what should do to win this guy —Advise ?

Hello people

I am 21 and an capriquarian. I recently met this 31 year old taurus guy who i grew an instant fondness to. We've met each twice for a drink and ended up in bed. While I must admit this guy is a great performer in bed, problem is I don't understand his nature too well. He's a great company, a successful business man, recently broke up from a 5 year old relationship. We me twice on my off days and I enjoyed his company. He's somebody who didn't force me to bed however he was too irresistible for me that I couldn't avoid making a pass at him lol. Now the thing is he's told me that he kinda likes me, thinks I am a great girl, hot and stuff like that. Also occasionally keeps making jokes that I am too young for him. We made out this last time and I haven't heard from him since. I know he's a really busy guy with meetings, conference phone calls, constant travelling and so i dont wanna call him. But after this last time, Ive kinda started liking him a lot. And I don't know what to do, cos I don't wanna dare touch the subject of relationship, firstly cos Its too early, secondly, I don't know what his reactions gonna be like. Also the fact that hes just broken off from a serious relationship too., I am also scared about the age factor. I don't really know what to do and how to proceed? Do you think I should play cool or how do I make an impression? We share a great chemistry in bed tho. But I dont wanna end like some fuck buddy cos I think I really love this man. I dont know how to go along. If I should wait for him to call me or what?

Can anyone please give me some pointers and suggestions?

Well It's been like 5 months since he broke up with his ex. That's what he told me. He does seem like a guy who's pretty much in control of himself.. Or maybe that could be just the facade.
I know I slept way too early with him and you think I should just ignore the whole thing or maybe do something about it ?

Both Ame and Tasteofchaos gave some really great advice....5 months is not long for a break-up, I'm certain he's still emailing, calling, texting his ex so although they are not together they are possibly still communicating and attempting to make it work in the mean time while he's dealing with that he needs sex and what better person to get it from a young, alluring, eager, fresh younger woman. I'm sure he feels you being young and having a full busy life which includes dating other men he most likely doesn't figure you would catch feelings by having casual sex because younger women (most) aren't ready to be coupled up with anyone, to busy having fun, dating, partying, school, work so he may figure why not go there, easy, fun casual, no strings sex who could pass that up.

If you want to know if he's interested look at how he behaves, does he communicate with you frequently? Does he suggest to hang out after work a couple times a week? Does he pick you up and take you to places you want to go? Does email you, text message you daily? Does he speak about what he wants with you?

Or

Is everything purely on a physical level? When your with him does he seem interested in you, in your life or does he stick with charming himself into your bed with all the compliments about your beauty and then disappear only to reappear and do some of the same things again and again only to disappear again. IMO he's not interested in anything serious with you but he's enjoying your company on a physical carnal level, if that isn't something you need and want try to control yourself sexually when your around him, simply don't put out and he most likely will disappear altogether.

The thing about situations like this is that women fail to understand if a man is truly really into you you won't have to try and convince him your special to keep him around, you won't have to do anything but accept what he gives, the men pretty much will do the majority of the courting if he's interested in something beyond sex. Do nothing, you do have POWER in when he gets to sleep with you, do things on your terms and that will make you feel less out of control and help you regain some balance in the situation, you will feel more confident and not led around and/or used for sex.

People.. Thank you SO very much. I pretty much understand now that this wasn't going anywhere from the time it started. Lemme admit, I was desperate for sex and he looked interesting and yeah was good in bed too after all that experience he bagged in 30 yrs of his life. But some of the things you all mentioned up there is making things way too clear for me. Thank you TOC, Amethyst and tiki for taking the time out to gimme some advise here.

After the last weeks sex session he hasn't rang me up. Which CLEARLY proves that it was just and just a physical indulgence. This guys no where getting serious about anything with me. He hasn't called me yet and I kinda felt sad about the whole episode until lately. Now I think - ok that was cool. I picked him for sex and had a good time after a whole long year of going without relationships or sex. So Its cool.

Tiki you've also majorly enlightened me. Being young we girls tend to take a lot of bullshit. I better find myself someone else (which isn't very easy) and stay away from this one.

I am pretty sure he'll ring me up soon when I have my next off this weekday and come up with some crap - Hey wassup ? How you been ? Wanna catch up for a drink?

