LetltB
@LetltB
12 Years5,000+ Posts
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10Toxic Relationships Mentally Strong People Avoid
5. Relationships where past blame is used to justify present righteousness.
When someone you??re in a relationship with continues to blame you for your past mistakes, your relationship is toxic. If both people in the relationship do this it becomes a hopeless battle to see who has screwed up the most over the years, and therefore who owes the other one more of an apology.
When you use someone else's past wrongdoings in order to try and justify your own present righteousness, it's a lose-lose situation. Not only are you dodging the current (valid) issue itself, but you??re digging up guilt and bitterness from the past to manipulate the other person into feeling wrong in the present.
6. Relationships built on daily lies.
Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship, and when trust is broken it takes time and willingness on the part of both people to repair it and heal. All too often, I??ll hear a coaching client say something like, —I didn't tell him but I didn't lie about it, either.?? This statement is a contradiction, as omissions are lies too. If you??re covering up your tracks in any way, it's only a matter of time before the truth is revealed and trust in the relationship is broken.
Remember, an honest adversary is always better than a friend or lover who lies. Pay less attention to what people say, and more attention to what they do. Their actions will show you the truth in the long run.
7. Relationships that lack forgiveness and the willingness to rebuild trust.
Failing to understand that broken trust CAN be repaired leads to a grim future.
When trust is broken, which happens in nearly every long-term relationship at some point, it's essential to understand that it can be repaired, provided both people are willing to do the hard work of self-growth.
When someone you??re in a relationship with continues to blame you for your past mistakes, your relationship is toxic. If both people in the relationship do this it becomes a hopeless battle to see who has screwed up the most over the years, and therefore who owes the other one more of an apology.
When you use someone else's past wrongdoings in order to try and justify your own present righteousness, it's a lose-lose situation. Not only are you dodging the current (valid) issue itself, but you??re digging up guilt and bitterness from the past to manipulate the other person into feeling wrong in the present.
6. Relationships built on daily lies.
Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship, and when trust is broken it takes time and willingness on the part of both people to repair it and heal. All too often, I??ll hear a coaching client say something like, —I didn't tell him but I didn't lie about it, either.?? This statement is a contradiction, as omissions are lies too. If you??re covering up your tracks in any way, it's only a matter of time before the truth is revealed and trust in the relationship is broken.
Remember, an honest adversary is always better than a friend or lover who lies. Pay less attention to what people say, and more attention to what they do. Their actions will show you the truth in the long run.
7. Relationships that lack forgiveness and the willingness to rebuild trust.
Failing to understand that broken trust CAN be repaired leads to a grim future.
When trust is broken, which happens in nearly every long-term relationship at some point, it's essential to understand that it can be repaired, provided both people are willing to do the hard work of self-growth.
8. Relationships in which passive aggression trumps communication.
Passive aggressive behavior takes many forms but can generally be described as a non-verbal aggression that manifests in negative behavior. Instead of openly expressing how they feel, someone makes subtle, annoying gestures directed at you. Instead of saying what's actually upsetting you, you find small and petty ways to take jabs at someone until they pay attention and get upset.
This is obviously a toxic relationship situation. It shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another.
9. Relationships governed by emotional blackmail.
Emotional blackmail is when someone applies an emotional penalty against you when you don't do exactly what they want. The key condition here is that you change your behavior, against your will, as a result of the emotional blackmail. In other words, absent the emotional blackmail you would do differently, but you fear the penalty so you give in. This is extremely toxic behavior.
10. Relationships that are always put on the back burner.
Failing to carve out quality time for important relationships is one of the most toxic relationship mistakes of them all, and yet it often goes unnoticed??_ at least for a while??_ until everything starts falling apart.
