krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
17 Years5,000+ Posts
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Why do people....
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I'll use myself as an example.
Am I perfect? No. Have I had a spotless past? Heck no. Do I think I know everything? Absolutely not.
BUT I am happily married & have been for a long time. And I surround myself around those who have healthy long lasting relationships.
There's this myth that optimistic and happy people must somehow be naive, in denial, unrealistic, lucky or out of touch with reality. That's not fair. If anything that's more true of the person who is non-trusting & pessimistic about everything.
Everybody thinks life, love & relationships are like rocket science, when sometimes things are really just kind of simple. They only seem complicated to the stubborn, pessimistic, toxic "know it all" b/c most pessimistic people often think they're smarter or somehow more "realistic" than others, when the truth is that the rest of the world isn't unhappy or suffering just b/c YOU are.
Some people really do see/get to the light by changing the little things...one of them being who they get their advice from. People underestimate the impact/power of the messenger who's always in their ear.
It's like a bunch of bullies who literally sit there & rally together, feeding off of each other's anger, rage & insecurity w/o ever realizing that those who can maintain the same amount of respect and fear WITHOUT having to hurt someone else to get it, are laughing at them
Love, relationships & marriage require a certain tool set that you can't most likely get unless it's given to you by someone who already has AND mastered that tool set.
The people who have nice things, happy relationships & healthy lives in life aren't just lucky azzholes who need to get with the time. They are people who decided to be courageous & to actually LISTEN to the folks who have been there, done that & can HELP our stubborn azzes
But yet people chose to remain bitter, pessimistic & hopeless as if there aren't tools/resources available to help them get better results. They constantly knock something they've NEVER tried. They'll say "right on!" to a toxic person's advice, but then shutdown or criticize the advice of someone who's already where they want to get. They'll be the 1st ones complaining about how much their life sucks but yet leave out the part that when a mentor tried to come in & give them sound advice, they pushed it away & sh***t on it. Ironic.
Am I perfect? No. Have I had a spotless past? Heck no. Do I think I know everything? Absolutely not.
BUT I am happily married & have been for a long time. And I surround myself around those who have healthy long lasting relationships.
There's this myth that optimistic and happy people must somehow be naive, in denial, unrealistic, lucky or out of touch with reality. That's not fair. If anything that's more true of the person who is non-trusting & pessimistic about everything.
Everybody thinks life, love & relationships are like rocket science, when sometimes things are really just kind of simple. They only seem complicated to the stubborn, pessimistic, toxic "know it all" b/c most pessimistic people often think they're smarter or somehow more "realistic" than others, when the truth is that the rest of the world isn't unhappy or suffering just b/c YOU are.
Some people really do see/get to the light by changing the little things...one of them being who they get their advice from. People underestimate the impact/power of the messenger who's always in their ear.
It's like a bunch of bullies who literally sit there & rally together, feeding off of each other's anger, rage & insecurity w/o ever realizing that those who can maintain the same amount of respect and fear WITHOUT having to hurt someone else to get it, are laughing at them
Love, relationships & marriage require a certain tool set that you can't most likely get unless it's given to you by someone who already has AND mastered that tool set.
The people who have nice things, happy relationships & healthy lives in life aren't just lucky azzholes who need to get with the time. They are people who decided to be courageous & to actually LISTEN to the folks who have been there, done that & can HELP our stubborn azzes
But yet people chose to remain bitter, pessimistic & hopeless as if there aren't tools/resources available to help them get better results. They constantly knock something they've NEVER tried. They'll say "right on!" to a toxic person's advice, but then shutdown or criticize the advice of someone who's already where they want to get. They'll be the 1st ones complaining about how much their life sucks but yet leave out the part that when a mentor tried to come in & give them sound advice, they pushed it away & sh***t on it. Ironic.
Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
+1,383,542,999
I luv your stuff, Krys.
Keep doing what you are doing. 🙂
Thank you so much honey bunny!
Again, I'm just sharing some knowledge with others that I wish would've been openly told to me while I was pessimistic back in the day lol
..Someone who doesn't understand multiplication or simple math can't teach you calculus
...Someone who's never been rich before can't teach you how to get rich
...Someone who still can't get a hold of their life can't teach you how to get a hold of yours
...Someone who's never been in a healthy relationship can't teach you about how to get in and STAY in healthy relationships
...Someone who's never studied or gone to class can't teach you how to ace a test
...Someone who's never been satisfied or happy can't teach you how to be happy
...Someone who's never been happily married can't teach you how to be happily married.
If people truly knew better, they'd do better. Don't just listen to the people who "sound good." Look at their relationships & see if they're following their own advice & if their mentality that they've shared with you (that seems so smart, realistic or "right") is breeding positive results. If not, then at least take note that they may know better, BUT aren't doing better.
There are so many resources out there that were created & distributed to help people in your shoes. Books. Articles. Elders. And it makes no sense that with allllllll this information available to you about how to change your life/relationships for the better, people still end up going back to their pessimistic corner hurdled together with their pessimistic friends.
...Someone who's never been rich before can't teach you how to get rich
...Someone who still can't get a hold of their life can't teach you how to get a hold of yours
...Someone who's never been in a healthy relationship can't teach you about how to get in and STAY in healthy relationships
...Someone who's never studied or gone to class can't teach you how to ace a test
...Someone who's never been satisfied or happy can't teach you how to be happy
...Someone who's never been happily married can't teach you how to be happily married.
If people truly knew better, they'd do better. Don't just listen to the people who "sound good." Look at their relationships & see if they're following their own advice & if their mentality that they've shared with you (that seems so smart, realistic or "right") is breeding positive results. If not, then at least take note that they may know better, BUT aren't doing better.
There are so many resources out there that were created & distributed to help people in your shoes. Books. Articles. Elders. And it makes no sense that with allllllll this information available to you about how to change your life/relationships for the better, people still end up going back to their pessimistic corner hurdled together with their pessimistic friends.
