Narcissistic Men/Women and one of the most common stories we hear about on Dxp.... Lets see if anyone puts it together, except Moonie, she already knows what I am talking about. Hehe 🙂
A puzzle...
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hehehe, I can pretend I don't know. 😉
Lol... perfect Moonie 🙂
Lol .. Gemini's. Funny Whatu. Although.... now that I consider it.... jks.
No, not sign specific but I was referring to the common denominator of too many stories on Dxp where someone was head over heels in love with the someone that's posting when all of a sudden that other someone just disappears or starts withdrawing and the poster is looking for answers. I've seen it over and over and I have lived it on more than an occasion or two and was wondering if anyone else had made that connection.
No, not sign specific but I was referring to the common denominator of too many stories on Dxp where someone was head over heels in love with the someone that's posting when all of a sudden that other someone just disappears or starts withdrawing and the poster is looking for answers. I've seen it over and over and I have lived it on more than an occasion or two and was wondering if anyone else had made that connection.
Posted by FixedWater
Narcissistic Men/Women and one of the most common stories we hear about on Dxp.... Lets see if anyone puts it together, except Moonie, she already knows what I am talking about. Hehe 🙂
They put the funk in sexual dysfunkshion?
That is a really important point Star, not being able to empathize.
Lol @ trying to get the carrot Mont... and so true in many cases.
I am working on something here, and I don't know what it is I am trying to accomplish. Like if I just scratched the surface in the exact right spot I would have my answer.
How many of those stories do you fellow Dxper's think are the workings of a Narcissistic personality? When you hear they pulled away in that "typical" fashion do think 'Narc Behaviour?'
Lol @ trying to get the carrot Mont... and so true in many cases.
I am working on something here, and I don't know what it is I am trying to accomplish. Like if I just scratched the surface in the exact right spot I would have my answer.
How many of those stories do you fellow Dxper's think are the workings of a Narcissistic personality? When you hear they pulled away in that "typical" fashion do think 'Narc Behaviour?'
Scorp's are awesome once you get past all the bullshit.
I think we all (not just Scorp's) can be a weeeeee bit narcissistic by nature.
I am going to shelve this topic since I cant seem to put into words what I need/want/looking for. When I do figure it out, I will be back.
😄
I think a glass of Moscato will help... Lol
I think we all (not just Scorp's) can be a weeeeee bit narcissistic by nature.
I am going to shelve this topic since I cant seem to put into words what I need/want/looking for. When I do figure it out, I will be back.
😄
I think a glass of Moscato will help... Lol
Posted by FixedWater
That is a really important point Star, not being able to empathize.
Lol @ trying to get the carrot Mont... and so true in many cases.
I am working on something here, and I don't know what it is I am trying to accomplish. Like if I just scratched the surface in the exact right spot I would have my answer.
How many of those stories do you fellow Dxper's think are the workings of a Narcissistic personality? When you hear they pulled away in that "typical" fashion do think 'Narc Behaviour?'
There's one story on dxp here on the scorp board and another board: scorpio who married a long distance aqua guy. Everything about how he's treating her screams narc.
Then there's my ex. He's definitely narcissistic.
That does scream Narc, and hopefully she makes the choice to leave. Leaving is hard though and especially when the other has withheld all the normal niceties but pulls them out in that situation just to keep someone hanging on. Is it not this kind of behaviour that is confusing and leaves scars.
Your ex is definitely Narcissistic... and he continues to try to control and manipulate you. Unfortunately, for him, its not working very good! You have become wise to his antics Moonie. 🙂
Your ex is definitely Narcissistic... and he continues to try to control and manipulate you. Unfortunately, for him, its not working very good! You have become wise to his antics Moonie. 🙂
Hmmmm.... My thoughts come from the observation of a common theme that gets presented here over and over again. A pattern that I see and wonder if one relates to the other.
I have never followed anyone else's line of thinking unless I agree with their line of thinking. Is that even possible? Does that mean I will start thinking like DJ? Omg! Hehe, sorry DJ. 😏
If I implied that one was entirely innocent over the other then I would take a moment to clarify that was not my intent. We all have choices, and if a situation needs changing we are solely responsible for our own lives and those choices we make to improve upon something that isn't working.
I was unable to really put into words what it was I wanted to discuss. Its just one of those things I am trying to work through, is all. My apologies for any confusion sister CM. 🙂
I have never followed anyone else's line of thinking unless I agree with their line of thinking. Is that even possible? Does that mean I will start thinking like DJ? Omg! Hehe, sorry DJ. 😏
If I implied that one was entirely innocent over the other then I would take a moment to clarify that was not my intent. We all have choices, and if a situation needs changing we are solely responsible for our own lives and those choices we make to improve upon something that isn't working.
