Proposing to a man

Ladies,

Would you do it? Have you done it? Why or why not?

Do you look down on other women who do?


Gents,

Have you ever had a woman propose to you? (and don't lie, lol) If so, how did you feel? Did her value in your eyes, go down/up a bit?

No, I will not propose to a man. I'm very traditional and do believe that it's the man's place to take that step. However, to each his/her own.

That said, I knew a few females who proposed to their men and from that point on, they were being treated with less and less respect, and some never even made it down the aisle. It's almost as though she suddenly came down with a bad case of the cooties once she proposed. So tell me...what is it that happens in a man's psyche that he suddenly believes that you are beneath him because you've asked him to spend the rest of his life with you? Why is it that the repositioning of gender roles behind a popular tradition that's supported by a very specific pschological idea(s) almost always places the woman as desperate or out of her mind because she took matters into her own hands? (Did I just answer my own question?) If a couple already knows that they wish to spend the rest of their lives together, does it really matter who proposes first?

In other news, I've also seen the opposite of this, and many of those couples are still happily married to this day.

I've proposed to a man, with a bread tie LOL, I was half serious (and a little tipsy) - I think he just laughed at me. Anyway, he never treated me as less nor was put off by it, i.e., he didn't run! He told me on numerous occasions after that that he was trying to find the perfect way to propose to me and even sent me ring shopping at a friend's jewelry store to identify style s I liked a year or so later. We talked wedding plans extensively, he has a running list of songs for the reception and even told his mother he wants to marry me... although I never did get a proposal. *sigh* He still says that he wants to marry me, grow old and live out our lives together.

VV's idiocy is expected of her

No, I would not. Unless I was madly in love and he was about to die of cancer or something, then I would because in that very specific case it would make sense.

Also if someone proposed to me with a diamond, I would have to say no!

Posted by P-Angel
VV's idiocy is expected of her

That's not very polite.

It happened to me once, and her value did not go down for me, it remained the same. I declined simply because I don't believe in marriage. By contrast, my value DID decline in her eyes, aparently getting married was very important to her. Things fizzled out after that. Given the value she placed on marriage, I guess this was only natural.

So No, I don't believe gender automatically plays a role on this one.

gawd NO!
let a man be a man....

if he hasn't done it, than he's not for you...

just saying...

Proposing to a man goes into the same category as dating someone younger or drinking tap water abroad. big.fat.no.
😛

Posted by ellessque

Posted by tryandguess
Also if someone proposed to me with a diamond, I would have to say no!

+1

me too 🙂

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🙂

Posted by ellessque

Posted by tryandguess
Also if someone proposed to me with a diamond, I would have to say no!

+1

me too 🙂

click to expand

why?

all my life i have never had to approach a female. they seem to always do the work. and its not necessarily because i dont want to, but its just that i really dont try. its hard for me to think about marriage, but i think that she would propose to me. not to say that i wouldnt propose, but god damn, it would take one hell of a person for me to do that.

Depends on why she needs to propose

If she's only doing it b/c he won't then instead of investing in a ring she needs to make sure they're on the same page b/c if he's not even ready for marriage (hence that's why he hasn't proposed) then her buying him a ring won't change the fact that he's still not ready

Now if he's totally ready, but is afraid, doesn't have the money or any other reason other than 'he's not ready' then I think there's nothing wrong with a woman proposing

Sure it's untraditional but who cares. Our generation has changed everything else! What would 1 more change hurt?!

I personally wouldn't propose. I'd take him not proposing personal. Him not proposing wouldn't give me incentive to go get him a ring. No it'd give me incentive to have 'the talk.'

