Break time...

my scorp bf, now ex?, and I are "taking a break" because "we are having difficulties"

I'm quoting him.

The words are vulgar to me, and I can't stand the situation, BUT *sigh* ... I have to admit... it's probably for the best. Even with the slight possibility that we dont even get back together.

We still love each other to bits and go out on dates like we've just met. haha! In fact, yesterday and today we celebrate the anniversary of the night/morning that we met. Pretty disgusting, I know.

But I dunno... I'm so capricorn, it's not even funny. This gray status is repulsive to me. I was even pushing for cutting things off cold turkey. ...For a short while at least. I think I'm just not used to giving up when there's something/someone that I want. My cap/sag cusp is really showing its hell bent face right now. This is a weird mix of giving up in order to keep trying.

We both accept fault. I'm sorry, I wont go into detail. We both accept that our best efforts werent good enough. If any of you have ever read that capricorn and scorp have power struggles... gawd is that ever the truth. I think we both individually tried every angle possible to gain the upper hand. Our frustrations were starting to come out in ways that were ugly. And I always thought I was being the more submissive one. This scorp wants full domination!!!! Sooo... this break is the solution. Its sort of like we're punishing ourselves in hopes that we realize what we were about to screw up beyond all repair. It may work, we both hope, and it may not. We'll see 🙂

I just wanted to share because I was frequenting the scorp forum sharing my scorp knowledge. Now, I've kinda shut everything out and locked myself up over on the cap board... hrmph... with my cap peeps.

I'm bitter and being dramatic. I can't help it. Hard times in relationships SUCK!

Sad to hear CP, hope it works out for the better.

Knowing him though, what do you believe he's thinking right now?

Dazed... I've already recognized that it could mean that in my situation. I'm certainly not clinging to hope like a lunatic, but we're both keeping hope.

I'm not going to be a jackass by brushing off what we still have going for us. Maybe we dont end up together, but we still love each other. I wont sit around, question and psycho-analyze the situation either. I have no need to. I know what's going on. Believe it or not... He's a scorp that will straight up tell me what's going on in his mind and what he's after. Rare, I know. But it's smart when you're involved with someone you care about. He's hoping we both realize a thing or two. I'd brought up the idea a while ago. He's the one who had the strength to push for it. I'm just gonna go with the flow... Even if the flow separates in two different directions. I may be fixed on making it work, but more than that... I dont want to force something that isnt going to happen naturally out of love and all the good things a relationship should be. Just because I'm sad by the situation and in love doesnt mean I'm selfish or I've lost my senses. I want him to be happy as much as he wants me to be.

Last week was a rough week for me, but this week... both he and I have our heads in better places.

Chance... it's a trip isnt it. Cap and Scorp are two perceptive and intuitive signs that know exactly which buttons to push for any and all reactions. When put together, it can be war if you let it. This is that hump. We'll see if we get over it. I think we're smart and sensible enough to understand. Imo, the biggest things in question with whether we work out is patience and conviction. Everything else is there for the taking.

Ray... great question...

there's little he leaves to question... he's pretty open with me. he loves me and hopes we both realize the patience and self control we need to make it work. he feels we've tried everything and that this time apart is the only thing we havent tried. so here we are.

as far as what i think he's thinking... it has been a struggle the past few weeks. so i think he probably feel this is a nice breather. i feel the same. the time away is making him realize and remember the reasons why we got together in the first place and it's probably clearing up his mind about what to do should we continue.

As I see it, despite what the astrology books say, one(either cap or Scorpio) wants the other to bend in ways that changes who the person is. Its like one has to completely loose themselves to make it work and it's just not going to happen, not with either sign.

The chances are a bit better with Scorpio female and cap male, but it all usually ends....the same. The power struggle ends it. I'd just honestly chalk it up and move on. I'm not trying to negative either. I think Scorpio males need a partner they can bend a bit. They seem to need some kind of power over their partner. Caps aren't too different.

With these two it seems to end up boiling down to either choosing yourself or the relationship. Since i always read of the Scorpio males ending it, I guess they choose themselves.

