Is this a test because it feels more like an exam

Hi,

I'm sorry if my post here is about me seeking advice, this scorpio guy is really driving me nuts and I am really torn and broken hearted but I really love him. I've been lurking in this forum for a month now trying to grasp the thing about Scorpios. Well, here's what happened. We met online and the connection was really great, felt like we were soul mates, we were chatting for a month until we finally decided to meet up. He immediately texted me that night that he had a good time and sent me a text upon waking up. We were texting everyday but there were lapses (Scorpios need space, right?) and I was really patient. Then after 3 months of dating, we were drinking at his house and he started getting really intimate and kissed me. I told him we shouldn't cross the line because we're really good friends and that I don't wanna lose him. I was kinda drunk that time and I could only remember some part of the conversation, but he said something like "We've been dating for a long time and the tension is killing me." And I told him I don't sleep around and that I don't wanna ruin our friendship, he said "Why not?" and something like both of us were hurt and left by our ex lovers and that I am thinking too much. I gave in (heavy petting plus groping) but I didn't put out. When we woke up the next day, I was still trying to think about that talk but when he introduced me to his mom and sister as his friend, well, I stopped assuming. After a week, I finally gave in. After that happened, he was extra caring, he'd make me coffee while I'm still on his bed, his text messages were extra sweet (always have a kiss emoticon) and that kind of made me cringe and back off. He stopped doing that when I told him my closest childhood friend (guy) is ignoring me. I completely forgot Scorpios get jealous easily and and I thought I could tell him everything. He would still send me good morning and good night texts and reports thru out the day (ate lunch, about to go home) but I felt he was slowly pulling away and I had to initiate our last 2 weekend dates, and also it was my fault that I was hanging out with his guy friends without him (I'm a little boyish and they were teaching me how to skate) and I think that made him pull away more and I thought that was just okay with him because he didn't say anything. And I was also having doubts because I was getting really attached to him but our relationship or label wasn't clear. Last time we saw each other was I went to his hou

house and when I was about to go home, I think he was about to hug and kiss me goodbye but I just said "Bye" and turned my back on him. Then he sent me three consecutive messages, the last one saying he was sad cause he didn't get to hug me. That's when I dropped the bomb, I told him I don't know how to act around him anymore and he's making me confused, and I asked if we are an item. He couldn't give me a straight answer. He responded just saying that he's still thinking about it and that he's distracted at work and couldn't think straight. A day after that he was still texting me (usual reports: just woke up, just finished eating) but my response were all casual. Then he stopped texting then I sent him a message after a few days telling him I missed him and asking if he's mad at me. Then he said he's not mad, he just don't know how to respond/act anymore. So I poured my feelings and laid out all my cards on the table and I told him I got upset because I felt that not giving me a straight answer means he was rejecting me. And I just got scared but I don't care about labels anymore as long as I'm happy with him. His response was he knows where I'm coming from and he was sorry that I expected too much and he was embarrassed. I sent him a casual response agreeing we're just friends and making him believe I am OK with just being friends after that cause I was really hurt and it felt like he was just playing all along. And no response from him. We haven't talked for a week now. And he was offline in almost every social media, but he started posting stuff hinting he's not happy or even mad when one of his friends keep tagging me and leaves comments on my page. A day after that I think he was flirting with his officemate in Twitter. I really want this to work out. I know I was insensitive but should I just leave? Was he offended when I asked him about our label when all along he thought we were an item on that night we may have talked about it but I was drunk that's why he's trying to play safe? And is he just making me jealous or was his officemate the reason he's pulling away from me. Thank you in advance. 😢

I know and thank you. I can't wait for him to contact me again. I'm tempted to send him a message but I don't want him to think I'm desperate. I'm kinda scared that he may have a thing for his colleague.

I guess I really messed it up. I want things to be Ok again but I don't know where to start.

Thank you so much for your response. I will do my best, I actually received a messge from his ex to take care of him because he's a keeper. But I blew it. I guess I really have to chase him now. I felt like there was a big gaping hole in my life when we stopped talking.

Is it possible that he would just forget about what we had and then just flirt with another girl? I'm getting really worried.

