keeps finding reasons to bring up sex (even if you've told him before that the topic makes you uncomfortable or is too soon to talk about). If a man is only after sex, he won't be able to help himself & will keep trying to bring it up in hopes that you'll finally break & give in, despite your attempts to convince him that you're "not that kind of girl."
4. He never asks you how your day is going. He never asks you personal questions that most people ask when they're trying to get to know someone. He'll wanna know little things like how you're doing, what you're doing & how your day is going. He's not that into you if all of your conversations about mainly him talking about himself.
5. He tells you that he thinks you & him should just be friends. Unless there is an LOL or "just kidding" included in his sentences, he is NOT joking & is dead serious. He may like you a little bit BUT not ENOUGH to consider thinking about you as anything more than a friend.
6. He discusses other women or flirts with them in front of you. Every guy on earth knows that if he's trying to impress a woman, the LAST thing he'll do is make her feel like she's competing with 1,000 other girls. Even if a man is dating multiple women but yet actually does like you, he'll at least respect you enough not to brag about his "sexcapades" or adventurous b/w him & other women.
77. Decide which is more important to you. Would you rather be RIGHT or be HAPPY? If you're a "right fighter" who always has to be right, that means that he/she will always be the loser. People get reaaaaaaaal annoyed & turned off when they feel their opinion or their voice is inferior to yours.
78. Keep the romance alive! Intimacy is so important. It's about affection, touching, & appealing to each other's sense of smell, taste, touch, sight & hearing! Don't forget to put your smell-goods on & to give it your best foot forward. I know, I know, everyone is entitled to a "bad day," but for the most part, remember that people like eye-candy even if that means you looking sexy in sweatpants or boy shorts. You don't have to look like Beyonce, cake up your makeup or kill yourself just to look sexy. Ask your crush or partner what "look" they like the best on you & keep that in mind!!!
79. Women prioritize being nurturing, listened to & understood. Men prioritize being supported, respected & looked up too. Men & women are similar in some ways & different in others. Different doesn't necessarily mean = impossible to understand or adapt to.
80. Studies show that the way you think or live your life is most like the TOP 5 people you talk to or hang out with the most. If everybody in your immediate circle has a life that is a mess, chances are, if you look closely enough, you'll see that their negativity or toxic mentalities/behaviors are contagious & have contaminated you. Make sure your circle is full of people that are like you & that have similar goals as you. Good luck trying to be the optimist when you're surrounded by a bunch of angry bitter peasants all the time!
78. Keep the romance alive! Intimacy is so important. It's about affection, touching, & appealing to each other's sense of smell, taste, touch, sight & hearing! Don't forget to put your smell-goods on & to give it your best foot forward. I know, I know, everyone is entitled to a "bad day," but for the most part, remember that people like eye-candy even if that means you looking sexy in sweatpants or boy shorts. You don't have to look like Beyonce, cake up your makeup or kill yourself just to look sexy. Ask your crush or partner what "look" they like the best on you & keep that in mind!!!
79. Women prioritize being nurturing, listened to & understood. Men prioritize being supported, respected & looked up too. Men & women are similar in some ways & different in others. Different doesn't necessarily mean = impossible to understand or adapt to.
80. Studies show that the way you think or live your life is most like the TOP 5 people you talk to or hang out with the most. If everybody in your immediate circle has a life that is a mess, chances are, if you look closely enough, you'll see that their negativity or toxic mentalities/behaviors are contagious & have contaminated you. Make sure your circle is full of people that are like you & that have similar goals as you. Good luck trying to be the optimist when you're surrounded by a bunch of angry bitter peasants all the time!
Yes and the more I read about males and what relationships are like with them in reality the more i so am glad i am not in any relationship/s at all.
I am sure this would go for both males and females?
Also are there any more lessons you got for us?
I am sure this would go for both males and females?
Also are there any more lessons you got for us?
Good job Krysrenee!
Posted by mfwb55
Yes and the more I read about males and what relationships are like with them in reality the more i so am glad i am not in any relationship/s at all.
I am sure this would go for both males and females?
Also are there any more lessons you got for us?
