Women Initiating Texts

Most of yall will blow this off because it is from "The Rules", but what they say isn't bad:


Women are forever trying to figure out a man's intentions by reading between the lines of texts, interpreting things he said, or things he didn't. This is usually too difficult to warrant the effort it takes, but it is entirely the wrong approach for another reason: there are all kinds of men that are willing and able to lie their way into a woman's pants - yes, even yours. If you find yourself having difficulty determining a man's level of interest because "first he said X, but then he said Y," or even if you know exactly what he is saying and are sure he is interested, stop yourself. What a man says is the worst possible indicator of his interest: you need to pay attention to what he does.

This is why it is so important for a woman to allow a man to initiate contact after an initial meeting, and even well into the relationship. I've heard a number of girls actually complain about this, apparently preferring a situation in which they wouldn't be stigmatized for chasing men, or even for taking the initiative in "small things" like the first phone call or date. (These complaints always come from women who don't get enough attention from men. If you fall into this category, I suggest you read the other posts.)

If men didn't try to sleep with lots of women with no strings attached, or if women didn't want stable relationships, then it is conceivable that women could approach men. But given the undeniable preferences of the two sexes, the situation couldn't be other than what it is. Women, who, on the whole, are more interested in stable relationships, necessarily assume a defensive position against men, who (again, on the whole) are more interested in casual sex than women.

A woman's "game" can be broken down into the following three parts:

Making herself as attractive as possible
Making herself approachable
Filtering out the men that just want to have sex with her from the men that want to date her
While there is a lot to learn about the first part of female game (optimizing attractiveness), there is just as much to learn about the latter part (filtering). Filtering is necessary because the men that a woman wants to date are a subset of the men that want to have sex with her, and by making herself more attractive to potential boyfriends she also is making herself more attractive to all men.

Think of two circcles overlapping.
Outer portio

As most girls probably know, it can be difficult to determine which men fall into which category. And as I mentioned at the beginning of this post, if you are only paying attention to what a man says, it can be impossible. A girl interested in saving her time and emotional energy needs to be as adept as possible at discerning these these types of men. And this is why it is so important for a woman not to initiate contact with a man. When you initiate contact with a man before you know his intentions, you are denying yourself the least equivocal and therefore most important indication of his interest. I will go as far as to say that you are denying yourself the only reliable indication of his interest.

A man might make eye contact with you from across the bar, but unless he overcomes his fear or leaves his buddies in order to approach you, he isn't into you enough. Don't approach him. A man might say he wants to see you, but unless he calls to set up a date, he doesn't care enough. Don't call or text him. A man might tell you to come and visit him, but if he cares enough, he will come to you if you suggest it.

I could give all kinds of examples, but you get the point. By making it easy for a man, you risk wasting your time and energy on someone who is only interested in having sex with you, or maybe worse, someone who will actually agree to a relationship or even marriage, only to change his mind months or years later when he realizes he wants someone he considers better. Taking the initiative is not a right that men have over women; it is (or should be) a hurdle that women place in front of men to make them prove their interest.

Disclaimer: A man will jump over a lot of hurdles to sleep with a woman that is hotter than himself, or at least, hotter than the other girls he's slept with. The more attractive you are relative to him, the more cautious you need to be. This is complicated by the fact that it is perfectly possible for a man that is less attractive than a girl to be sexually attracted to her and interested in her as a person (i.e. not overwhelmed by her beauty so much that he doesn't consider her personality). There is a danger of losing a guy like this by putting up too many hurdles and discouraging him. My suggestion: don't play below your league.

WHY DON'T YOU GIRLS JUST FLAT OUT ASK US
DO YOU LOVE ME?
WOULD YOU DIE FORME?
WHAT IF I DON'T GIVE BLOW JOBS AT THAT TIME OF MONTH
IS IT A DEAL BREAKER?
ARE WE GOING TO SHACK UP FOR THE REST OF OUR LIFE ARE ARE WE GETTING MARRIED?

What in the hell are you talking about? There are so many damn holes in your argument that one could drive a Greyhound through them and still have room for a dumptruck.

Just because a girl is good looking, doesn't necessarily mean that the only reason the guy is talking to her is to fuck her and get rid of her.

Did it ever occur to you that just because MANY men and women are nothing more than human garbage with a superficial agenda these days, does not mean that we ALL are like that.