I know how to ignore this but can I get some advise on how a woman can out up her price and act smart ? Cos I think I suck at it. I fall for all this bullshit. I don't want to now. How do I politely refuse his advances ? I know I can say a plain NO. But I don't wanna sound too abrupt. Like should I tell him that I am not looking for anything casual and I am not interested ? How do I go about this time ? I know this is kinda silly. But i know that I need to start somewhere and work at acting more smarter than a dumb person., I just wanna make him feel like the shows over and I had my fun and since he isn't the type who's gonna get serious with me.. I dont wanna fuck around anymore ?

Good advice tauruswomanwtf and to add to that, don't feel down about this, dating older men is not equal because of the age factor, meaning he's more experienced he will get away with more, your life experience will never equal to his and older men take full advantage of that fact. Your still fresh, not jaded or angry or bitter so your easily more apt to be misled and some older men get a high off of that kind of young fresh exciting easy going energy.

The best thing you can do if you want to continue to see this man is run the show, you decide were your going to go, be slightyly demanding as in it's your way or nothing, you decide when you go, were you go, when you have sex, you make the terms or he gets nothing. Don't be a cheap date and if he doesn't want to do what you want, do like young women do, I don't want to do anything else, so maybe next time.....He will quickly learn and understand in order to be with you, he has to do what you wanna do.

You know he's most likely primarily there for sex and some easy fun times but it doesn't mean he can't want more than that and FYI everyone gets used in some way or another at some point in his/her life, the smart thing to do now that you know his motives is not be cheap and opt to do things your way.

When you go out, make it worth it, no sex until you want to have sex, make him put in work and if you really don't want to see him well stick with what tauruswomanwtf has proposed, basically tell him you are not looking for a casual hook up date with him and your moving on, don't leave this open in a way that makes him feel pressured to give you something, you leaving without trying to convince him to want more with you can trigger a reaction of loss, once he realize he may lose you he may just up the anty, for the most part say your moving on and leave it alone, if he comes back around he may offer up more, some men are like that, they give less first and if the woman takes it well that's were the level of giving stays, if the woman says I'm worth more he may give more and respect you more because you know your worth. And remember just because you have sex with a man doesn't mean you have to keep giving him sex, it's your body, you decide when and how and you have to make that clear by controlling yourself around him and not letting him think your the sex cash cow (free milk)....make him wait.

"And remember just because you have sex with a man doesn't mean you have to keep giving him sex, it's your body, you decide when and how and you have to make that clear by controlling yourself around him and not letting him think your the sex cash cow (free milk)....make him wait.""

Very true, but with that said its also very hard to back track with a man. The way you begin with a guy can set the tone for the rest of the 'relationship'. Just for future reference.


I agree with the ladies. An older guy is pretty much a young woman's right of passage...we've all been there lol. As an Aquarian myself I actually prefer older guys, but I'm also very self aware. [This tends to happen when your after school cartoon is Oprah lol]. Many aqua ladies prefer older men.

At this point you have to know what you and want and be assertive. Don't settle for anything less in hopes of things changing for the better in the future.

"As an Aquarian myself I actually prefer older guys, but I'm also very self aware. [This tends to happen when your after school cartoon is Oprah lol]. Many aqua ladies prefer older men. "

LOL this is so true, a great description of Aquarius women. Oprah was my after school delight.

A girl at work was so happy, all smiles and spreading hugs everywhere ........ she found her soulmate, she had said .. so much in love.

A week later, she was trying to snag a different man.


"Hey," I said, "I thought Tim was your soulmate and you loved him."

"That was before I found out he was an asshole," she said.



Moral to the story .. just because you feel something, this something doesn't automatically mean it's love.


Remember that ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ and life won't suck so bad.

tauruswomanwtf Thank you very much sharing the tip. I think I would love to practice that line .. hehe.

Tiki and Lady M yeah I have to admit that I am finding myself much attracted to older men lately. They seem wise but guys are after all guys.. My problem is, I think I can get involved in a casual sex relationship for the heck of it and relax. But I can't. I get emotionally attached. And It actually doesn't make any sense to me to sleep with a man and share those intimate moments and then wake up next day and get going. I haven't tried ringing this guy up. I don't wanna make him feel that I am all over the place and I am going crazy 'bout him. And since he hasn't called me yet that helps me make up my mind easily. I think If he has to ring me up ever again, Il be pretty straightforward with him and tell him that I am not game for another casual night of sex. I doubt If he will..

And tiki I am gonna act demanding this time If he happens to come back. I need to cut down on the sex and just hang out and If he still happens to stick by then Id know that the guy genuinely enjoys my company. And If he's gone, then he was just another asshole I met.

P angel - Moral to the story .. just because you feel something, this something doesn't automatically mean it's love
That is something. Hahaha I have felt that way many times. LOL.