Posted by Impulsv
We'll believe it or not divorced people might still have something to contribute.
That's what I said...get advice from someone who either currently HAS what you want or HAS HAD what you wanted (past tense)
I'd get advice from a rich guy on how to be rich. And I'd also get advice from a poor guy who used to be rich (meaning that at some point in time, he used certain tools/mindsets & the desired results from it). But I'd never take advice from a poor guy who's always been poor on how to get rich. See the difference?
Someone's who's never had it (past or present) can't give you the proper advice. If they knew better, they'd do better.
You can always easily spot the people who know better b/c the state of their current OR past relationships will reflect that. The same goes vice versa.
There are the people who don't know better so they can't technically do better. Then there's the people who know better but for some reason can't cross over & do better. And then there are the people who both know AND do better. Which person would you rather get advice from? lol The person who's already figured out the puzzle or the person who's still lost? Think about it
There are the people who don't know better so they can't technically do better. Then there's the people who know better but for some reason can't cross over & do better. And then there are the people who both know AND do better. Which person would you rather get advice from? lol The person who's already figured out the puzzle or the person who's still lost? Think about it
Because asking hasn't hurt anyone, lol!
However, people often get more advice (particularly from friends and relatives) than they ever asked for! It doesn't mean they are going to act on every advice they get. We could learn from other people's experience, as well as from other people's perspective, and last but not least, from our own mistakes.
I don't mind talking about relationship problems with a clueless person. It helps me understand the problem better, while explaining it to the clueless. I then get the impression that I'm the queen of my castle and the best solution (to my own problem) is within myself. I never regretted a decision I made.
We should not underestimate the human interaction. Any human interaction. Sometimes just the act of talking to another human being puts things into a different perspective. Or triggers some sort of action. Even if after some careful thoughts, we don't actually act upon the given advice.
However, people often get more advice (particularly from friends and relatives) than they ever asked for! It doesn't mean they are going to act on every advice they get. We could learn from other people's experience, as well as from other people's perspective, and last but not least, from our own mistakes.
I don't mind talking about relationship problems with a clueless person. It helps me understand the problem better, while explaining it to the clueless. I then get the impression that I'm the queen of my castle and the best solution (to my own problem) is within myself. I never regretted a decision I made.
We should not underestimate the human interaction. Any human interaction. Sometimes just the act of talking to another human being puts things into a different perspective. Or triggers some sort of action. Even if after some careful thoughts, we don't actually act upon the given advice.
Not one person has the answer to everything regardless of how happy they are, you are in a happy marriage but I bet you still have your problems.
Some people have learnt along the way and have some good sound advice that can be shared even if their marriage/partnerships have failed, they have learnt by their mistakes and mistakes aren't always recognisable until it's too late and you are looking back and assessing where things went wrong.
I believe, It's wiser to take a little off everyone and keep your mind open.
Some people have learnt along the way and have some good sound advice that can be shared even if their marriage/partnerships have failed, they have learnt by their mistakes and mistakes aren't always recognisable until it's too late and you are looking back and assessing where things went wrong.
I believe, It's wiser to take a little off everyone and keep your mind open.
Posted by sweethearts
Not one person has the answer to everything regardless of how happy they are, you are in a happy marriage but I bet you still have your problems.
Some people have learnt along the way and have some good sound advice that can be shared even if their marriage/partnerships have failed, they have learnt by their mistakes and mistakes aren't always recognisable until it's too late and you are looking back and assessing where things went wrong.
I believe, It's wiser to take a little off everyone and keep your mind open.
yeah look at Dr.Phil.
He's got his hands full with all the miserable relationships he has on his tv show.
we can learn from them. what NOT to do.
that's what it is all about.
We can look at other's failings and then see how we can run FAST the other way.
Posted by krysrenee7Posted by Impulsv
We'll believe it or not divorced people might still have something to contribute.
That's what I said...get advice from someone who either currently HAS what you want or HAS HAD what you wanted (past tense)click to expand
I think she may mean one who knows what to look out for, and how to avoid those problems, having lived thru it.
Obviously someone would not want what led another to divorce.
Marriage, in and of itself, is not a destination.
I think it's sort of like people giving advice anywhere. Do the people always have experience in things to give good advice? No. I imagine a lot of people think 'nice' to some advice they see around here while the person who posted it had no experience in what they were talking about. Fact is, a lot of people have the same constructs whether they make healthy decisions or not. Meaning they're still likely to say something you consider relevant or agree with. People don't need to be in a good situation to know what a good decision or situation is, either.
Anyone has the ability to give good advice no matter their situation. A criminal can tell you how to live by the law. They've made mistakes in that area too so they'd better know how to avoid it. That goes for asking advice of anyone in the opposite situation. There's many other examples I can use.
Anyone has the ability to give good advice no matter their situation. A criminal can tell you how to live by the law. They've made mistakes in that area too so they'd better know how to avoid it. That goes for asking advice of anyone in the opposite situation. There's many other examples I can use.
Posted by krysrenee7
I'll use myself as an example.
BUT I am happily married & have been for a long time. And I surround myself around those who have healthy long lasting relationships.
It's like a bunch of bullies who literally sit there & rally together, feeding off of each other's anger, rage & insecurity w/o ever realizing that those who can maintain the same amount of respect and fear WITHOUT having to hurt someone else to get it, are laughing at them.
Really now? That's odd cause anyone who claims to be a psychologist as you have over and over would be more concerned about the people who other people fuck up. MOST self proclaimed psychologists ignore what you just pointed out...not to mention 3/4 of the advice you attempt to relay in these forums are just as screwed up as the toxic ones you speak of.
Just thought I'd point that out....I've had you pegged from day one. 😉
Posted by krysrenee7
The people who have nice things, happy relationships & healthy lives in life aren't just lucky azzholes who need to get with the time. They are people who decided to be courageous & to actually LISTEN to the folks who have been there, done that & can HELP our stubborn azzes.
