Frustrating!

So why the hell would a scorpio say he was sorry, but not bother to explain why he did what he was sorry for? He said he was sorry, I say ok why did you do it, he said nothing. No response.

Christ, all I want to do is understand! I appreciate the apology and the fact that he acknowledged he did something wrong, but understanding why he does this (he does it ALL the time) would go a long way.

I'm still reeling from the fact that he said he was sorry in the first place. Was he grinding his teeth at the same time? 😉

LOL! Yeah, I hear ya. This is the second time in about 2 months that he apologized. I know its not easy for him. I don't want to punish him in any way. In fact, after he apologized the first time all I said was 'thank you'. I truly just want to understand why he does it in the first place so it won't hurt so much when he does it again. Which he will.

Posted by Sea Siren
I'm still reeling from the fact that he said he was sorry in the first place. Was he grinding his teeth at the same time? 😉

hahaha he probably passed out from exhaustion after from the stress of the situation

:O

sr1 hey girlie! we can't admit all things... ;P

Unfortunately, this was over text message. His escape was easy...and im sure planned that way for a reason!

Oh SR, don't I know it! 😢

Honestly, at this point Ive obviously accepted the behavior. After all, I stuck around. Thats why I just need to understand.

^ word sr1

shadows I lk ur name 🙂 srsly I don't apologize readily I'd rather have my tongue rip'd out...

so he's reeeaaalllly sorry 😢

hope what he did wasn't horrible

hey leni ! crazy = fun as long as no one gets srsly injured haha

Interesting perspective. Ill definitely give it some thought.

Oh and thanks, HC. Glad you like it!

What he did was ignore me. I had texted him several times and he ignored it. We get close and then he pulls away. My gut is telling me he is afraid of getting too close. But ive never gotten an explanation so i dont know for sure. All i know is that it does push me away because it makes me feel like im not as important to him as he says i am. Im generally not a needy person, but this is a man i feel connected with at times and id like to stay connected.

Posted by scorpio_chic
He might not know why he did it. I've done things then apologized for them without knowing why I did it, but I knew it was wrong and that's why I apologize. I have no problem apologizing when I'm wrong, I must be an odd scorpio. LOL Maybe it's my libra rising sign. *shrug*

Maybe you are right. Im always thinking about why i do things and i always know the answer, but maybe hes not like that. I know he doesnt like to treat me this way. I know he feels badly when he does. But if it bothers him and it hurts me, why doesnt he stop?

If a person is rude to someone close to them, i think they should apologize. He obviously thought so too.

For the record, it sucks to care about someone who can tell you you make them feel alive one minute and totally dismiss you the next.

While i appreciate the advice, it sounds like an impossible situation. You make it sound like only someone that doesnt really care can be in a mutually respecful relationship with a scorpio. Is that what youre saying?

Seriously...i understand what youre both saying, but in your opinion what kind of person can deal with this? Sounds like SR has experienced this personally so i get what youre saying. Wondering and worrying about it wont change anything and it will only stress me out. Lovely, as a scorpio do you understand how he is? If so, what kind of men were successful with you?

P.s. Lovely, you still watching big brother?!?

See, i guess the problem that i feel exists is not his need to pull away, nor his need for space. Its the fact that he doesnt flat out tell me when he feels that way. No one could understand that more than me. But to blow me off completely is just not right. I feel like he wants me to feel on unstable ground, but i dont know why.

Sorry, it was a double post thanks to a shiny new android update! GRRR!

I could not possibly value the input you three just gave me anymore than I do. Really...thank you. I want to write more, but this phone is sucking ass to type on so i will tomorrow.

SR, im actually aquarius but i feel my aries moon way more.

LS, i actually loved this season! Cant get enough of it. While i didnt like britney in the begining i loved her speech tonight!

Ahh! I mean four! The input the four of you gave me!