I was unable to really put into words what it was I wanted to discuss. Its just one of those things I am trying to work through, is all. My apologies for any confusion sister CM. 🙂
Posted by FixedWater
That does scream Narc, and hopefully she makes the choice to leave. Leaving is hard though and especially when the other has withheld all the normal niceties but pulls them out in that situation just to keep someone hanging on. Is it not this kind of behaviour that is confusing and leaves scars.
Your ex is definitely Narcissistic... and he continues to try to control and manipulate you. Unfortunately, for him, its not working very good! You have become wise to his antics Moonie. 🙂
I've been wise to his antics for a long time, but when you're living under the same roof and you know what will trigger extra bouts of abusive behavior, it becomes a matter of survival, to try not to set him off, to go with the flow. Living away from him has been wonderful! He has zero control and none of his tantrums, abuse or manipulations work, because I completely avoid and ignore him, hang up the phone, etc. The only times he has a chance to have a go at me is when we exchange the kids or when we call to talk to them. I'm loving not being near him.
Posted by Whatu
To be honest I just read a Wikipedia article and I am probably a Narcissist.
You can't be empathetic and a narcissist.
http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-the-effect-of-narcissism-on-marriage.htm<BR>
http://www.wisegeekhealth.com/what-is-the-effect-of-narcissism-on-relationships.htm
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/howto.html<BR>
Whatu, just the fact that you are questioning if you are, or are not, a Narc is enough to say that you aren't. Narc's feel superior to all others and are without morals. They understand from observation how they are supposed to think/feel/act and will emulate that but they do not learn from their mistakes in an effort to become a better person. They do not question their flaws, they feel they have none.
What I have noticed is this:
That instant and powerful connection
That the other is everything a person has been looking for, perfect in every way
That feeling of finding the proverbial 'Prince Charming'
That there are so many things you have in common
That communication in the beginning that is so fulfilling
That the other is a Soul Mate
Then...
The connection feels different (subtle but definitely 'feels different')
The communication starts to fluctuate
The heat or intensity becomes less
The other withholds affection in small ways for instance where you would normally receive a Good Morning text at 9am it now doesn't come until 11am (at this point I would say anyone would have enough to end the relationship, and should. It is the beginning of the long and painful road to the end)
The other becomes 'busy dealing with family issues' or some other major life crisis. When that is over another will take it's place. (I believe this is when the other is grooming someone else)
The things that you Loved about this other are 'reduced'. For instance you might Love the fact that the other person refers to you with a pet name. The other will stop using the pet name.
Then...
Once you realize that things have changed in a matter of days/weeks you start to question why and too many will take the blame onto themselves. Enter the Game Playing Phase...
If you confront the other, the other will turn it around or negate your concerns by making light of them or lay the blame directly on you.
If you try to leave the relationship those things that the other has reduced will make an appearance again, which will likely keep you in the relationship. It is viewed as "he/she saw what he/she was doing that hurt me and corrected their behavior" for instance. It lasts very briefly... then goes back to the way that it was, but never back to the way it Was in the Beginning.
I do believe that if not a Narc, this is definitely a person with some kind of mental disorder.
For one, how can anyone change so dramatically, is that normal? Do you?
For two, there is a great deal of discrepancy between the things that person says and how they act once past the grooming stage. This would be why it is so important to date long enough to see if there is CONSISTENCY in the words that person says and their actions.
For three, no sex until at least 3 months has passed? 3 Months sounds like a really long time but it's been my experience that a fa?ade can only be maintained for s
That instant and powerful connection
That the other is everything a person has been looking for, perfect in every way
That feeling of finding the proverbial 'Prince Charming'
That there are so many things you have in common
That communication in the beginning that is so fulfilling
That the other is a Soul Mate
Then...
The connection feels different (subtle but definitely 'feels different')
The communication starts to fluctuate
The heat or intensity becomes less
The other withholds affection in small ways for instance where you would normally receive a Good Morning text at 9am it now doesn't come until 11am (at this point I would say anyone would have enough to end the relationship, and should. It is the beginning of the long and painful road to the end)
The other becomes 'busy dealing with family issues' or some other major life crisis. When that is over another will take it's place. (I believe this is when the other is grooming someone else)
The things that you Loved about this other are 'reduced'. For instance you might Love the fact that the other person refers to you with a pet name. The other will stop using the pet name.
Then...
Once you realize that things have changed in a matter of days/weeks you start to question why and too many will take the blame onto themselves. Enter the Game Playing Phase...
If you confront the other, the other will turn it around or negate your concerns by making light of them or lay the blame directly on you.