He and i have both made some big changes already. We've made some big compromises. Its a real testament to the desire and investment in each other. Also it's a big bright warning sign that if there's any other chance... Its prob gonna be the last one.

This thread really wasnt to seek advice or discouragement lol. Fyi really. One of the things I've loved about him and me is that any of the questions I've ever had... I've always been able to take directly to him. But definitely inquire or share what you'd like. I appreciate ideas I havent thought of.

Girl, this is dxp. You'll never be able to post something and escape folks giving their .02.

Wish you luck.

Exo... Thats exactly what we're hoping will happen.

Chicka... I didnt post a single question in my op, but I do realize this is dxp. I take back what Id said by not needing "advice". Its always welcome. What I meant was... this thread isnt driven by any confusion or questions on my part. Though, I do really mean it when I say I wasnt looking for any discouragement 🙂. I appreciate your well wishing... Its always nice to have that.

Good luck Creepy P...Im pulling for you...letting go take tremendous courage. Go with the flow...so the flow can go within you both..

xx

CP,

Well you seem to care for each other and that's always a beautiful thing, when there's understanding, no confusion, the outcome is always fruitful. Often, things go bad when we compare the relationship we're in, to some standards outside of the relationship, when really all connections are one of a kind and when there's love inside, whatever comes out of it also right.

mmm... you ladies n gents are awesome. xxxxxxxooooooo

bgp, yes i think we both realize we were trying to control and slowly gripping things more and too tightly. we are humbly letting go.

chance, he never ceases to amaze me with his strength and resolve to succeed in anything. and your prior post said it all about our level of commitment when we caps finally commit.

ray, i absolutely agree. there are definitely big stereotypes that he and i both break. i'm the affectionate capricorn and he's the nothing-to-hide bare all scorpio.

exo, the first half of what you wrote is what he always says. the second half is what i always say 😉 thats a damn good reminder.

i hope u guys work it out 😉

Posted by Sunrays
CreepyPants - just wanted to chime in too. Sorry to hear this. you show so much love and grace in the way you are handling it. i will pray to send you strength to deal with these tough times.

i agree. your being pretty strong about things. id be an emotional wreck

Thanks all. Thanks Sunrays and DMV... Those positive vibes make such a difference. Xoxo. It hurts like you wouldnt believe... But I refuse to show it. It's a bad time to break down at this point in life. I have a brand new dog eat dog job thats demanding a lot of focus... So thank gawd for that! I mean... I guess lol.

Plus we're in touch all day. Its not like we're going cold turkey. I dont think we could if we tried. We both have some life issues we're dealing with and wanna be there for each other.

have u ever thought that he WANTS you to show it?

Mmmm... If the issue is my strength, it's that I was too strong and aggressive. I was becoming relentless... I'll admit that to you all. He and I both, and we were starting to take turns antagonizing when there was something perceived to be wrong or not good for us. We had always had good communication but it was starting to fall apart as we were trying to grip the relationship tighter. There's no denying how much we want(ed) things to work... It was almost becoming overzealous and fanatical. It was obvious to us both that something needed to give. Because of everything else going on in my life... It's been harder for me to see the benefit in stepping back. Its become a little more clear in the last week though. As Id said... He's been the one with more strength to step away in order for us to get our heads out of our asses.

We were txting last night and he said "i love you and miss you". I said "right back atcha... a lot". He replied, "told you" Clearly Im not the consistent one of the two of us if Id given him the impression I was ever going to stop loving or missing him. As he predicted, it has been eye opening. He's become better at listening and understanding what im going through too, bcuz things all started going downhill when i started my new job.

He's verbalized many times to me... He wants us to clear our heads and get back to the way we were a couple months ago. As much as the stubborn cap in me still insists that it couldve been done in togetherness... Im seeing that it would've been a longer road with more useless stress. And we both know anything could happen in the interim.

Also, the relationship was starting to affect my job and therefore my colleagues... if I cant realize a break is reasonable for he and I... I need to at least draw the line when it starts to affect the only other thing I have in life right now ...that I should have infinitely more control over.