You mad ScorpioFish? Cause damn. LOL

Posted by ScorpioFish
What in the hell are you talking about? There are so many damn holes in your argument that one could drive a Greyhound through them and still have room for a dumptruck.

Just because a girl is good looking, doesn't necessarily mean that the only reason the guy is talking to her is to fuck her and get rid of her.

Did it ever occur to you that just because MANY men and women are nothing more than human garbage with a superficial agenda these days, does not mean that we ALL are like that.

Well, hell. They're not MY words. I copied it from the dang internet. Thought it'd be an interesting discussion.

I guess its clear what you think about it! 😛

Posted by Xin
You mad ScorpioFish? Cause damn. LOL

The way he responded, you'd a thought I would have put his name in the article. lol!

Posted by james tate
WHY DON'T YOU GIRLS JUST FLAT OUT ASK US
DO YOU LOVE ME?
WOULD YOU DIE FORME?
WHAT IF I DON'T GIVE BLOW JOBS AT THAT TIME OF MONTH
IS IT A DEAL BREAKER?
ARE WE GOING TO SHACK UP FOR THE REST OF OUR LIFE ARE ARE WE GETTING MARRIED?

'Cause as soon as I love you back, y'all leave me...

This dating "game" isn't quite so fun.

I think a lot of things in life are unfair, "should" change or are questionable

But some things are just what it is. It IS what it is

I don't agree that a man should do all the work throughout the entire dating phase b/c some men base a woman's interest in him off of how much of her pride or the "rules" she's willing to drop/bend on to contact him. And a guy who expects things to be equal as long as he's doing his part is the one a lot of women will miss out on

I do however agree with most of this post though. It IS what it is. No one ever said the rules would be fair or what's preferred, but again it IS what it is

No, every guy is not just trying to sleep with you BUT what we do know is that unlike women, a man doesn't see an attractive woman & automatically think relationship or marriage EITHER! lol

The types of women who are always arguing with the rules are either always single & can't figure out why they can't find true love (figures). Their broken love life speaks volumes that what they are doing is clearly NOT working but yet they are quick to put down the advice of a woman who actually HAS a man AND can actually KEEP her man.

OR the women who argue this are in the 1% of women who actually found a great guy doing the exact opposite. But let's be real, everybody can't be in the rare 1% .

I give this post an A- lol

Posted by tw1nk1e
I honestly don't even text with guys anymore because it's so easy to misconstrue stuff. And I don't think a guy likes me until he tells me and proves it by treating me with respect.

And then life is very simple. No need for rules. 🙂

Sounds good but oh honey, if things were that simple, everyone would be in loving relationships lol

Whether we want to accept it or participate or not, love/dating is somewhat a "game," & there is a certain etiquette that the women who land AND keep great men actually followed. Can't deny what has worked for plenty of women.

Men don't mind chasing & proving their interest. They are hunters & hunters don't want the damn deer chasing them! Some women have probably taken the "rules" to the extreme & couldn't ever turn it off when it was time for HER to show her interest. And the men who like to be chased are really just rebelling against the women who def. over-did it to the extreme

The big picture though is that if ANYONE really wants something, they'll do what they gotta do to get it. For a man, if that means calling 1st, texting 1st, initiating things 1st, etc. then they WILL do it IF and only IF they are truly interested in you. Men like getting credit for the work they've put into women. But they can't put in the work if the woman is doing all of the work for them

The part of this article that made the most sense to me is when she says if you let the man do the initiating, then you can determine whether he's really into you or not. Because if you're the one doing ALL the initiating, he doesn't get a chance to, then how can you determine whether he actually likes you or not.

I dont mind texting but its extremely lazy. Its meant to get information across quickly, NOT to replace actual conversation.

What in the hell are you talking about?
THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT THERE VIEW OF LIFE ITS SAD BUT TRUE

then how can you determine whether he actually likes you or not.

OMG IF YOU CAN'T TELL THAT HE IS IN DUMP HIM

SORRY
MISS PIRATE TOLD ME NOT TO BE SPREADING
MY SEMAN AROUND ITS HER,S
YOU MUST UNDERSTAND SHE CAN BE
VERY MEAN AT TIMES
I DON,T WANT MY WANGER CUT OFF OR BITTEN OFF IN MY SLEEP

NEVER initiate texts.

