I Feel He Loves Me But Loves Her More

I'm struggling here. Since the incident that first brought me here, my Scorpio has been pretty great, except for that one "hurt my feelings" hiccup I wrote about. He stopped being silly with his myspace, is affectionate, and very romantic and Scorpionic. Finally after two years, we are talking about a future in "we" terms, he is mentioning wanting us to start a family soon and before that, purchase a home and we have been actively looking. When he is not on duty, he is with me, and in fact he just left my place for morning shift and last night was phenomenal in every way possible.

So the problem is ...? His ex. The philandering Gem. I dunno, reading the "Scorpios are stalkers" thread and a comment there that the Scorpio in question is with the woman he can best control and is stalking the woman he really loves is really bumming me out. I have no proof he is still in contact with the Gem - in fact, I'm reasonably certain he isn't, but I know he thinks about her. And last night he admitted that she'd met his mother. Now, his mother lives on the opposite coast and she does know about me, but in two years, I've not actually met her. His sisters and brothers, all of who live in our city, yes. His mom, no. She does not travel and he goes there on holidays and such. He said though that the circumstances of her meeting the Gem were "accidental," that she noticed he was hanging out with a girl, asked him about it, and the next time his mom went to his job (the Gem worked there too, and she later moved before he did), he introduced them and that his mom later told him, "That's not going anywhere is it?" I mean, this is what he told me she said, it's possible he was embellishing for my benefit, but who knows.

But my point is, it bothers me. Not that he had someone before me, but that this girl, who lied, cheated on him, stole from him (literally) and acted a general fool, got to meet his mom, and I haven't. And when I said to him "I don't like her" meaning the ex, the first thing he said was "You don't know her." Then he said "Well, I don't like her either, and we don't have to talk about her." I don't like that his first instinct was to defend her.

I don't know how to bring this up. I know P-Angel chided me in my last threads, but yes, this does bother me. This woman, in my eyes, is garbage, on the virtue that she cheated, lied, stole and was very nonchalant about it.

I don't know why I am unhappy except that I feel he loves her more than he loves me and that while I can see him wanting a life with me and children, I can't help but feel he wants that with me only because he knows he can trust me and knows he can't trust her. And that's a shitty way to feel. I don't know how to talk to him about this without him feeling like I am questioning or attacking his love for me. I am not. I just do not think I can deal with his loving a woman who hurt him so badly more than he loves a woman who loves him deeply. Not sure if this made any sense.

Ann Barrett, you seem like a good person & all, but you seem very insecure. can't say i blame ya after that other thread you made a while ago. when he said, "you don't know her." i'm not sure that was necessarily in her defense. he might have been defending a principle, don't judge people before you know them. i'm not sure if he's the type to do that, but i know i do it sometimes, even with people i don't have much of a history with.

listen...if he is spending all his time with you and talking about a future together, then it sounds like he really does want to be with you. don't be disheartened by others' stories on here, they don't necessarily apply to yours.

"But my point is, it bothers me. Not that he had someone before me, but that this girl, who lied, cheated on him, stole from him (literally) and acted a general fool, got to meet his mom, and I haven't."

Well, I can understand why this bothers you, but it's obviously the circumstances of her location, rather than him slighting you. Why don't you suggest that you go with him for the holidays this year? I mean after two years, you've certainly earned that right.

"And when I said to him "I don't like her" meaning the ex, the first thing he said was "You don't know her." Then he said "Well, I don't like her either, and we don't have to talk about her." I don't like that his first instinct was to defend her."

Well, I don't blame you, but it doesn't necessarily mean he's still in love with her. If she truly wronged him, it could be the fact that he got played is what is sticking in his craw. Scorpio never forgets someone who wrongs them. I do think you should talk to him about it, Ann. It is obviously bothering you, and if you can't talk to him about things like that, how can you build a future together?

"got to meet his mom, and I haven't"


Got?

As in, she was priviledged enough, and worthy enough in his eyes to be introduced to his mother?


"her meeting the Gem were "accidental," that she noticed he was hanging out with a girl, asked him about it, and the next time his mom went to his job"



rflmao ^^^^^^^^^^^


This Gem girl didn't "GET" to meet mother ..


You have some serious issues you need to deal with here .... you are projecting onto him, as if it's his fault and he's doing something against you intentionally .. your own insecurity.


Seriously, this relationship with the man will not work out, it will fail ... and so will all others in the future, until you learn your self-worth.

AB: I can't help but feel he wants that with me only because he knows he can trust me and knows he can't trust her. And that's a shitty way to feel.

that is so sad!! it is NOT shitty to be trusted by the person you love - it is ESSENTIAL and counts for more than anything else imo.

love and trust have to be hand in hand otherwise, it's not love at all.

also, you know how guys are about their mothers and a mother's opinion of a girl is everything to them. even the best relationships are ruined when the guy's mother doesn't approve. (i hope that's the case anyway cos i have a son!!)

nevertheless, the gemini should die, just to be on the safe side LOL!!

I really don't understand why women worry about past girlfriends. That is so silly. It's the new women that may come into their life that you have to worry about. He will never take back that ex. If that was going to happen it would have already happened by now. If you don't get over your insecurities about this it will hurt your relationship. Be confident. You are the one who is with him. You are going to make him lose respect for you if you continue with this. If you are insecure with yourself he will start seeing it and start to question himself and his feelings for you. You are a prize and you need to start seeing yourself as the prize and in return he will see you in that way too.

Relax Ann. Stop being insecure. Enjoy your time with him and don't turn him off with worrying so much.