TheCharmer8
@TheCharmer8
12 YearsLibra
Comments: 0 · Posts: 36 · Topics: 6
What am I doing wrong?
Posted by TheCharmer8
My ex-gf broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. Shes 19 and i just turned 20. We lived together for over a year cause of her family problems but it was amazing when we lived together. Always stayed up, laughed, talked, layed in the same bed, shower etc. we were best friends/lovers. then life took a massive dump on us financially wise and things started to get pretty tense. 2 months before the breakup, i guess we were just tired of each other from being around each other and living together and started fighting over the littlest stuff. We had little patience with each other..
Ive been trying to give her space since the breakup but it hurts so much cause i wanna see her or at least talk to her. We've hung out a few times since the breakup. She's told me shes confused about her feelings for me and only feels the passion of love a little bit but that's it. She also said she doesn't think she wants to be with me anymore but i know she still has feelings cause shes still willing to hangout SOMETIMES. She has slept over once or twice since the breakup. we haven't done anything (kiss, sex, anything sexual) since breakup. Honestly, i so want to but i don't wanna get rejected if i lean in for a kiss whenever we hang out and its the right time. We don't really text much anymore. Only occasionally. i almost always initiate contact and sometimes we'll have a convo going but then no reply. Happened a few times. BUT, When we do hangout, things seem awesome. We've held hands a few times, shes slept over and she said i could lay with her. Sometimes there's some awkward silences but i don't make a big deal about it. seemed like the old times... but when she goes home, She rarely texts me unless i'm initiating it mostly but even then she doesn't always respond .
I told her yesterday that I'm probably gonna be moving to Colorado in December and she said "if that's what you really want then I'm happy for you" i was really heartbroken by that response... seemed like she didn't care to see me leave and never see me again... I didn't saying anything to her response negative, Just "idk what i want, things just been hard lately" she then said "well, I hope it goes well.." I'm pretty sure shes talking to another guy but idk how serious. They might have had sex, idk..
i know she still has some feelings for me... maybe? she just made it seem like she doesn't give a shit... after everyt
another thing.... when we hangout, I feel like shes giving or saying things that make it seem like theres still something there.
Hi, maybe she is in another space in her life. She wants other things, possibly influenced, and isn't sure about where she stands in still being involved with you.
Let me ask you this: Are you just talking to her? And have you been talking to her inappropriately-to hurt her feelings or make her feel uncomfortable at all??
I'm not a Taurus, I'm a Virgo.
I read your post carefully, and I'm very analytical. I just experienced most of the things you mentioned in my last "relationship" with someone I broke up with some time ago.
My last love love was with a Libra male, and it ended very confusingingly...sudden & sadly. ; /
Let me ask you this: Are you just talking to her? And have you been talking to her inappropriately-to hurt her feelings or make her feel uncomfortable at all??
I'm not a Taurus, I'm a Virgo.
I read your post carefully, and I'm very analytical. I just experienced most of the things you mentioned in my last "relationship" with someone I broke up with some time ago.
My last love love was with a Libra male, and it ended very confusingingly...sudden & sadly. ; /
The last 2 months of being together, I'll admit, i did say things that made it seem i was attacking her feelings or making her feel bad... I never noticed it til the breakup. I feel so bad for what i did... life was just shitting on us at the time and we were so stressed out that we just layed it out on each other and i thinks that's one reason why she broke it off... Now after the breakup, I'm trying to be friendly, only texting her every 4-7 days maybe (i usually initiate it) sometimes we'll be talking but then no text back again. i just don't want to ignore her or seem too clingy/needy by telling her I've changed... I've analyzed every mistake i ever did in this relationship and i am working on it.. i just want her back
This 1 is tricky
If a relationship becomes unbearable, some people start getting over the person long before the relationship ends
And some people actually have the willpower to walk away from a bad situation, even if they have mad love for that person
It could be that she's lost interest. How? Well she probably is dating someone else. Whether it's serious or not doesn't always matter b/c "Distraction" is the easiest way to intentionally OR accidentally get over someone
It could be that she's got a lot of people blabbing in her ear, telling her to move on. Friends...family...If she's constantly got people in her ear telling her she deserves better, eventually she'll start to believe that herself. Some people would much rather suck it up, leave & stay gone as opposed to hearing the noise.
Have you apologized specifically for how you hurt her or is your main focus on getting her back by any means necessary?
Maybe you vying for her back isn't good enough to her. Maybe she wants you to acknowledge TO HER (not just to yourself, in your own thoughts) for the part in the relationship where you messed up. Maybe she needs to see that you "Get it" before allowing her emotions to jump back in with you full force.