See? That^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^right there is a big stenchy pile of horseshit. Unless you are talking about sheep, honey, you are CLUELESS and more toxic than any of the worst possible advice that can be given out there.
Unless you live under the same roof with a couple, and see BOTH sides very clearly, then maybe you can try and FORCE them to listen. Anything short of that...mind your damn business and stfu.
There's plenty of people out there who have really "nice things", seem healthy and happy who really are miserable m/f's. Real psychologists KNOW that, wise people know that.
What's your excuse?
There's plenty of people out there who have really "nice things", seem healthy and happy who really are miserable m/f's. Real psychologists KNOW that, wise people know that.
What's your excuse?
Just please don't delete or hide ur threads. Lots of DXPers who are in desperate need of your sensible advice.
You should actually write a book. Seriously.
You should actually write a book. Seriously.
Just because someone is successfully married/in a relationship does not equate them to being THE be all for advice.
Giving advice is one thing. Acting upon the exact same advice is another.
A strange example that comes to mind is in the medical field. You could have a perfectly qualified doctor that tells you that you need to do x,y,z for your health- say it be exercise and diet.
Yet this doctor does not eat well or exercise, whether it be he/she just doesn't practice the same advice or doesn't have time/resources due to 80 hour work weeks.
Does that make them any less qualified to tell you "hey your health is turning to shit because you need to eat better and exercise. Your triglycerides will not drop without medication otherwise?"
Nope.
Hell, my mom's own primary doc asked ME about how he could lose weight because he was trying to figure out why what he was doing currently wasn't working. Why did he ask me? I have a lowly Bachelor's degree on that stuff.
But he asked ME because he knew I had knowledge on the topic.
To be arrogant and assume that a successful situation makes you > others who are not is just asinine. Get over yourself (this is a generalized "you" not directed at you OP).
However, I do gotta agree, there ARE people out there who suffer from a string of abusive and crazy relationships, and their advice is equally crazy. It gets under my skin when women are passive and attract abusive men and STAY, and then they freaking pass on that stance like it's okay to deal with men's shitty behavior and that the woman should just stick around til it gets better.
Omg talk about wtfery. :/
Giving advice is one thing. Acting upon the exact same advice is another.
A strange example that comes to mind is in the medical field. You could have a perfectly qualified doctor that tells you that you need to do x,y,z for your health- say it be exercise and diet.
Yet this doctor does not eat well or exercise, whether it be he/she just doesn't practice the same advice or doesn't have time/resources due to 80 hour work weeks.
Does that make them any less qualified to tell you "hey your health is turning to shit because you need to eat better and exercise. Your triglycerides will not drop without medication otherwise?"
Nope.
Hell, my mom's own primary doc asked ME about how he could lose weight because he was trying to figure out why what he was doing currently wasn't working. Why did he ask me? I have a lowly Bachelor's degree on that stuff.
But he asked ME because he knew I had knowledge on the topic.
To be arrogant and assume that a successful situation makes you > others who are not is just asinine. Get over yourself (this is a generalized "you" not directed at you OP).
However, I do gotta agree, there ARE people out there who suffer from a string of abusive and crazy relationships, and their advice is equally crazy. It gets under my skin when women are passive and attract abusive men and STAY, and then they freaking pass on that stance like it's okay to deal with men's shitty behavior and that the woman should just stick around til it gets better.
Omg talk about wtfery. :/
lol @ this thread
some married people are miserable as those in relationships. Also some people only show you what they want you to see. Thats why they always say dont be envious of others cuz you just dont know exactly what they are going thru. I dont think people in relationships are superior to me.
I take advice that makes sense to me. Be it from a single person or married person.
some married people are miserable as those in relationships. Also some people only show you what they want you to see. Thats why they always say dont be envious of others cuz you just dont know exactly what they are going thru. I dont think people in relationships are superior to me.
I take advice that makes sense to me. Be it from a single person or married person.
Posted by LetltBPosted by krysrenee7
The people who have nice things, happy relationships & healthy lives in life aren't just lucky azzholes who need to get with the time. They are people who decided to be courageous & to actually LISTEN to the folks who have been there, done that & can HELP our stubborn azzes.
See? That^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^right there is a big stenchy pile of horseshit. Unless you are talking about sheep, honey, you are CLUELESS and more toxic than any of the worst possible advice that can be given out there.click to expand
lol werd!
lol @ people who have nice things....some people steal kill and thieve to get nice things. lmao
I got my best tutelage from a 70 year old woman who had been married four times.
I saw a 75the wedding anniversary posting in the newspaper the other day. They must be in their 90's? They outlived their only child. As I pondered this topic I knew the wife couldn't possibly give any dating advice... she's never dated. Who knows though.
There's nothing so cut and dry; so black and white; so "one size fits all" about relationships. To think so seems like lazy thinking... it's a slippery slope to becoming a cognitive miser.
Con-artist prey on cognitive misers.
I saw a 75the wedding anniversary posting in the newspaper the other day. They must be in their 90's? They outlived their only child. As I pondered this topic I knew the wife couldn't possibly give any dating advice... she's never dated. Who knows though.
There's nothing so cut and dry; so black and white; so "one size fits all" about relationships. To think so seems like lazy thinking... it's a slippery slope to becoming a cognitive miser.
Con-artist prey on cognitive misers.
Posted by bkbella86
lol @ this thread
some married people are miserable as those in relationships. Also some people only show you what they want you to see. Thats why they always say dont be envious of others cuz you just dont know exactly what they are going thru. I dont think people in relationships are superior to me.
I take advice that makes sense to me. Be it from a single person or married person.
+1
My parents were married 19 years before my dad died. Yet I don't take much relationship advice from my mom. Sometimes it's okay, but a lot of the time it's atrocious and makes zero sense.