If you try to leave the relationship those things that the other has reduced will make an appearance again, which will likely keep you in the relationship. It is viewed as "he/she saw what he/she was doing that hurt me and corrected their behavior" for instance. It lasts very briefly... then goes back to the way that it was, but never back to the way it Was in the Beginning.
I do believe that if not a Narc, this is definitely a person with some kind of mental disorder.
For one, how can anyone change so dramatically, is that normal? Do you?
For two, there is a great deal of discrepancy between the things that person says and how they act once past the grooming stage. This would be why it is so important to date long enough to see if there is CONSISTENCY in the words that person says and their actions.
For three, no sex until at least 3 months has passed? 3 Months sounds like a really long time but it's been my experience that a fa?ade can only be maintained for s
..... For three, no sex until at least 3 months has passed? 3 Months sounds like a really long time but it's been my experience that a fa?ade can only be maintained for so long. A Narc/Sociopath will want and encourage that sexual connection to secure the hook.
Being Thankful for the little things... another good example. Those I have had experience with never seemed to be genuinely thankful. Maybe that first few months they may mirror you and say they are but if you listen really close you will hear the lack of thankfulness they have for anything else in their lives. This isn't consistency, and shows the red flag in what they are 'not saying'.
It is general custom for a Man to make the moves and guide the relationship in the beginning stages. In other words he does have a fundamental control in whether or not there is a first, second, third date etc. It would be difficult for a Woman to have the kind of control in those first few months to enable her to lay the groundwork necessary ...
Maybe the Women who are Narcissistic save it for after there is a commitment? Once she has the poor guy hooked?
Going on memory (and we all know how 'good' mine is) I believe the stats indicated there were substantially more men who were narcissistic than women, but don't quote me Star Lol
Maybe the Women who are Narcissistic save it for after there is a commitment? Once she has the poor guy hooked?
Going on memory (and we all know how 'good' mine is) I believe the stats indicated there were substantially more men who were narcissistic than women, but don't quote me Star Lol
The world would implode if Women had the same tendencies towards Narcissism as Men do. We are taught how to "Take Care" as youngsters. They are taught how "Not To Cry". It all begins at birth and those that are raised in awareness of others would have a much healthier start on relating.
As parents we have to learn to teach our Boys that it's OK to FEEL Emotion. It is OK to have the same basic feelings that any of the girls are allowed and teach them how to work through those emotions. It is an outdated belief that 'little boys shouldn't cry'... Why shouldn't they be allowed to process when they feel hurt?
On that same token, we also need to teach our Daughters that there isn't a Prince Charming. That real life Love isn't about a fairytale relationship where a Man carries her off into the sunset. We need to teach our Daughters about boundaries and about the instinctual need to caretake and how that can be applied in a healthy way.
If the parents applied balance in their teachings to their children maybe this crazy way we have in my generation and the younger generations would eventually find peace. The need for Power and The War of the sexes would become non-existent...
and I laugh... Lol
As parents we have to learn to teach our Boys that it's OK to FEEL Emotion. It is OK to have the same basic feelings that any of the girls are allowed and teach them how to work through those emotions. It is an outdated belief that 'little boys shouldn't cry'... Why shouldn't they be allowed to process when they feel hurt?
On that same token, we also need to teach our Daughters that there isn't a Prince Charming. That real life Love isn't about a fairytale relationship where a Man carries her off into the sunset. We need to teach our Daughters about boundaries and about the instinctual need to caretake and how that can be applied in a healthy way.
If the parents applied balance in their teachings to their children maybe this crazy way we have in my generation and the younger generations would eventually find peace. The need for Power and The War of the sexes would become non-existent...
and I laugh... Lol
Posted by Whatu
Forgive me for asking if its to much but what kind of things would he say and do? Did he have a charming tone of voice that could only be described as snake like. By that I mean hideously over controlled and smooth and kind of detached sounding. To the point where it sends shivers down your spine because its just gross sounding. I tend to listen to the tone of peoples voices more than the content of what they are saying so I pick up on icky people through the tone of their voice first. I was wondering if you had noticed this.
Its like they are contorting there voice to make it sound appealing or what they perceive as appealing and ideal to other people. rather than speaking from the heart which creates a rich organic sound it sounds like plastic kinda. I notice that it gets less aware people to listen to them god knows why it sounds horrible.
