My friend + married man = sex

Ultimately what you should do is subjective. Eventually she'll have to deal with the karma that comes along from that relationship.

But, this is more of a lesson for you than her. Staying her friend or leaving her doesn't say any less about your love for her. But if you don't want to talk about it to her, than you need to enforce that boundary somehow. Love is unconditional but a friendship/relationship is not

gossip

If you are a true person to her ... you will close this thread down, and then apologize to her for talking about her behind her back

Side-stepping the fact that you say this post is about your friendship, but then proceed to spend the majority of the post detailing your friend's relationship with this man...

I don't think there is anything you can do or say to "open her eyes". All you can do is re-evaluate this friendship and decide whether or not she is the type of person you want to continue to surround yourself with.

I don't see the problem. You are her friend. She confides in you. It's her life. She will learn the lessons she needs to learn, just like you will. If she asks your opinion, state your opinion then move on.

Instead, ask yourself why YOU are so preoccupied with it...

A good part of her *high* about this romance is telling you the details

Tell her you refuse to listen to it any longer, after a while she may fall off that cloud she's living on and start to come to her senses. Doubtful tho

She's going to do what she wants anyway

Thanks for the replies. I could've put this better. Suppose I was in a "bad state"... Lame I know.
I'd delete this post, but can't see eny other option than to flag it.

Or am I missing the "delete" feature?

Posted by P-Angel

gossip

If you are a true person to her ... you will close this thread down, and then apologize to her for talking about her behind her back

Fo real.

Posted by milono
Thanks for the replies. I could've put this better. Suppose I was in a "bad state"... Lame I know.
I'd delete this post, but can't see eny other option than to flag it.

Or am I missing the "delete" feature?

I believe if you flag your own thread, it gets removed/deleted automatically.

If you, or anyone else, tries to open it after you have flagged it, it'll say "This thread has been removed by milono (topic creator)"

My friend married a totally jerk and has a baby with him. I told her I thought it was a bad idea and I don't agree with her decision at all but good luck.

Thats all you can do. You can't control other people.

Why do you want to delete it?

Posted by milono

Any sugestions are welcome! 🙂

Print this out and give it to her..

Why Some Women Sleep With Married Men:

"Such a woman may not have ever gotten enough attention from her father, and craves male attention at all costs. The fact that she can get a married man to stray from his wife may also feed her insecure ego, because she inherently feels in competition with other women. Which, in her twisted logic, means that getting him to stray places her as the winner and the wife as the loser. What she has really done, however, is lose big-time -- she has lost her self-respect.

The mistress probably likes the thrill of the hunt and feels her self-esteem boosted at the thought that a man would risk so much to be with her. She may like the drama and illicit experience too. I predict, however, that the mistress also feels comfortable being the victim, because ultimately, at least most of the time, she gets lied to and cheated on herself in the end. She winds up crying alone because her romantic life has been a secret, or she simply doesn't have any friends to cry to. It becomes a sad cycle of false hope fueled by desperation and desire, while being led on by a married man who himself obviously has a host of his own issues and demons he hasn't faced."

You can help his wife and six kids out by getting her a case of condoms too..

Posted by aquapiscescusp
Why do you want to delete it?

I could've worded it better.

Posted by milono

Posted by aquapiscescusp
Why do you want to delete it?

I could've worded it better.

click to expand

I know the truth comes off as hard especially at DXP. The essence of your question would probably remain the same, worded differently.

Go with it??_

Posted by aquapiscescusp
Instead, ask yourself why YOU are so preoccupied with it...

I know why I am. This is completely out of character for her. And she seems to have lost her mind. It's scary to see someone you think you know change like that.

Posted by milono

Posted by aquapiscescusp
Instead, ask yourself why YOU are so preoccupied with it...

I know why I am. This is completely out of character for her. And she seems to have lost her mind. It's scary to see someone you think you know change like that.

click to expand

I understand your concerns but she's clearly going to do what she wants. Will you let this ruin your friendship with her? She will need a friend when this is all over??_ and you know --it will be over.