Posted by duchessedenemours
Maybe we should all ask you for advice. No one else's experience matter and you have what everyone desires.
lol
Posted by rockyroadicecreamPosted by bkbella86
lol @ this thread
some married people are miserable as those in relationships. Also some people only show you what they want you to see. Thats why they always say dont be envious of others cuz you just dont know exactly what they are going thru. I dont think people in relationships are superior to me.
I take advice that makes sense to me. Be it from a single person or married person.
+1
My parents were married 19 years before my dad died. Yet I don't take much relationship advice from my mom. Sometimes it's okay, but a lot of the time it's atrocious and makes zero sense.click to expand
exactly and sometimes the same with friends. YOu just gotta pick and choose what works for you. And what sits right with you. I know when Im getting shitty advice and I just dont apply it to my life.
Krysrenne this advice is shitty advice.
sometimes you hit the nail on the head but not this time.
sometimes you hit the nail on the head but not this time.
Posted by VenusAquarius
I got my best tutelage from a 70 year old woman who had been married four times.
I saw a 75the wedding anniversary posting in the newspaper the other day. They must be in their 90's? They outlived their only child. As I pondered this topic I knew the wife couldn't possibly give any dating advice... she's never dated. Who knows though.
There's nothing so cut and dry; so black and white; so "one size fits all" about relationships. To think so seems like lazy thinking... it's a slippery slope to becoming a cognitive miser.
Con-artist prey on cognitive misers.
+1
LMBO!!! Can I say that I thought my workplace had drama(actually it does)..this past week at work has been hell..But I really had a good laugh on this thread.I love reading comments...I'm going to come back to this thread again tomorrow just to laugh....My cats are watching me laugh right now..lol..
So funny I couldn't even read all the comments
I find that sometimes the best advice is given by those who do not know how to handle their own business...be it directly or indirectly. Everybody is a source of good advice imo if you watch very carefully. They don't have to tell you what to do, you just watch what they do & if it's working against them, then there's your "advice" right there. Nobody has the authority/rights to give advice because life is unkind to all of us...all we can do is learn from each other. From everybody. Someone at some point might have gone through what you're currently going through & just because they have a history of failure doesn't mean you can't learn a thing or two from their fuck ups.
Btw, I don't ever listen to "perfect" people with "perfect" lives...I like the truly damaged people to learn how to not be that messed up myself. A miserable friend in an unhappy relationship can teach you about letting bad relationships go by simply observing how their situation is taking so much out of them.
I don't think I'd ever want anybody's perfect life or relationship because my imperfect world was designed especially for me, to learn the necessary tools that lead to a better ME. Making mistakes is not a bad thing, it's good.
A baby falls several times before they can walk properly & no amount of preventing it is going to stop it from happening. It's a natural process. Through the many falls, the bones/joints strengthen. That's the beauty of life.
Btw, I don't ever listen to "perfect" people with "perfect" lives...I like the truly damaged people to learn how to not be that messed up myself. A miserable friend in an unhappy relationship can teach you about letting bad relationships go by simply observing how their situation is taking so much out of them.
I don't think I'd ever want anybody's perfect life or relationship because my imperfect world was designed especially for me, to learn the necessary tools that lead to a better ME. Making mistakes is not a bad thing, it's good.
A baby falls several times before they can walk properly & no amount of preventing it is going to stop it from happening. It's a natural process. Through the many falls, the bones/joints strengthen. That's the beauty of life.
@LetItBe: A NON-psychologist can't tell anyone what a psychologist should be saying or doing. All psychologists don't agree on every single thing. We have minds of our own, which doesn't suddenly makes us non-psychologists lol Idiot. How about you go get your Master's in psychology & THEN come back & tell me what a psychologist should be thinking/saying. You're like the person who doesn't know how to add or subtract, but yet is telling the Calculus teacher how to teach his class. Have a seat.
I never said that all people who are married or in relationships were actually in GOOD marriages or knew what it takes. That's why I mentioned that taking advice from SINGLE people is great too IF their past reflects ONE time (at least once) where they've practiced what they preached.
My opinion is that the BEST (not necessarily only) person to get advice from is the person who already HAS what you want or has once before accomplished what you want. Whether that person is single, married or taken is irrelevant. It's what they know & what they DO that matters. It's not always about what not to do.
That logic doesn't just apply to love & relationships.
-When we want to learn how to dance, we seek people who can ALREADY dance.
-When we want to learn how to get rich, we read a self-help book from a rich CEO, not some poor guy who's never been rich.
-When we want advice on how to maintain a healthy relationship, people are going to want to read the book that the relationship/marriage expert or counselor has written, not the toxic guy/girl up the street who can't ever seem to keep anyone or themselves happy.
-When you want to know how a product works or how to maneuver the product, you're gonna want reviews from someone who's actually BOUGHT AND USED the product, not some pessimistic internet user who has so much to say about a package they've never even opened.
-There's a reason the relationship industry involving experts, counselors & researchers is a billion dollar industry. It's b/c people are realizing that it makes more emotional & logical sense to listen to those who have already LEARNED from their mistakes vs. the person who is advising others on how to get out of a maze even though they themselves can't find their way out.
I never said that all people who are married or in relationships were actually in GOOD marriages or knew what it takes. That's why I mentioned that taking advice from SINGLE people is great too IF their past reflects ONE time (at least once) where they've practiced what they preached.
My opinion is that the BEST (not necessarily only) person to get advice from is the person who already HAS what you want or has once before accomplished what you want. Whether that person is single, married or taken is irrelevant. It's what they know & what they DO that matters. It's not always about what not to do.
That logic doesn't just apply to love & relationships.
-When we want to learn how to dance, we seek people who can ALREADY dance.
-When we want to learn how to get rich, we read a self-help book from a rich CEO, not some poor guy who's never been rich.
-When we want advice on how to maintain a healthy relationship, people are going to want to read the book that the relationship/marriage expert or counselor has written, not the toxic guy/girl up the street who can't ever seem to keep anyone or themselves happy.
