Lust, infatuation & love..what's the DIFFERERENCE?

Ok so there's LUST...INFATUATION & LOVE...what is the difference?

And can ALL 3 co-exist?

How do we really know when we've transitioned from 1 phase to the other?
How do we really know that we love someone vs. truly just being infatuated with them?
How do we really know which phase our partners are in?

People frown on you when you're lusting over someone you CAN'T have, but is lust such a bad thing when you're lusting over someone you actually can OR will have eventually? (Same goes with infatuation)

When we lose someone we love (b/c of a breakup/split), which phase do we transition back to? After all, they say you can't hurt/betray someone that you love. So if someone breaks up with you and/or brings the worst out of you, perhaps it's true it's impossible for you to continue loving someone that you can retaliate against or get revenge on, aye?

Oh hell, F it, I'm in outer space!

It's lust at first sight.

A relationship can grow into love and devolve into infatuation.

Posted by krysrenee7
Ok so there's LUST...INFATUATION & LOVE...what is the difference?

And can ALL 3 co-exist?

How do we really know when we've transitioned from 1 phase to the other?
How do we really know that we love someone vs. truly just being infatuated with them?
How do we really know which phase our partners are in?

People frown on you when you're lusting over someone you CAN'T have, but is lust such a bad thing when you're lusting over someone you actually can OR will have eventually? (Same goes with infatuation)

When we lose someone we love (b/c of a breakup/split), which phase do we transition back to? After all, they say you can't hurt/betray someone that you love. So if someone breaks up with you and/or brings the worst out of you, perhaps it's true it's impossible for you to continue loving someone that you can retaliate against or get revenge on, aye?

Oh hell, F it, I'm in outer space!

So if someone hurts you that means they never loved you?
If you (ok not YOU!!) if someone has affair, they betray their husband, does that mean they never really loved them?

If I hurt someone for no reason other than it suited me at the time I would expect them to be most upset and I would expect some form of unpleasant payback. It would serve me right, wouldn't it? If you want to be a cookiemonster/aszhole be prepared for the consequences and don't expect any sympathy!

Well granted, I think there ARE certain things a person would NOT do to their loved one if they really did love them.

But hey, that's why they say there's a thin line between love & hate. 1 minute you can love that person to death & couldn't imagine ever doing anything to hurt them. And the next min. you're so full of rage that all love for them goes out the window & your stuck with only revengful & vindictive thoughts!

I think real love happens when someone can hurt you & yet you still NOT wish/do them any harm. Cussing someone out who lied to you or cheated on you is 1 thing, but causing bodily harm to someone shows a lack of love/respect regardless of the time frame in which it happened! If I have it in me to slash your tires, burn up your house & slap you in the face, I probably never loved you. And if I did, my love for you was only one condition that you loved me too! But with some people, oh boy the minute they get f'd over, it's like WW3 & like all love went out the window

Maybe if no one F***'d each other over we wouldn't have this problem!!

I hear of people doing the tire slashing, suit slashing etc and just think "wow"

The worst was probably on here, a few threads ago where some guy sent nudie pics of his ex GF to her Dad.
That's about the lowest I have heard I think.
What a ....?creep....there are no words...

Lust is the first meetings, you are both attracted to each other, can't get enough of each other. Everything is new and exciting. You are happy. Infatuation (I believe) is the next stage when you think about him all the time. You see little things that may annoy you but you don't question it because you are in that "infatuation" stage. You try to overlook any negative feelings. The hard part comes in stage 3, where now you CARE so much about him. I think you must go through some ups and downs to see if you both come through it. You see his faults/ he sees yours, but you have grown to love those things about each other. Or at least deal with it. For me, lust must still be there at this stage too. The fact that he wants me, and he wants me often , is vital as to whether or not I will fall deeply in love with him.

Lust and love are totally different things, in my opinion. If things go well, you can combine the two, but they really are different.

All of us can relate to the scenario of seeing someone and thinking that person is just pretty doggone hot, and I would like a hunk of that. At the same time, you are fully aware that you could/would never have anything more meaningful that some quick hot sex. And really, what is wrong with quick, hot sex? Well, if you are in a committed relationship, it could be very wrong.

Infatuation is a bit harder for me to work out. I would argue that infatuation is the beginning of love, if love develops. It is the sense that this person is someone I find very interesting, but I really don't know well enough to know if I can/do actually love them. It is the first inkling that maybe there is something more to this than a desire for hot sex.

As for revenge, well, yes you can hurt someone you care for very much by being vengeful. The pain, the anger, the disappointment that can be inflicted by someone you care for deeply can unleash profound negative emotions and actions. It is true that the only people that can truly hurt us, and hurt us the most deeply, are the people we love the most.
Hurting people we love is something we all have to watch out for. But yes, we can all hurt those we love very much, and for all sorts of reasons.


Really the only way really know if we love someone is through time. It is through shared life experiences that we learn about ourselves and each other. It is only through this sort of knowledge that we know if we truly love someone.


Do we regress through our love to infatuation, to lust if we end our relationship. I never have. I can't say that I am an expert on breaking up, but it is certainly not something I ever did. Sadness, loneliness, disappointment all happened. Maybe I did still feel some lust, but that just generally provoked more sadness, loneliness and disappointment.

dofacc.... yes there was sadness, but you are forgetting about the good stuff that is on the way now.
Much more lust, love and treetrunking just around the corner for you my dear.