In a way, yes, but he does it on a level that isn't over the top or super noticeable. He also does it MORE when he's in his fake caring mode. When he's raging and throwing a tantrum he's a different person, but he gets the most demonic, gleeful, malicious look on his face when he gets a reaction from me. Skin crawl? Definitely, especially when he has "THE LOOK" on his face, the demonic gleeful malicious one. Not many have seen it, he hides it well. The day after I left him he turned that look onto my best friend. It terrified her, and she's one who normally doesn't barely blink when she's had guns pulled on her (she works in criminal defense, has worked with people accused of murder, rape, etc).
man it's even more complicated than spotting a douchebag !!
but how could anyone put up with such a dick even if he was brad pitt in his younger years 😛 or had the voice of the devil..
I dunno, once I notice flaws in someone's character, their physical charm slowly fades away in my eyes, or sometimes in just one moment.
but how could anyone put up with such a dick even if he was brad pitt in his younger years 😛 or had the voice of the devil..
I dunno, once I notice flaws in someone's character, their physical charm slowly fades away in my eyes, or sometimes in just one moment.
I still have flashbacks to the worst of it and that ended in the 90's. My psychologist diagnosed me with post traumatic stress syndrome but said that I had learned to deal with it, on my own, fairly well. Now, as in very recently? If I feel stress I check out... I actually think I cannot cope with it anymore.
Thanks for the input Nemesis, I will watch those video's.
Impulsv, I am so sorry you had to go through that and then deal with him and his selfishness as well.
Narc or Leo? I don't understand... lol
Impulsv, I am so sorry you had to go through that and then deal with him and his selfishness as well.
Narc or Leo? I don't understand... lol
Oh, Gotcha, I don't think I knew he was a Leo but should have been able to put it together. Must have been having a moment... lol
I would go with the counsellor's opinion. I get how the comment relates directly to his Leo traits but seriously, I can't imagine even the Leo traits taking things that far.
I would go with the counsellor's opinion. I get how the comment relates directly to his Leo traits but seriously, I can't imagine even the Leo traits taking things that far.
Posted by FixedWater
What I have noticed is this:
That instant and powerful connection
That the other is everything a person has been looking for, perfect in every way
That feeling of finding the proverbial 'Prince Charming'
That there are so many things you have in common
That communication in the beginning that is so fulfilling
That the other is a Soul Mate
Then...
The connection feels different (subtle but definitely 'feels different')
The communication starts to fluctuate
The heat or intensity becomes less
The other withholds affection in small ways for instance where you would normally receive a Good Morning text at 9am it now doesn't come until 11am (at this point I would say anyone would have enough to end the relationship, and should. It is the beginning of the long and painful road to the end)
The other becomes 'busy dealing with family issues' or some other major life crisis. When that is over another will take it's place. (I believe this is when the other is grooming someone else)
The things that you Loved about this other are 'reduced'. For instance you might Love the fact that the other person refers to you with a pet name. The other will stop using the pet name.
Then...
Once you realize that things have changed in a matter of days/weeks you start to question why and too many will take the blame onto themselves. Enter the Game Playing Phase...
If you confront the other, the other will turn it around or negate your concerns by making light of them or lay the blame directly on you.
THIS IS PRECISELY WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN ME AND MY PISCES EX. But with what i emphasized there, not receiving the love you felt from the very beginning, is it enough to end the relationship right away?
@Osiris, If "not receiving the love you felt in the beginning" encompasses all of the different points I have made above, then yes, I think it is enough to end the relationship.
@Whatu, there are Narcissistic Women. They are Self-Centered, Attention-seeking Women who are quick to Criticize and lack Empathy. This Woman will focus on her self above all others in the relationship/family. This type of behavior is emotionally draining in and of itself, to a normal thinking/feeling person be it Man or Woman.
I wish you had not said that a Woman will wind a Man up to the point a Man will beat her. That comment is offensive to the experiences I, and others here, have lived through. I feel an apology is in order here Whatu.
Women are Evil.... Hmmmmm, well I will remember that the next time I wish to make some fresh bread for that Honey of mine. 🙂
@Whatu, there are Narcissistic Women. They are Self-Centered, Attention-seeking Women who are quick to Criticize and lack Empathy. This Woman will focus on her self above all others in the relationship/family. This type of behavior is emotionally draining in and of itself, to a normal thinking/feeling person be it Man or Woman.
I wish you had not said that a Woman will wind a Man up to the point a Man will beat her. That comment is offensive to the experiences I, and others here, have lived through. I feel an apology is in order here Whatu.
Women are Evil.... Hmmmmm, well I will remember that the next time I wish to make some fresh bread for that Honey of mine. 🙂
I agree with you Star, its unfortunate if Whatu has had that kind of experience. I still don't advocate abuse for any reason though.
I am trying to think of one Woman that is like this. Then I would have a basis for example.
I am trying to think of one Woman that is like this. Then I would have a basis for example.