Honestly though, she's very young & she probably doesn't know what she wants yet. The relationship probably drained her emotionally. Understand that sometimes people don't have enough energy to go back & try again; they'd rather reserve the little bit of energy they have left to someone new
If this hot/cold last for too much longer, it'd be safe to go on to assume she's moved on. What difference would her still having feelings for you make, if she's not willing to do anything with those feelings or let them progress?
Love & re-entering a relationship isn't just about "feelings." You have to use logic too. A person can love you to pieces but finally accept that things should never reach intimate-status again b/c of the negatives that can happen----negatives they can't afford (or take the risk of) to happen again
If a relationship becomes unbearable, some people start getting over the person long before the relationship ends
And some people actually have the willpower to walk away from a bad situation, even if they have mad love for that person
It could be that she's lost interest. How? Well she probably is dating someone else. Whether it's serious or not doesn't always matter b/c "Distraction" is the easiest way to intentionally OR accidentally get over someone
It could be that she's got a lot of people blabbing in her ear, telling her to move on. Friends...family...If she's constantly got people in her ear telling her she deserves better, eventually she'll start to believe that herself. Some people would much rather suck it up, leave & stay gone as opposed to hearing the noise.
Have you apologized specifically for how you hurt her or is your main focus on getting her back by any means necessary?
Maybe you vying for her back isn't good enough to her. Maybe she wants you to acknowledge TO HER (not just to yourself, in your own thoughts) for the part in the relationship where you messed up. Maybe she needs to see that you "Get it" before allowing her emotions to jump back in with you full force.
Honestly though, she's very young & she probably doesn't know what she wants yet. The relationship probably drained her emotionally. Understand that sometimes people don't have enough energy to go back & try again; they'd rather reserve the little bit of energy they have left to someone new
If this hot/cold last for too much longer, it'd be safe to go on to assume she's moved on. What difference would her still having feelings for you make, if she's not willing to do anything with those feelings or let them progress?
Love & re-entering a relationship isn't just about "feelings." You have to use logic too. A person can love you to pieces but finally accept that things should never reach intimate-status again b/c of the negatives that can happen----negatives they can't afford (or take the risk of) to happen again
Some people really do just need a breather. And some don't love you any less just b/c they need space or time to reboot. I am a perfect example of that. I can be madly in love with someone, but if I'm feeling low on fuel, I'll put some distance b/w us so that I can recharge b/c I know that I am no good to the person I love if I'm running on fumes.
She may come back, she may not. Since your feelings are still very heavily involved, I think you should take a break from her too
Doesn't mean you don't love her or that you no longer want her back, but just that you're looking out for yourself
She's NOT ready to re-enter a relationship with you again. Sucks but that's the cold reality. She may be ready later, but she's not NOW so it's not healthy for you to continue chasing after someone that doesn't currently want to be caught.
You'll just go to bed at night feeling rejected, confused & you'll start developing that over-analyzing habit that can sometimes work against you.
And once you start taking all of that personal & to the heart, it can bring out the worst in you...before you know it, you're doing/saying things that will further push her away, simply b/c you're trying to communicate with her from a place of anger, jealousy, confusion, desperation as opposed to the opposite.
When you try being "friends" with someone you are in love with, you just leave room for things to go wrong & to annoy each other in the process which might actually hurt your chances of getting back together
Turn yourself off for awhile. If she never comes back, turning yourself off will save you from a hard crash/fall. However, if she does come back, you better learn how to turn yourself back on & go for it! It's a win/win technically =)
In other words, just let it go for right now sweetie. This is 1 of those situations when "Try not to change or worry about what you can't control" is a phrase you should live by
She may come back, she may not. Since your feelings are still very heavily involved, I think you should take a break from her too
Doesn't mean you don't love her or that you no longer want her back, but just that you're looking out for yourself
She's NOT ready to re-enter a relationship with you again. Sucks but that's the cold reality. She may be ready later, but she's not NOW so it's not healthy for you to continue chasing after someone that doesn't currently want to be caught.
You'll just go to bed at night feeling rejected, confused & you'll start developing that over-analyzing habit that can sometimes work against you.
And once you start taking all of that personal & to the heart, it can bring out the worst in you...before you know it, you're doing/saying things that will further push her away, simply b/c you're trying to communicate with her from a place of anger, jealousy, confusion, desperation as opposed to the opposite.
