Help with Scorpio Male

Hi all:

I have been seeing a Scorpio male for a little while. He is loving, kind, fun . . . but he is smothering me. I'm recently divorced (less than a year), and it is already feeling like I am quasi-married again. Some examples:

He got upset with me because I did not include him in my decision to paint my house. Same for my purchase of a new dishwasher.

He got upset when I "went dark" for a couple of hours while out of Town with friends. Same for when I went to a get together with girlfriends for a few hours, though I had been in constant communication with him throughout the day and we were going to be seeing each other later that night.

He constantly texts me loving notes, which is nice, but it is NON STOP.

There have been a couple of occasions where he has come down on me for not acting in a certain way in front of his friends. For example, I threw him a dinner party at a lovely restaurant for his birthday. Paid the whole freight, had formal invites, an amazing cake . . . he chewed me out after for jokingly saying the he and his best friend had a "bromance," and got upset that his friend was razzing him for being so uptight (and that I laughed).

I do adore him, and I don't want to lose him, but I need some space. We see each other every other weekend, all weekend, and every free night during the week. I don't want to hurt him . . . he is very emotional and I can't bear to see him upset.

How do I ask for some breathing room without crushing him? He has talked about marriage, and I have gone along with the discussions in the past (because I wanted to, don't get me wrong), but lately I just feel differently about getting married again. I really don't want to be committed right now, if this is what it is all about.

Help, please. Thanks in advance.

Love, LS67

Um... wow. Can we say codependent? I'd get out of this before it gets worse than just annoying.

That said, if you really don't want to lose him... TELL HIM you need your space, you want to see him X # of times a week and hear from him maybe once a day at the most. It will probably hurt. And if he's mature enough to have a real relationship and not some weird codependent thing, he'll understand and back off. He might get hurt enough to not talk to you for a few days, or even to let you contact him. Dont start wishing you hadn't done it. Just act as though nothing happened and call or text him when you want to see him or talk to him.

Well, I told Scorpio that I want space. That I have gone too fast from being married to another "marriage" in my relationship with him.

He didn't take too well. I know that it was a surprise . . . but he said things that disturbed me. That he wasn't going to let me go. I called him on it, told him I didn't like his turn of phrase, and he backed off of it. But I am worried that he is incapable of giving me the time I need. That concern is a red flag in and of itself, I know.

This was someone who called me constantly, who was with me every moment we weren't at work or with our kids.

I understand that it's silly to ascribe generic behavior to a person, but any ideas as to what I can expect? He is:

Scorpio Sun
Aries Moon

Much appreciated . . .

Love,LS67

Sure, thanks!

He is:

Scorpio Sun
Aries Moon
Venus in Libra
Mars in Virgo
Cap rising

If it helps, I am:

Libra/Scorp Sun
Taurus Moon
Venus in Virgo
Mars in Sag
Aquarius rising

OK . . . so Aries Moon and Venus in Libra . . . what do you advise/make of it?

I don't mind the honest feeback . . . so long as it's not mean-spirited. I came to the board for help, even if it isn't what I want to hear. I have my Mercury in Scorp.

And I don't think you were being a b*tch on the other thread.

Thanks LS67

I know, Dazed Scorp, I know. It's just the thought of being trapped in a relationship, after living for so long in a bad marriage, triggers the crap out of me. I've been trying to date others too, but I'm just too much of a head case. I need some time on my ownk.

I'm sorry, but you're speaking in code where I'm concerned. I'm out of my element here, and looking for some guidance. Would you mind dumbing it down for a Zodiac novice, please? Thanks!

Holy Toledo . . . keep talking . . . this is him. He doesn't understand why I am bringing up past issues -- I am doing so to show what I mean by "suffocating behavior" that keeps coming up, he sees it as rehashing the past.

All that I know is that I am feeling so trapped right now, and that while I love him I need some space to breathe. I want to be single for a while, to figure out who I am again (I know how gross that sounds, so cliche). I need for him to understand, if there is any chance for us to end up together.

Thanks and much love to you and everyone else for the words of wisdom . . .

OMG Elle . . . it is that pressure to constantly say back how much I love him, a thousand times a day in a thousand different ways . . . I DO love him, but it is just too much. I feel like I am under constant pressure to keep him feeling invincible and adored. It's like I have no room in my own head . . . every time I try to get some time to myself, listen to music in the car, do WHATEVER, there is another text, another call . . .

