WARNING; a dirty religious joke!

An old Indian mystic claimed recently that through long years of asceticism and deep and prolonged meditation he had finally developed the ability to cure blindness: however, in order to be cured, the blind person would have to perform oral sex on him. When asked whether such a claim could possibly be valid a spokesman for a local blind association commented "Well, I guess we are just going to have to suck it and see!"

Hahaha! 😛 *clapping*

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next sunday he took the monsignor's advice. at the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

- sip the vodka, don't gulp

- there are 10 commandments, not 12

- there are 12 disciples, not 10

- Jesus was consecrated, not constipated

- Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not beat his ass

- we do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

- The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook

- when Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say "eat me."

- the Virgin Mary is not referred to as the "mary with the cherry"

- the recommended grace before a meal is not: "rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yea God."

- next sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's

Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the inspection.

The first one says: "I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand."

St. Peter says: "You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in."

The second says:"I have to confess, I held mans penis in both hands."

St. Peter: "Wash both your hands and go in.

Suddenly the other two start fighting, something terrible. St.Peter goes there, pulls them apart, asks, "What's going on?"

One of them shouts, "I want to gargle, before she washes her ass in there!"