Help!! I don't know what to do!!

The love of my life that I broke up with 13 years ago because he cheated more than once found me on Facebook the other day. We were engaged and we dated for 5 years. We have been e-mailing back and forth and he has apologized for his behavior with me and tells me that he often thinks of me and the times we had. He tells me that he is a changed man because he had a daughter and his Father and a couple of close friends have died. He has been divorced for about 6 years from his Daughters mother and says he has not been in a serious relationship since because he has been busy working on changing himself to a man his daughter can be proud of. This was very surprising to me because the person I knew could never be alone. He could never commit and he could not be alone. I started dating him when he was 25 and broke up with him when he was 30. He has started to hint around about getting together and I feel like I am starting to get sucked in by him again. I have never loved anyone since him and I'm worried that I will always wonder what would have happened if I don't see him again, but I don't want to get fooled by him again either. At the time we were together he had a way of convincing me that he had changed to take him back only to find out that he was just telling me what I wanted to hear.

So do you guys think that people can really change?? I have never even considered taking back an ex. He is 43 now and he is not a kid anymore and I know that I have changed soooo much since I was with him, but he hurt me really badly. I wonder if even if he really has changed would I just live in the past and never be able to trust him. What would you do in my situation??

gslove,


Look inside of your heart....what do you want?

Go by that. Follow that heart.

gslove: i think everyone has a moment in their lives where they get shocked into re-evaluating what it is they want from life. the death of someone close; having a child; facing serious illness.......all things that can change you beyond recognition.

any history you share should be considered history 🙂

^^^Ditto on the above 3

If he's a fixed sign, I would even be more worried - fixed signs are famous for rekindling/living on old love, wasting energy on the past, etc...

It's really not that hard to find people these days, with all the technology so I'm always a bit skeptical to attach anything romantic to someone finding me...ask the 'whys'!

- why did they look for me? you stalking me?!!!
- why have the remembered me for so long? does this mean they never really change? so the behaviour's still the same?
- why can't he find anyone new? Am I an easy option?

etc...

😕

Evan !!! And how's the Rammette slut? 😛

Missed all the action on that 😢

"exclusivity of thoughts" code for obsession? 😕

^^^ LOL - and are in my
opinion good candidates for showing up on your doorstep with a
bomb strapped to their chest. thanks for the visual entertainment !


How are things with you? when are ya heading home?
I'm home 😢 back to work after some hols - so so so tired...anyway, carry on!

So you like the fire ladies? tsk tsk tsk - I could so pimp you 😛

"Pimp my ride".. more like your 'hide' young man - must jet...see ya soon ! sorry 😛

i tell you people does change, but one thing that im sure about...you should follow your heart...cause if you never try you will never know and you will be left wondering....

"So do you guys think that people can really change?? "

It happens, but in very very very rare cases. People usualyl improve not change, just improve but in the same template they used to be.
when i look at myself when i was 17 i see a big difference now, only 6 years gone..but i can't say i have changed cuz i am the same morals and priniples i was back then.

Ofcourse, shocks like death of someone close can change you..and maybe he really looked at his life and decided to change..so i say give him a chance, it would be very easy to detect if he has changed or not, you won't lose a thing anyway..but you can gain a lot.

Thanks for the advice you guys!! I will be very slow and cautious. I think he is just as scared as I am about seeing me again. He was reminiscing about old times with me and then he said in one of his e-mail..

"Thank God for emailing as it would be hard for me to see you in person. I know I'd have to cry for a bit first before I'd be able to speak."

I'm in big trouble. 🙂

He is a Sagitarious.

He is a Sagitarious 😢 *hugs*

Ughhh Sagittarius.


*Runs for the hills.

I'll give you an example..there have been more than a few times that my sag friends have promised this really fun plans to do together, they are all over-excited and like: "yeah, lets do this" and Im like ok..a few weeks later I remind them of their promises and they're like: "huh?.. ohh that!!" lol

LMFAO!!!!!! No lie, thats soooo meeeee!!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!!! I'm like, "Yeah, lets do blah, blah and we'll have fun" then I forget, so I'm like, "Uh, wait, what are we doing—"

I have a mix of air, fire, water and earth friends -- they all get pissed with me.

Yes, He did used to make promises that he couldn't keep. Like keeping his dick in his pants. LOL!!!