^ I don't know man, but I don't feel you're right. I mean, violence is never the answer. For those narcissistic evil women existing, still, a man is a man. I am not saying a man is superior than a woman, but hitting a woman is like being low of oneself. For me, they are delicate beings, though some of them are crazy as fvck.
Think of this in another perspective. Would you like to see your mother beaten by your dad? Or know that you daughter has been beaten by her husband? No matter how bitchy they can be, they are women. And a man is a man. It's just not right.
Think of this in another perspective. Would you like to see your mother beaten by your dad? Or know that you daughter has been beaten by her husband? No matter how bitchy they can be, they are women. And a man is a man. It's just not right.
Posted by Whatu
I am sorry that I have offended you but I stand by my post, If you are going to get involved in a heavy topic like narcissism then expect to be offended by some comments. Otherwise go talk to Geminis about why the Scorp man has been gone for 3 years. And don't bring gender into the equation if you cant take the other side of the story.
Ive never and would never hit a woman I can't make that clear enough, I also do not condone it whats so ever. But I have been wound up and I know that they do it on purpose. They like that they can make a man loose his cool around them, Most guys I know have delt with this kind of shit and most of them (I hope) Have never reacted to it.
the kind of men who beat are the kind of men who are stupid enough to stick around long enough for this to happen, They both engage in a power strugle. Its not alway's as straight forward as you suspect and I will not apologize for what I have said.
The woman will test a mans boundarys and treat him with absolutely no respect at all. to the point where he justify hitting her because that is the level he feels like she treats him on.
For example, A man will be stressed out from allot of hard work, money situations or what ever that is making his life crap. Instead of being supportive and understanding as a mature person would be his partner will resent him for this. She will say things that wind him up rather than relax him, she will slowly begin to see him as less a man than the one she met and continue to abuse and batter him down. You would be amazed at what a few nasty words from the one woman he should be able to trust can do to a man, just like if on the other hand she said supportive things he would be uplifted. eventual the man snaps at something she says and he hits her to shut her up.
He then learns that this is the only way that he can have any kind of control or get any kind of respect from her. He ends up feeling trapped in the relationship much like the woman victims of narcissism.
I am in not way supporting domestic violence but I am saying there are two sides to the story.
and I in no way feel that this is the only reason this happens, Its just a scenario that plays out among the 100's that eventually lead to woman and children being beaten
+100
infact the entire post is point on!!
There are men who have violent, abusive
--streaks in them. They show an outer appearance of being the great guy outside to people, but in the home where it's private they are violent and abusive. I remember reading some astrolger mentioning that the abusive streaks are shown in a man's chart (not the end all of course, as there are rare cases and depending on upbringing ect) but it's consistent for the most part.
but there are also women like you mentioned on your post that nag and harass men, and don't make their life easy. Some Men will snap!! but usually those violent men don't seek out those types, and there are men who are abused all the time by their women. It goes both ways.
but there are also women like you mentioned on your post that nag and harass men, and don't make their life easy. Some Men will snap!! but usually those violent men don't seek out those types, and there are men who are abused all the time by their women. It goes both ways.
@whatu man, i think i somehow understand what you mean, that men should be open to the possibility that violence can happen. yes, it can happen. that is, if a man has lost his control. dude, it's not cool to lose control.
and for me, and this is for me alone, if you think of those situations which may lead you to lose control, say for example, you'd think 'if this woman does this, i will lose control', a man is conditioning himself that he is capable of losing control. whereas, if a man should think, i will not lose control no matter what, he is geared towards that, no matter what the woman does.
Conditioning comes in. If a man is overtaken by his emotions in a bad way, then I consider him LOST in the game already. Once he starts to give in that primal instinct, he's done for. Because nothing, i mean nothing, can justify hurting a woman.
and for me, and this is for me alone, if you think of those situations which may lead you to lose control, say for example, you'd think 'if this woman does this, i will lose control', a man is conditioning himself that he is capable of losing control. whereas, if a man should think, i will not lose control no matter what, he is geared towards that, no matter what the woman does.
Conditioning comes in. If a man is overtaken by his emotions in a bad way, then I consider him LOST in the game already. Once he starts to give in that primal instinct, he's done for. Because nothing, i mean nothing, can justify hurting a woman.
@starlover, pretty much just divert the attention somewhere else. punch a wall instead. go out with friends. play whack-a-mole until you run out of coins. just not hurt that woman. do it once and it's over.
it's not brain and intelligence for me. some men are smarter and they fall for that. upbringing, i may say, and plain respect.
yes. it is over once a man hits a woman. he technically is defeated.
yes. it is over once a man hits a woman. he technically is defeated.