Posted by sr1

Posted by Shadows
What he did was ignore me. I had texted him several times and he ignored it. We get close and then he pulls away. My gut is telling me he is afraid of getting too close. But ive never gotten an explanation so i dont know for sure. All i know is that it does push me away because it makes me feel like im not as important to him as he says i am. Im generally not a needy person, but this is a man i feel connected with at times and id like to stay connected.

this is typical behavior...you want the "answer"...when he pulls away...go live your life...and don't give it a thought as to what/why he does it...they just DO it...and like i said...the best thing you can do is not get wrapped up in his motives...or it'll make you crazy...
and yes...it's just how they're wired...

click to expand

QFT no lie shadows the only ones i know who equal us at this r scorp mooners & crabs ...ive said it b4 & will again we push others away then blame em for not being there...its easier than admitting, but he did!!! *faints* enough to say sorry...dont take any bad treatment ...draw ur line in the sand ...we admire strength...but ur gonna need to understand that those flowing tides can get turbulent :/ & we do want someone we love close but we NEED time alone. i hope this explains the waiting thing.. waters live in our own minds..lol

yawn

Posted by hardcandy

Posted by Sea Siren
I'm still reeling from the fact that he said he was sorry in the first place. Was he grinding his teeth at the same time? 😉

hahaha he probably passed out from exhaustion after from the stress of the situation

:O

sr1 hey girlie! we can't admit all things... ;P

click to expand

ooooohhh mysterious art thou?

Scorpio_chic: I am just like you. When I apologize I carry around guilt for a LONG time. Long after I'm forgiven even. I'm way harder on myself than anyone else could be. Yes, I need to be firm, but gentle. Although, truthfully he ALWAYS responds to my anger...but I know he only does so because hes so protective of his ego. So he really feels the need to defend himself. I like this, "tell him if he wants you to be consistent in his life, then he'd better learn to be consistent in yours".

SR: What you said puts a whole new spin on my perception...and thats always welcome. "it's only impossible if you make it so" Thats some powerful stuff right there and it definitely touches on something I've felt, but couldn't really put my finger on. Just because he is this way does not mean its HIM thats preventing closeness. Its my reaction to him doing that that puts a wall up. Very interesting. This also hit me hard, "ya gotta care enough not to let their idiosyncrasies become an issue". That to me is pure acceptance and acceptance brings peace, no doubt. It has been a very slow process with him, but the waiting periods have become shorter and shorter. Him apologizing in the first place is a huge step. Hehe, we're like astrological opposites with the suns and moons!

LovelyScorp: "But just because he's not expressing himself all the time doesn't mean he doesn't care. some time we withdraw. To be honest, we withrdraw most when we are getting the closest." We've argued about whether or not he cares about me before. He cannot seem to understand why I feel the way I do. Of course, there are times he totally shows that he does and its wonderful. Hes also told me to not take this stuff personally. Its just SO hard. SO hard. In ways I can understand withdrawing...I do it myself. I sometimes just get my fill of intimacy and need to back away. Its just super often with him and it takes him quite a while to return. Have you ever just disappeared on someone without word or explanation? Is that the kind of disappering you did? Its hard for me to understand why you would run from 'deep' when you seem to KNOW what real depth is all about. Is it just that you can accept your own depth, but have a hard time accepting someone elses?

I'm trying hard to deal with it, Hardcandy. Honestly...I need space too. Its one of the things I love about him. But to just cut off and turn your back on someone..I just can't understand that. I don't know how I can help myself feel better about him doing that. I feel like these are my options:

1. Stop contacting him and allow him to contact me. The reason this is an option is because it would prevent the possibility that hes going to dismiss me, therefore sparing me from any hurt.
2. Just accept it and understand that this is just how he is...and I could contact him whenever I'd like even if he ignored me the last few days, but then I feel like a sucker. Also, it prevents me from feeling bonded with him. I need to feel bonded in order for me to be intimate with him. With the constant disconnections, it leaves me feeling like I always need to start over to feel close again.

What kind of line should I draw? Ive asked him to stop doing this before. He admitted it was wrong and he said he would, but he hasn't. How can I draw that line and isn't drawing a line not accepting him for who he is?

Plus, I'm always there when he gets in touch with me. ALWAYS. Its important to me that he feels like hes secure and he knows that I'm there. I wish he would do the same for me.

LovelyScorp: About Big Brother...I was thinking about what you said as I was falling asleep. Its definitely not as dramatic as it has been in the past. I typically like the drama too, but I think I can deal with it because I enjoy their personalities so much. I totally feel the same way you do about all of them. I'm liking Britney more, Hayden will probably win. I love Lane...a ton, but you're right..he doesn't need the money. I LOVE Enzo, but he hasn't done squat. In previous seasons, sometimes a floater wins, but I don't think that will be the case this year. The only two I really couldn't stand this season was Matt and Ragan.

Samiamascorpio: I've heard its a defense mechanism...in fact, hes told me before that he intentionally pushes people away when they get close. He said its the very reason hes still single at 39. He also acknowledges that he lost a lot of good people in his life because of it and I'm the only person that hasn't left him.

