I think my Scorpio is putting up Internet ads

Not sure how to confront him. He has asked me to trust him. He has been cheated on in the past and so have I. But last night a good friend called hysterical because her bf admitted he put some craigslist ad up to meet a woman for sex. After I comforted her, I went on my city's craigslist, curious and I saw an ad from a guy in my bf's neighborhood and his age. It was asking for female "friends." The kicker is he admitte to be more attracted to Asians, which I am, and that he was staying at home all night, which is the exact same thing he said to me in an earlier phone message. He also signed off with a phrase I associate with him.

I do not know what to do. I am ashamed, but I took a pic of the Internet and sent him a msg from a fake email and he did not respond. So I have no proof it is him, just a feeling. I have been feeling odd a lot lately but he has been sweet and loving to me. I do love him and he says he loves me. I need help please, should I say anything to him? I have no proof it is him unless he answers my fake ad.

OMG!!! Are all men doing this stuff—? I assume you read what I just went through FurElise?? In your case though, I think it would be quite the coincidence if that was actually your boyfriend. A lot of men would say that they liked asian women. If you want to know for sure though look at his e-mail sendbox and look under his inbox under the letter C for craigslist postings. Have you talked to him yet?? If it's him then he already knows that you know because you sent him the e-mail and he saw it was from your e-mail address even if you did put up a different picture. Right—

No, I have several email addresses, many of which he doesn't know about. I sent it from one ofthose.

I am pretty sure it is him. I am devastated. Don't know what to do or say.

Well, I didn't confront or forgive my man. I sent him an e-mail break-up and he will not be getting a second chance. My relationship was only 4 months old though so I wanted to make a clean break from him before I got too attached. How long have you been with him? Is your boyfriend friends with your other friends boyfriend?

I am so sorry, I know exactly what you are going through. Since this happened to me last week and I have been telling people my story, and I'm hearing so many of these stories happening to other women. I just don't understand it. Why is this getting to be such a big epidemic? Are men really this bored and weak and ruled by their dicks?? Most of these women are forgiving the boyfriends too which is another thing I don't understand. Why are we still so tolerant of mens behavior in this day and age? I know it's not just men, women do this stuff too, but, If women are doing it though I guess they are smart enough to not get caught I guess since I have not heard of that as much. LOL!!!

I am sorry to hear that gslove. Did you get proof?

My brother says to not do anything until I have proof.

I know Ferdy!! I feel sick to my stomach right now.

I am sorry to hear that gslove. Did you get proof?

Hahaha!!! PLEASE go and read my thread from 2 days ago. It's been the most popular one all week and you can read the whole ugly story.

I also completely agree with your brother. Do not confront him because it will just give him time to cover his tracks. Look for the proof.

Hangin in there Ferdy, but these kinds of stories are not making my faith in finding a good man any stronger. I HATE THIS!! I don't want to be jaded!!

LOL...And U girls think itz harmless when U flirt around.

I am not sure how to get proof is the problem. I did ask a friend to respond. She said she did and would blind copy any response to her and nothing. I am just feeling this will eat me up inside until I know one way or another. He texted me all night after this post was made saying he loved me and thought about me all day. I feel sick.

The sickest part of all of this is that people will eventually just start to accept this behavior as normal just like we have when we talk about people watching porn or reading sex magazines.

I can imagine women in the 50's being just as shocked as we are now about finding out their men were reading girlie magazines or watching a porn film. Now that is just considered a normal thing for men to do. Boys will be boys!!! You mark my words that internet sex will very quickly mainstream to be just a normal thing for men to do.

My brother suggested I also do a search for keywords to see if any similar ads were put up. There was. Again, almost exact terminology, only when this was put up, he was spending the weekend with me, no Internet, so I know it couldn't be him, but same catchphrases and keywords, including part about Asian women preferred. THAT is why I am so confused.

FurElise, I know I have very little faith in men right now, but I really don't think your guy is guilty. I think you are just really scared and paranoid right now because of what happened to your friend. I mean what are the chances that it could be him?? Tons of men look for Asian women online. I think you need to just assume that it's not him for now until you have proof that it is. The next time you are at his house ask him if you can use his computer to send an e-mail and see how he reacts. Has he ever given you a reason not to trust him before?? My BF had not which was why it was SO SHOCKING!!

Gslove, I have read your post, OMG, what a swine. But I think I read he does have a son. are you sure it was not the son playing on his dad's computer.

Plus if he was doing that he would probably NOT be looking for an Asian woman since he has one at home. Most men look for the opposite of what they have at home because they are bored with the same old menu. My BF was looking at Hoochy Mama type Latina women. He would never be caught dead with a woman like that in public though.