And YES, the elbows on the table. He is a manners monster (I am too, so that's OK with me), and wants the World to see him and everyone in his life as perfect. The problem is that we're not, none of us, and its just too much pressure.

Love, LS67

Thank you so much (((((Elle))))). I just feel in my gut that I need this time, and that I too jumped into married mode after my divorce. I fought so hard for my freedom ... It's the most precious thing I have right now. I need my own headspace.

So much love and luck to you ... You've helped someone today.

Love, LS67

Posted by ellessque
hehe.

venus in libra 😄

*gags*

Posted by DazedScorp

Posted by LibraScorpio67
I have my Mercury in Scorp.

Then I believe you when you say that you've expressed to him your need for space.

*Elle... Think Skyomish (sp?) who also has Venus in Libra*
This man sounds a lot like her, No?

click to expand

Seriously? I may THINK about the person I'm into a lot, but contact?

The virgo I've been seeing for 2 months.. Uh.. he wants to see me more often than the other way around. Text loving messages daily? Are you out of your mind? Get upset about decisions about his life? I don't even usually KNOW about those decisions until after the fact.

The lib/sco I was seeing off & on for a year? Probably texted him like twice a week.

Constant communication? I'd be the one going "woah wait a minute" and getting cagey.

Dazed... what is your deal? Why do you think I'm some kind of clingy psychopath?

I wrote them, didn't I?

*raised eyebrow*

I really like what Elle said about Libra Venus. *Very* accurate.

You know I'm really getting tired of the attitude, Dazed. I liked you, have thought of you as a friend. You're starting to piss me off. You just don't get me at all, do you?

Ahem.

I need someone who can understand my emotional side, but is grounded and steady enough to balance it out. Someone who I can have fun with but also knows how to be serious. Someone who can be committed & exclusive without being clingy or moving too fast emotionally.

Probably some combination of a earth and water sun/moon. With some fire in the chart.

Learned something about me lately.

Look, the one thing that really started to piss me off instead of just simply being a bitter pill to swallow (which I do, thank you. Especially from you and Elle).. is that you are comparing me to this guy who even *I* think is being a clingy psycho. I'm not clingy, and I'm not psycho. And I'm really tired of people who DON'T KNOW ME saying things like that. I guess maybe I come across that way until you do understand me, or there wouldn't be multiple people saying it. But, get to know me, and many people have said "who the hell thinks you're psycho? they must not know you".

And, OP, sorry for hijacking your thread. Dazed hit a nerve.

It read to me that she loves this guy, she's open to a serious relationship with him, but with balance. Balance isn't a libra thing, it's a healthy thing. All this drama is driving this nice lady away.

Posted by DG
^^^^He says that same shit to everyone....

...I think... its the advice he is taking for himself. And telling to to everyone else is justification for taking it.

Elle may as well be my sister. 🙂 I have no problem with her whatsoever.

Dazed... pisses me off, but I know its not that he is TRYING to. He just doesn't get the way I think. He means well.

Look Elle, its a Libra Venus quote.

Posted by Skykomish
Ahem.

I need someone who can understand my emotional side, but is grounded and steady enough to balance it out. Someone who I can have fun with but also knows how to be serious. Someone who can be committed & exclusive without being clingy or moving too fast emotionally.

Probably some combination of a earth and water sun/moon. With some fire in the chart.

Learned something about me lately.

click to expand

Me too looking for someone in this balance, pace and understanding for me in all my sign aspects espcially to the fact that I am triple water. Cancer rising/Sun in Scorpio/Moon in Pisces, a Water/Earth or Earth/Earth will do best anything else Water/Water is just to much Water/Fire NOPE! Water/Air HELL NO! Just my own insight.

Your all lame taking this message-board so serious, getting offended over ppl you'll never meet or see. LOL.

Wow wish people would answer my posts like Elle did on this one about Scorpio's. All I get is dragged through the mud on mine. Probably because I am a Gemini and everyone hates us here!

But anyways LS I wish my Scorpio would have been more like that. 😢

Posted by ellessque
okay, let me tell you some secrets (don't tell a soul 😛)

that venus can be downright SMOTHERING. we aren't clingy, but we will smother the snot out of you if we are smitten.

love is love is love. can't help it. the word love is tattooed on our forehead at birth.