That's the tricky part about love/relationships. When I look back & realize that all of the things I listed in this post were ALL things I was either doing wrong, didn't know or rebelled against, I choose to be like oooooooooooooh ok gotcha! Let me get on board & see if my love life changes for the better & it did. If you look at it like ughhh too much work, you won't ever learn anything
Of course love/relationships seem impossible & too frustrating when you're doing almost everything wrong & not even realizing it OR realizing it & yet refusing to change your mindset.
Try not to be overwhelmed by some of the things you may feel you did wrong or can't understand or wish weren't the way it is. Instead try to put a positive spin on it & try new strategies that def. work for others & if love is something you want bad enough, you'll see this list as a new challenge & take it right on!!! You'll be fine =)
*** The TOP traits men are looking for when seeking a future prospect (according to research):
1. CONFIDENCE (Every girl has her insecurities, BUT you don't have to make every single 1 of them known to a man. Don't just make him think that you love yourself. Actually do the work to love yourself BEFOREHAND so that loving self is something that speaks for itself vs. something you have to constantly convince people of)
2. HUMILITY (Being down to earth, admitting that you don't know everything, & having a non-judgmental energy)
3. GOALS (He doesn't want you throwing it in his face that you've got a great job, a degree & stocks lol BUT he does want to know that you do b/c the minute he starts thinking of you as someone who'd fit in his future, he will imagine the delight in you both being a power couple who can hold each other down.)
4. ESTEEM!!! (If you've ever noticed, a guy might treat one woman like crap but then turn around a treat another woman like a queen! A man will treat you however you teach him to & in accordance with the standards of your self-esteem or lack thereof)
It's ok to say NO sometimes. It's ok to speak up when you're not pleased. It's good to have a mind of your own. Don't spend the entire dating or relationship phase kissing his azz or making everything about him, his happiness & his pleasure. Men live to meet a woman's needs, BUT he has to know what those needs are & how important to you they are FIRST!
5. PERSONALITY! (Are looks important? Of course, but your personality is what has to be admired & dealt with the majority of the 24 hours in a day vs. only being led by your body for the 1 or 2 hours at night when you're sexing each other. Personality is what will inspire, develop & keep love, NOT your body
Being physically attractive IS a must, BUT it is NOT what will keep him. Hooking a man & keeping him are two different things. Plenty of women have nice shapes, big buts & nice boobs too. But do all women like sports like you do, or connect with him like you do or mesh will with his personality like you do? Probably not. You have a better chance at him thinking you're "different" by using your personality vs. your looks. He can get "Amazing body" out of a magazine or porn site but an "amazing personality" is not something that he sees every day, hence the reason personality will always win the battle!
And if you run into a guy who is all about looks & nothing below the surface, even though you've got 1,000 o
1. CONFIDENCE (Every girl has her insecurities, BUT you don't have to make every single 1 of them known to a man. Don't just make him think that you love yourself. Actually do the work to love yourself BEFOREHAND so that loving self is something that speaks for itself vs. something you have to constantly convince people of)
2. HUMILITY (Being down to earth, admitting that you don't know everything, & having a non-judgmental energy)
3. GOALS (He doesn't want you throwing it in his face that you've got a great job, a degree & stocks lol BUT he does want to know that you do b/c the minute he starts thinking of you as someone who'd fit in his future, he will imagine the delight in you both being a power couple who can hold each other down.)
4. ESTEEM!!! (If you've ever noticed, a guy might treat one woman like crap but then turn around a treat another woman like a queen! A man will treat you however you teach him to & in accordance with the standards of your self-esteem or lack thereof)
It's ok to say NO sometimes. It's ok to speak up when you're not pleased. It's good to have a mind of your own. Don't spend the entire dating or relationship phase kissing his azz or making everything about him, his happiness & his pleasure. Men live to meet a woman's needs, BUT he has to know what those needs are & how important to you they are FIRST!
