Parenthood and Friendships

How have your friendships changed when one party became a parent? If the other person later had kids as well, did things balance out?

I??ve had some friendships change recently due to the topic of children, though for opposite reasons. Lately, I??ve been in a weird place??_ I'm approaching thirty & always thought I??d be a mother by now. My guy & I plan to get married & start a family, but it's not going to happen in the next 5 minutes. I have 2 friends who always knew they didn't want to have kids. One likes kids but knows motherhood isn't for her. The other can't stand children in the most extreme sense. When I introduced her to my 6 year old niece, one of my favorite people in the world, she just sort of sniffed at her and moved on. Another friend of hers came back into town for the first time in 5 years with her newborn son & she refused to have dinner with this friend if it meant even SEEING the baby! Our friendship pretty much came to a halt when she told me that she expected & planned to end our friendship when I had kids because I would —no longer be enjoyable to be around.?? I was like, —Here, let me save you the trouble, Crazy!??

The flipside is that my best friend now has two kids & is so immersed in motherhood that I feel like my lack of a pregnant tummy or stroller bores her. It drives me crazy how she rarely comments on my FB (I know, I know, a little old to be worrying about that) but if someone else is talking about their kid??s poo she's all over the thing! I read Dr. Louann Brizendine's book The Female Brain & she says that during pregnancy permanent changes happen to a woman??s brain creating The Mommy Brain (it's a really interesting book and covers all stages of a woman's life). I can see the changes & understand what it's all about, but I'm just not there. Sometimes I feel annoyed, other times I feel left out. I adore her children & don't mind when seeing her constitutes coming over during naptime for coffee but it can be a struggle to sit back and watch your closest friendship flicker and change. I feel like I??ve lost her but I feel like it's temporary — like things will change again when I have kids of my own. Just wondering about other people's experiences.

For some reason... I like you. Well... the way you write. Realistic while being down to earth, with a dash of heart-felt.

I call fire sign!

Posted by &2gedanow


I call fire sign!

Holy sh**t was I wrong...

i'm a mom, in my late 20's, and pretty much none of my friends have children.

i make it work and i don't see any of those permanent changes that u described. i love kids, adore my own, but i still have a life outside of parenting. i still have goals and projects i immerse myself in. it hasn't affected my life all that much... and i'm a single mom! i don't ramble on about my son but that doesn't mean i'm detached, uninvolved, or not proud. i'm still the same person, possibly more enhanced really, i've always been. i've learned to organize and prioritize my time. yes, ur life does change, and ur child(ren) will take the first place, but it doesn't mean ur life has to stop. it just means that you have to make adjustments accordingly. i will say that i didn't have much of a life in my son's first year but once they can walk, talk a little, and feed themselves it's easier to resume ur life. much of this has to do with the involvement of the other parent or family members/friends too.

tee hee, yup ~ I'm a water girl. I do have Moon in Aries though!

thank you, ninjamu, for your perspective! ~

yes ~ a club - that's it exactly...even if she doesn't act totally obsessed with her kids (which she doesn't - she's v. grounded) she has newly surrounded herself with other moms almost exclusively and sometimes get a sense that she thinks I just don't get it in terms of the new world that she is in.

O-kay?

Duncan, ol' buddy ol' pal? What THE f**k have you done this time?

In other words, what's with the face next to my name?! And why, pray tell -- IS IT SMILING?!

Answer me, damn you -- ANSWER ME!!!!!!