long distance relationship dilemma

so i have been involved with a guy long distance for the past few months. we met once in person and we live in separate states. we have declared our love for each other and we talk on the phone often or chat online or text. we know a lot about each other and i feel very comfortable with him. he is coming to visit and i am a little concerned about the expectation for sex. i want to have sex and i trust him, however i don't like the feeling that it is being forced somewhat because of the distance and visit. i guess maybe just discussing it first would be best...thoughts?

Look at from this point of view, at least he isn't picking you up in a UFO and humping you. Now that is a long distance relationship.

LMAO Tater!!! That's classic!

Gonna have to add that one to Fav DXP quotes.

thank goodness that was an alien in the bushes and not a stalker

sad but its kind of expected...but nobody can make you do anything you dont want to. But besides that how are you handling a long distance relationship. Do you ever think he may have another girlfriend?

"i don't like the feeling that it is being forced somewhat because of the distance and visit"


Is this a joke? Seriously.







"he is coming to visit and i am a little concerned about the expectation for sex. i want to have sex and i trust him"


The only way he could be expecting sex is if you were talking to him about it .. leading him on, you know .. using your sex appeal to get him to come visit. If he is expecting to have sex with you and this is his reason for his visit .. then you've been teasing this man.

In that case, you damn straight better give it to him .... or your nothing short of a cock tease.

If you weren't talking dirty to him, and there has been no mention or insinuation of sex for his visit .... then the first response applies .. is this a joke?

why would it be a joke? we love each other and the chances to physically see each other are limited. had it been a normal...not long distance relationship...i am sure it would have happened already. a valid next step. just a little less pressured. there has been no sex chat...just an intimacy that we have not been able to act on physically.

You don't say how far the distance is. So? How far is it? Just saying you live in separate states means nothing. I dated a gal a couple years ago who lived in a neighboring state, and she lived a whole 40 miles away from me. The gal I am currently dating lives in my same state, but is 130 miles away. THAT's long distance IMO. It's over two hours drive to her place.

Anyway, as for your situation, it depends doesn't it. I suggest you meet once for a meal out, to get to know each other for a couple hours... then next date at your place for the day... then third date at his place, discuss sex, and if you still feel comfortable with him at that point, do it.

You say you've fallen in love after months of online communication... many people do, then meet in real life and are hugely disappointed... Make sure you know him well in real life first, before you commit to a sexual relationship.

the distance is 1500 miles...so its not an easy one. we have met in person and spent some time together, however not an extended amount of time. i like your approach on taking it slow...if at all.

You will know if you feel it when you see each other...regardless of waht you may feel with expectaions..I'm sure that when you see each other if it's not there straight away...you arent going to go there or it will feel totally wrong so stop frettting about it and wait...We women try and think too far ahead and try to read a situation before it happens...not good!

Well unfortunately, the expectation & volume of sex often becomes a big problem in long-distance relationships. It's not to say that the other person always has hidden intentions, BUT people need to understand that when dealing with long distance relationships, sex cannot and willnot be as regular, versus as if both people lived within the same vicinity. That just comes with the territory. When it comes down to it, it sounds like your issue is moreso of feeling pressured into having sex. If this guy is making you feel as though sex should be more rushed just simply BECAUSE of the distance then you might have a problem, b/c surely you both should've thought about this before you both decided to venture into the world of internet/long-distance dating. If your intuiton & gut is telling you that sex at this point is not needed and/or that it's too early for you to engage in, then by all means go with what your heart says. Remember, you sat & bragged about how much he really cares for you. Well, if that's the case, sex shouldn't be the make OR break of things b/w you & him. Now, of course eventually sex b/w you might eventually happen, upping the relationship up a few notches, but...it seems as if you'd rather wait. Don't make the mistake of giving in & not being true to self just to please someone else. 2 people living long distance from eachother doesn't in any way, shape or form change the rules about sex & when it should be given. Treat sex with him the same as you'd treat it if he lived next door. In other words, give it when you're ready. And if he's looking for immediate sex, then he needs to explore women that live closer to him that might not mind giving it so early. Focus on building the things that actually make relationships work like trust, reliability, friendship, etc. Sex is just the BONUS, the icing on the cake. Sex should NOT be the cake!

Posted by madaboutlove
the distance is 1500 miles...so its not an easy one. we have met in person and spent some time together, however not an extended amount of time. i like your approach on taking it slow...if at all.

WOW... that's.... almost insurmountable. That's too far. In order for it to work, one of you will have to move closer to the other... otherwise, it's highly unlikely to work. I made a point eventually, of actually listing in my profiles that a woman needed to be within 75 miles... 200 max... or there would be no hope of ever meeting. You just have to be realistic... any further than a day trip in your car, and how will you ever be able to spend the time necessary to get to know each other? Unless one of you is rich and has no problem flying out every weekend...

LOL Bryn... Men have nipples because contrary to the what the Bible says, all humans start out essentially female. Then our chromosomes, hormones etc... change some of us into Males.

@Ferg...I agree. Some people enjoy far distances b/c of the THRILL of it all, but when it comes down to just simple every day relationships, whether they're started on line or not, distance on many levels (physically, emotionally, etc.) can cause alot of problems. It's no different than if your job or school was 1500 hundred miles away. Yes, you need your education & having a degree can take you places BUT imagine all the unecessary burdens & complications you'll encounter just simply b/c you picked a place so far away. It's not to say that long distance relationships NEVER work, BUT people need to wake up. Even relationships now a days with people that live within a 20 mile radius of eachother are not working out, according to statistics. So if you put double the distance between 2 people, the chances of the relationship actually working out decrease considerably! Looking for love in faraway places is not the best & most smartest long-term idea b/c of all the EXTRA compromise & sacrificing that's needed in order for the relationship to work ON TOP OF all the other variables that have to go smoothly in order for it to work. Like stated above, it is INEVITABLE that someone will have to sacrifice & make some sort of move/transition if the relationship were to work out & depending on how stable & satisfied both parties are with their lives where they live, that could be a problem. Long distance can be devestating to other unions outside of relationships, like friendships for example. We've all heard the stories of best friends not being so close anymore and/or all around losing their friendships b/c one person moves far away. Relationships with people close by are already hard enough to establish AND maintain. Intimacy, communication & trust CANNOT sustain through the computer or through a telephone.