Posted by james tate
SORRY
MISS PIRATE TOLD ME NOT TO BE SPREADING
MY SEMAN AROUND ITS HER,S
YOU MUST UNDERSTAND SHE CAN BE
VERY MEAN AT TIMES
I DON,T WANT MY WANGER CUT OFF OR BITTEN OFF IN MY SLEEP

u a fool JAmes

dont get bit

What a stupid article but yes if you don't txt first it's usually better to let the guy lead or I notice than they think your desperate.

And alot of times I am .... eyyyyyooooooo!

It sucks b/c sometimes CONFIDENCE & GO-GETTER is what a man thinks when a woman initiates things. And other times DESPERATE is what he thinks. Just depends on so many things

Posted by Arielle83
Why can't you just talk to someone when you want to talk to someone? I think men are simple and if your texting to chat about anything it just means that...I doubt most men psychoanalyze and think "oh she's texting me first, she must really want me, marry me, have my baby, have hot sex with me forever" Ya maybe if your texting because you want to bang bang bang...

I think chicks are more screaming desperation if they withhold the communication because they fear the guy might reject them or something else they are worried about deep in their psyche?

It can go either way. Just b/c something seems unfair, unrealistic or doesn't make any logical sense, doesn't mean that it isn't happening. Truth is, there are some men who would prefer to do most of the chasing b/c it's a bigger ego boost for them when a woman bites after he's thrown the bait. And if chasing for them means initiating things like calls, texts, dates, etc. then it is what it is. Men won't stop being men just b/c some ladies can't take it, handle it or understand it.

Plus, I think that the poster is trying to say that chasing a man in the beginning is where some women are messing up. Sure, if he's already proven himself, if things are consistent & if they've entered into a commitment with each other, of course things change. Of course by that point, a woman is expected to put in the same effort/work he's putting in. It's just that in the beginning, a lot of men not only don't mind initiating everything, but also prefer to do so. I know plenty of men who think like this & you or anybody else who disagrees with it won't change the fact that some men will ALWAYS feel that way.

It's like some women feel sorry for men lol Little do they know, some men actually prefer the chase b/c that is how they have been wired to be/that's all they know. If a woman strips a man of proving himself in the way HE (not she) likes to prove himself, then she is interfering with a natural process that HE considers important & that HE considers to be the leeway into finding the right girl for him.

Posted by truecap
The part of this article that made the most sense to me is when she says if you let the man do the initiating, then you can determine whether he's really into you or not. Because if you're the one doing ALL the initiating, he doesn't get a chance to, then how can you determine whether he actually likes you or not.

So it's always girls who don't know if the other is into them? And where do girls do the initiating? It sounds like girls are just bait that lie in waiting to be preyed upon. And why is it always guys who are after sex and subsequently fear attracting that type? Guys can want relationships too! I don't agree with what the op suggests. It leaves guys in a bad spot and the only type who I can see appreciating that type of game are those players you want to avoid. There has to be open communication between two people or else someone is highly likely to end up confused on what the other wants. I can't stand this 'girls being on the defensive' thing because it makes no sense and I have not seen any confident woman and non-jerkish/sexist men use it.
(Not being angry at you, I just have strong opinions on these topics)

ari 83
YOUR RIGHT WE DO NOT GET CAUGHT UP IN WHO DID WHAT
WE GO BY WHAT IS SAID
YOU TEXT ME HAY HAD A GREAT LAST NIGHT
I,M THINKING GOOD GLAD YOU DID
YOU TEXT ME GO FUCK YOURSELF I,M THINKING
MUST OF DID SOMETHING WRONG
GOT TO GO WITH KISS {KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID}

Posted by aquapiscescusp
NEVER initiate texts.

+1 AND..........never be maintained by texts.

you have some hidden motive to impregnate me with your demon seed.

LOL
MY DEMON SEED
YOU ARE THE FIRST TO CALL IT THAT

A man can show his interest by making the 1st call. A woman can show her interest by answering that call.

A man shows his interest by paying for the date. A woman shows her interest by showing up to the date and/or agreeing to another date.

What men interpret as signs of interest may be different than what women consider signs of interest. Women like trying to clump men in the same arena as women, but sometimes you can't always do that b/c no matter how much we wish it weren't this way, men & women ARE different.

As a lot of people have said, men are simple. It may not bother them that you haven't called today, BUT it may bother a woman that he hasn't called today. It may not bother a woman if she doesn't have the ability to pay for a date, but it will probably bother a man if he doesn't have the ability to.