-When you want to know how a product works or how to maneuver the product, you're gonna want reviews from someone who's actually BOUGHT AND USED the product, not some pessimistic internet user who has so much to say about a package they've never even opened.
-There's a reason the relationship industry involving experts, counselors & researchers is a billion dollar industry. It's b/c people are realizing that it makes more emotional & logical sense to listen to those who have already LEARNED from their mistakes vs. the person who is advising others on how to get out of a maze even though they themselves can't find their way out.
We are a society that focuses only on what NOT to do or what NOT to want. Toxic people are very good at allowing others to understand what NOT to do or how not to be like. So in that regard, paying attention to what toxic people do CAN be helpful
BUT at some point, there has to be solution-oriented talk too. And that is when a toxic person shouldn't have as much credibility. A person who doesn't have the solution CANNOT give you the solution. And if a person has the solution but yet won't implement the solution, why would they be more credible than the person who both knows better AND does better? I don't see how anyone could argue that
If you wouldn't take skating lessons from someone who can't skate, or go to math class to listen to a teacher who doesn't even comprehend math, why would you take relationship or marriage advice from a person who's never had a healthy or happy relationship? lol
BUT at some point, there has to be solution-oriented talk too. And that is when a toxic person shouldn't have as much credibility. A person who doesn't have the solution CANNOT give you the solution. And if a person has the solution but yet won't implement the solution, why would they be more credible than the person who both knows better AND does better? I don't see how anyone could argue that
If you wouldn't take skating lessons from someone who can't skate, or go to math class to listen to a teacher who doesn't even comprehend math, why would you take relationship or marriage advice from a person who's never had a healthy or happy relationship? lol
I find it interesting that the people who are the most unhappy & who never get or keep what they want always argue with the advice of someone who's been there, done that, but yet came out of it winning.
This generation's elders often shake their heads at us b/c they can't figure out why we're defending mentalities/actions that aren't even working for us lol
The women who can't ever find AND keep a man are always trying to school somebody on how to find AND keep a man! That's laughable!
The men who are deadbeats will be the 1st one to school their homeboy on how to be a good father.
The men people who never get good results in their own lives are always trying to argue someone else's advice w/o realizing that if THEY truly had all the answers, the state of their love life would reflect that
The truth is that sometimes you can do everything right & things still fail. I get that. BUT if a person notices a pattern/cycle & ALWAYS (keyword) seems to end up on the bottom, it's not b/c the solution isn't out there, but instead that they're not listening & would rather argue with all the people who are offering constructive criticism to HELP them, not hurt them.
I bet you 99% of the people who are actually trying to criticize the aspect of getting advice from someone experienced are the MAIN people who are unhappy, have crappy relationships & sh***t for a home. That's usually what all unhappy couples have in common. They don't listen to each other & they don't listen to elders who are trying to school them on how to get better results.
It makes NO sense to get the bulk of your advice on how to get out of a maze from the people who hasn't ever gotten out of it themselves.
This generation's elders often shake their heads at us b/c they can't figure out why we're defending mentalities/actions that aren't even working for us lol
The women who can't ever find AND keep a man are always trying to school somebody on how to find AND keep a man! That's laughable!
The men who are deadbeats will be the 1st one to school their homeboy on how to be a good father.
The men people who never get good results in their own lives are always trying to argue someone else's advice w/o realizing that if THEY truly had all the answers, the state of their love life would reflect that
The truth is that sometimes you can do everything right & things still fail. I get that. BUT if a person notices a pattern/cycle & ALWAYS (keyword) seems to end up on the bottom, it's not b/c the solution isn't out there, but instead that they're not listening & would rather argue with all the people who are offering constructive criticism to HELP them, not hurt them.
I bet you 99% of the people who are actually trying to criticize the aspect of getting advice from someone experienced are the MAIN people who are unhappy, have crappy relationships & sh***t for a home. That's usually what all unhappy couples have in common. They don't listen to each other & they don't listen to elders who are trying to school them on how to get better results.
It makes NO sense to get the bulk of your advice on how to get out of a maze from the people who hasn't ever gotten out of it themselves.
If you'd rather get your "Relationship advice" from someone who can't ever find and/or keep a good man/woman, than perhaps THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM! If you're taking skating lessons from someone who can't even skate, then perhaps THAT is why you still don't know how to skate 10 years later.
Before you argue something, 1st ask yourself how YOUR mentality is working for you?! Most unhappy people who answer that question honestly will agree that their own strategies/mentality is NOT working for them. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that you don't have all the answers or that you mistook foolishness for "sense."
BUT at some point, you've gotta stop knocking something you've never tried, ESPECIALLY if what you're always "trying" backfires on you or hurts you more than it helps you in the long run
Before you argue something, 1st ask yourself how YOUR mentality is working for you?! Most unhappy people who answer that question honestly will agree that their own strategies/mentality is NOT working for them. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that you don't have all the answers or that you mistook foolishness for "sense."
BUT at some point, you've gotta stop knocking something you've never tried, ESPECIALLY if what you're always "trying" backfires on you or hurts you more than it helps you in the long run
"My advice is the be all because I'm married and happy. Everyone else is wrong because they're single/married and unahppy."
The bit about getting advice from those who have been there? Yes. The rest? It's kinda bullshit, sorry. It's not that black and white. Failure does not discredit advice, experiences, etc. If anything, people learn best from failure, so would they also not be a legitimate source to seek advice from?
Wall o text all you'd like, tl;dr.
The bit about getting advice from those who have been there? Yes. The rest? It's kinda bullshit, sorry. It's not that black and white. Failure does not discredit advice, experiences, etc. If anything, people learn best from failure, so would they also not be a legitimate source to seek advice from?
Wall o text all you'd like, tl;dr.