Whatu, I took offence to the physical abuse part of your comment. Hitting is never OK and at no time will you ever see me agree that there is a valid reason for it whether it be a Man beating a Woman or a Woman beating a Man. It is not OK and Never the answer, period.
Absolutely everyone has a light and dark side to their souls. That the thought registers that you could end the situation/fix/shut her/him up/control her/him with force is just a thought. As a grown Man/Woman it is your Choice to act or not act out that thought, not the Victim's choice. When you get mad at your ridiculously inept idiotic boss at work, do you hit him/her? No. Why? because he/she holds the power. If a person goes around hitting everyone who confronts or causes conflict in an effort to maintain power and control we would think him/her a violent criminal. That person would eventually land up in jail or better yet, the hospital or a coffin instead. That someone will act on these thoughts within the home alone, behind closed doors makes it that much more vile.
To use your example of what a few nasty words from a Woman a Man 'Trusts' can do to a Man, just imagine what being beaten by the Man the Woman 'Trusts' can do to that Woman.
I have not even begun to get into my experiences in any sort of detail but you can be rest assured that being beaten is something anyone who has experienced it, will want to avoid. I could not understand the type of person that would intentionally wind someone up knowing that was what was in store as the result. Most would try to avoid this at all costs which is what the term "Walking on Eggshells" depicts.
Don't get me started on Physical Abuse.
As with most potential human flaws narcissism can and does go both ways which is why I was sure to include both genders in my original post. I did not research the numbers prior to writing this thread but I have in the past and narcissism was then higher in Men than Woman. How many Men do you know actually go to a therapist/counsellor/psychologist to figure out their personal demons in the first place? That would be a good question.
Flawed we are, and unfortunately some are less inclined to face the demons within to gain necessary insight which would eventually lead to enlightenment, self love, and forgiveness. The solution is within us ... whether you are a Man or Woman.
Absolutely everyone has a light and dark side to their souls. That the thought registers that you could end the situation/fix/shut her/him up/control her/him with force is just a thought. As a grown Man/Woman it is your Choice to act or not act out that thought, not the Victim's choice. When you get mad at your ridiculously inept idiotic boss at work, do you hit him/her? No. Why? because he/she holds the power. If a person goes around hitting everyone who confronts or causes conflict in an effort to maintain power and control we would think him/her a violent criminal. That person would eventually land up in jail or better yet, the hospital or a coffin instead. That someone will act on these thoughts within the home alone, behind closed doors makes it that much more vile.
To use your example of what a few nasty words from a Woman a Man 'Trusts' can do to a Man, just imagine what being beaten by the Man the Woman 'Trusts' can do to that Woman.
I have not even begun to get into my experiences in any sort of detail but you can be rest assured that being beaten is something anyone who has experienced it, will want to avoid. I could not understand the type of person that would intentionally wind someone up knowing that was what was in store as the result. Most would try to avoid this at all costs which is what the term "Walking on Eggshells" depicts.
Don't get me started on Physical Abuse.
As with most potential human flaws narcissism can and does go both ways which is why I was sure to include both genders in my original post. I did not research the numbers prior to writing this thread but I have in the past and narcissism was then higher in Men than Woman. How many Men do you know actually go to a therapist/counsellor/psychologist to figure out their personal demons in the first place? That would be a good question.
Flawed we are, and unfortunately some are less inclined to face the demons within to gain necessary insight which would eventually lead to enlightenment, self love, and forgiveness. The solution is within us ... whether you are a Man or Woman.
Posted by osiris626
it's not brain and intelligence for me. some men are smarter and they fall for that. upbringing, i may say, and plain respect.
yes. it is over once a man hits a woman. he technically is defeated.
+100
yep. they could be a GENIUS and there are men out there that LOSE CONTROL. *smh*
honestly, sometimes, it's not if the woman is nitpicking and nagging, pushing buttons....sometimes, a woman will just do something he didnt like, like touch any of his personal stuff or break a vase, or something stupid that was an accident and these types will backhand you and punch you and kick you and then proceed to beat the shit out of you because you touched their stuff. It's like some kind of raging monster comes out. Then whhat the hell?? why did you marry or be in a relationship with someone who is HUMAN in the first place if you expect perfection?? someone who won't break or do things that will aggravate you?
it all depends. It's just disgusting the lack of patience some of these men have. It has to be a mother issue perhaps. They are not kind deep down, and have trigger happy psycho going on in them. it has to be mental.
*and if they do this to their women secretly and in private, they will do it to their children or any future children they have. They do NOT change.
Posted by Gobshite
Here's a true story...