...and we love TO love rather than TO BE loved, BUT (very important BUT) *YOU* have to control this from us or we will idealize you to the point that we will resent you later for not doing the same back.....but it's confusing because we don't *want* or *expect* the same thing bac.....but we do....FIGURE THAT OUT? LOL 😛 (Don't worry, I haven't figured it out either)

How? CONTROL. You have to OWN it. He wants YOU to HAVE it.

control the texts.....

don't respond to him right away. YOU set the tone. If he throws a fit, ignore him. Let him sulk. You respond when YOU are ready. You respond how YOU want to. Make him wait for it. I know your libra believes in fair but it's wearing you out. He *needs* you to do this for him. You HAVE to set a pace for us or we will burn out the flame too quickly.

Nothing is more exciting to us then someone slowing us down and letting us enjoy the entire experience.

do the same with phone calls and visits.

find other things to do so he has to spend time with himself. Don't always be available. We are a flirty venus who loves the chase. Make yourself too available and he will get out that fluffy down pillow and use it to smother you.

...okay, now venus and manners (especially PUBLIC MANNERS)

So would Libra Venus get along with Leo Venus then?

Boy this was a fun thread. Drama drama drama! I didnt know DG was deadringer. Im the last to know everything round here 😢

Wonder what happ with the OP and her rather clingy crustacean.

Posted by ellessque

Posted by LunarMaiden

Posted by ellessque
okay, let me tell you some secrets (don't tell a soul 😛)

that venus can be downright SMOTHERING. we aren't clingy, but we will smother the snot out of you if we are smitten.

love is love is love. can't help it. the word love is tattooed on our forehead at birth.

...and we love TO love rather than TO BE loved, BUT (very important BUT) *YOU* have to control this from us or we will idealize you to the point that we will resent you later for not doing the same back.....but it's confusing because we don't *want* or *expect* the same thing bac.....but we do....FIGURE THAT OUT? LOL 😛 (Don't worry, I haven't figured it out either)

How? CONTROL. You have to OWN it. He wants YOU to HAVE it.

control the texts.....

don't respond to him right away. YOU set the tone. If he throws a fit, ignore him. Let him sulk. You respond when YOU are ready. You respond how YOU want to. Make him wait for it. I know your libra believes in fair but it's wearing you out. He *needs* you to do this for him. You HAVE to set a pace for us or we will burn out the flame too quickly.

Nothing is more exciting to us then someone slowing us down and letting us enjoy the entire experience.

do the same with phone calls and visits.

find other things to do so he has to spend time with himself. Don't always be available. We are a flirty venus who loves the chase. Make yourself too available and he will get out that fluffy down pillow and use it to smother you.

...okay, now venus and manners (especially PUBLIC MANNERS)

So would Libra Venus get along with Leo Venus then?

maybe? maybe not? It's 50/50. Leo Venus LOVES PDA, right? that might be an itsy bitsy problem with the libra venus dependent upon the rest of the chart.

click to expand

Yes we do love PDA. But not in a smothering way. I give space.

Posted by Ellybean

Posted by ellessque
oh no, elly....I AM ALL OF THE SMOTHERING.....but I don't mix well with the "clingy".....I run for the hills!!!!!!! 😛

Oh! I guess I'm in good shape.

One less astrological placement for potential offspring to be afraid of.

I'm still scared of having a fire sun/moon kid though. Lol.

Though we could perhaps lump it all under the category of "Frightened of offspring in general"

click to expand

I think me having a fire moon and fire chart was difficult for my Scorpio mom. I didn't listen much and was quite disrespectful. We get along great now, she called me her avenging angel. I had to throw someone out of her house once. She love that!

Posted by Ellybean

I hope to gawd I don't have air venus children. They will hate me.

I have air venus, and I don't hate you 😉

Posted by ellessque
*kicks my venus in the shins*

Elle, your posts are very entertaining.. but everytime you kick your venus in the shins, I cringe 😢

Posted by Skykomish
Um... wow. Can we say codependent? I'd get out of this before it gets worse than just annoying.

That said, if you really don't want to lose him... TELL HIM you need your space, you want to see him X # of times a week and hear from him maybe once a day at the most. It will probably hurt. And if he's mature enough to have a real relationship and not some weird codependent thing, he'll understand and back off. He might get hurt enough to not talk to you for a few days, or even to let you contact him. Dont start wishing you hadn't done it. Just act as though nothing happened and call or text him when you want to see him or talk to him.

.