There are different ways to get to 10. It's 5 + 5, 8 + 2 etc. What I mean by this is that, NOBODY is like a computer & can troubleshoot each an every problem. Just because somebody has been through a,b & c doesn't mean that they'll be able to solve the problems of someone who's been to a,b & k. Every experience is slightly different due to the different individuals individuals involved.
Somebody may be stuck in the maze as you put it, but it doesn't mean they'll never get out of it or that they shouldn't even listen to the people stuck in the journey with them. Who knows, they could even learn how to make cornbrean while in there lol. My point is, people pay more attention to things/people that they can relate to & through that, better choices can then be made. Example is AA meetings etc. 1st there's a struggle then there's a breakthrough. Sometimes listening to the "experts" can make one feel worse/judged than if they were speaking to someone else going through the same problem. Plus, the so called expects fail people all the time because their expertise aren't cut for everyone. Everything in life has stages, from the bottom to the top, which is where everybody hopes to be but getting there won't be easy. One step at a time. There's no wrong way of trying to break bad cycles if breaking them is your main goal.
Somebody may be stuck in the maze as you put it, but it doesn't mean they'll never get out of it or that they shouldn't even listen to the people stuck in the journey with them. Who knows, they could even learn how to make cornbrean while in there lol. My point is, people pay more attention to things/people that they can relate to & through that, better choices can then be made. Example is AA meetings etc. 1st there's a struggle then there's a breakthrough. Sometimes listening to the "experts" can make one feel worse/judged than if they were speaking to someone else going through the same problem. Plus, the so called expects fail people all the time because their expertise aren't cut for everyone. Everything in life has stages, from the bottom to the top, which is where everybody hopes to be but getting there won't be easy. One step at a time. There's no wrong way of trying to break bad cycles if breaking them is your main goal.
Posted by krysrenee7
@LetItBe: A NON-psychologist can't tell anyone what a psychologist should be saying or doing. All psychologists don't agree on every single thing. We have minds of our own, which doesn't suddenly makes us non-psychologists lol Idiot. How about you go get your Master's in psychology & THEN come back & tell me what a psychologist should be thinking/saying. You're like the person who doesn't know how to add or subtract, but yet is telling the Calculus teacher how to teach his class. Have a seat.
Would this be you trying to convince everyone you are a psychologist, or convincing yourself to keep your story straight? How many stupid people do you think are in these forums?
As for the rest of your jibberish..lesson learned, I didn't lose a second of my life to read it.
Posted by tiziani
And I guess people do it because they want their worlds to be larger, not smaller. If I only asked people in long standing relationships for their advice, I'd be living in a bubble. The variety of people's experience makes me more self-aware of my standing in the world, and brings me closer to what I'm ready for in life.
For me this post was about comparing who's most likely to give you the BEST advice if you have the choice of getting it from:
1. The person who's never achieved what you're asking them to help you achieve.
2. Or the person who HAS achieved it, thus the reason they are giving you advice.
People may be able to take advice from both people, but when it comes down to practicing that advice, I'd rather listen to the 2nd person. Even though there are multiple ways to get to the same result, I'd STILL prefer to learn those multiple ways from the person who has more experience getting POSITIVE results.
It's not about whether or not a person is single, married or in a relationship. It's about the person who has the most experience with POSITIVE RESULTS, not just necessarily the person with just "experience." There is a difference.
Posted by LetltBPosted by krysrenee7
@LetItBe: A NON-psychologist can't tell anyone what a psychologist should be saying or doing. All psychologists don't agree on every single thing. We have minds of our own, which doesn't suddenly makes us non-psychologists lol Idiot. How about you go get your Master's in psychology & THEN come back & tell me what a psychologist should be thinking/saying. You're like the person who doesn't know how to add or subtract, but yet is telling the Calculus teacher how to teach his class. Have a seat.
Would this be you trying to convince everyone you are a psychologist, or convincing yourself to keep your story straight? How many stupid people do you think are in these forums?click to expand
Don't flip this on me. YOU brought psychology into this. Instead of bringing something constructive to the conversation, you made this about me through means of attempting character assassination. I am not here to prove myself, validate myself or gain your approval. Idk why you can't stomach the fact that you're NOT that important.
But you are here to discredit me & you're damn right I'm going to set the record straight. And what's even more laughable is that your "sources" proving I'm not who I say I am aren't like research, facts, or credible "evidence." It's just your small opinion that comes from a figment of your imagination
And actually you did lose a few seconds by reading my post. You knew from the beginning that you & I disagreed on a lot, which is fine. I don't have to attempt to go to the extreme of discrediting someone all b/c I disagree with them. Do you ever see me coming to any of your threads? NEVER b/c I disagree with your mentality, thus I do what LOGICAL people do & stay away from those who I don't mesh with.
You're like the person who keeps going in the refridgerator & repeatedly eating something you don't like, only then to complain about how disgusted you are. Well then stop F'ing eating it! Don't put that on others that you can't stay away. And damn sure don't try to discredit the fridge! Holy sh***t
@Tizani...Know what I mean now?
I wasn't saying that people should only listen to or hear out 1 person. There's absolutely nothing wrong with getting a bunch of different perspectives about something from multiple people.
But just like people need to "remember the source" when they hear rumors about someone before believing it, I feel that people should absolutely do the background check of the person giving the advice before deciding to actually implement their advice.
Simply listening to advice & practicing advice are completely different.
And again, when it comes to who's advice I'd rather practice, I'd rather take it from the person who gets positive results as opposed to the person who doesn't. =)
I wasn't saying that people should only listen to or hear out 1 person. There's absolutely nothing wrong with getting a bunch of different perspectives about something from multiple people.
But just like people need to "remember the source" when they hear rumors about someone before believing it, I feel that people should absolutely do the background check of the person giving the advice before deciding to actually implement their advice.
Simply listening to advice & practicing advice are completely different.
And again, when it comes to who's advice I'd rather practice, I'd rather take it from the person who gets positive results as opposed to the person who doesn't. =)
I don't see why everyone's giving her such a hard time. She's just passionate about the topic and wanting to help others. God fuckin' forbid.