Knowing that he does it intentionally makes it hard to deal with. You kind of feel like this is the way he wants it, but where does that leave me? I feel like if he wants to change that he'll talk to me about it and work with me.

I read the update to your situation...I was happy with the outcome. 🙂

Hmmm...his moon. Let me see if I can find out. Stand by!

Capricorn!

OMG, Brendon ooooooooooozed Pisces! I could deal with Rachel. I'm not sure why because I can readily admit she was annoying as hell.

Hehe, I still have the page open. Venus = Scorpio

Wow, I just read up on his moon and venus. Couldn't be more accurate if it tried.

Posted by Shadows
So why the hell would a scorpio say he was sorry, but not bother to explain why he did what he was sorry for? He said he was sorry, I say ok why did you do it, he said nothing. No response.

Christ, all I want to do is understand! I appreciate the apology and the fact that he acknowledged he did something wrong, but understanding why he does this (he does it ALL the time) would go a long way.

too much pride. im a scorpio girl and TRUST ME. it takes a LOTTTTTTTTTTTT for us to even apologize. we are so stubborn. he will tell you why on his own time, promise you that. do not confront him about it because if he feels threatened, hes not going to say a word about it. we are very complicated and idk how to describe it but if we feel pushed we go the opposite direction because of our stubbornness. if you catch him in a vulnerable moment, ask if a super nice non threatening way and maybeee you can get an answer.

i just know i am a scorpio and if i screw up, it takes a lot for me to apologize. i dont like explaining it because it threatens my pride. even if i desperately want to, i never do just because i feel weak if i do. hope this helps!

Lovely...you have no idea how capable I am of hanging in there for the long haul. I'm about as independent as a person gets. Hehe, its kind of funny when you think about it. All of my exboyfriends had the very same problem with me. I can deal with space and distance. In fact, I need it probably as much as he does. I guess I just kept preceiving it all wrong. I assigned meaning to what he was doing and THAT was what was hurtful.

He KNOWS I'm in it for the long haul. I've always worried if that was part of the problem. He knew I'd be there regardless. The few times I told him that I sometimes felt if I held back he'd be more drawn to me. He forcefully told me that that was far from the truth. He said he would have forgotten about me a long time ago if I held back from him.

I will definitely check out the threads you suggested.

Posted by Shadows
Hehe, its kind of funny when you think about it. All of my exboyfriends had the very same problem with me.

I just thought it was karma biting me in the ass.

Scorpio1025: Yeah, I always get the feeling he just wants to say hes sorry and get the hell out of dodge. He is stubborn??_so am I, but I don't mind giving in to him. Everything you said is on the money. He definitely goes silent when I push or pressure. I??ve learned to handle him differently. Hes absolutely LOADED with pride. LOL and hes always telling me he will do the very opposite of what I ask. I'm like that in SOME ways too. Our personalities are so similar, but I really don't mind giving in to him. I find it kind of hot, actually. 😉 I really haven't asked for much other than some of his time and attention. Not a lot, but some. Sounds like I just need to let up a bit. Give him some breathing room with everything.

**Hanging**

For real though, SR, your insight was extremely helpful. Spun my head around completely. Sorta even made me want to apologize to him! Course, that won't happen. 😉

shadows hahaha WTF? he's got scorp Venus :/

lol we can't even cope with what we feel for another in an intimate level it's uummm "overwhelming" to say the least
add scorp sun & eeekkk!

the logic of the cap moon obviously contridicts what he's feeling so he clams up when outside influences creep into his shell as sr (hey hey baybay) said it's extremely hard to convey what he feels with words

with those scorp placements he feels alot

no excuses fir him not contacting at all tho
that's why I say draw ur line...stand firm on it not being acceptable don't bend...just realize that it's how it will be
r u patient? cuz u may b'come a patient (of a mental hospital) if not 🙂

& ur welcome wish u the best outcome

Sounds like he still has you in the "testing phase" Shadows. And with a Scorpio sun/Cap moon, you're probably gonna be there even longer than average until he concludes that you are loyal enough. Takes a lot of patience.

And now I'm doubly surprised that he apologized. lol As Lovely Scorp said, this is just normal behavior until they decide they can't live without you.

Wow...crazy that you said this SeaSiren, "this is just normal behavior until they decide they can't live without you" because he has basically said that he knows that he loves me (more than a friend) because he thinks about me all the time and he cares deeply for me. But he said he wasn't in love with me yet. He said hes never been in love. I said define being in love. He said when I can't live without you. He has already told me though that he feels and knows how loyal I am. How could he not after all the shit hes put me through?!? 😉 I know he feels bad about it all. Hes said that too.