Posted by LetltB
You can help his wife and six kids out by getting her a case of condoms too..

Good one! 😉 I appreciate your other advice too.

Wait, what are their signs? (astrology forum remember?)

He's an Aqua or Cap

She's a Taurus?

And you're a Virgo

lol she's a Libra.

No wonder all logic flew out the window.

Let this shit run its course. The only way she's going to learn is when everything falls down around her.

Haha Rocky leaves us alone, you lub us 🙂

Hey isnt it already over though? Huh...

I dont understand the reasoning why people would get into rooting around married people can someone at least explain this to me why a person knowingly would sleep with a married person and continue this behaviour.

Is it for drugs? Is it for money? Is it for anything else?

Posted by mfwb55
I dont understand the reasoning why people would get into rooting around married people can someone at least explain this to me why a person knowingly would sleep with a married person and continue this behaviour.

Is it for drugs? Is it for money? Is it for anything else?

With my friend, it's probably because she thinks she's ugly. She hasn't seen anyone for a long time. This married jerk is popular amongst the ladies.
He's got looks and charms. And a hell of a bad character, but she's blind to that crucial fact.

Posted by aquapiscescusp

Posted by milono

Posted by aquapiscescusp
Instead, ask yourself why YOU are so preoccupied with it...

I know why I am. This is completely out of character for her. And she seems to have lost her mind. It's scary to see someone you think you know change like that.

I understand your concerns but she's clearly going to do what she wants. Will you let this ruin your friendship with her? She will need a friend when this is all over??_ and you know --it will be over.

click to expand

No, I'd like very much to keep her. I know I can't tell her what to do. But if there was a way I could make her see the "relationship" from the outside. Maybe she'd think twice... Before she throws away years of her life living on false hope.

Meaning you see her as a friend and her sleeping with a married guy isnt what you want for her?

Yes and false hope can do alot with a person

Posted by milono

Posted by LetltB
You can help his wife and six kids out by getting her a case of condoms too..

Good one! 😉 I appreciate your other advice too.

click to expand

It wasn't a joke..I don't give a rats ass about your friend who obviously doesn't give a shit about what she's doing, my concern is the wife getting STD'S or a pregnancy that will destroy this entire family. The other wasn't advice..it's for you to tell her she needs some serious help. The best advice I could give...tell the wife what's going on and LET HER take care of it. Not you.

Posted by milono

Posted by mfwb55
I dont understand the reasoning why people would get into rooting around married people can someone at least explain this to me why a person knowingly would sleep with a married person and continue this behaviour.

Is it for drugs? Is it for money? Is it for anything else?

With my friend, it's probably because she thinks she's ugly. She hasn't seen anyone for a long time. This married jerk is popular amongst the ladies.
He's got looks and charms. And a hell of a bad character, but she's blind to that crucial fact.

click to expand

Oh... still gossiping and speculating, I see... :/

I thought you were going to shut this thread down?

Posted by LetltB

Posted by milono

Posted by LetltB
You can help his wife and six kids out by getting her a case of condoms too..

Good one! 😉 I appreciate your other advice too.

It wasn't a joke..I don't give a rats ass about your friend who obviously doesn't give a shit about what she's doing, my concern is the wife getting STD'S or a pregnancy that will destroy this entire family. The other wasn't advice..it's for you to tell her she needs some serious help. The best advice I could give...tell the wife what's going on and LET HER take care of it. Not you.

click to expand

What makes you think that I KNOW the wife? I DON'T.

Posted by Andalusia

Posted by milono

Posted by mfwb55
I dont understand the reasoning why people would get into rooting around married people can someone at least explain this to me why a person knowingly would sleep with a married person and continue this behaviour.

Is it for drugs? Is it for money? Is it for anything else?

With my friend, it's probably because she thinks she's ugly. She hasn't seen anyone for a long time. This married jerk is popular amongst the ladies.
He's got looks and charms. And a hell of a bad character, but she's blind to that crucial fact.

Oh... still gossiping and speculating, I see... :/

I thought you were going to shut this thread down?

click to expand

"Gossiping" and "speculating"... Sure, my friend ha TOLD me this. And if this thread bothers you so much then get the fuck out of it.