HELL NO. It's just wrong. Sorry, I'm old fashioned when it comes down to traditions as that. He's the man, it's HIS job to propose to ME. Mhmmm...that's right. 😉

Posted by lildol
I've proposed to a man, with a bread tie LOL, I was half serious (and a little tipsy) - I think he just laughed at me. Anyway, he never treated me as less nor was put off by it, i.e., he didn't run! He told me on numerous occasions after that that he was trying to find the perfect way to propose to me and even sent me ring shopping at a friend's jewelry store to identify style s I liked a year or so later. We talked wedding plans extensively, he has a running list of songs for the reception and even told his mother he wants to marry me... although I never did get a proposal. *sigh* He still says that he wants to marry me, grow old and live out our lives together.

lol @ bread tie. Well what happened? Is he with someone else? If he wanted to marry you now, would you?

Posted by P-Angel
VV's idiocy is expected of her

Kiss my ass.

Posted by tryandguess
Also if someone proposed to me with a diamond, I would have to say no!

Thanks! You're not the first person I've heard say that!

Posted by XV2
It happened to me once, and her value did not go down for me, it remained the same. I declined simply because I don't believe in marriage. By contrast, my value DID decline in her eyes, aparently getting married was very important to her. Things fizzled out after that. Given the value she placed on marriage, I guess this was only natural.

So No, I don't believe gender automatically plays a role on this one.

Thanks, XV2.

My sister and I were just discussing this a moment ago. How some relatioships don't make it because both parties are not on the same page about marriage. Sad, but I think it's always best to be true to yourself in the end.

Posted by roamingfree
gawd NO!
let a man be a man....

if he hasn't done it, than he's not for you...

just saying...

Hmmm...interesting.

Posted by iceredrobot
Proposing to a man goes into the same category as dating someone younger or drinking tap water abroad. big.fat.no.
😛

lol, I hear ya.

Posted by krysrenee7
Depends on why she needs to propose

If she's only doing it b/c he won't then instead of investing in a ring she needs to make sure they're on the same page b/c if he's not even ready for marriage (hence that's why he hasn't proposed) then her buying him a ring won't change the fact that he's still not ready

Now if he's totally ready, but is afraid, doesn't have the money or any other reason other than 'he's not ready' then I think there's nothing wrong with a woman proposing

Sure it's untraditional but who cares. Our generation has changed everything else! What would 1 more change hurt?!

I personally wouldn't propose. I'd take him not proposing personal. Him not proposing wouldn't give me incentive to go get him a ring. No it'd give me incentive to have 'the talk.'

Very well stated.

Depending on the situation, I'd take it personal too, but I realize that there are just some men who don't want to get married--EVER, and the reason has nothing to do with you per se (such as the one as XV2 pointed out.)

Posted by RealTalk
HELL NO. It's just wrong. Sorry, I'm old fashioned when it comes down to traditions as that. He's the man, it's HIS job to propose to ME. Mhmmm...that's right. 😉

Agreed. Who knows, maybe the guys who do get turned off by it feel like you're trying to do their 'job'. *shrugs

Posted by roamingfree
gawd NO!
let a man be a man....

if he hasn't done it, than he's not for you...

just saying...

LOL @ GAWD no!

Even if I had the impulse and was sure he would say yes, I would refrain. *sings* let a woman be a woman and a man be a man! (thats a Prince reference for those who didnt catch it) 😉

Posted by Dreamer02
Even if I had the impulse and was sure he would say yes, I would refrain. *sings* let a woman be a woman and a man be a man! (thats a Prince reference for those who didnt catch it) 😉

lol, I'm such a cornball when it comes to romantic stuff anyway, so I'd refrain on that alone.


Get it, Prince!

Posted by Pecheresse
How bout proposing him while you're strapping it on?

Ha!

Posted by aquaj
No, not personally, but I look UP to women who do. It's empowering and shows real confidence, I think.

I think it shows confidence as well and a woman who's not afraid to go after what she wants.

There's a reality show I've started to follow this season called "Love & Hip Hop" on VH1.

A young woman, Chrissy, has been with her guy Jim for 7 years, and he has never proposed. He knows she wants to marry him. BADLY. They are pretty much playing house and she does all the things a traditional wife would do.

Apparently, last season she proposed to him and his answer was "I'm with you". She gave him a ring only for him to lose it later on, in which she took him back to the jewelry store at the beginning of this season to help him pick out another.