When you try being "friends" with someone you are in love with, you just leave room for things to go wrong & to annoy each other in the process which might actually hurt your chances of getting back together
Turn yourself off for awhile. If she never comes back, turning yourself off will save you from a hard crash/fall. However, if she does come back, you better learn how to turn yourself back on & go for it! It's a win/win technically =)
In other words, just let it go for right now sweetie. This is 1 of those situations when "Try not to change or worry about what you can't control" is a phrase you should live by
I have apologized to her about the specifics. She understood how sincere i was and i really meant it. i give her space but most the time i give in by maybe like the 5th or 6th day and i would text her..
Maybe i should just lay low from her and wait for her to come to me?? I'm just scarred if i do that, she'll move on since i'm not "trying" to stay in contact, especially if she might be talking to another guy. Even if i do have to move on, i'm nowhere near that point yet.. i just want to find a way to have a second chance
Maybe i should just lay low from her and wait for her to come to me?? I'm just scarred if i do that, she'll move on since i'm not "trying" to stay in contact, especially if she might be talking to another guy. Even if i do have to move on, i'm nowhere near that point yet.. i just want to find a way to have a second chance
Posted by TheCharmer8
The last 2 months of being together, I'll admit, i did say things that made it seem i was attacking her feelings or making her feel bad... I never noticed it til the breakup. I feel so bad for what i did... life was just shitting on us at the time and we were so stressed out that we just layed it out on each other and i thinks that's one reason why she broke it off... Now after the breakup, I'm trying to be friendly, only texting her every 4-7 days maybe (i usually initiate it) sometimes we'll be talking but then no text back again. i just don't want to ignore her or seem too clingy/needy by telling her I've changed... I've analyzed every mistake i ever did in this relationship and i am working on it.. i just want her back
Aww, well, I would say consistently work at trying to win her back, especially if you are reaslly serious about her and keep it honest.
She shall see how much you do care about a lot of things besides just having her in your life and reaping the benefits of her devotion of love & care to you. ; ) You seem very sweet- & you guys are charmers. Talk to her sometimes, be honest, give her some space like you do, and treat her really good. ; )
Posted by krysrenee7
Some people really do just need a breather. And some don't love you any less just b/c they need space or time to reboot. I am a perfect example of that. I can be madly in love with someone, but if I'm feeling low on fuel, I'll put some distance b/w us so that I can recharge b/c I know that I am no good to the person I love if I'm running on fumes.
She may come back, she may not. Since your feelings are still very heavily involved, I think you should take a break from her too
Doesn't mean you don't love her or that you no longer want her back, but just that you're looking out for yourself
She's NOT ready to re-enter a relationship with you again. Sucks but that's the cold reality. She may be ready later, but she's not NOW so it's not healthy for you to continue chasing after someone that doesn't currently want to be caught.
You'll just go to bed at night feeling rejected, confused & you'll start developing that over-analyzing habit that can sometimes work against you.
And once you start taking all of that personal & to the heart, it can bring out the worst in you...before you know it, you're doing/saying things that will further push her away, simply b/c you're trying to communicate with her from a place of anger, jealousy, confusion, desperation as opposed to the opposite.
When you try being "friends" with someone you are in love with, you just leave room for things to go wrong & to annoy each other in the process which might actually hurt your chances of getting back together
Turn yourself off for awhile. If she never comes back, turning yourself off will save you from a hard crash/fall. However, if she does come back, you better learn how to turn yourself back on & go for it! It's a win/win technically =)
In other words, just let it go for right now sweetie. This is 1 of those situations when "Try not to change or worry about what you can't control" is a phrase you should live by
Yes, I agree. The space & distance- turning yourself off it could give you som much peace of mind & stay positive. If it's mean't it will be. Take some time to focus on you before you lose it over her. ; )
I try to give her space. I want to give her space... i just always give in before 7 days goes by. i just want to talk to her. I'm not trying to be up in her business. i just like talking to her.
I'm just scarred that if i distance myself from her for a few weeks or whatever, she'll see that i'm not trying anymore then she'll realize she needs to move on
plus this Colorado thing might be confusing her? since i told her I'll probably be moving there ( i haven't told her there's a opportunity i can stay cause i don't think she'd care since shes ignoring me and we're broken up) since she thinks i might be moving, she's definitely trying to move on? idk..
I'm just scarred that if i distance myself from her for a few weeks or whatever, she'll see that i'm not trying anymore then she'll realize she needs to move on
plus this Colorado thing might be confusing her? since i told her I'll probably be moving there ( i haven't told her there's a opportunity i can stay cause i don't think she'd care since shes ignoring me and we're broken up) since she thinks i might be moving, she's definitely trying to move on? idk..