I totally hear what you are saying LIB but we're past the point of me being stubborn or insistent on anything. I was seeing it as gray. I think it's been black and white all along for him. Like chance had said, the strength I need to show is focus on the real issues... My job, myself, and that he really is on my side. Things are becoming more black n white to me, but even a little bit of gray is fine now. Shoot it might even be good.

Posted by DMV
have u ever thought that he WANTS you to show it?

i didnt see this... oops!

when we were "breaking up" i was pretty emotional. not a basket case, but controlled, trying, having a difficult time, dying inside, etc. now though, i dont show it in public. period. i dont show it that much around him, but i do tell him if i've had a difficult day, if i've woken up at night crying, or whatever.

i communicate very openly and honestly with him, even if it's making me vulnerable. truth is... i'm at an extremely vulnerable point in my life right now... what's a lil more vulnerability gonna hurt. i have nothing to lose, and in a way... it's kind of empowering. so at this point, he knows my struggles very well.

i guess the reason why i'm having such a hard time with it is because i'm at such a vulnerable point in major aspects of life, out of an effort to protect myself... i've prepared myself for the worst case scenario here. he calls it a break and says repeatedly he wants us back together. i was reacting to it all as though it were a break-up. i'm vulnerable and have nothing to lose, but i can't lose my grip with reality no matter how much i love him.

Things have been much much better. We spent the last weekend out of town together visiting friends and his family. His parents missed me I guess. And I hate pulling that card. I'm not one to try to squeeze my way into someone's life through their family and friends. I shy away from that kind of behavior, because it's so unfair to those who've developed feelings. Then again... I don't know what really is fair in these situations because more than just two people can get hurt in a break up. BUT I was doing imaginary fist pumps when I heard his mom on speaker phone say she missed me. teehee

We've both backed off a lot on the aggressiveness. I definitely have. And it's helped a lot. He's very aggressive by nature. I'm very easy going and usually very patient. I'm never aggressive for no good reason, but when pushed I can be a relentless mega bitch. Yes, I will admit that, but it takes some really good antagonizing. When I'm calm, I can talk him out of his moods. If I'm not... we're toast. Now that we both see this dynamic, we're listening more, hearing each other out, agreeing, etc.

Things are looking good for us.

Thank you exo 🙂

yes i do believe that allowing his way can show weakness and that i could just put my foot down and tell him how i want things to go. the thing is, we've exhausted ourselves trying to boss each other around. and really i see no benefit in arguing with someone's will or desire for something they should be passionate about. perhaps this is his way of being passionate?

i'm showing my strength by not trying to show anyone but myself anything. shoot, my own self is enough of a headcase to try to prove anything to. so i'm doing what is best for me at this point, with him on my mind as well. im backing off and focusing on other areas of life while rejuving our friendship/lovership. and some of this break has been my call... i've also set him straight on a few things. and he really knows better than to forget my resilience or ambition. at least now he should know better.

my biggest problem is that the new job requires me to pick up an insanely large amount of knowledge, and it's very demanding making it hard for me to have time for much else. this is going to be a kinda slow process for me that will suddenly all come together soon. i see a nice sunny day just past the clouds. if he's there enjoying that day with me... then good for him and good for me.

I really really do hope and wish the very best for you CP 🙂 you know Ive grown to e-appreciate you througout the years.. though my gut-feeling plus experience just tell me that issues of this kind, if they were present from the beginning, will most likely keep on re-appearing. Im not sure how much patience either of you will have when this indeed happens. I honestly do not believe that love can overcome every single thing in a relationship, since we are all imperfect beings, sometimes our secret selfish desires overrule any love we have for our partner. I really hope this "break" didnt just serve for you to miss each other in a merely physical way which could make you deceive yourselves into believing the true issues will simply go away without addressing them...just because you miss each other's company. (This last part I know from personal experience with my cappy ex..also born Dec 25th 😛)

ok, time-out, you naughty girl. I gotta let you know who's ultimately in charge here. This hurts me more than it hurts you. Okaaay, now be a good girl... You still love daddy?