Posted by mfwb55
Meaning you see her as a friend and her sleeping with a married guy isnt what you want for her?

Yes, exactly. Or were you reading something else into this by any chance?

Posted by milono

Posted by Andalusia

Posted by milono

Posted by mfwb55
I dont understand the reasoning why people would get into rooting around married people can someone at least explain this to me why a person knowingly would sleep with a married person and continue this behaviour.

Is it for drugs? Is it for money? Is it for anything else?

With my friend, it's probably because she thinks she's ugly. She hasn't seen anyone for a long time. This married jerk is popular amongst the ladies.
He's got looks and charms. And a hell of a bad character, but she's blind to that crucial fact.

Oh... still gossiping and speculating, I see... :/

I thought you were going to shut this thread down?

"Gossiping" and "speculating"... Sure, my friend ha TOLD me this. And if this thread bothers you so much then get the fuck out of it.

click to expand

LOL now I see the Leo 🙂

.. Kitty likes to scratch!!

Posted by milono

Posted by Andalusia

Posted by milono

With my friend, it's probably because she thinks she's ugly. She hasn't seen anyone for a long time. This married jerk is popular amongst the ladies.
He's got looks and charms. And a hell of a bad character, but she's blind to that crucial fact.

Oh... still gossiping and speculating, I see... :/

I thought you were going to shut this thread down?

"Gossiping" and "speculating"... Sure, my friend ha TOLD me this. And if this thread bothers you so much then get the fuck out of it.

And I'm not bothered - my statement was made based off your previous words:

Posted by milono
Thanks for the replies. I could've put this better. Suppose I was in a "bad state"... Lame I know.
I'd delete this post, but can't see eny other option than to flag it.

Or am I missing the "delete" feature?

click to expand

Posted by Andalusia
LOL, rrrawrr.. Kitty likes to scratch!!

Posted by milono

Posted by Andalusia

Posted by milono

With my friend, it's probably because she thinks she's ugly. She hasn't seen anyone for a long time. This married jerk is popular amongst the ladies.
He's got looks and charms. And a hell of a bad character, but she's blind to that crucial fact.

Oh... still gossiping and speculating, I see... :/

I thought you were going to shut this thread down?

"Gossiping" and "speculating"... Sure, my friend ha TOLD me this. And if this thread bothers you so much then get the fuck out of it.

And I'm not bothered - my statement was made based off your previous words:

Posted by milono
Thanks for the replies. I could've put this better.

Suppose I was in a "bad state"... Lame I know.
I'd delete this post, but can't see eny other option than to flag it.

Or am I missing the "delete" feature?

click to expand

Not denying that I said that, but since I kept posting... It's a given fact I've changed my mind about i.
Anyway, I'm sure I didn't offend you seeing as I'm just a little kitty.

LOL now I see the Leo 🙂

Not the most flattering side of the Leo, I know. Not sure it's a Leo trait to care too much about a friend's personal life... And make it seem like it's their (the Leo's) problem.
I understand that what I've written comes off as bitchy. Hence my desire to delete the thread at one point.
I got carried away with stating ,more or less, useless details about my friend. I should've skipped those and focused on my CONCERN of her well being.

Believe me or not, that's why I started this thread in the first place.

Posted by milono

LOL now I see the Leo 🙂

Not the most flattering side of the Leo, I know. Not sure it's a Leo trait to care too much about a friend's personal life... And make it seem like it's their (the Leo's) problem.
I understand that what I've written comes off as bitchy. Hence my desire to delete the thread at one point.
I got carried away with stating ,more or less, useless details about my friend. I should've skipped those and focused on my CONCERN of her well being.

Believe me or not, that's why I started this thread in the first place.

click to expand

Yes, Leos do care very much about their friends. I have been fortunate enough to have had a few. That was not an insult btw 🙂

Oh, makes me happy to know. 🙂
Then I know maybe we can't rely on or "blame" our signs for everything we do.