5. PERSONALITY! (Are looks important? Of course, but your personality is what has to be admired & dealt with the majority of the 24 hours in a day vs. only being led by your body for the 1 or 2 hours at night when you're sexing each other. Personality is what will inspire, develop & keep love, NOT your body
Being physically attractive IS a must, BUT it is NOT what will keep him. Hooking a man & keeping him are two different things. Plenty of women have nice shapes, big buts & nice boobs too. But do all women like sports like you do, or connect with him like you do or mesh will with his personality like you do? Probably not. You have a better chance at him thinking you're "different" by using your personality vs. your looks. He can get "Amazing body" out of a magazine or porn site but an "amazing personality" is not something that he sees every day, hence the reason personality will always win the battle!
And if you run into a guy who is all about looks & nothing below the surface, even though you've got 1,000 o
...And if you run into a guy who is all about looks & nothing below the surface, even though you've got 1,000 other things to offer, then thank him for his time, give him the dueces & never look back!
82. Someone can't give you what they don't have. Don't wait until you're in a full-fledged relationship & have "without" to find out that your partner or crush wasn't emotionally available, didn't have money to help you when needed or wasn't the "conversational" type. Check for compatibility from the GATE/beginning, & ask the right questions! Don't play russian roulette or the "guessing game" when getting to know someone or making a relationship official. A genuine person with nothing to hide will NOT mind telling you who they are & what you should expect from them.
83. Something that is important to you may not be important to them. And vice versa. If Valentine's Day or birthdays, for example, is something you don't celebrate, tell him/her ahead of time so there won't be any surprises, confusion,unnecessary arguments or feelings of unappreciation when that time rolls around!
82. Someone can't give you what they don't have. Don't wait until you're in a full-fledged relationship & have "without" to find out that your partner or crush wasn't emotionally available, didn't have money to help you when needed or wasn't the "conversational" type. Check for compatibility from the GATE/beginning, & ask the right questions! Don't play russian roulette or the "guessing game" when getting to know someone or making a relationship official. A genuine person with nothing to hide will NOT mind telling you who they are & what you should expect from them.
83. Something that is important to you may not be important to them. And vice versa. If Valentine's Day or birthdays, for example, is something you don't celebrate, tell him/her ahead of time so there won't be any surprises, confusion,unnecessary arguments or feelings of unappreciation when that time rolls around!
84. Different doesn't = wrong. (Being able to adapt to differences while also remaining true to yourself is a balance that many people find hard to do. BUT this kind of balance IS possible).
85. Too much of anything is a bad thing. Balance is the key for successful dating, relationships or marriage. Make sure the workload in the relationship is equal so that 1 or both people don't have to feel like they're settling.
86. When you get married, you also marry their family. And vice versa. If there's any beef b/w you & their family (or vice versa), try your best to squash it all BEFORE things b/w you & your partner get too serious. Make sure everybody's put in their place, knows their role & has established some form of respect on all sides before things get extremely serious.
87. If you don't like 1 of his/her friends, it is unfair to ask them to cut that friendship off UNLESS their friendship is influencing your partner to do disrespectful, illegal or irrational things. Simply saying, "Idk, I just don't like them" isn't good enough. You are not God or his/her mom just b/c you're in love with them. Let them make their own choices. If their judgment of who they call their "friends" is skewed, then perhaps the real problem is that you don't trust your partner, & in that case, maybe you're with the wrong person.
85. Too much of anything is a bad thing. Balance is the key for successful dating, relationships or marriage. Make sure the workload in the relationship is equal so that 1 or both people don't have to feel like they're settling.
86. When you get married, you also marry their family. And vice versa. If there's any beef b/w you & their family (or vice versa), try your best to squash it all BEFORE things b/w you & your partner get too serious. Make sure everybody's put in their place, knows their role & has established some form of respect on all sides before things get extremely serious.
87. If you don't like 1 of his/her friends, it is unfair to ask them to cut that friendship off UNLESS their friendship is influencing your partner to do disrespectful, illegal or irrational things. Simply saying, "Idk, I just don't like them" isn't good enough. You are not God or his/her mom just b/c you're in love with them. Let them make their own choices. If their judgment of who they call their "friends" is skewed, then perhaps the real problem is that you don't trust your partner, & in that case, maybe you're with the wrong person.