I think she's done...you may have to except that!
how can she be done if she's still willing to hangout, sleepover sometimes, whenever we hangout.. theres some kind of vibe that she mentions that theres future times to hangout... I'm not saying get back together.. but i can feel shes trying to let me know there still migh be hope but give me time... or else she wouldn't be hanging out with me those last few times?
Posted by TheCharmer8
how can she be done if she's still willing to hangout, sleepover sometimes, whenever we hangout.. theres some kind of vibe that she mentions that theres future times to hangout... I'm not saying get back together.. but i can feel shes trying to let me know there still migh be hope but give me time... or else she wouldn't be hanging out with me those last few times?
Oh people will hang out with you, spend the night with you, spend your money, have sex with you & use you up for all you've got w/o having a single shred of feeling for you
Newsflash: That's how women end up getting hurt by men all the time! They're at home using the same mindset that you are: "I know his actions don't match his words, but if he didn't like me, he wouldn't have came over last night."
When you see females making excuses like this for the men they are dating, you shake your head & just want to shake them into reality, right?! The same is true for women
If a woman or a man wants you, they'll chase you.
There's no doubt that she likes or maybe even still loves you. The million dollar question though is does she love you ENOUGH? "Enough" is the key word.
A person can like you a lot BUT not like you enough to want to be with you, try again with you or spend their life with you.
Should you just lay low? YES! Why? B/c what you're doing isn't working. Laying low may not be the answer, but surely you chasing her in the passive/aggressive way you've been doing isn't working either so you can't defend what doesn't work.
Don't lay low as a manipulative tool to get her to react or want you more. If you do that, sure she may fall for the reverse psychology & come back to you, but it won't last long b/c as soon as she feels she's got you "back," those very reasons she left you will resurface & she'll just end up running off again.
Lay low b/c it's what's best for YOU. Lay low b/c chasing someone who doesn't want to be caught (for whatever reason) is not productive & once again, just leaves even MORE room for the person being chased to become more annoyed with you.
If you're who she truly wants, trust me, she'll be back! That's the best scenario b/c if she comes back in that way, it'll be b/c she wanted to & not b/c you played mind games or had to guilt, pressure or manipulate her into coming back (there's no victory in getting someone back b/c you had to st
.....If you're who she truly wants, trust me, she'll be back! That's the best scenario b/c if she comes back in that way, it'll be b/c she wanted to & not b/c you played mind games or had to guilt, pressure or manipulate her into coming back (there's no victory in getting someone back b/c you had to stoop to low levels)
Just let it go. Not saying turn off your feelings for her. Just give her what she's giving you. If she's giving you 10% , give her 10% . If she gives you 65% , give her 65% percent. That way, you won't have to constantly feel that only 1 of you is doing the giving or that the balance is unequal
Posted by krysrenee7
.....If you're who she truly wants, trust me, she'll be back! That's the best scenario b/c if she comes back in that way, it'll be b/c she wanted to & not b/c you played mind games or had to guilt, pressure or manipulate her into coming back (there's no victory in getting someone back b/c you had to stoop to low levels)
Just let it go. Not saying turn off your feelings for her. Just give her what she's giving you. If she's giving you 10% , give her 10% . If she gives you 65% , give her 65% percent. That way, you won't have to constantly feel that only 1 of you is doing the giving or that the balance is unequal
Gotta admit..... makes more sense... thanks alot, I really appreciate the advice 🙂
I love Krysrenee7 advice. Listen to it please, it's very important most of all.
Posted by Lil2Jazzy
I love Krysrenee7 advice. Listen to it please, it's very important most of all.
Aw thanx love bug! You give some pretty good advice too, ya know!
Posted by TheCharmer8Posted by krysrenee7
.....If you're who she truly wants, trust me, she'll be back! That's the best scenario b/c if she comes back in that way, it'll be b/c she wanted to & not b/c you played mind games or had to guilt, pressure or manipulate her into coming back (there's no victory in getting someone back b/c you had to stoop to low levels)
Just let it go. Not saying turn off your feelings for her. Just give her what she's giving you. If she's giving you 10% , give her 10% . If she gives you 65% , give her 65% percent. That way, you won't have to constantly feel that only 1 of you is doing the giving or that the balance is unequal
Gotta admit..... makes more sense... thanks alot, I really appreciate the advice 🙂click to expand
I know letting go for right now is hard & goes against the grain of everything you want to do, but if a technique you're using causes more pain, confusion & bad/no results, it's time to change things up
Sometimes the people who said they'd never let go, actually let go. It sucks, we cry, we kick & scream, we ask why & we burden them with all of our feelings and fears of rejection.