The truth is, relationships are like any other living entity: they require dedicated time in order to survive and thrive. It's easy to allow life to take over, especially when you have young children, work, and a body that needs nourishing food and exercise. But your relationship with someone is a body as well, and if it's not watered with quality time every week, it will start to wither. Make time every week to focus only on those you care about, and time every day to pour even just a few minutes of quality interaction into your closest relationships.
http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/07/30/10-types-of-toxic-relationships-mentally-strong-people-avoid/<BR>
Good post Lib.
******3. Relationships that rely on codependency.******
When your actions and thoughts revolve around another person to the complete disregard of your own needs, that's codependency, and it's toxic. When you set a precedent that someone else is responsible for how you feel at all times (and vice versa), then you both will develop codependent tendencies. Suddenly, neither one of you is allowed to plan something without getting approval. All activities — even the mundane things such as watching a TV program — must be negotiated and compromised. When someone begins to get upset, all personal needs go out the window because it's now your responsibility to make one another feel better.
Those are all good reasons to avoid. Not just 3 but all of them.
But what about the other co-dependency? Where both grow together and actually do not have an
issue cited in item 3?
******3. Relationships that rely on codependency.******
When your actions and thoughts revolve around another person to the complete disregard of your own needs, that's codependency, and it's toxic. When you set a precedent that someone else is responsible for how you feel at all times (and vice versa), then you both will develop codependent tendencies. Suddenly, neither one of you is allowed to plan something without getting approval. All activities — even the mundane things such as watching a TV program — must be negotiated and compromised. When someone begins to get upset, all personal needs go out the window because it's now your responsibility to make one another feel better.
Those are all good reasons to avoid. Not just 3 but all of them.
But what about the other co-dependency? Where both grow together and actually do not have an
issue cited in item 3?
Posted by MrFirebird
Those are all good reasons to avoid. Not just 3 but all of them.
But what about the other co-dependency? Where both grow together and actually do not have an
issue cited in item 3?
I would guess if there's no co-dependency at all that's a good thing!
I have a friend who insisted on marriage counseling. She tried everything to keep the marriage together. (unfortunately she did end up getting a divorce)..after their 2nd or 3rd session in marriage counseling they were both told that they BOTH were co-dependent and is one of the top worst scenario's for a marriage. Literally this guy had to retrain both of their thought processes, and it failed. They both gave up.
Anyone who has unresolved issues need to refrain from relationships. Yet..they don't. 😐
1) Relationships should be equal partners I've seen too many that are run by one person.
2) If you need somebody to complete you, your in serious trouble I work with a guy who can't be single.
3) Never depend on anybody I've always been independent.
4) Accept people's flaws I'm not perfect I don't expect anybody to be.
6) lying is a deal breaker for me I know when somebody is lying to me. Especially co-workers that won't tell me when they screwed something up and I find it makes me angry.
10) Family comes first that will always be the case for me.
2) If you need somebody to complete you, your in serious trouble I work with a guy who can't be single.
3) Never depend on anybody I've always been independent.
4) Accept people's flaws I'm not perfect I don't expect anybody to be.
6) lying is a deal breaker for me I know when somebody is lying to me. Especially co-workers that won't tell me when they screwed something up and I find it makes me angry.
10) Family comes first that will always be the case for me.
Posted by tiziani
"Remember, an honest adversary is always better than a friend or lover who lies."
Words I live by.
Cheers.
I second this.. 🙂
Posted by LetltBPosted by MrFirebird
Those are all good reasons to avoid. Not just 3 but all of them.
But what about the other co-dependency? Where both grow together and actually do not have an
issue cited in item 3?
I would guess if there's no co-dependency at all that's a good thing!
I have a friend who insisted on marriage counseling. She tried everything to keep the marriage together. (unfortunately she did end up getting a divorce)..after their 2nd or 3rd session in marriage counseling they were both told that they BOTH were co-dependent and is one of the top worst scenario's for a marriage. Literally this guy had to retrain both of their thought processes, and it failed. They both gave up.
Anyone who has unresolved issues need to refrain from relationships. Yet..they don't. 😐
click to expand
^^^^
We had a saying in the transcontinental (over-the-road aka OTR) team segment of the trucking industry.