All jokes aside, I think he just needs you to trust him that he know what's best for both of you.

I hope you know how to take what I just said, creepy.

But y'know scorpio men put the "D" in Big Daddy...

Posted by pathfinder
ok, time-out, you naughty girl. I gotta let you know who's ultimately in charge here. This hurts me more than it hurts you. Okaaay, now be a good girl... You still love daddy?

All jokes aside, I think he just needs you to trust him that he know what's best for both of you.

I hope you know how to take what I just said, creepy.

But y'know scorpio men put the "D" in Big Daddy...

LMFAOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well... lololololol ...this is more or less what i was trying to hint or say in my last several posts. my lungs cant take in enough air for the amount of laughing needed here... *gasp*

it is evident to me that he is the stronger of the two of us right now... he's definitely in a stronger place in life than i am. i'm a cap full of pride, but i fully and completely admit... he does a lot of right! and yup... he's helped me with a few things too.

mkay? i admit it! !!!!!!!!!

boomshak... xoxo darlin. these issues came up recently right around two major changes in my life. not all of the the difficulties center around me though, some do and most dont. for the ones that do... in my defense, i tried so hard to warn him about what i would be going through and exactly... precisely... what he could expect from me and he didnt listen. he and i take equal responsibility for it all though. 20/20 hindsight.

Btw, I can smell two very important things reaching a climax..Saturn in Libra has been testing relationships these past 2 years, they say if your relationship surives this transit (which ends in October) your relationship will come out stronger, if it doesnt..it probably didnt have strong foundations to begin with.

Two, Saturn will enter Scorpio in October, so in the next two and half years Scorps will have some serious testing! it could be that what you're going through right now is only a small preview of things to come..so be prepared! One thing is for certain, Scorps will have to be prepared to be more flexible and we all know they dont deal pretty well with change of any kind.

hrmm... thanks for the heads up!

i bit the bullet and made things black. we both cried. i did this on saturday. we're giving it 3 weeks.

i miss him SOOOOO MUCH! How am I ever going to do this——

*whines*

Posted by thxbutnothx
creepy, i just saw this thread. i'm really sorry to hear this. it's probably a good idea to be not in contact for a few weeks to know your heart and priority.

i had two major power struggles with my scorp a while back and recently also. Before that, we never had experienced the infamous cap/scorp power struggle. he kinda spoiled me i'd say. the most recent one i went too far. i can be flexible about many things in love but when it is about where and how i live my life, i know exactly what i want and i go full force to get what i want. as we started the process to merge our lives, my cap+sag rising aggression came out. i pushed so hard so fast that no one could breath. he had fallen physicaly ill and went through some real pain. when i realized it was most likely caused by the tremandous stress i placed upon him i really questioned myself what love means to me. what kinda love do i have for him that i had to have exactly my way and made him suffer? didn't he try hard to accomodate me already even though i f'n know his nature is slow to change? how fast does he need to do it my way for my love to protect him from harm? i cried for the fact that i brought him harm when i supposed to love and protect him, for what? for the fact that i am spoiled most my life and i have to have what i want and when i want it—

anyway, i finally realized i missed the point of being together and happy so i backdowned and just go with his flow. i know he is trying his best and that's good enough for me 🙂.

just want to share. i hope everythings work out in the end creepy.