But unfortunately AND fortunately, the only person you can control is yourself. And perhaps, you'd feel better if you stopped trying to control a situation that is out of your hands
Surrendering that need for control is super hard, especially when it's damn near impossible to picture your life w/o that person
But again, if she comes back, you should want it to be HER idea, not just yours.
Manipulation, guilt, pressure, or projecting your feelings onto someone as a means to wheel them back in never really earns the person back the right way or back at all
There has to be a point when you start accepting that hey, if that person doesn't want me back, maybe they weren't "the one" after all. And depending on perception, that realization could spare you from many more weeks/months/years of chasing someone who is running away from you, not towards you
Good luck!
thank you for the advice, i will try hard to follow it cause i love her enough to and its probably the right thing to do.... but i just figured out a new problem... I THINK she might be ignoring me cause i caused $ 2,000 damage to her older sisters car... i had to use it for 1 month and drove about 1200 miles on it.. i guess the coolant was drained in the truck. i KNOW her family is about respect and word spreads supper fast in that family... I know my ex absolutely hates drama... i feel so bad cause i just thought of this right now and i'm sure her family is all up on her about it, they may not be blaming her but them always talking about it would piss her off... i'm on pact to make the $ $ to pay back but idk if they believe me... Reguardless if she loves me or not.. she would distance herself from me cause of this situation cause its too much drama for herself... i feel so bad cause i'm sure shes getting an earful, never thought of it til now... i want to let her know i'm sorry she has to go through this and i wanna make ammends to her family but i don't think i can since i can't talk to her and she won't even text back or whatever..
Wow, well like I said very early on. Perhaps the reason she's not being so quick to jump back in is b/c she probably had her friends/family in her ear telling her to walk away from you
And if she's the type of person that gives in to the pressure her friends/family put on her, then it makes sense why she's being so distant
BUT I only think that's PART of it, not the whole reason
I say that b/c unless her family is so in control of her that they go through her text messages, there's really no reason for why she can't at least text you back. It's not like they'd know she was talking to you
So again, I think there are several reason she's chosen to put some distance b/w you two.
If you're planning on paying her sister back, do so whether you hear from your ex or not.
If you're coming off like you're only willing to pay her sister back as long as your ex talks to you, your claims to wanna make things right with her sister won't seem genuine.
Believe it or not, I think her ignoring you right now is her doing you a favor. You be taking this time to reconsider whether or not she is the right girl for you.
The best thing an ex can do when they give you space is the time to logically think things over once the emotions & intensity has slowed down.
Right now you're spazzing b/c you fear the unknown & the outcome of all of this. Understandable. But know that eventually all of your emotions/thoughts will slow down & before you know it, you'll be going about this with a much cooler head as opposed to 100% emotion
And if she's the type of person that gives in to the pressure her friends/family put on her, then it makes sense why she's being so distant
BUT I only think that's PART of it, not the whole reason
I say that b/c unless her family is so in control of her that they go through her text messages, there's really no reason for why she can't at least text you back. It's not like they'd know she was talking to you
So again, I think there are several reason she's chosen to put some distance b/w you two.
If you're planning on paying her sister back, do so whether you hear from your ex or not.
If you're coming off like you're only willing to pay her sister back as long as your ex talks to you, your claims to wanna make things right with her sister won't seem genuine.
Believe it or not, I think her ignoring you right now is her doing you a favor. You be taking this time to reconsider whether or not she is the right girl for you.
The best thing an ex can do when they give you space is the time to logically think things over once the emotions & intensity has slowed down.
Right now you're spazzing b/c you fear the unknown & the outcome of all of this. Understandable. But know that eventually all of your emotions/thoughts will slow down & before you know it, you'll be going about this with a much cooler head as opposed to 100% emotion
im gonna pay her back reguardless the situation with my ex... thanks for the advice krysrenee7 🙂
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I told her yesterday that I'm probably gonna be moving to Colorado in December and she said "if that's what you really want then I'm happy for you" i was really heartbroken by that response... seemed like she didn't care to see me leave and never see me again... I didn't saying anything to her response negative, Just "idk what i want, things just been hard lately" she then said "well, I hope it goes well.." I'm pretty sure shes talking to another guy but idk how serious. They might have had sex, idk..
i know she still has some feelings for me... maybe? she just made it seem like she doesn't give a shit... after everything we went through... is she just trying to hold back her feelings by not