It may still float around, but it's true. the saying went: "Team driving is like a marriage. You
either live out the golden years or it ends in divorce" - and what that was referring to was
the ability for two men (team) to get along in the cab of a truck for extended periods of time.
The old film and tv show, "The Odd Couple" is an apt portrayal of the realities of Team Driving.
You are a pair of completely different people tossed in a truck for the express purpose of delivering
that load from point A to point B, twice as fast as the solo driver. - You were forced to trust your co-driver to not get you killed.
If it gets bad enough, either of the drivers can jump the truck. Hence "the divorce".
The revolving doors on that cab open and close, don't like it, get out.
99% of the time, OTR teams just don't get along.
After orientation training, I was promoted to first chair then company driver trainer.
Made only one life-long friend out of 100 drivers. An LP 8, and Oct. 20 '58 Libra.
I am personally led to think that relationships, nowadays, should not even be considered
until after the age 35, even 45 and perhaps never. Though the desire may be there, not
everyone's meant to be in a relationship just because their hormones are raging.
Which is why exploring other things in life can make life much more interesting, come time
when a relationship becomes an option and can be met with far greater maturity, which can, in
turn, lead to mature understanding, problem solving and, if applicable, a greater chance
of maturer child-rearing.
We had a saying in the transcontinental (over-the-road aka OTR) team segment of the trucking industry.
It may still float around, but it's true. the saying went: "Team driving is like a marriage. You
either live out the golden years or it ends in divorce" - and what that was referring to was
the ability for two men (team) to get along in the cab of a truck for extended periods of time.
The old film and tv show, "The Odd Couple" is an apt portrayal of the realities of Team Driving.
You are a pair of completely different people tossed in a truck for the express purpose of delivering
that load from point A to point B, twice as fast as the solo driver. - You were forced to trust your co-driver to not get you killed.
If it gets bad enough, either of the drivers can jump the truck. Hence "the divorce".
The revolving doors on that cab open and close, don't like it, get out.
99% of the time, OTR teams just don't get along.
After orientation training, I was promoted to first chair then company driver trainer.
Made only one life-long friend out of 100 drivers. An LP 8, and Oct. 20 '58 Libra.
I am personally led to think that relationships, nowadays, should not even be considered
until after the age 35, even 45 and perhaps never. Though the desire may be there, not
everyone's meant to be in a relationship just because their hormones are raging.
Which is why exploring other things in life can make life much more interesting, come time
when a relationship becomes an option and can be met with far greater maturity, which can, in
turn, lead to mature understanding, problem solving and, if applicable, a greater chance
of maturer child-rearing.
Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person??s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. People with a predisposition to be a codependent enabler often find themselves in relationships where their primary role is that of rescuer, supporter, and confidante. These helper types are often dependent on the other person's poor functioning to satisfy their own emotional needs.[1] Codependency often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.[2] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships.[2] Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns.[1]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency<BR>
^^ That's the definition of codependency as I've understood it. - On the flip side, "Team" effort
requires mutual respect that affords Co-dependency in the positive light - I depend on you to do
your part. You depend on me to do my part. We SHARE Responsibilities, We lift each other up in
our various times of need, We Trust each other and can Count on Each Other. We ARE Best Friends
and Lovers Who MUTUALLY Respect Each Other, and can See Eye To Eye and We GROW TOGETHER INTO ONE.
This IS that part that gives ANY relationship a chance, especially romantic/marital relationship.
It's about BOTH shedding selfishness and working the commitment TOGETHER.
IF one side is troubled, the other must be strong enough to carry additional weight. If that doesn't
happen. Strands in the tie that binds, begin to snap.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency<BR>
^^ That's the definition of codependency as I've understood it. - On the flip side, "Team" effort
requires mutual respect that affords Co-dependency in the positive light - I depend on you to do
your part. You depend on me to do my part. We SHARE Responsibilities, We lift each other up in
our various times of need, We Trust each other and can Count on Each Other. We ARE Best Friends
and Lovers Who MUTUALLY Respect Each Other, and can See Eye To Eye and We GROW TOGETHER INTO ONE.