During one morning rush hour, while making my way to work, I got off a train and started walking along the platform. Suddenly, I felt one of my shoes slip off. Someone accidentally clipped my heel.
I turned around to see who it was, as my shoes don't slip off that easily, and saw a young woman with guilt on her face. Naturally, I was expecting some form of an apology (no matter how insincere) but, instead, was met with her muttering something along the lines of, "Well, if you were walking faster, that wouldn't have happened." I was furious! I then turned to her and said that all she had to do was apologise, called her a 'rude bitch' and walked off.
The next thing I knew, she started shouting abusive comments at me. I had already created a few metres of distance between us, but she decided to close that distance and pursue me, still verbally abusing me among the crowd of commuters. By the time we reached the flight of stairs, she was literally behind me still shooting off personal insults. I turned around, gently palmed her away from me, gave her a 'that's enough' glare and walked away.
But did she stop? Oh no! Now, her shouting got louder, with accusations that I beat women because I hit her! WTF?! I turned around and sarcastically wished her a good day, before walking off. As I continued walking away, I kept on hearing her screaming, "Go on! Hit me!" Luckily, I managed to lose her but, if she continued, I would've approached a staff member for urgent assistance.
She was really off her rocker. Was her atrocious behaviour excusable because she's a woman? Most definitely not.
omg. the automatic response would be "i'm sorry" if you accidently stepped on someone's shoes, or bumped them against someone else, ect.
she sounded like she has an inner anger/super anger issues inside. absolutely mental.
That's horrible that happened to you. O_O
Gobshite, I have some comments to make to some of your responses but I am taking my aged butt 😄 off to my first day of school this morning and wont be able to continue this conversation until later.
Have a great Tuesday everyone!
Have a great Tuesday everyone!
Posted by Gobshite
Well said.
Some of you are still in denial about some of the psychological/emotional shit women are capable of inflicting on men.click to expand
Not being argumentative here sir, but I think we are aware that some women do some real sht out there. That some women are just 'pushing it'. That is why I am saying it is a man's responsibility, not hers. A man should ALWAYS keep his cool, for a woman that is.
Posted by Gobshite
Here's a true story...
During one morning rush hour, while making my way to work, I got off a train and started walking along the platform. Suddenly, I felt one of my shoes slip off. Someone accidentally clipped my heel.
I turned around to see who it was, as my shoes don't slip off that easily, and saw a young woman with guilt on her face. Naturally, I was expecting some form of an apology (no matter how insincere) but, instead, was met with her muttering something along the lines of, "Well, if you were walking faster, that wouldn't have happened." I was furious! I then turned to her and said that all she had to do was apologise, called her a 'rude bitch' and walked off.
The next thing I knew, she started shouting abusive comments at me. I had already created a few metres of distance between us, but she decided to close that distance and pursue me, still verbally abusing me among the crowd of commuters. By the time we reached the flight of stairs, she was literally behind me still shooting off personal insults. I turned around, gently palmed her away from me, gave her a 'that's enough' glare and walked away.
But did she stop? Oh no! Now, her shouting got louder, with accusations that I beat women because I hit her! WTF?! I turned around and sarcastically wished her a good day, before walking off. As I continued walking away, I kept on hearing her screaming, "Go on! Hit me!" Luckily, I managed to lose her but, if she continued, I would've approached a staff member for urgent assistance.
She was really off her rocker. Was her atrocious behaviour excusable because she's a woman? Most definitely not.
I don't know about you sir, but with incidents like this, I tend to just ignore. Not saying what you did was wrong, but if it were me, I would have just let it go and did not confront her for not saying sorry. Her loss anyway.
She became nasty, I know. Damn woman who just won't shut up. There was no excuse for her behavior. But did you go down to her level? Most definitely not as well. 🙂
Sir, I live in the Philippines. I think I have had my fair share of those rude people you speak of. I am not condoning their rude behavior by being silent. If she did that to me again, I would have spoken up. I mean, once shame on you. twice, shame on me. Just that simple.
And if that was a man, and he behaved like that, I'd beat the shit out of him. Because we're just the same. But no, not women. They are different.
Posted by Gobshite
Personally, I wouldn't opt for violence unless it was in self-defence.
With all that, "c'mon hit me" thing? i don't know, i think i'd really hit him. lol sorry.
I love my mom so much. 🙂
Posted by GobshitePosted by osiris626Posted by Gobshite
Personally, I wouldn't opt for violence unless it was in self-defence.
With all that, "c'mon hit me" thing? i don't know, i think i'd really hit him. lol sorry.
LOL! It was actually a 'her'...click to expand
I know it was a 'her'. So I said, I'd hit 'him' if he was a 'he' if he displayed all that "c'mon hit me" attitude to me.