**sorry everyone, totally off the subject, but thought he needed to be reminded he was a hunka burnin Rammy love.

I think everyone could use a little reminder occasionally🙂

Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson
Maybe if no one F***'d each other over we wouldn't have this problem!!

I hear of people doing the tire slashing, suit slashing etc and just think "wow"

The worst was probably on here, a few threads ago where some guy sent nudie pics of his ex GF to her Dad.
That's about the lowest I have heard I think.
What a ....?creep....there are no words...

WHAT THE! See now, I'm not even into the whole tire slashing or suit bleaching crap, but even I'll have to admit that if a man did that to me, I'd 1. Kick my OWN ass for sending him such pics in the 1st place & 2. Kick HIS ass for being so damn vindictive! That little bastard!

Well the only reason I argue that it's impossible to love someone that you can continually hurt is b/c people are quick to point out that you must lack SELF love persay you were to continually hurt yourself or put yourself in situations that bring pain/heartache.

So if hurting yourself or not putting yourself in your best interest is considered you lacking love for self, then how come we can do those very same things to someone else & yet it still be considered love?

I do believe that we can hurt others to a certain EXTENT if we love them, but I don't believe that you're any longer in love once you can continually harm someone over & over again.

Us being human guarantees mistakes, & just b/c we make mistakes doesn't mean that we're not capable of loving. It's 1 thing to react negatively with your emotions b/c of what someone did to you; those are hair-trigger reactions that really don't take more rage, than thought. BUT if you can sit & think about it, weigh the consequences of your actions & still be ok with the outcome (which is destroying another person) I don't consider that love any longer. It may have been love 5 minutes before you reacted, but the min. you contemplate destroying someone & yet STILL go along with it, I don't think it's any longer love. It's something else but I just don't have the word for it

I am watching it all around me - cheating - and wondering why are these people doing it to each other?
Why are they staying together??(yes, I know: money/too gutless to step out on their own etc)
But it seems so pathetic to me. Leave him - go a get yourself a life. Is it really all down to insecurity or are they doing it just to prove "I hate you more" and "I can hurt you more"?

Why do they hurt each other over and over? They aren't happy. Can they really be in love and keep doing this?
Why Why Why Dr Krys—?? It's so said..

I would have to say that what is described in the previous two posts is most certainly not love. I gotta' that you have both made very good points, and expressed them well. What you ladies describe is nothing more than a childish game of tit for tat. You hurt me, well I can hurt you more. Really, how self-destructive is that? Total devastation would be my guess.

BTW, thanks for the kind words ReallyNiceAriesPerson. Sometimes I forget to look for all the really good things I have in my hands at this very instant. Just another human being, I suppose....

dofacc!!!

What really good thing have you got in your hands at the moment?
Desist young man. This is a family show!

Who, moi—?

Da Voi

Lust - I want you sexually but have no desire for a relationship, whatsoever, even if is plausible. Duh.
Infatuation - That love buzz stage. They're the hottest thing since sliced bread, you lust after (maybe) them AND want them. You adore, cherish, relish.. You get the point.
Love - It COULD mean all 3.. but of course it's possible to love someone but not be "in-love" with them, no desire.. no lust.. so that X's that one out, and infatuation? "Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love; addictive love." Does that last forever? 9/10 yea right..

All 3: you LOVE them, are still attracted to them and thus LUST after them.. Infatuation to the mix? Unlikely but hey.. maybe some people never lose that "spark" .. I say good for them 🙂 And I mean that sincerely. We're not all that lucky, damnit!! *shakes fist*


As for the phases? I'm sure it would require some deep thought. As for your partner? Asking them what their thoughts on it are a start.

Lust is that immediate heat. That fire that lights you up. Instant want.

Infatuation is obsessive. You know it's not altogether healthy..still doesn't stop you from it.

Love is knowing you cannot do without them. Whether they make you angry, hurt you, or lift you higher than you've ever been.

Lust is "I want you right Now"
Love is "I'll wait for you"
Infatuation is "Maybe someday if I can't find anyone better"

I gotta say K7, all this talk about destryoing people really breaks my heart. I've seen it happen and I have been at it's hand. But the simple truth is, there is lack of love for SELF first.

Love is a freedom unlike no ohter.....like floating on a cloud. Light, easy going and simple. (Ahhhh Aveeenooooo) 😛

Lust is that self indulgent, spur of the moment "OMG I GOT TO HAVE IT/YOU NOW" usually short lived

Infatuation is the unhealthy emotions that plague the mind. In other words, obsession over someone or something that is considered unattainable.


I do agree that it is no longer considered love if one can continually and PURPOSLY hurt the other person.

Posted by TheLadySagittarius
Lust is the first meetings, you are both attracted to each other, can't get enough of each other. Everything is new and exciting. You are happy. Infatuation (I believe) is the next stage when you think about him all the time. You see little things that may annoy you but you don't question it because you are in that "infatuation" stage. You try to overlook any negative feelings. The hard part comes in stage 3, where now you CARE so much about him. I think you must go through some ups and downs to see if you both come through it. You see his faults/ he sees yours, but you have grown to love those things about each other. Or at least deal with it. For me, lust must still be there at this stage too. The fact that he wants me, and he wants me often , is vital as to whether or not I will fall deeply in love with him.

Couldn't have said it better myself

^^I gotta' say, I like this one a lot....