Dang I gotta admit. Some of these old guys are real good 😄

Your young Sonya, you have plenty of time to do the right thing LOL, right now your finding your way, making mistakes and it can be difficult especially if you don't have strong boundaries inside of yourself, if your smart you will learn from your mistakes and move on.

The world is your oyster, TAKE IT, meaning at 21 you can have anything you want, you just have to know your worth and not allow men to devalue you by giving you less. Oh gosh I wish I knew back then when I was your age what I know now. It doesn't matter what you do with men, your an adult, as long as you feel good about yourself as you do it and he treats you properly that's what matters. No one told me that so I didn't spend my youth wisely least not the way I really could have and wanted to LOL

You know I've found the older ones are only slightly better than the ones nearer to me in age. lol

About a year ago I dated a man my age and I almost pulled my damn hair out....

Oh goodness I know the feeling. Many my age are so ignorant...all the wrong ambitions. SMH
They're cute but dumb in my opinion...and I can't do hot but dumb AT ALL. I've tried and its a no go.

Absolutely Girls. Ive had a string of bad relationships in the past. And the worse was dating this guy the same age as mine. I had a really hard time with him. He'd act like a kid. He wouldn't know anything.. He'd act stupid. Well he's found a 18 year old bimbo for himelf now and looks like bimbos is what he was looking for. Tiki you're right. I am learning a lot. But everytime life makes me learn the hard way. Every time there is a new situation, an entirely new guy, a completely different personality.. I find it so difficult to deal with all this. And when all of them go wrong, It makes me feel so low. What do all those women out there do that men stick to them like magnets ? While I try being understanding, loving, caring and all that. I see half the women not even investing their 10 % into a relationship and they have all these nice guys around them. And I can't fake a personality. I cant fake being demanding. I dont demand a fancy dinner every weekend somewhere new, I don't demand spending all your time texting me sweet nothings .. I just demnd some genuine heartfelt love and emotional involvement and each time I do, men trample it. I give them all the space they want yet they're spaced out completely.

I am sick and tired of this shit. First relationship - a sad loser who wanted to get into bed desperately. Second time - a guy of my same age and we ended up arguing like 5 yr old kids, then some guy who was detached and aloof, then someone who could do allthe sweet talkings but yield nothing.. finally this man I find interesting, who seems to be a nice guy only to disappear after 2 dates and don't call. I dont understand. Where am I going wrong? And I don't wanna waste my years crying for someone or punishing myself of loneliness.. Cos I know one day Im gonna regret wasting my days when I knew I could have had fun. I think I can't handle dating and relationship... 😢 This frustrates me so much

Excellent advice let it be and tauruswomanwtf, to add to that, learn as much as you can, a good book I read was why men love bitches by Sherry Argov, if you can afford to buy it get it, she's not actually promoting bitchiness, basically she's helping women to regain balance and confidence in there relationships with men plus the book has a lot of witty funny moments as well, some women use it as there bible, just as a reminder to think about themselves around men, take care of themselves around men.

My advice is never be afraid of men, I spent a huge amount of time trying to figure out what they want, trying to go with the flow in hopes that in return I would get what I want in the end...never happens that way.

You have to be able to say no and you have to be able to show him through your actions that your not easy and your worth all the good things in life. I don't recommend having an fwb situation with a man unless you learn the rules, part of being fwb is it's temporary, you have to see it like a temp job, it could last a week or it could last 90 days to a year but the rule of thumb is never get too comfortable, if you last beyond 90 days it's time to renegotiate the fwb contract or get out...if you don't know the rules learn em, it will save you a lot of heartache and help you set boundaries around your relationships with men. 20's are like training wheels, we could tell you a 100 do's and don'ts but inevitably your going to do what you want and hopefully learn from any mistakes you make as to not waste too much time on losers, you can't get your 20's back, make every year COUNT.

You don't have to demand anything from men, they expect you to want MORE, some men can't understand why a woman would take less when they know themselves we are deserving, men love expensive things, they save up every dime and work hard to get that expensive car, expensive clothes to impress women, they love expensive cars, expensive clothes, expensive women, they will complain about it but having something expensive feels good, it's a status symbol. You can be cheap or you can be expensive, acting one way will get you less and acting the other way will get you more, it's not about being a shady low down bitch, it's about what you feel your worth and if you feel your only worth getting fucked and ignored well that's all your ever going to get and you will choose more and more men to uphold the status quo....you choose.