88. Men CANNOT read minds! Women think they can, but often guess wrong! lol (If you need something from them, just tell/ask them. If you have something you need to get off your chest, don't use mind games, passive-aggressiveness or the silent treatment to get what you want. Just freakin' SAY IT! Some of you aren't getting your needs met simply b/c you're not communicating to your crush/partner what they are).
How is someone supposed to meet a need that they weren't even aware existed?
89. Ok so you notice you have a problem or a flaw or a certain way of thinking that has pushed others away. Don't just think deeply about the SYMPTOMS of the problem. Take yourself more seriously & get to the DEEP ROOT of the problem. Instead of stopping at "I attract emotionally unavailable people," venture out much further. The REAL problem may be that you subconsciously seek emotionally unavailable people b/c while growing up, your mother or father was physically there in the literal sense, but weren't ever emotionally there for you. This is why you end up situations where you literally have somebody just for the sake of not being alone, BUT never feel emotionally connected to them or vice versa, which of course leads to yet another unfilling dead-end relationship."
SEE THE DIFFERENCE?
Don't just stop at the symptoms of the problem. Identify the underlying CAUSES of the problem that are bringing on those symptoms to begin with =)
How is someone supposed to meet a need that they weren't even aware existed?
89. Ok so you notice you have a problem or a flaw or a certain way of thinking that has pushed others away. Don't just think deeply about the SYMPTOMS of the problem. Take yourself more seriously & get to the DEEP ROOT of the problem. Instead of stopping at "I attract emotionally unavailable people," venture out much further. The REAL problem may be that you subconsciously seek emotionally unavailable people b/c while growing up, your mother or father was physically there in the literal sense, but weren't ever emotionally there for you. This is why you end up situations where you literally have somebody just for the sake of not being alone, BUT never feel emotionally connected to them or vice versa, which of course leads to yet another unfilling dead-end relationship."
SEE THE DIFFERENCE?
Don't just stop at the symptoms of the problem. Identify the underlying CAUSES of the problem that are bringing on those symptoms to begin with =)
Posted by krysrenee7Posted by beautifulsoul74
+1000 to this thread_??_
Thanks!! =)click to expand
You're welcome! Keep it up! You have supporters out there_??_
Posted by geminicandIePosted by mfwb55
Same here. Too many damn rules. I am starting to follow one "rule" only; be yourself.
Love yourself and make yourself happy the best that you can, and the rest will come
naturally.
click to expand
What you said here is very true. But in most cases, out of fear - of loosing that other person, people don't listen to themselves and usually detach from their own self.
I've been through that when I was very young and that was my first long-serious relationship. I realized I have to change that kind of behavior if I want things to turn better for me.
People do or don't do so many things out of fear. Lot of people live their lives in fear....fear of disappointment, loosing, being alone, fear of tomorrow...etc. Many of us would rather pretend to be blind and dumb then to confront our own fears. So many times FEAR is mistaken for LOVE. Just cause we are afraid to let go, we would rather suffer further and call it LOVE. We convince ourselves that we love that person and actually we are to afraid to turn another page. That is why we hold on to it so desperately. We are to afarid of the falling and what will happen after? Are we going to die? Actually, in most cases that falling doesn't even happen. Usually we fly in the air..insecure at first (cause we haven't flyed that often) but afterwards we soar. Just get rid of the nasty thing called - fear -
Every relationship is a journey in our lives and a very important place to learn about our own self to mature and to grow; at the end of the day, to reach to our inner true self. But that ain't going to be possible if we don't let ourselves grow and develop cause we are too afraid, too wrapped up in our own fear - of loosing someone that we don't even want (cause it is obviously making us unhappy etc., in some cases even suicidal!)
When someone writes a self-help book or article giving people tools to better themselves, their lives & their relationships, they aren't "rules." It's specific advice that most likely can help you if it's helped others. I say thank goodness for others not withholding that information!!