It has been a week since we stopped talking. I went to a party last night and I posted it online that I will be going to that place, after an hour he showed up. And I showed him I was really excited to see him, I was about to give him a high five but he pulled me towards him (semi hug) and he was nervously laughing. After 20 minutes his officemate showed up. And he knows I saw them together. I tried to put a brave front, and was all smiles all evening, I saw him watching me, so I tried not to look like I'm flirting with other guys. But I saw the girl was touchy feely towards him.

I'm confused. Why would you think/say you were DATING him for 3 months and then when he tries to kiss you you backed off and told him you don't want to ruin your FRIENDSHIP. I don't date my friends. We do things together. Dates are for people you are interested in and want to test out and get to know for future relationship potential.

Posted by IrresistableScorp
Oh fish. What have you done? Scorp guy acts romantic after you make love together and you cringe? Why?

I'm not sure why you think he's testing you. From what you've written you've done nothing but reject this guy and he put up with it because he gets it. He put up with it until he didn't anymore....

+1

Some people rush into a relationship when they are simply not ready to be in a relationship.

confusedfish (appropriate name), you were flip-flopping all over the place, so he has put his guard up. That wall will be a hard thing to climb over. Period. Given your friendship, you may be able to--maybe not. Depends on how the Scorp decides to deal with his feelings (e.g. distance himself vs. still hold you in a special place). You seem to be feeling insecure because of this "label" thing after you became intimate, but rather than communicate that to him, you did some passive "you need to show me your cards first" dance to express your emotions. It backfired.

That's too bad. Sounds like it might have been lovely if you were ready to be in a relationship. Unless you learn how to communicate your feelings, I wouldn't bother him anymore.

Yes, it would have been. We were like soulmates and we could have been adventure buddies. It broke my heart when I almost told him I love him but he said he's sorry I expected too much. Now, after a week he showed up at a party with his officemate. And what's weird was a day after he was posting a lot of cryptic tweets which was unusual for him. If he was so engrossed with that girl (like he was with me) he didnt have time to post stuff online cause he was all over me. I dont know how to approach him anymore. I IMed him the other day asking him whats up, he gave me a usual lengthy response complaining about work but he didnt ask me if I was Ok. I have a birthday coming up and I wanted to spend it with him.

Posted by confusedfish30
Yes, it would have been. We were like soulmates and we could have been adventure buddies. It broke my heart when I almost told him I love him but he said he's sorry I expected too much. Now, after a week he showed up at a party with his officemate. And what's weird was a day after he was posting a lot of cryptic tweets which was unusual for him. If he was so engrossed with that girl (like he was with me) he didnt have time to post stuff online cause he was all over me. I dont know how to approach him anymore. I IMed him the other day asking him whats up, he gave me a usual lengthy response complaining about work but he didnt ask me if I was Ok. I have a birthday coming up and I wanted to spend it with him.

Why exactly were you pulling away from him in the beginning after you became intimate? If you don't feel comfortable answering in this forum, that's okay, but I really think this is something you need to answer (for yourself) before you try to pursue him again.

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by confusedfish30
Yes, it would have been. We were like soulmates and we could have been adventure buddies. It broke my heart when I almost told him I love him but he said he's sorry I expected too much. Now, after a week he showed up at a party with his officemate. And what's weird was a day after he was posting a lot of cryptic tweets which was unusual for him. If he was so engrossed with that girl (like he was with me) he didnt have time to post stuff online cause he was all over me. I dont know how to approach him anymore. I IMed him the other day asking him whats up, he gave me a usual lengthy response complaining about work but he didnt ask me if I was Ok. I have a birthday coming up and I wanted to spend it with him.

Why exactly were you pulling away from him in the beginning after you became intimate? If you don't feel comfortable answering in this forum, that's okay, but I really think this is something you need to answer (for yourself) before you try to pursue him again.