As someone who's also in a very happy relationship and engaged, I agree 100% with her advice.
As someone who's also in a very happy relationship and engaged, I agree 100% with her advice.
Posted by munchkin
I don't see why everyone's giving her such a hard time. She's just passionate about the topic and wanting to help others. God fuckin' forbid.
As someone who's also in a very happy relationship and engaged, I agree 100% with her advice.
Thank you!
For goodness sakes the purpose of my advice was to HELP, not hurt! How people can take me advising them to get their advice from people who get positive results, as a BAD thing, is beyond me. LOL
There are so many instances in life where this exact same logic is used & makes perfect sense, like getting swimming lessons from someone who knows how to swim vs. the person who talks a good game but can't swim when it's time to put their money where their mouth is!
Relationships/love are no different. And I am especially passionate about that same logic applying to love & relationships b/c this seems to be the 1 area where all the people who always catch themselves in unhealthy situations tend to wanna argue you under the table even though their own mentality isn't working for them.
But people are hesitant to any kind of change. They don't realize that something as simple as changing sources, doing background checks and/or changing perception can have a HUGE difference in the kinds of results they get. The 1 thing all happy people have in common is their ability to understand cause & effect. Happy people understand the correlation between attitude determining the kinds of results you get.
There is no such thing as bad luck being the reason some people are always in toxic relationships. Maybe once or twice, but not ALWAYS. When things become a pattern, that is your red flag that perhaps your mentality/perception is NOT working. You can't defend the very way of thinking that isn't working for you.
It's about choices & not being so desperate for answers that you forget to take 2 extra seconds out of the day to consider the source. Thinking is FREE! There is nothing a person stands to lose by at least entertaining the idea that perhaps the reason they keep getting bad results is b/c they've been given the wrong formula. The people in happy relationships understand this perfectly. The people who are unhappy will try to discredit the advice of the people who challenge them to see the connection b/w mentality & results! There IS a connection!
Posted by munchkin
I don't see why everyone's giving her such a hard time. She's just passionate about the topic and wanting to help others. God fuckin' forbid.
As someone who's also in a very happy relationship and engaged, I agree 100% with her advice.
Sorry, you probably weren't here when she was on a conspiracy kick and wouldn't even participate in her own thread--
She absolutely cannot handle dissent.
She isn't here to converse or interact; she is here to lecture-- only.
This is an ego-driven masterpiece, and it is all about HER.
She cannot understand why people won't listen to her, when she KNOWS that she is the ONLY ONE who REALLY knows what's going on.
Give it time, and you'll see the true nature-- and keep in mind that even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
😉
Posted by MontgomeryPosted by munchkin
I don't see why everyone's giving her such a hard time. She's just passionate about the topic and wanting to help others. God fuckin' forbid.
As someone who's also in a very happy relationship and engaged, I agree 100% with her advice.
Sorry, you probably weren't here when she was on a conspiracy kick and wouldn't even participate in her own thread--
She absolutely cannot handle dissent.
She isn't here to converse or interact; she is here to lecture-- only.
This is an ego-driven masterpiece, and it is all about HER.
She cannot understand why people won't listen to her, when she KNOWS that she is the ONLY ONE who REALLY knows what's going on.
Give it time, and you'll see the true nature-- and keep in mind that even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
😉
click to expand
EXACTAMUNDO!
I think it's cute 'though...LOL! Too cute!
Posted by munchkin
I don't see why everyone's giving her such a hard time. She's just passionate about the topic and wanting to help others. God fuckin' forbid.
As someone who's also in a very happy relationship and engaged, I agree 100% with her advice.
i'm in a very good and harmonious relationship, but i dont agree with it.
i like watching Dr. Phil shows and their bad relationships.
I learn from bad more than i do from good.
But then I notice....it's WHO and what the person(s) are, which type of relationship...and what dynamics of a relationship you're looking for.
Posted by krysrenee7
Don't flip this on me. YOU brought psychology into this.
It was a simple multiple choice question. No flip involved at all.
Posted by LovesickCancer
Single people can give advice too you know, sometimes making a decision not to be in a relationship shows intelligence and better than being in a bad one.
I don't take advice from married people just because they're married, they were lucky in that they met their one before I did that's all.
I know I'm doing right because I'm not doing wrong.
It's best to only give advice when asked, that way you know the person actually wants and values your advice.
Yes. This ^^
@Montgomery: You came to my post with the specific purpose of character assassination. You're like a 14 year old bully who isn't settled or happy unless you ask others to join in with you & to feel the way you do. I have my right to be passionate about anything I damn well please with or without your consent.
You don't bring anything constructive to the conversation other than you doing the same thing you accuse others of doing: making it all about YOU & YOUR opinion, lecturing me on how I should feel/talk, & not being able to answer the question of why you're here considering you & I don't mesh well
If a post is MINE, it makes more sense than not to include MY opinion. Some people come here to give advice, while others come to seek advice. Neither person is wrong. I see "lectures" all up & down this site & yet you only targeted me lol Odd for someone who's suddenly anti-lecture.
It's true that when some people don't like you, they'll gravitate towards you b/c they're bored or b/c the only way they know how to communicate is through means of criticism or character assassination, which is just a reflection of their daily lives behind closed doors. People who don't like you but yet always seem to show up where you hang out, will even be petty enough to say, "Look at her over there, eating that cracker all fast n sh***t. Ugh I hate her." They'll come up with ANYTHING!
I wonder what's really going in your personal lives that is so miserable that you must feel the need to use this site to nit pick, criticize & attempt to verbally attack others. If only you knew, the caliber of person who does things like this is usually much worse off than the person they're trying to ridicule. You oughta be making sure you're paying my bills & bringing something positive/constructive to the table before you come my way & tell me what I should be saying, how I should be writing & how I should be thinking. Bitterness trumps a lecture any day in the "who needs help?" department!