This IS that part that gives ANY relationship a chance, especially romantic/marital relationship.
It's about BOTH shedding selfishness and working the commitment TOGETHER.
IF one side is troubled, the other must be strong enough to carry additional weight. If that doesn't
happen. Strands in the tie that binds, begin to snap.
Remember the vows - For richer or poorer, sickness and in health, for better or for worse, 'til death
do we part.
Tall order and most don't really consider the gravity of it.
Anything less really is nothing more than something less.
A non-committed relationship is surely doomed to failure.
Why? There's simply no TRUE commitment. Simple as that.
One may be true, but the other doesn't take it so seriously.
And hearts get broken. And who knows what follows after that.
Old fashioned Marriage is NOT for the weak, but the Strong.
Co-habitating, FWB, seeking Hookers and Jons, etc., are practices
engaged by the WEAK.
do we part.
Tall order and most don't really consider the gravity of it.
Anything less really is nothing more than something less.
A non-committed relationship is surely doomed to failure.
Why? There's simply no TRUE commitment. Simple as that.
One may be true, but the other doesn't take it so seriously.
And hearts get broken. And who knows what follows after that.
Old fashioned Marriage is NOT for the weak, but the Strong.
Co-habitating, FWB, seeking Hookers and Jons, etc., are practices
engaged by the WEAK.
^^The "WEAK", being they who cannot control themselves.
Protip, fall in love with a thing rather than a person. I fell in love with music and it hasn't betrayed me since :3
MrFirebird... You already took the words right out of my mouth like 5 paragraphs ago. ^_^
Thank you for this post. It could not have come a better time!
BUMPED...for brokenheart 321
BUMPED for saggggggirl
This needed to be bumped for educational puposes.
Let, ease up on the girl. You're not going to get through to anyone after they already feel like youve insulted them.
Posted by DMV
Let, ease up on the girl. You're not going to get through to anyone after they already feel like youve insulted them.
When the injury falls on innocent kids, I don't give a rats ass how the wake up call is taken.
When a female is blind to believing she needs to be a bandaid to an emotionally abusive man, I don't give a rats ass how the wake up call is taken.
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A relationship is toxic when one person is running it. Period.
When you feel out of control or a little lost it can be tempting to look for someone willing to take charge of your life for you, just to alleviate the pressure. But before you do consider this: If you put a collar around your own neck and hand the leash to someone else, you??ll have no say about where they lead you in life.
2. Relationships that are supposed to —complete?? you.
Our culture, which is predicated on fantasies of romantic love, often suggests that once you meet —The One,?? you will be lifted out of your misery or boredom and elevated into a state of perpetual wholeness and bliss.
So, it's easy to believe that it's your partner??s job to make you feel joyful and whole. But the truth is, while a healthy relationship can certainly bring joy, it's not your partner??s job to fill in your empty voids. That's your job and yours alone, and until you accept full responsibility for your emptiness, pain, or boredom, problems will inevitably ensue in the relationship.
******3. Relationships that rely on codependency.******
When your actions and thoughts revolve around another person to the complete disregard of your own needs, that's codependency, and it's toxic. When you set a precedent that someone else is responsible for how you feel at all times (and vice versa), then you both will develop codependent tendencies. Suddenly, neither one of you is allowed to plan something without getting approval. All activities — even the mundane things such as watching a TV program — must be negotiated and compromised. When someone begins to get upset, all personal needs go out the window because it's now your responsibility to make one another feel better.
4. Relationships based on idealistic expectations.
You don't love and appreciate someone because they??re perfect, you love and appreciate them in spite of the fact that they are not. —Perfection?? is a deadly fantasy — something none of us will ever be. So beware of your tendency to —fix?? someone when they??re NOT broken. They are perfectly imperfect, just the way they should be.