I'm absolutely positive that it was not his son. If there were any miraculous way that I somehow misunderstood something then why have I not had any response from him and it's been 3 days now. He is guilty that's why. If he wasn't guilty he would have immediately picked up the phone and said "What are you talking about." His silence tells me everything I need to know.

He has not responded to my texts. I am getting more and more certain. I do not know why he would do this and then lie to me. I looked at the timestamp on the ad. Not more than two hours later, he was texting me nonstop, saying so many great things. He was at work and could not call because his supervisor was popping in and out, but he said he wanted me to know he was thinking about me. I am in tears. He listed himself as a "single" white male. I hate him so much right now.

Yes, I agree gslove. He would have called if he were not guilty and demanded to know what was going on with you all. I am so sorry. You deserve better. I am still reading your thread it is very long, but insightful.

Are Scorpios this way? I thought they were faithful and loyal to the ones they love. I am on the Capricorn/Aquarius cusp, but more Capricorn. Love is a big deal to me.

FurElise, My BF was doing the same thing. I was out with my friends the night that he was answering those ads and he was sending text messages to me the whole time he was doing it. I was just hanging out with my friends that night. I guess that was my punishment. Was he feeling that insecure about me being out—?

I still think in your case though that you may be wrong. Don't get hysterical and confront him until you do some more investigating. If you stay calm you can find the proof you need. If you confront him and he is guilty he won't tell you the truth anyway. He will deny, deny, deny and you will start to think that you are just going crazy!!!!

Gslove. This is eerie.

I too was hanging out with my girl friend. My cell batt was dead and he told me later he kept trying to call me but could not get through. I notice in the ad, (yes I am still reading it, I can't help it) that he emphasizes he is looking for "friends" for "tonight" because he is bored. Was he punishing me for not getting in contact?

Ok, here is a note from my brother, I am sorry I forgot to mention he is also a Scorpuo:

"Hey bizz,

Ok, read the ad, I dunno, it's suspect but unless you can prove its him I think u should move on. Anybody can say that stuff and its not like hes the only dude in (name of town) who likes Asian chicks right? I just feel like if my girl who I said I love you too came to me with shit like why are you posting an ad even if i had i'd feel like i was being stalked and if i hadn't i'd feel like the trust was never there to begin with.

but idk, its up to you, just wanted to let u know i read it and like i said unless u can get its him, u probably should just move on."

I mean, I know what he is saying, but he is a Scorpio and a man himself ...

FurElise, If it was him and he was just jealous that you were out and feeling insecure it could just be something he did, but didn't act on it and that is why he has not answered you or your friend. Maybe he even realized what a stupid thing he was doing and stopped. That by no means is a reason to let him off the hook though because this is definitely a sign that something is going on.

I suggest you wait a couple of days to see if he answers your e-mail and if he doesn't then tell him the story of your friend and what happened to her. Also make it really clear when you are telling your girlfriends story that if you were in that situation that you would never be able to forgive or trust and that you would definitely break up with him. Then begin to cry about it right in front of him and say that you would be so completely devastated if he were to ever do that to you and you are so glad you have such a wonderful boyfriend that you can trust. Unless he is a completely heartless asshole he will stop whatever he is doing and realize that it's not worth losing you over.

Gslove, I wonder if you and my brother are sharing a brain. He just sent me another note

"also u said he texted u all night. ok, put it this way, i do something stupid like put an ad up when i have a girl, maybe i get responses and realize this is stupid shit, so he just tries to make it up to u by texting so much and hoping u don't question why hes being extra nice. i think if he aint text or call u after the ad was put up then its because he was chatting with other girls but say it was him, i bet if he got someone to answer she was whack and he realized he could lose a good thing over this.

not saying u should be all lovey dovey with him and whatnot just a thought that he did something dumbass and hopes u will never find out."

I am not sure.

Gslove, had you had any weird feelings prior to finding out? I couldn't tell that from your thread. He has introduced me to his friends but he did not put "in a relationship" on his facebook, which bothered me. He has no relationship status at all. And when he was on the phone to his friend i heard him say "I'm at my girl- I'm at Bizz's house right now." like he didn't want to say girlfriend but later that night he referred to himself as my boyfriend.

I like your idea, i will try it that way if he ever gets back in touch.

I agree with your brother. I think you just move on from this, but let it be a red flag that you keep in the back of your brain and just be a little more aware of what is going on with him. It's not like you have proof of anything like I did!! I had proof staring at me right in front of my face that I could not ignore. You could be ruining a good thing if you don't handle this right.

I did have weird feelings before it happened, but I never thought in a million years that he would ever do something like that. I did feel though that he was in an uncertainty stage of the relationship and trying to sort out his feelings about me and about just being in a relationship in general and so was I. Things were just a little bit off between us. It was getting to that scary stage of "Are we really ready to make this thing a real relationship?"