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I'm sorry if I made you think that way. I really appreciate all your insights as this gives me a clue of what he's thinking/feeling. I was pulling away because I was scared, he was going too fast and with my two ex bfs they had to court me first and I had to make sure that they love me before I get into a relationship. I guess I still lack experience. I'm still regretting that I asked him if we were an item or not, that caused the rift between us, and can you believe it? I told him the reason I'm asking was not because I am demanding but because of self respect. I know I screwed it up, he knows I am afraid of getting into a commitment because I go all out when I am in a relationship and its all wasted because they tend to take me for granted. I was also confused because there were times when I'll send him sweet messages and he'll respond casually. Thank you guys for making me understand that it was my fault in the first place. I want him and I will do what I can to get him but I hope it's not too late?

At this point I would ask to meet with him. This is a convo best face to face if possible. Then I would tell him everything. If u want him to give u another chance ur going to have to bare ur soul to him. Hopefully it will b enuf. I say it will depend on how deep his feelings for u were/are & whether or not he feels ur being sincere, but it's a risk ur going to have to take if u want another shot w him. Good luck 🙂

Hmmm, I'm not really one for assigning "fault", but to simply point out the role you played in the situation you are in since you are the one here asking for advice. Okay, for your response:

Posted by confusedfish30

I was pulling away because I was scared, he was going too fast and with my two ex bfs they had to court me first and I had to make sure that they love me before I get into a relationship.

So, if I understand this correctly, in an effort to "make sure he loves you" you pushed him away? I'm hoping you can see the various issues with your logic here. Not only is it a lot of mind games, it's a bit immature. This is why I stated you need to work on your communication. If you guys were such soul mates/friends, why do you find it difficult to communicate your feelings/fears/concerns to him? What were you afraid of? Perhaps you're not really as close as you would like to believe?

The second issue with this, is the fact that you've set up some type of backward approach to relationships that I am not understanding. I am not going to say there is only one way to go about being in a relationship, however most people get into a relationship and love ensues from their bond within the relationship. You, however are asking for love (and commitment?) before the relationship. Not to mention that you also want this declaration shortly after sleeping together. I'm gonna guess something is just getting lost in translation and I am just not fully understanding you here, so if I am wrong clarify please. If I'm not wrong---well you see the issue.

The last issue I can see is the fact that you fail to recognize that most Scorps don't openly declare their feelings verbally, but do so through their actions. The males Scorps floating around the forum will have to speak on the specifics, but from the few I've dated, I saw/felt how their affection for me way before they said anything. I express my affection in a similar fashion. He seemed to be trying to show you how he felt about you, but you kept passively slapping him the face because you seem to be stuck on how you wanted it to look and sound. That doesn't work with a Scorp. Neither does rejection. Confusion and rejections is a recipe for huge walls being thrown up.

@scorpgal76 I sent him a message, I told him I missed him and he replied but he didn't say he missed me too. I know I need a lot of patience to steal him back and I shouldnt ask him out immediately, right?

Posted by confusedfish30
@scorpgal76 I sent him a message, I told him I missed him and he replied but he didn't say he missed me too. I know I need a lot of patience to steal him back and I shouldnt ask him out immediately, right?

I wish I could say for sure, but I think u will have to wait & c how the discussion goes to c how u guys will proceed. If he feels u r sincere & is willing to move forward u two shld have no issues making plans 🙂 He is guarded - probably why he did not respond n kind on the miss u.

Did he agree to meet up with u?

Posted by confusedfish30
I'm still regretting that I asked him if we were an item or not, that caused the rift between us, and can you believe it? I told him the reason I'm asking was not because I am demanding but because of self respect.

No, the rift was caused when you refused to communicate your needs and tried to "force" him to commit to you with our passive dismissal of his affection rather than state what you wanted/needed from him--before sleeping with him. You also expected him to be able to read your mind and know that you had insecurities and refused to see what he was showing you as affection because it didn't come with a fancy label.

Posted by confusedfish30
I was also confused because there were times when I'll send him sweet messages and he'll respond casually.

Were these messages sent during the times that he was sending messages, or after he had enough?

Posted by confusedfish30
I want him and I will do what I can to get him but I hope it's not too late?

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I think my initial post stands. Nothing you've written so far makes me think it will be different the next time around until you learn to communicate your feelings in an honest and open way with him. If he does let you back in and you approach this again coming at it the same way (poor communication, rejecting behaviour), expect to be iced out for good next time.

Posted by scorpgal76
Did he agree to meet up with u?