I totally agree LIB, damn girl you are on it...You are telling the truth....I have nothing to add to it because you pretty much broke it down.

And Sonya you mentioned something about not being demanding....demanding is not the appropriate word, it's the way you look at it, if you know your worth more than a McDonald's meal and 3 hour sex fest would you think it was acceptable for a man to offer you a big mac no cheese no drink and 3 hours of freaky sex? It's not about demanding, it's about KNOWING your worth more than a quick fuck, your worth more than a 4.00 meal, your worth more than what he's offering and it's okay to say no I don't want to eat at McDonald's I want to eat were I want to eat or take me home. If a man isn't interested in being your guy he will try to get more and give less, you have to be aware of when your being treated like a cheap date and/or used for sex or you will be falling in love with some real asshole narcissistic jerks.

Make your actions clear you are worthy of respect, you show him this by what you ACCEPT, if you accept a cheap meal, a few compliments and some cheap whine and you give him 2 hours of hot sex well that's a REFLECTION ON YOU, reflection of your worth, if you accept the food and the drink and you go home, no kiss, no sex, no intimacy well he know that he has to give more to get the kind of attention he's seeking or he can bounce and find someone easy as long as it's not you it shouldn't matter what he does, only you can show him through your actions that your not some bimbo floozy that gives it up on the first or second date, he either get to know you, spend quality time getting to know you or he can kick rocks and eat a few while he walks out the door.

In your 20's especially at your age your allowed to be demanding, your allowed to ask for what you need and want, IT'S EXPECTED...

"In your 20's especially at your age your allowed to be demanding, your allowed to ask for what you need and want, IT'S EXPECTED..."


Especially with older guys...9 times out of 10 your the girl they wished they could've got in HS or college. And now they have the means to procure their fantasy.🙂

You girls are just awesome. Some of the never before heard truth of life.
I got your point.. Its all about realising one's worth. Realizing that you're not some cheap sex date but more than that. Also accepting the fact that I screwed it up with this guy by going to bed with him on the first date means that Its lost. I don't really have to work hard anymore on winning this man. Cos he's got something that I could have made him wait for and now I know there's nothing that would draw him to me. For all kow he must have categorised me into a cheap date. Sheesh.

But I guess I got to learn a few things here/ Very important things. Never end up in bed with a guy you just met on a first date and never think of getting laid so soon.

I blew this one up 😢

The problem is attraction. Its hard to get attrated to the new ppl you come across everyday in life. even if they take interest in you, you need to be attracted to that person. Thats something really hard.

Yes it's hard but it's not in your best interest to go full on date one....Slow down, if your attracted to him day one you will be attracted to him day 10, if you try to throw everything in on date one there is nothing left to do but move on to someone else. Learning to slow down is very difficult for some women, it takes a bit of training yourself to go a little bit slower especially when that elusive spark that we hardly feel on a daily basis hits a woman and she's totally interested in a man but men get this spark all the time with tons of women everywhere, that's were many women fail to realize, what she feels is something he feels daily so it's not a huge deal for him so much as it is for the woman unfortunately our sexual make-up is so much different then men so it takes us a bit longer to warm up but a man with a penis, well the wind can give him that spark, if he leans against a rail too long he will feel that spark, a cup of good coffee, a stripper at the club, looking at a womans feet, you get the jist...so now that you know this, use this information wisely, slow down, take your time and have fun, don't worry about all the mistakes you make, 99% of all women have made the very same mistakes, don't beat yourself up....be gentle with yourself, your young, your allowed to not know until you do know.

Tiki my dear, Thank you so much for the valuable amount of information you've shared here. I get the point now. It was really and I mean It reall dumb of me to throw things on the very first date. Now there is nothing more to explore and he isn't interested in me the way he was day 1 .. I kinda feel sad about the whole thing sometimes. Cos I really like this guy and thought things might get interesting. But this will be one remarkable mistake of my life which I won't forget ever and I guess I needed it to learn a few lessons on dating too. Its ironic how when you want someone so badly, they just keep pushing you away. When you try getting closer to someone, they keep drifting farther and farther. For all I know now, I am not going to think much about this whole date crush shit..

After all the bullshit relationships Id been through, I decided to take a break from relationships. And for one whole year I couldn't really get attracted to anyone or even try developing feelings for someone. But there was something about this man that attracted me to him the very instant I saw him. What I am trying to say is that things like these happen rarely. And when It happens a person needs to know how to play their cards well. And I lost the gamble. Damn !! Another little period of depression. But Il get past it.