This season is up to about its 7th episode and let's just say she has constantly nagged, argued, and even brought her family to talk to this man about marrying her. She finally takes a break and goes away with her girlfriends on a mini trip, and he suddenly pops up with a ring, says to her "so you wanna marry me?", hands her the ring, she tells him--"you have to put it on my finger", they hug, kiss, and the rest is history.

So a friend and I were discussing this the other day and I told her that although I do believe with all my heart that Jim loves Chrissy, he is not sure about marriage with her (could be due to her past, and her current attitude and the way she conducts herself), or simply may not want to get married, and doesn't see it in his future.

So we debated a bit and my friend told me that some men just need 'encouragment', and that once Chrissy took the break, Jim realized what he was possibly going to lose, and did the right thing.

My question is, how much encouragement does a man need? From conversations with family members, to threats, to constant nagging...for seven whole years? Dontcha think a man would know if he wanted to marry you by now?

Here's the vid in case anyone is interested. Really interesting, and fairly short.


Get More: Love And Hip Hop

Posted by aquaj
And here's why: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/love/marriage/married-men-do-less-housework-than-live-in-boyfriends/article779309/<BR>
http://yourlife.usatoday.com/fitness-food/diet-nutrition/story/2011-08-23/Weight-gain-hits-women-after-marriage-men-after-divorce/50104886/1<BR>

After marriage, the men get lazy and the women get fat. So who's happy? lol.

Aqua,

I can believe this. That married men do less housework than live-in boyfriends. Why? Well, I think it goes back to the social ideas that are attached to gender roles as far as certain traditions are concerned. i.e. the wife 'keeps the home' while the husband brings home the bacon...I know this is not the case for every married couple because there are plenty of husbands who do their 'fair share' of housework, and more, but, I'm not suprised that women even in this day still do more housework than their husbands.

interesting that the second study didn't examine the reasons women gain more weight once married, other than to say that possibly due to the added responsibilities, they have less time to excercise, which makes sense to me.

two other reasons I could think of are Childbirth and an increase in meals.

Posted by tryandguess
Also if someone proposed to me with a diamond, I would have to say no!

With a diamond? Like just straight up a diamond or a diamond ring?

If I loved him and he proposed with a diamond ring of course I'd say yes

All these conditions that need to be met for a feeling that will not last...😢

Posted by VirgoVixxxen
There's a reality show I've started to follow this season called "Love & Hip Hop" on VH1.

A young woman, Chrissy, has been with her guy Jim for 7 years, and he has never proposed. He knows she wants to marry him. BADLY. They are pretty much playing house and she does all the things a traditional wife would do.

Apparently, last season she proposed to him and his answer was "I'm with you". She gave him a ring only for him to lose it later on, in which she took him back to the jewelry store at the beginning of this season to help him pick out another.


This season is up to about its 7th episode and let's just say she has constantly nagged, argued, and even brought her family to talk to this man about marrying her. She finally takes a break and goes away with her girlfriends on a mini trip, and he suddenly pops up with a ring, says to her "so you wanna marry me?", hands her the ring, she tells him--"you have to put it on my finger", they hug, kiss, and the rest is history.

So a friend and I were discussing this the other day and I told her that although I do believe with all my heart that Jim loves Chrissy, he is not sure about marriage with her (could be due to her past, and her current attitude and the way she conducts herself), or simply may not want to get married, and doesn't see it in his future.

So we debated a bit and my friend told me that some men just need 'encouragment', and that once Chrissy took the break, Jim realized what he was possibly going to lose, and did the right thing.

My question is, how much encouragement does a man need? From conversations with family members, to threats, to constant nagging...for seven whole years? Dontcha think a man would know if he wanted to marry you by now?

This right here. I watch Love & Hip Hop also & I think she was an ass for proposing. YES!!!! 7 freaking years!!! Come on, if he really wanted to marry her, he wouldv'e done it a long time ago. She proposed to him & he lost the damn ring. It obviously was of no significance or importance to him because he devalued it, then she goes with him to get yet another? And the headbanger is when they were shopping he says "I'm not here to pick out any rings". Seriously? That was a instant slap in the face.