Posted by milono
Oh, makes me happy to know. 🙂
Then I know maybe we can't rely on or "blame" our signs for everything we do.

That didn't make sense what I wrote;

Some people blame all sorts of things --on everything else but themselves 😉

(find out his sign for the hell of it, curious I am)

Posted by aquapiscescusp

Posted by milono
Oh, makes me happy to know. 🙂
Then I know maybe we can't rely on or "blame" our signs for everything we do.

That didn't make sense what I wrote;

Some people blame all sorts of things --on everything else but themselves 😉

(find out his sign for the hell of it, curious I am)

click to expand

OK. Yeah, true that. Wonder what excuse married people use for themselves to justify betraying their family.
I'll see if I can find out his sign, and let you know about it.

Posted by milono
I got carried away with stating ,more or less, useless details about my friend. I should've skipped those and focused on my CONCERN of her well being.

Believe me or not, that's why I started this thread in the first place.

Good idea...let's discuss YOU and YOUR concern.

How can you be friends with someone who is fucking a married man who is married with six children? How can you be concerned about HER well being and not that of the wife and children who she is harming? Women who do this are better known to be cunts. Any woman who fools around with a married man or any womans man is a cunt. Why not ask yourself why you are so supportive of her? I disassociate any female who acts like this, and refuse to have it in my circle of friends. It's the lowest any person could go, and someone who does this can't be trusted. So let's discuss why you are so concerned with the person you define as a friend who is a cunt?

Posted by LetltB

Posted by milono
I got carried away with stating ,more or less, useless details about my friend. I should've skipped those and focused on my CONCERN of her well being.

Believe me or not, that's why I started this thread in the first place.

Good idea...let's discuss YOU and YOUR concern.

How can you be friends with someone who is fucking a married man who is married with six children? How can you be concerned about HER well being and not that of the wife and children who she is harming? Women who do this are better known to be cunts. Any woman who fools around with a married man or any womans man is a cunt. Why not ask yourself why you are so supportive of her? I disassociate any female who acts like this, and refuse to have it in my circle of friends. It's the lowest any person could go, and someone who does this can't be trusted. So let's discuss why you are so concerned with the person you define as a friend who is a cunt?

click to expand

I'm still schocked that she's doing this. We've talked about how neither one of us would ever do such a scummy thing.
My first instinct was to "save" my friend from this bastard. I want to believe she's better than this!
I guess I'm in denial, just like she is...

I thought: No freakin' way would she do this unless she's being manipulated big time. Drugged even (quite a desperate thought.)
In my mind, she was blinded by the bullshit he fed her. Maybe I could help to open her eyes?

Then she told me that his family is not her responsibility. She admitted to first thinking of his kids. A few days later I reminded her of them.
Her last comment: "I don't give a shit, they're not my responsibility. He LOVES me..." All that BULLSHIT.

I used to think she was a better person than me... Not anymore, obviously.
I've spent days feeling like shit for her sake. Like he's a drug tat's destroying her. Taking away all her compassion and turning her into a selfish asshole, like himself.
At the same time, I have this RAGE towards her. It's a burden for me to know what she's doing. Why did she tell me?
It's hard having to re-evaluate a person who I have trusted with my most inner thought. Who I THOUGHT I knew so well.

Right now, if I knew the wife i WOULD tell! But I don't know her name, I don't even know his full name.

With people like that, there is no changing or putting common sense in their heads. They're behaving like self centered assholes because the guy they're caught up on is giving them what THEY want emotionally.

That "love" drug is an addicting one, especially if you don't get it very often. All logic flies out the window when "love" comes into play.

I know of someone just like her. There IS no talking common sense into someone like this.

If it really bothers you that much, you need to bring it up with her. If she continues to be a selfish troll of a woman, you then must reconsider if you want a friend like this. I've learned that people who behave this selfishly will indeed do it to you as well some day if circumstances permit.

Knowing she's an air sign, I really would not be surprised if she burned her bridges with you and anyone else over this. They're insanely fickle like that.

