Strong men and broken women

Why do some people believe in the saying that 'It takes a strong man to handle or love a broken woman?'

I understand the concept...I get it, I get it ----> The right person will help you unpack...after all, we've all got baggage...

BUT, what's up with the entitlement? What's up with the concept that a man hasn't proven himself as strong or 'real' unless he signs up for the job of playing therapist & building up a woman? Why do women put such an unfair task on men? Why do women convince themselves that it's everybody else's job to fix her, to the point where she or her friends/family might even question the loyalty or strength of the men who refuse to take on such a challenge?

Is the concept that someone should accept you 'flaws and all' really just entitlement in disguise? Does that concept sometimes enable you to not get your shit together (shit that you should've BEEN got together/changed/fixed) b/c your entitlement says that he/she won't or shouldn't leave you?

Isn't thinking that way kind of trivializing the fact that people, including men are allowed to have deal breakers or come to the conclusion that your 'flaws' are just too much to handle?

When a woman meets, starts dating or marries a 'broken' man (depending on your own individual definition of what 'broken' means), she may be called a doormat or reminded that you 'can't change a man.' But when a man refuses to raise, repair or fix a broken woman, his loyalty & love for her is questioned, as if he doesn't have the right to rid himself of being a doormat too.

Isn't it just as fair for a man or his friends to tell him that 'You can't change a woman?'

Why is there a double standard on what it means to be a doormat. Some women are so bitter, broken down, selfish & insecure but yet instead of laying low & staying out of the dating arena in the name of not bringing everyone down with her, she refuses & instead calls out the men who won't put up with her.

Ladies, sometimes a man is stronger for letting you go or never really truly committing to you in the 1st place.

Posted by Impulsv
I say something is wrong with a man who rather have a broken woman than healthy relationship. These men exist

HE MAY COME INTO THE RELATIONSHIP WHOLE, BUT INVESTING IN & SPENDING A LOT OF TIME WITH HER WILL RESULT IN HIM BEING OR LEAVING A BROKEN MAN HIMSELF.

Don't get me wrong, I commend the men who have the endurance & stamina to endure hardships in their relationships. Taxes, death & hardships with self & loved ones is guaranteed to happen to everyone.

However, it's not fair to say that I'd respect a male doormat if the truth is that I wouldn't respect a female doormat.

The 'captain save a hoe' hero complex sounds good & may even be the winning lottery ticket for women who refuse to work on, change and/or fix themselves, but realistically, so many people are only broken b/c of their superhero complex.

It's so much easier on the heart & mind when you find someone who had the courage to get their shit together before searching or signing up for love vs. spending the whole relationship teaching someone how to love themselves & me, and in the meantime not actually enjoying the luxury of enjoying the actual relationship!

Posted by tiziani
I was definitely a broken man, still always will be in some respects.


"All the world is broken and them some are strong at broken places"

Awww.....hugs!

Interesting topic, never heard of it before.

There's a different b/w someone who needs a little push vs. someone who expects you to be the forklift.

The "flaws n all" concept works best for couples whose foundation isn't entitlement...it's best meant for the couples who always remember the importance of loving & uplifting self, as much as giving such a gift to someone else.

As for broken folks who have no action plan on repairing or fixing themselves, this phrase is 1 that they use to manipulate others & themselves into believing that although broken, they deserve someone who's unbroken. They take advantage of this concept.

They spend more energy pulling on your guilt strings...the same energy they could've spent being more honest with themselves & repairing/fixing their issues.

It's not until you're no longer broken, that you realize just how irrational it is to expect a future with someone who is still totally broken. Sometimes being the stronger, loving & bigger person means staying away from other hearts unless you can love and handle your own first.

But nope, broken folks always want a piece of the non-broken pie to the point where they develop an entitlement complex & might even question your character all b/c you refused to be a crane that knocked down the thousands of bricks that make up their security walls + problems you probably couldn't even really fix anyways.

Always a good topic. And on the broader scope "why broken people get into relationships."

Those who are broken and getting into relationships are only finding the same thing over again until they look at what is wrong with them and fix it themselves. I've heard a lot of people say things like "oh she'll heal through her marriage." And maybe that is true, but my goodness marriage seems hard enough as it is without bringing a broken, or two broken people into it who can't learn to just love themselves and others without playing the games or allowing others to disrespect them.

I've been there in that brokeness...Once I started working on myself and pinpointing what needed to be changed and decided I didn't need to be with anyone, was when I began to heal properly and came into being with someone I could never imagine myself being with. And the change is noticeable. When two healed or unbroken people come together it's not only refreshing, it makes you feel confident and reassured in love because things are consistent and you don't have to wonder if the other person likes your or is right for you. You just know. It finally feels right.

I remember I was single after a six year relationship. I took really good care of myself physically and mentally, and spent 3 years on getting an education.. 4 years later I started dating. First person I met was a Gemini. And was the first person to yell to me that I'm not affectionate. Hm give me a break.. He wasn't in the mood to change any other person either. Because he helped alot of people and got treated badly for doing it. So when I came along wasn't right place, time, or something like that.

I get it...broken people need love, affection, compassion & grace too.

But relationships can't function, last or be healthy unless BOTH individuals have a healthy dose of love for themselves 1st.

If you can't offer those things, then relationships are not for you. Not right now, at least. And to rebel against that rule is unfair & selfish. It's the selfishness that broken people have that I don't respect. It's the sudden & almost unexpected day where they start to feel entitled & look for whole people they can guilt, that I don't respect.

It's 1 thing to be young & not really understand the fact that people can't fix your demons for you, change you or do the work of loving you FOR you (that's your job). Of course it'll take a broken heart & a lesson learned when they get the epiphany that finding a whole person didn't make them love themselves more (just like money won't buy happiness).

BUT, once you know better, you oughta do better. And what I see is a bunch of people who know better...who know that they have and probably will bring others down since they are still broken...and yet continue to sign up for situations that require 2 people to be whole although they know up front they won't be pulling their full weight. It's unfair to those who are whole & who worked their ass off to be whole.

If you work your ass off to be whole, you deserve someone who also did the same inner work.

People owe you nothing. And yes, that even applies to the broken. Friends & family may be there to pick you up & play therapist, but for God sakes, people don't get in relationships to be your psychologist. They get in relationships to enjoy them...and the enjoyment is almost always guaranteed to be short term if you get with a broken person. Crazy thing is, even broken people know this, but yet they still bring this battle to other people.