I find it inspiring to meet folks who have what I want & who have been able to maintain it. It seems like common sense to them, but like rocket science to others lol It's cool learning about the strategies they use to navigate through life & love in a strategic yet healthy way. It's even better when you compare their strategies to your own b/c you realize that you've been doing it all wrong the whole time lol So I like to refer to this thread as encouragement to "strategize" a little differently than what you've been doing. Sometimes, the difference b/w happiness & loneliness is something small or simple! But unfortunately, people are pessimistic & believe that it's gonna take a miracle just to change small things in their lives.
People used to always throw "advice" at me & I used to be like UGH too many rules. But that was b/c I had worn myself out using all the wrong strategies of going about things that I felt I had no energy left when I'd finally been given advice/tools that made a light bulb go off in my head lol
I used to be highly sensitive to the statement, "You're doing it wrong," b/c in all my situations, I felt that I was doing the best I could with what I had at the time. But the truth is, I couldn't ignore it being obvious that my relationships kept repeating the same cycle. So I knew at 1 point that if I wanted better results bad enough, that I had to change something. And it 1st started with me listening, as opposed to always leaning on my own skewed understanding.
So while I am def. a rebel to "rules" persay, I'm also for being open-minded enough to remember that if what I'm doing isn't working & if my own strategies are causing unnecessary pain, the LEAST I can do is not only hear others out but also implement their strategies. What is there to lose that you probably have already lost? lol We all want a happy & healthy love life. And once I was finally ok with change, I was so shocked at how quick I was seeing positive changes in my relationships. I even got mad at myself for not having listened earlier when others tried to "tell me." lol
I find it inspiring to meet folks who have what I want & who have been able to maintain it. It seems like common sense to them, but like rocket science to others lol It's cool learning about the strategies they use to navigate through life & love in a strategic yet healthy way. It's even better when you compare their strategies to your own b/c you realize that you've been doing it all wrong the whole time lol So I like to refer to this thread as encouragement to "strategize" a little differently than what you've been doing. Sometimes, the difference b/w happiness & loneliness is something small or simple! But unfortunately, people are pessimistic & believe that it's gonna take a miracle just to change small things in their lives.
People used to always throw "advice" at me & I used to be like UGH too many rules. But that was b/c I had worn myself out using all the wrong strategies of going about things that I felt I had no energy left when I'd finally been given advice/tools that made a light bulb go off in my head lol
I used to be highly sensitive to the statement, "You're doing it wrong," b/c in all my situations, I felt that I was doing the best I could with what I had at the time. But the truth is, I couldn't ignore it being obvious that my relationships kept repeating the same cycle. So I knew at 1 point that if I wanted better results bad enough, that I had to change something. And it 1st started with me listening, as opposed to always leaning on my own skewed understanding.
So while I am def. a rebel to "rules" persay, I'm also for being open-minded enough to remember that if what I'm doing isn't working & if my own strategies are causing unnecessary pain, the LEAST I can do is not only hear others out but also implement their strategies. What is there to lose that you probably have already lost? lol We all want a happy & healthy love life. And once I was finally ok with change, I was so shocked at how quick I was seeing positive changes in my relationships. I even got mad at myself for not having listened earlier when others tried to "tell me." lol
Of course "rules" seem pointless when these strategies are being practiced on all the wrong people. There really are good people out there. Admitting that you're human & need others as friends or companions is not weakness nor is it the same as them "completing you."
Since love/relationships have no manual, a lot of people are just out there, going through the mud & using trial & error, without being led by people who have survived the storm & w/o learning from mistakes (b/c most people won't fix what they don't even realize is a mistake). There's a right or better way to go about everything in life. This thread was about me saying hey guys, if you feel that your own strategies aren't working, TRY THESE THINGS & see if you notice different results! =)
Since love/relationships have no manual, a lot of people are just out there, going through the mud & using trial & error, without being led by people who have survived the storm & w/o learning from mistakes (b/c most people won't fix what they don't even realize is a mistake). There's a right or better way to go about everything in life. This thread was about me saying hey guys, if you feel that your own strategies aren't working, TRY THESE THINGS & see if you notice different results! =)
*bookmarked
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===================================================================
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This is easier to spot if you notice that they leave out again just as quick as they came in.
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