Look, I had a good friend who was married who had me in a similar situation.
Good husband, beautiful kids, and she had the seven year itch... First broached it with me in a conversation on the phone.
Basically asked me what I thought. I said I wasn't going to judge her but I certainly didn't think it was a good idea, instead I offered to talk about how she was feeling in the marriage- what she felt about her hubby, work life, kids... Just reminding her of what she had.

Well, she flirted on and off with the idea of an affair, no sex but kissing, meeting at bars after work that sort of thing. The second time we met for dinner and that was the second time she brought it up. I just flat out told her it wasn't going to work. It was no longer my business -said she had to handle it in house with her actual relationship and not a fantasy... I wasn't going to discuss it any longer with her.

She took it on the chin and did that. Came clean, spiced up the sex life, communicated with her partner. I'm not saying it's a perfect ending or a perfect world but you just have to be honest with your gal pal here and stick to your own convictions.
In my opinion this friend of yours will only learn from her own mistakes, and for now you should walk away completely.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
With people like that, there is no changing or putting common sense in their heads. They're behaving like self centered assholes because the guy they're caught up on is giving them what THEY want emotionally.

That "love" drug is an addicting one, especially if you don't get it very often. All logic flies out the window when "love" comes into play.

I know of someone just like her. There IS no talking common sense into someone like this.

If it really bothers you that much, you need to bring it up with her. If she continues to be a selfish troll of a woman, you then must reconsider if you want a friend like this. I've learned that people who behave this selfishly will indeed do it to you as well some day if circumstances permit.

Knowing she's an air sign, I really would not be surprised if she burned her bridges with you and anyone else over this. They're insanely fickle like that.

That's a scary thought, that she might one day end up taking what's mine. Whether it be love or something else.
You think you know someone...
Once you blur out the line between right and wrong, how do you "measure" how far you can go?
I'll talk to her about this one last time, to make it 100% clear where I stand on this.

I know she's fickle alright. Just see how she went from "would never ruin a family by screwing a married man" to doing it, and defending it.

Posted by wagtail
Look, I had a good friend who was married who had me in a similar situation.
Good husband, beautiful kids, and she had the seven year itch... First broached it with me in a conversation on the phone.
Basically asked me what I thought. I said I wasn't going to judge her but I certainly didn't think it was a good idea, instead I offered to talk about how she was feeling in the marriage- what she felt about her hubby, work life, kids... Just reminding her of what she had.

Well, she flirted on and off with the idea of an affair, no sex but kissing, meeting at bars after work that sort of thing. The second time we met for dinner and that was the second time she brought it up. I just flat out told her it wasn't going to work. It was no longer my business -said she had to handle it in house with her actual relationship and not a fantasy... I wasn't going to discuss it any longer with her.

She took it on the chin and did that. Came clean, spiced up the sex life, communicated with her partner. I'm not saying it's a perfect ending or a perfect world but you just have to be honest with your gal pal here and stick to your own convictions.
In my opinion this friend of yours will only learn from her own mistakes, and for now you should walk away completely.

I get it. Glad it ended seemingly well for your friend. The big difference here is that my friend is single, and has "nothing" to lose. Except herself.
I think you're right, I know she won't stop seeing him because I want her to.
But when she bring it up the next time I will make all my points clear. One last time. She can do whatever she wants, but she'll know where I stand and how serious I am about it.

One fact is true...by you associating with her and endorsing her behavior by listening to the "bullshit", it's making her feel good about what she's doing.

Cut her off..watch what happens.

Posted by LetltB
One fact is true...by you associating with her and endorsing her behavior by listening to the "bullshit", it's making her feel good about what she's doing.

Cut her off..watch what happens.

Mm, and partially I've done this already. Cut her off to say I will never support her in this.

I don't know why you would have a self deluded bitch as a friend??_

I hate it when my friends bring me into their private sex lives especially when they know what I'm like, I will judge the shit out of them for being sluts (its not that I hate sluts but my friends are gay and they always fuck each other) and I'm the prude one of the group that doesn't put out lol..

I really don't know much about this kind of thing but Id tell my friend to close her legs and not associate myself with her