He felt forced so he did what he had to do. He will resent his decision in the long run, & I believe the marriage will be

Cut off.

Will be another "Kim & Chris" hell if they even make it to the alter. I believe a man should NEVER be forced into marriage/a relationship, but especially marriage. Things should just happen organically & he clearly wasn't ready. I understand it's necessary to have "the talk" but after you do & he keeps stalling, what does that really say about him & his perspective with having a future with you? Please. Would you really stay with a man after that? His respect for you will decrease & he will take the relationship for granted.

To me a woman proposing screams desperation but hey, if she is bold enough to take that award, by all means. *pumps fist* There is just no way in hell...

Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Kiss my ass.

lmao!

Posted by aquaj
lol lol lol lol


This comment landed you on my favorite's list.

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😄😄😄

Posted by starlite
I proposed to my ex husband, I knew he would say yes and he did. It did give me a sense of power and control. Thinking back on it now, I did take the lead in our marriage on alot of things. I ended up leaving.

That's wonderful that he accepted. Sorry it didn't work out.

Posted by Amandus
All these conditions that need to be met for a feeling that will not last...😢

Awwww....not necessarily. There are many success stories.

Posted by RealTalk
Cut off.

Will be another "Kim & Chris" hell if they even make it to the alter. I believe a man should NEVER be forced into marriage/a relationship, but especially marriage. Things should just happen organically & he clearly wasn't ready. I understand it's necessary to have "the talk" but after you do & he keeps stalling, what does that really say about him & his perspective with having a future with you? Please. Would you really stay with a man after that? His respect for you will decrease & he will take the relationship for granted.

To me a woman proposing screams desperation but hey, if she is bold enough to take that award, by all means. *pumps fist* There is just no way in hell...

You are so right. The fact that he lost the first ring and was basically acting like an ass when they went to get the second one spoke volumes. Chrissy is El Desperado, and it's not a good look. Some rationalize Jim's behavior as not wanting to come across as too 'loving', or too 'romantic', and him not wanting to lose 'street cred', and that could be possible considering where he comes from and what he does but, damn, if this is the woman who's been in your life for the last seven years, has made a home, done right by you, the least you could do is give a proper proposal. SMH. As I said before, I do think part of it is a front, and I believe he loves her but, the whole thing is just weird.

Posted by VirgoVixxxen

Posted by lildol
I've proposed to a man, with a bread tie LOL, I was half serious (and a little tipsy) - I think he just laughed at me. Anyway, he never treated me as less nor was put off by it, i.e., he didn't run! He told me on numerous occasions after that that he was trying to find the perfect way to propose to me and even sent me ring shopping at a friend's jewelry store to identify style s I liked a year or so later. We talked wedding plans extensively, he has a running list of songs for the reception and even told his mother he wants to marry me... although I never did get a proposal. *sigh* He still says that he wants to marry me, grow old and live out our lives together.

lol @ bread tie. Well what happened? Is he with someone else? If he wanted to marry you now, would you?

click to expand

What happened? Well, let's just say I blame the fact my sun is quincunx to my moon... either that or my damn Venus in Sag!

All in all, he's waiting for me to 'make up my mind' as he puts it... no, I don't think he'll wait forever, and yes, I do fear I'll be too late.

Never!, i would rather have my tonsils removed through the nasal canal than do that. I think no man would ever respect such a woman. Imagine when things dont work out & he tells you that it was your choice in the 1st place- the embarassment, my God! It just cheapens the whole thing, a man should take a lead in the chase & then let the woman be the boss during the relationship. Hahaha

Posted by starlite
Whats the difference between proposing to a man and nagging him all the time about getting married. I just stepped out on confidence and did it, thats just me. I didn't feel degraded throughout our marriage. I dont see what the big deal is.

I dont see the big deal either, whatever works more power to you.