I get it. Men are human just like women. They have emotions & expectations too. They are similar to women in a lot of ways, BUT they are also different in a lot of ways. Up until the recent generation, men have alwayyyyyyyyyyys payed for the dates, initiated everything & been the chaser while the girl plays the damsel in distress role! Men always asked the father for her hand in marriage (not her asking his mother for his hand in marriage lol) & the list goes on & on of the things men have been wired to do not only primarily but also FIRST! These things worked for thousaaaaaaands of years! In fact, relationships/marriages seemed to get on well just fine back in those days! If anything, this generation is the one having the most problems lol

Yes, things are starting to change, I get that. All I'm saying is that women shouldn't be so quick to assume that it bothers a man to chase a woman in the beginning, b/c that's just simply not true. Some men prefer the chasing. Men & women have different needs. Always have & always will. Is what it is

I get it. Men are human just like women. They have emotions & expectations too. They are similar to women in a lot of ways,

NO YOU THINK YOU GET IT MEN ARE DIFFERENT FROM EACH OTHER JUST AS WOMEN ARE.
THERE ARE MEN WHO WOULD SAY TO A WOMAN LOOK I REALLY WANT TO SEE YOU BUT I CAN,T
AFORD TO TAKE YOU TO A REALLY NICE PLACE LIKE I WANT TO. COULD WE GO FOR A WALK AND A COFFEE
AND TALK.( I CAN AFORD TO TAKE HER NOW TO ANYPLACE SHE WAN,T TO GO. BUT THERE WAS A TIME I COULD NOT.
THE OFFER OF COFFEE ( AT THE TIME I DID NOT THINK OF IT) SEPERATED THE WEMON WHO JUST WANTED TO BE WITH ME FROM THE ONES WHO WANTED MORE THAN I HAD TO OFFER.I EVEN HAD A COUPLE WHO WANTED TO PAY. I HAD TO TURN THAT DOWN.

So krys, you're saying the only reason that men and women differ and that men should do the initiating is tradition? Maybe if that woman is upset that the man hasn't called that she should call him instead of waiting for him? Why do women owe men that? To wait patiently until he's ready? Because that's how it's always been? Men like confident/assertive women just as they like those who sit patiently by the phone with their fears and questions running through their head waiting for a call. Some men like to show interest in a woman in other ways than paying for the first date. We all know that women have money, too. But it should be this way only because that's how it's always been? Women weren't allowed to speak up or be that confident/assertive woman in all the ways she wanted to before so why try to continue to oppress her? All I'm saying is that saying men and women are different and that's why men should do all the initiating is bullshit. Those differences is gender does not amount to a girl waiting for a man to make a move. That's how tradition has been and so you think tradition is one of the only valid reasons for this as well. But really, it's hardly valid as time goes on. And not much of a good reason either. It doesn't take into account individual factors, just history

It's also good to note that these type of games have evolved and is often the cause of a lot of drama in relationships or pre relationships. It ends up causing a lot girls emotional grief because they wonder what went wrong but will never know since they didn't take any initiative and left it to the guy. Also plenty of guys think these rules are bullshit and are sick and tired of seeing women play them. Sure this will mainly affect teenagers, but also adults, too. There are such simpler ways of going about things that avoid confusion and grief especially on the woman's part. She shouldn't lay back and let her emotions ride on what a guy wants. It should be a double effort with both doing an equal amount of initiating.

Just b/c things aren't fair or don't make sense doesn't mean that people stop doing them. It's like the whole, "Don't be too available thing." Some women hate this rule & will carry on & make themselves 100% available to every new man they meet. The truth is, some women lose a man's interest by being this way while other men appreciate her more for this.

I never said that the "tradition" made sense or was the "right" way to go. Hell I don't think that having kids out of wedlock is the right thing to do all the time, BUT me thinking it's unfair won't stop people in the world from doing it lol. Just b/c something isn't mine or your reality doesn't mean that it's not a reality for others.

I think that while men in general are different from women, I also think that they share similarities. I think that all men are different from one another & that all women are different from one another.

I'm actually neutral on this.

All I'm saying is that it's incorrect for anyone to say that some men hate chasing b/c some men actually don't hate that 1 bit. It's also just as incorrect to say that some men hate being chased, b/c some men actually don't hate that.