I haven't asked him but he said he's gonna drop by at our local spot where I play every single day. 🙂

Good. Pull him aside & tell him everything. The point the other Scorps have been hammering on is communication - its the key here. U can't hold anything back now (or going forward if he agrees to try again) & then u've got to follow up those words with the actions. He will be watching u to make sure u mean what u say. I really do hope this turns out good for u 🙂

Posted by PhoenixRising


No, the rift was caused when you refused to communicate your needs and tried to "force" him to commit to you with our passive dismissal of his affection rather than state what you wanted/needed from him--before sleeping with him. You also expected him to be able to read your mind and know that you had insecurities and refused to see what he was showing you as affection because it didn't come with a fancy label.

Now that I think about it, yes, I shouldn't have expected too much. When I asked him about us, if we were an item or not, I told him I was upset cause I felt rejected (you can slap me for saying this), and that I was scared but I don't care anymore, that I am happy when I am with him, that I don't want anything to change and that I've realized how important he is to me and that I'm not going to leave him, and I still want him to share how his day was/tell me if something bad/funny happened. His response was he knows where I'm coming from (scared part, I think), he's sorry I expected too much and he was embarrased. You're gonna hate me more for this but my response was "There, at least it's clear now. And I think we're gonna laugh about this a few years from now and tell me when you're going to drop by, I still have your shirt." After that he didn't respond and was offline in every social media site. I was really depressed cause I took that as another rejection and I don't know if he stalks my blog but I posted "How do you stop yourself from loving someone wholeheartedly?" That time I was ok with just being friends with him/unrequited love but I still want to take care of him. After that he tweeted "Where's that fucking pause button when you need it the most?" Then what really pissed me off was one of his friends posted something in my page that may have made him jealous. I wanted to delete it but I think he already saw it because he posted something in Twitter again and he seemed really pissed. I wasn't even doing anything, it wasn't even my intention to flirt with his friends. I just want to become really good in skating so that I could bomb hills with him.

Posted by PhoenixRising


Were these messages sent during the times that he was sending messages, or after he had enough?

These were during the time I feel like he was pulling away, it all started when I told him about my childhood friend who was ignoring me, I realized that he may be jealous so I tried to woo him, then a week before all this happened he would sometimes forget to text me if he's at home, and that's when I noticed something was wrong, he told me his officemates would often ask him out to drink after work, I don't know if he was doing that because I was hanging out with his friends without him (teaching me how to skate) I know I was so insensitive. And I wasn't even trying to make him jealous, if he wasn't okay with me hanging out with them he should have just told me, it's not that I was waiting for a reaction. And you're right, everything is lost in translation. Oh, I hope it's not because of Mercury retrograde. But I am so scared of him flirting with his officemate. 😢

Posted by PhoenixRising
I think my initial post stands. Nothing you've written so far makes me think it will be different the next time around until you learn to communicate your feelings in an honest and open way with him. If he does let you back in and you approach this again coming at it the same way (poor communication, rejecting behaviour), expect to be iced out for good next time.

We're talking again now and I was really open that I really missed him, and that I would often wake up around the time I would always text him to take care on his way home but I didn't send him messages cause I was afraid that he wouldn't respond. Do you think I shouldn't have taken a week off from him and continued with our daily messages? Or am I saying the wrong things again.

Posted by confusedfish30

Posted by PhoenixRising
I think my initial post stands. Nothing you've written so far makes me think it will be different the next time around until you learn to communicate your feelings in an honest and open way with him. If he does let you back in and you approach this again coming at it the same way (poor communication, rejecting behaviour), expect to be iced out for good next time.

We're talking again now and I was really open that I really missed him, and that I would often wake up around the time I would always text him to take care on his way home but I didn't send him messages cause I was afraid that he wouldn't respond. Do you think I shouldn't have taken a week off from him and continued with our daily messages? Or am I saying the wrong things again.

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...And the reason you are waiting a week would be....? My thoughts on the matter are irrelevant, especially since you've already started communicating with him. My suggestion, stop playing games (e.g. "waiting a week"), be honest about your feelings and work on your communication/fear--for YOURSELF. Even if it doesn't work with this guy I think those things would help you move onto a loving relationship.