Also, now is not the time to get all clingy with him. Pull away slightly and give him some breathing room and let him get back to the chase. If he is guilty he will notice that you are pulling away a bit and wonder "What if she knows something". His guilt and paranoia about getting caught will kick in and maybe scare him straight.

"Me...I am so afraid of being that woman that I have honestly shut myself closed. I witness my friends falling over guys and getting hurt, and it reminds me of myself. It pains my stomach. I'd rather absorb myself in books, knowledge and get money, than lay up with a man (unless I need to get off) and be all goo goo eyed. I mean...whats the point? Honestly? Tell me whats the point? I think my Venus is dead."

OMG!!!! Arianlatay!! This is the kind of stuff that Scorpion lady was so afraid that I was going to do and how I was going to react when I was so angry. I totally understand the feelings of this and I have had more than one fantasy of getting this kind of revenge. I know it's so hard not to completely give up on men, but I think for our own sakes we have to find a way to get past this. As contrary as it seems not ALL men are like this. There are some good ones out there. I don't know where but there is. LOL!!!

I am working on forgiving him to let this go or I will forever be tortured by this and I will only hurt myself in the process. You have to let this go too and come to a point of forgiveness. He is an awful person that is not happy at all and has many demons he needs to face. He will never be happy and I feel so sorry for people like him and my BF. You however can not hold this in your heart and hand him over all of your power. He is not even in your life anymore but he still completely owns you because of your feelings of shutting yourself closed. Even though you got your revenge and it seems like you have won the battle he is the won that actually won the battle because this experience has scarred you so much. Girl, go get your power back. Read the book "Why men love bitches" and open your heart back up.

"plus, and i'm being 100% serious here. this guy used women as though they were toys. seeing him disrespect the pregnant lady really really struck a chord. REALLY STRUCK A CHORD!!!!"

Women are not "used" unless they allowed the men to use them in my opionion. The first time a man does something this horrible to you and you let him get away with it more than once and you don't walk away and go look for a better man is when it becomes about you and how you feel about yourself and how you allow yourself to be treated. I don't feel beat down and "used" by my BF. I feel like a powerful woman because I had the guts to walk away and not allow myself to be treated this way. I will be a little sad, a little jaded, a little angry for a few days, but I have not lost so much of myself and I have saved myself years of torture by walking away now instead of staying in such a destructive relationship. I have been that way in the past with a guy and I was so beat down after the years of what I put up with that it took me forever to recover and get my self esteem back and my power. Don't let them take away your soul.

You are so right Emerald Gem!!

It is him. He just wrote back to my friend. She forwarded me the email. I am in shock.

"Hi,

Thanks for the response. My aim is (his aim) and my myspace is (his myspace). Honestly I am seeing someone right now so just lookin for friends to chat with over aim or yahoo. I tend to get along better with women than men and I do have an attraction to asian women 😉 and think they are real good conversationalists. So if you want to chat, hit me up on aim or send a friend request to my myspace. Hope to hear back, (his name)."

Wow!! O.K. his intention is not to sleep with someone YET!!! Big red flag that he sees something missing in your relationship though. Something is odd if he is looking for women to "talk" to. Print it out and confront him immediately. Find out what is going on and tell him that this behavior is UNACCEPTABLE and if he is going to do this then you are leaving him and stick to it if he ever does it again.

Also, Do not tell him how you found out what he was doing. Just tell him it is unimportant how you found out. Telling him how you found out will just make him smarter about it the next time. The torture of trying to figure out how you found out will hopefullly keep him from doing it again.

If she prints out the e-mail, isn't it gonna be pretty obvious how she found out though?

I think if it were me, I'd nail his ass. I wouldn't be worried about looking like a stalker or a un-trusting G/F at all. I'd tell him exactly how I found what I did & then I'd ask him what the fuck his problem was. It could be that when he e-mailed her friend back & said he was just looking for friends, that he suspected something was up. Maybe he was just saying that to cover his ass in case this was a set-up which obviously it was

Exactly, I don't believe that if your in a committed relationship, that you should be going behind your partners back trying to make "friends" with the opposite sex.....on a personals website. I mean that just sounds retarded! Does this guy not have any friends currently? The whole thing is bullshit IMO I think he's already paranoid about getting busted, I don't think he's just looking for interesting convo from asian women & why did it take so long for him to respond to the e-mail to begin with? Probably because he knows what he's doing is wrong, he's paranoid & he was going back & forth with himself....."should I or shouldn't I" you see what he chose, even though he knew he could get caught he took a chance & that is why I think he's up to no good

I agree emeraldgem. The question is why is he going outside the relationship. What are his insecurities about?? I think he was insecure because she was out with her friends. I think my bf was too. They try so hard to not show that they have insecurities or jealousy when they so obviously do. If they would just learn to talk about their vulnerabilities they wouldn't be doing these things.