For every 10 men you'll find that claim A, B & C caused them to be TURNED OFF, there are another 10 men who say that A, B & C DIDN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE. For every 10 men who say A, B & C didn't make a difference in how they felt about a woman, there another 10 men who say A, B & C actually TURNED THEM ON! And all 3 of these types of men exist, whether we agree with their particular ways of going about dating, or not!!

So there really is no right or wrong answer here

The key is in knowing what kind of man you're dealing with.

If he's the type that prefers to do the chasing, then he's not suddenly a bad guy just b/c he loses interest in the women who primarily do all the work that he feels he should be doing

If he's the type that wouldn't really give a damn either way, then so be it.

If he's the type that prefers to be chased, then he's not suddenly a bad guy or in the wrong just b/c he loses interest in the women who sit at home, waiting on his call, expecting to be chased after.

There's no right or wrong answer b/c each of these 3 types of men can easily find love & find someone that is perfectly fine with how they go about gaining/showing interest! If you're the woman who chases but yet finds a man who gets turned off when women do that, then of course things may be rocky/shaky. But it's not that his way of going about dating was right/wrong but moreso that their dating style s were different. And any time 2 people think about things from a complete opposite perspective, there's room for a clash somewhere.

Your previous argument seemed very one-sided and seemed to suggest that you believe most men like to chase and that women should take up that role. Your recent post was more toned down but still focused on different types of men. Which isn't wrong, really, it just shows that men are unconsciously still the ones whose situations are primarily taken into account, in my eyes. You can disagree, that's fine. It's only my own perception. But, I can't really argue with you anymore since in the end we both understand that there's men and women on both sides of this.

Topics like these seem to be predominated by females on either side of the argument or males who are for traditional values. It would be really interesting to hear more in depth from guys who aren't so traditional. Yes, partly because it would support my opinion, but also to even out these conversations a bit and get new perspectives. I suppose it has to do with the generation that dominates these boards. And here I go off on a tangent.

lol no I get exactly what you are saying.

I get it. I think it sucks that it appears that love/dating is all about how to attract, find, and keep a man. It's all about men men men men men! And never about women & what a man should do to attract, find & keep her for once! I get it!

But unfortunately, I think that this is a 1-sided societal issue. Every magazine about love says, "How to get the man you want!" Very rarely do you see books, magazines & articles casts to the public about what women want, what women need & what will get/keep the attraction of a woman!!! Sure, there's a lot of articles on how to please women sexually, but for the most part it's all about men men men men as if they're feelings, what they want &how they tick are the only things that matters.

Take into consideration though that a lot of women fall victim to this 1-sided thinking too. As much as they are tired of feeling like their needs as women are never as important as a man's needs, they still sometimes find themselves not being able to resist the advice on websites like these, in magazines, in books & in articles that are 1-sided in that they pertain to men's feelings/needs being the most important!

As much as I'm all for sticking up for a woman fighting for the right to her feelings/what she wants to be considered just as important as a man's, I was also defending the men who in fact do prefer to chase.

And the reason I defended the men like this is b/c I think that women sometimes forget that the aspect of a man being a hunter/chasing his prey & what he wants was a societal pressure placed on men from the beginning of time.

Call it tradition or whatever. But the aspect of a man being the knight in shining armor while the lady is the damsel in distress has been a concept/belief/preference from the beginning of time. There's nothing new about it. And the men who used to think this way (prefer chasing women) seemed to be able to get into/keep their relationships afloat with women just fine!

I'm glad that things are starting to change. I get that there seems to be a bigger gap b/w men & women understanding each other & that things changing may play a big role in why that is. Some people negatively respond to change, whether the change is for the common good or not. However, I think it's also fair to take into consideration that perhaps these changes could be causing the rift that's continually growing b/w men & women.

I also get too though that what may have worked for 1 generation may not work as well with another generation.

Posted by james tate
ari 83
YOUR RIGHT WE DO NOT GET CAUGHT UP IN WHO DID WHAT
WE GO BY WHAT IS SAID
YOU TEXT ME HAY HAD A GREAT LAST NIGHT
I,M THINKING GOOD GLAD YOU DID
YOU TEXT ME GO FUCK YOURSELF I,M THINKING
MUST OF DID SOMETHING WRONG
GOT TO GO WITH KISS {KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID}

Thank you James Tate. Yes, men and women communicate very differently and it takes some time to adjust. Keeping communication open is important.

Oh holy hell!!!

Ladies just be yourself!!! Do what feels right! The right guy won't mind! There, end of conversation!