Posted by Whatu
I get you, there is no way I would do it in my right mind. But I am still aware that It can happen to any man and I know that I am capable of losing control and so are you. Every man is capable of losing control. I think its arrogant and ignorant to just say "no I will not loose control no matter what" As opposed to what I am suggesting By thinking, Okay I am an animal at heart so I have to put boundary in place and take responsibility for myself long before it escalates to that, Because things escalate slowly and you slowly loose yourself respect.
6 + 3 = 9, and so does 5 + 4. If that is how you think man, I won't hold it against you. That is why I said, that it is just for me ALONE. That's how I maintain my cool, by thinking I won't lose it. I just don't see how that is being arrogant and ignorant. Because for me, if you keep entertaining the thought that you will lose it, you most definitely will.
It's like a recovering drug addict cant just decide to stop and then stop they have to put systems in place and adhere to them so it does not happen. There is absolutely no justification for hurting woman so why not take the possibility that It could happen seriously rather than just saying oh I wont do that, the truth is that allot of men do it and there is no real advice for them on how to avoid it happening early on. Just the usual masculine bullshit of just man up and don't do it. When it isn't that simple.click to expand
As I have said, I know this is happening. And really, it is EASY to hit a woman. It really is. It takes courage and self control not to.
Posted by Whatu
Also you mentioned 'upbringing' well allot of men weren't bought up by amazing mothers like me and you and the most of them with even less morals. so putting It down to upbringing is basically saying you don't give a shit and nothing can be done. Instead why not think about what could be done as I am pointing out. Like maybe you have a sister and she dates a man with a shitty background well are you going to wait for her to get hit or are you going to be supportive of them cultivating something healthy, Don't you want a a community that has healthy forms of education for men to learn how to deal with shit? People take domestic violence far to lightly.
@whatu, man I just mentioned how it is not right to hit a woman. In other places where women have been 'emancipated', I actually am jealous. Because in our place, women who speak for themselves are frowned upon. And thus, if there is domestic violence, it's not even considered one.
you say once you hit a woman its over, what if she is the mother of your 3 kids and she can not support them without you?click to expand
man, when I said this, what I meant was 'the man is over'. He is defeated. Not saying it in a sense that a man should leave his children.
I can tell you must have had a bad experience, based on what you write here. Maybe it's just I was brought up differently that's why we differ in thoughts. But I know dude you wouldn't hurt a woman. I know that.
@starlover, yes. mothers do play a big role. but my thinking is mostly influenced by my father. Me and my siblings see how he treats our mother, everyday. And because he is a loving husband and a good father, my mother has always been a great wife. It is a man's responsibility to provide, not just material things, but more importantly, love and care for his wife and children.
My father is Sag, my mother is a Cancer.
Nah. Just against violence, with women in particular. I prefer love. 😉
Nah. Just against violence, with women in particular. I prefer love. 😉
Posted by GobshitePosted by FixedWater
What I have noticed is this:
That instant and powerful connection
That the other is everything a person has been looking for, perfect in every way
That feeling of finding the proverbial 'Prince Charming'
That there are so many things you have in common
That communication in the beginning that is so fulfilling
That the other is a Soul Mate
Then...
The connection feels different (subtle but definitely 'feels different')
The communication starts to fluctuate
The heat or intensity becomes less
The other withholds affection in small ways for instance where you would normally receive a Good Morning text at 9am it now doesn't come until 11am (at this point I would say anyone would have enough to end the relationship, and should. It is the beginning of the long and painful road to the end)
The other becomes 'busy dealing with family issues' or some other major life crisis. When that is over another will take it's place. (I believe this is when the other is grooming someone else)
The things that you Loved about this other are 'reduced'. For instance you might Love the fact that the other person refers to you with a pet name. The other will stop using the pet name.
Then...
Once you realize that things have changed in a matter of days/weeks you start to question why and too many will take the blame onto themselves. Enter the Game Playing Phase...
If you confront the other, the other will turn it around or negate your concerns by making light of them or lay the blame directly on you.
If you try to leave the relationship those things that the other has reduced will make an appearance again, which will likely keep you in the relationship. It is viewed as "he/she saw what he/she was doing that hurt me and corrected their behavior" for instance. It lasts very briefly... then goes back to the way that it was, but never back to the way it Was in the Beginning.
I do believe that if not a Narc, this is definitely a person with some kind of mental disorder.
For one, how can anyone change so dramatically, is that normal? Do you?
Most situations could also be seen as idealisation.
Naturally, when such perceptions fade, the cracks (that were already there) are highlighted even more.click to expand
There is idealisation, as suggested by the "Oh
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