Anywho, BACK TO THE TOPIC, b/c some people actually came here to agree or disagree with my opinion, vs. attacking the poster. Huge difference You really should get your own personal punching bag. Maybe your relationships wouldn't be so sh***ty if you took your insecurity-feeding need to be so critical of others out on yourself.
You don't bring anything constructive to the conversation other than you doing the same thing you accuse others of doing: making it all about YOU & YOUR opinion, lecturing me on how I should feel/talk, & not being able to answer the question of why you're here considering you & I don't mesh well
If a post is MINE, it makes more sense than not to include MY opinion. Some people come here to give advice, while others come to seek advice. Neither person is wrong. I see "lectures" all up & down this site & yet you only targeted me lol Odd for someone who's suddenly anti-lecture.
It's true that when some people don't like you, they'll gravitate towards you b/c they're bored or b/c the only way they know how to communicate is through means of criticism or character assassination, which is just a reflection of their daily lives behind closed doors. People who don't like you but yet always seem to show up where you hang out, will even be petty enough to say, "Look at her over there, eating that cracker all fast n sh***t. Ugh I hate her." They'll come up with ANYTHING!
I wonder what's really going in your personal lives that is so miserable that you must feel the need to use this site to nit pick, criticize & attempt to verbally attack others. If only you knew, the caliber of person who does things like this is usually much worse off than the person they're trying to ridicule. You oughta be making sure you're paying my bills & bringing something positive/constructive to the table before you come my way & tell me what I should be saying, how I should be writing & how I should be thinking. Bitterness trumps a lecture any day in the "who needs help?" department!
Anywho, BACK TO THE TOPIC, b/c some people actually came here to agree or disagree with my opinion, vs. attacking the poster. Huge difference You really should get your own personal punching bag. Maybe your relationships wouldn't be so sh***ty if you took your insecurity-feeding need to be so critical of others out on yourself.
... People do this to distract others from the fact that they really just didn't have anything nice or constructive to say. They think others won't notice that the biggest indication of an unhappy person is in watching how they can't interact with others unless there's a negative or critical undertone to it. Nice distraction. Nice deflection. Try again
I say what the F I want, HOW I want, WHEN I want, WHERE I want & I dictate how LONG it will be if that is WHAT I want. I don't need your permission, validation or approval to do either of those things. I did not come here to shorten my paragraphs b/c it makes YOU feel better or act like I feel the same way you do b/c it'll stroke YOUR ego or make YOU feel better.
It is if you believe that my sole purpose on this site should be to prove myself to you. You think you are way more important than you actually are. And you know this, which is why you're drawn to threads with the intention of attacking the poster instead of being a good boy, doing what was asked & focusing strictly on the topic at hand. Yet ANOTHER sign of someone who is insecure & who probably has the crappy toxic life of the very people I'm discussing & trying to help.
Happy people don't stick their noses in places or near people they've constantly screaming they hate. That's something toxic, unhappy, insecure & overly-critical people do. And people like you are easy to spot. All you gotta do is watch what they do, watch where they go. They leave a trail of "negativity" & "assasination" b/c they are not capable of being known for anything actually positive or worth taking seriously. And yet you call me the attention-seeker?! LOL Thanks for helping me prove my point.
I say what the F I want, HOW I want, WHEN I want, WHERE I want & I dictate how LONG it will be if that is WHAT I want. I don't need your permission, validation or approval to do either of those things. I did not come here to shorten my paragraphs b/c it makes YOU feel better or act like I feel the same way you do b/c it'll stroke YOUR ego or make YOU feel better.
It is if you believe that my sole purpose on this site should be to prove myself to you. You think you are way more important than you actually are. And you know this, which is why you're drawn to threads with the intention of attacking the poster instead of being a good boy, doing what was asked & focusing strictly on the topic at hand. Yet ANOTHER sign of someone who is insecure & who probably has the crappy toxic life of the very people I'm discussing & trying to help.
Happy people don't stick their noses in places or near people they've constantly screaming they hate. That's something toxic, unhappy, insecure & overly-critical people do. And people like you are easy to spot. All you gotta do is watch what they do, watch where they go. They leave a trail of "negativity" & "assasination" b/c they are not capable of being known for anything actually positive or worth taking seriously. And yet you call me the attention-seeker?! LOL Thanks for helping me prove my point.
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Whether the advice-giver is single or taken, wouldn't you want to get advice from the person who has what you want, & that has proven by example that they have what it takes to get AND maintain a healthy, long lasting relationship?
That's like asking a poor person who's never had money how to strike it rich...
1 of the biggest mistakes I used to make in the past was getting advice from the wrong people. The only thing they taught me was what NOT to do. But always complaining about the "problem" wasn't good enough. I wanted "solutions." And I messed up by getting "solution" advice from people who either didn't know or weren't implementing those very solutions themselves!
All I'm seeing are a bunch of toxic people giving other toxic people advice, & they all literally feed off of each other. And then the minute someone who's came out of the storm & who now has strong & healthy relationships steps in & tries to help them, they get defensive & sh***t on your ideas even though their toxic relationships have proven that their way of thinking/going about things was doing them more harm than good & wasn't working for them at all!
If you want to be happy, do/watch what happy people do. If you want to be successful, watch/do what successful people do.
Learn from the people who already HAVE what you want & who have already achieved the goal that you've currently set. Of course everybody's relationship is different & there is no such thing as "1 size fits all" when it comes to advice, BUT if you're going to seek it, AT LEAST seek wisdom from those who both know AND do better.
If you want changes, then your mind, perception & mentality must 1st change. Of course the people who surround you who are in toxic relationships endorse everything you say or believe when you yourself are still blindly toxic. Toxic encourages toxic!
It's just that I'm wondering if most of you knew that something as simple as changing who you get your "wisdom" from could make a helluva difference in your personal growth as a man/woman & in your relationships.