I agree with Em. She going out with her girlfriends made him so insecure that he had to put up a singles ad? WTF? Ummm sorry but No that doesn't fly with me. Might be a good excuse in his mind. I can hear it now......"But you were never there for me" Whatever! Not to mention, sense when does cheating or even attempting to ever bring MORE security to EITHER partners? The one sneaking is gonna feel even more insecure cuz he'll be thinking "If I'm doing this.....what is SHE doing?" & the other is gonna feel more insecure for obvious reasons. Nope I'd say it has more to do with him toying with the idea of being a pig. If I couldn't even leave the house without having to worry about what he was going to do as "punishment" I'd see no point in continuing the relationship, I couldn't be with someone that fragile.

Well, he just left. He admitted it. He said he was just bored and I'm too nice to him. I guess we're not together anymore. This sucks. This makes the third guy in a row who has either wanted to cheat or cheated on me. I must be doing or saying something to attract these types but I don't know what. I'm just really depressed right now and none of my friends believe me except the friend who sent me the message.

she does have proof. him responding to the email. why would you specifically need an asian woman just to TALK? he doesn't have anybody else to just TALK with? shady buisness. it may start out casual but no one knows where it would head. besides he's bored with her, she's too nice, blah blah blah. he's just one of those guys seeking drama and wanting to have a bitch at his side walking all over him. nice girls are over.

as for the porn thing i don't get that either, i don't have a problem with my guy watching it, its just eye candy. like women fantasizing about brad pitt or johnny depp, etc; if anything i usually watch it with him, makes it more fun.

I'd slap him in his face then dump him.

Yeah, The trust is broken. You will not be able to trust him again now. Hopefully he will just make it real easy for you now and leave you alone. Was a fairly new relationship?? If so that makes it even easier to get over quicker.

I don't think many women do see anything wrong with porn and magazines these days. I know I don't. Women used to have major issues over it. What Im worried about is that we won't see anything wrong with the internet cheating after a while either because so many men are doing it that we won't have any men to date if we don't accept it.

We will soon be saying,

"Well he is only wacking off to her on a webcam. There is nothing wrong with that as long as he doesn't actually have sex with her then I guess it's O.K."

Well it's been 3 days now Ferdy and I have not heard anything from my Scorp since I caught him. Most men would have at least sent an explanation or an apology or something by now. So maybe they do just vanish when caught doing something. I don't think my scorp could handle confrontations. The couple of times I confronted him about something just little he basically just listened to me and backed down really quickly. He seemed very uncomfortable about talking about his feelings. He would get a really panicky feeling and look on his face if I was mad at him like he was a little child who had just been scolded.

**goes back into intense self-struggle as to whether ::what he did just now:: is right or wrong**

This is very easy to do when you're emotions are involved and you are sideswiped so suddenly by what someone has done to you. When this first happened to me I was in such shock that it actually went through my head as I was driving home from his house that I needed to ignore it and still see him a for another month until we went to events that we had tickets for and I didn't want to have to fess up to my snooping. I was actually concerned about what he might think of me— Every time I get into a situation like this I do the exact thing that I would do to a client who came and told me their story. I take them outside of themselves to see it from a different perspective. It's really powerful to imagine that it is your friend, daughter, or Mother that came to you with this story. What advice would I be giving them?

Luckily I just had a friend who went through the same exact thing and she was giving him another chance and I remember thinking, "This guy is not going to change. He really has some issues and I am greatly worried about how much of herself she is giving up to be in this relationship." She now says she feels sorry for him and wants to help him get better. I'm thinking "She is telling him that this behavior is O.K."

It's so easy to see things so clearly when you are not the one in the relationship and you are not the one with the emotions.

When I looked at the situation I was in from outside of myself, only then was it clear what decision I needed to make. If I can't love myself the same way I would love a friend or a client or my mother or a child I will always continue to attract this stuff to me because I am allowing it. Any little twinge of pain that I feel in the moment I remind myself of how much pain I have saved myself from this person in the future if I stay.

If someone is only doing something to hurt themselves then maybe it would be worth staying and "helping". If they are doing something to hurt you that much though why stay?? Why enable?? Why risk that it won't happen again when it's something that should have never happened in the first place. A person can be so remorseful "when they finally get caught" but where is the remorse while they are doing it? I think about how my actions effect others and if I think it will hurt someone I love, I don't do it. It's simple. I just want that same respect and I deserve it.