I think that is amazing that you were able to sit back and realize your faults and what true love means

thats almost the exact same dynamic he and i have. we both give a lot. and honestly... for being the ultra scorp guy that he is, 5 scorp stellium, he gives so much to me which never ceased to amaze me. changed himself and his life. and i most certainly did too! i gave so much i almost feel it was stupid. i damn near literally had nothing left to give, but i'll never regret it. and i dont think it's stupid. i'll give even more if we get the chance. but because of everything im going through... my patience wore thin and i got very VERY aggressive. i had warned him about what to expect from me repeatedly and asked for his patience and help. he admitted not listening and not communicating well himself. he's going through his own issues too. we were both aggressive in the wrong ways and making poor choices, but I ultimately took the cake and won... and really really lost.

i just saw our communication breaking down... he wasnt listening. my aggression could have been me trying too hard to be heard. i tried the calm conversation many times. i think i just didnt know what to do... i was only heard when coming off tyrannical and by that point the damage was done. we became so complacent with our listening skills. neither of us had the capacity to understand the others situation... we were taxed. i just regret i couldn't have been stronger... im having a hard time with that.

i guess we had to bottom out completely.

now it's time to wake up.

he came to me crying on saturday and seeing him like that broke me up... ugh... even more. i had already been teary and emotional the whole damn day. i sent him a long long email yesterday about what i'm hoping will happen in the next few weeks and what my goals were for the two of us. i just couldnt bear the thought of him wondering or doubting at all what i wanted to happen. he replied very simply that he completely agreed and loved me for letting him know.

siiiiiggggghhhh... it's good to get this out.

but i miss him so much i can't stand it.

on the bright side... and this is a great thing... i'm very excited to heal all of this. i'm excited for us to come back together, hopefully, more wholesome individuals with renewed understanding. and stronger.

Posted by thxbutnothx
excuse my typos and stuff. you got me a bit emotional lol

do i ever know what you mean... thank you so much for your post xoxo

I trust that it's for the best, since it's what you want for each other. I also think it's better. I think in this situation, the type of clarity needed would require you guys to separate completely, at least for awhile. I know generally speaking, Scorpios are not at their best in the gray. Wishing you the very best.

RH...

I swear, maybe it's just me, but your posts always seem to bring this wave of peace and resolution over an ENTIRE thread.

thank you for your wishes.

i came home from the coffee shop a few hrs ago and he was at my place going through some of his stuff. i'd asked him to warn me if he was going to be around. he did much earlier which was why i was out for coffee, but 4 hrs later i kinda thought he'd be done. i didnt care... or i cared very much! i had smiled ear to ear almost the entire time he was here.

failing at separation so far. winning at staying focused on what matters. neither of us made a big deal out of the fact that we were in each others presence when we "aren't supposed to be" but the tenderness getting to hold him and being held by him... was euphoric.

Posted by thxbutnothx

Posted by CreepyPants

Posted by thxbutnothx
excuse my typos and stuff. you got me a bit emotional lol

do i ever know what you mean... thank you so much for your post xoxo

i have no doubt that you and scorp will come to the right conclusion when the time is right. you both sound very sensible and mature.

it's only 2 weeks and 6 days away now 🙂 xoxo

click to expand

argh! he'd say today didnt count! lol. i'd just grin in silence. 😛

side note... id only read about the power struggle before and for the first several months of our relationship thought to myself 'the heck are any of them talking about—?'

we had none of those issues and i just figured my watery placements helped a lot. wishful thinking... this struggle is putting me in my place... with a couple hard slaps on the ass for remembrance and good measure as it sits back down.

caps like to win, but in a relationship you only win when you are helping your s.o. win, not just helping yourself.

... that was poetic. thank you lib! no matter how i have him... im just very lucky to have him.

he's been out of town on a trip with a bunch of our friends, i couldnt make the trip 😢, but he sent me a text... "i love you more than anything"

he doesnt often say how he feels, he shows it and acts on it. but when he does, it's such a head and heart rush. even if it's a text. the feeling that one gave me reminded me exactly of when we first started falling for each other...

we were still in the casual dating phase and spent new years together. had an effing awesome time in san diego. after we got back home... i was off to work, he was off to work... i couldnt get him off my mind. it seemed so out of nowhere. i had knots in my stomach all damn day. i wanted to call him so bad or text him, but i froze up and didnt do anything. then at the end of the day... he sent me a short text "i've thought of you every waking second of the day" i was beyond it... in fact it literally scared the shit out of me and my feelings had never scared me before. i think both times the feeling was me realizing i'm hopelessly in love AND so is he.