He was also someone who wore his emotions on his sleeve. When we were first together he would tell me that he loved me and wanted to marry me one day and then the next day he would say he meant something else or he would say he was just kidding. After 8 months of this I finally broke up with him for the first time because he was driving me crazy with his mixed emotions. But then we got back together after a couple of months and got engaged, moved in together and were together for 5 years. He started the cheating at about the 3 year mark. Well according to him it wasn't cheating because we were "on a break" but he was lying to me the whole time. He was one of those people who was always waiting for something to happen before he could be happy. At first it was his carrer that was making him unhappy, but then his dreams came true in his career, but he still wasn't happy so he started blaming our relationship for the reason he wasn't happy and that's when the real problems began in our relationship.

His birthday is December 10th 1965. I used to know what time he was born, but I forgot. Can anyone tell anything from that??

gslove

My first love left me not because of issues in the relationship, he moved and I we never saw or spoke to each other. So 20 years later I ran into him at blockbusters and my heart sank, I was to happy and surprised, well that brought back a bunch of memories, good and bad. I gave him my number and stuff.... he called and we went out he came to see me but the one thing that spooked me was this man was following my life for 20 years He knew what school I went to, knew that I ran track, all the meets I went to, when I graduated, etc. I never knew all that time a mutual friend was telling him all about me. His baby mommy and I had the same name, he saw my son, and said it should have been his son, I went and met his family again and they were all happy to see me.

Sad Part 😢

He proposed to me told my grandmother that he was going to marry me. Mind you all this time a month at least we hung tight together. So finally we was alone have not been intimate, and the time finally came and I tried to get some, 🙂 well he turned me down, told me he was scared to have sex with me, left and and I never saw him again.

How fucked up was that? I was mad and hurt but I moved on I know if I saw him again I would never let him fill my head up again. Hell I probably slap the shit out of him. 🙂

But you know we were both each other's first lover and I believe it was the thrill of seeing each other again and we were both infatuated then reality hit him and he ran, case close.

So with that being said if it happened to me again which I hope it don't and if I choose to date that person again, I would be cautious and take it slow, try to stay out of past because you talked about that already and focus on the present and the future.

Wow Scorpion Lady,

That's a horrible story. What an Ass. I bet you will hear from him again someday.

I could see something happening like that with this guy. He told me that when we were together he was a lost soul and full of fear and I'm not sure if that can really go away. The past is a very powerful thing and it is very hard to try to go back. It too worries me that he has been living with regrets about me for years and has some kind of fantasy to make up for how he hurt me. It's like he just can't stand that I would hate him and needs my forgiveness now. He even contacted my Dad a couple of days ago because he found him on the internet and found out that he had a C.D. so he bought one. It's like he wants my Dad's forgiveness too.

sorry about the whole ordeal. sounds like he's bipolar with all those sever emotional ups and downs. bet, his has some major cancer influence somewhere. probably, moon

i dont know.....i just dont think people can change just like that..

I don't know what to tell you, that is a hard call, but you know better than anyone else what you should do,

Personally I would follow my mind vs my heart.

I believe people can changed, I have changed a lot in the last 5-6 years, I know I am not the same person I was 6 years ago.

I also believe that men who find themselves lonely burnt all their bridges with their female friends will think about that one person that they have hurt and have not talk to in a while call them and give them that I'm so sorry I hurt you bit, then real you in like a fish on a fishing rod only to have changed for a few months and they are back to how they use to be.

I personally find it hard to trust any man that have hurt me, I may be friends with you but I will never trust you again, not your words or nothing it will be all about your actions.

"Wow Scorpion Lady, That's a horrible story. What an Ass. I bet you will hear from him again someday."

Naw I doubt it and even is I saw him again I will never look at him the same.

I don't go backwards when there are to many other beautiful people out here that I can enjoy and get to know.

Well, it looks like there may be no decision to make. He was sending me a really long e-mail every single day for a few days. His last long e-mail was the one that said he would have to cry for a few minutes before he could speak if he were to see me. That was on Friday. I wrote him a long e-mail back and I gave him my personal e-mail address for him to contact me on from now on. I got a short e-mail response on facebook(not to my personal e-mail) on Saturday afternoon saying that he was sending a short e-mail for now because he was teaching a class all weekend and that he bought my father's C.D. and that's the last time I have heard from him. I hate the fact that it even bothers me and that he still has some kind of hold on me. I re-read my last response to him trying to figure out if I said anything that he might have misunderstood or, Maybe he tried to send me an e-mail on my personal e-mail and I didn't get it. Oh well, I should be so lucky. If he never contacts me again I guess it will be a blessing in disguise. It's just kind of weird that he would get so intense and then nothing. Maybe he got what he wanted which was forgiveness and now he can move on. It would be just like him to get his needs met and he feels better, but he leaves me hanging and feeling like shit.