Hardcandy...I still don't understand how I can draw lines to stop what hes doing, but accept how he is at the same time. Isn't it one or the other? I can't be drawin lines all over the joint if I'm going to wind up accepting it, right? Then my word will mean nothing. Help a girl out... 🙂

Sorry, HardCandy, also wanted to mention that I have ZERO patience. Z-E-R-O I've got me an Aries moon, my friend. AND venus in Aries as well. NOW DO YOU SEE WHY THIS IS TORTURE?!? Hehe...no, but seriously. The fact that I have no patience and he requires more patience than can be found on this planet, I find so interesting because first of all it shows how much I feel for this guy (that I would still be hanging around like a nutjob) AND that my feelings for him are making me develop a quality I was not born with. I think thats kinda cool.

Posted by Shadows
Wow...crazy that you said this SeaSiren, "this is just normal behavior until they decide they can't live without you" because he has basically said that he knows that he loves me (more than a friend) because he thinks about me all the time and he cares deeply for me. But he said he wasn't in love with me yet. He said hes never been in love. I said define being in love. He said when I can't live without you. He has already told me though that he feels and knows how loyal I am. How could he not after all the shit hes put me through?!? 😉 I know he feels bad about it all. Hes said that too.

I'm glad you've caught an honest one! Most of the people who come here have caught the nasty sort. 😛 He's opening up to you about his feelings, which is always a good sign. Do you ever find that his "pulling away" episodes tend to happen after one of these deeper, revealing conversations? 😉 Talking emotions makes them feel vulnerable, and from past experience, they almost expect you to use it against them in some way. It's like they back off waiting for the bad response. When he figures out that you are not vindictive this way, things will start to move in a direction you feel more comfortable with.

Yeah, while on my way home from work i was thinking about somethimg he said to me a few months ago. He said that hes never been more mentally or physically attracted to anyone in his life. Obviously that was great to hear. The best thing about someone that doesnt open up very often is that when they do its very powerful. You tend to believe them because if they were just blowing smoke theyd be doing it all the time.

Oh and dont worry samian ive been vomitting my emotions all over him for quite awhile now. 🙂

Yes, seasiren...i do notice that he pulls away sometimes after exposing things...like how he feels and even when he responds to something emotional from me. Sometimes i play around a lot to keep things light. I can easily make him laugh...i love that. Hes always tells me how funny i am.🙂

Posted by LovelyScorp

Posted by Shadows
Sorry, HardCandy, also wanted to mention that I have ZERO patience. Z-E-R-O I've got me an Aries moon, my friend. AND venus in Aries as well. NOW DO YOU SEE WHY THIS IS TORTURE?!? Hehe...no, but seriously. The fact that I have no patience and he requires more patience than can be found on this planet, I find so interesting because first of all it shows how much I feel for this guy (that I would still be hanging around like a nutjob) AND that my feelings for him are making me develop a quality I was not born with. I think thats kinda cool.

Ha! You have an aries moon like me. Good luck with that 😛

click to expand

Hehe!

Well, dont leave me hanging! Translate! Just in case the experts dont show up!

Hehe, yeah. I had a bunch of random people continually try to facebook me for awhile. This person wasnt exactly smart about. Then one day my scorp finally friends me and what do you know? No more random requests!

Posted by Sea Siren
I'm still reeling from the fact that he said he was sorry in the first place. Was he grinding his teeth at the same time? 😉

He had to be, of course a "sorry" for most of us is just foreign. You know it's never that simple, we typically don't feel what it means to be "sorry"...

you know some things should be just understood. Hard to explain

hey shadows u said something about doing things very unlike u...I got u...now tell him that

as for the drawing ur line...u hafta tell him his behavior isn't acceptable but at the same time understand why he does this...

he'll hafta meet u halfway to make it work..his answer should tell u if u need to learn to be patient or not...we test others
it's when they pass that they get all of us 🙂

Thanks, HC. Its been awhile since we've seen eachother. Hes been travelling a lot for work. I think we need to talk in person. Hes much more emomtionally open in person. He says things without talking in person, if you catch my drift. Much can be understood in his actions. I love that. I definitely want to give him understanding and I want him to know I do accept who he is. Thats important to me as it should be to everyone.

SR said that you and Eleni had told her what it means when they say 'I've never been in love'. Can you clue me in? I'd love to hear your thoughts.