FixedWater
@FixedWater
11 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio
Comments: 23 · Posts: 2298 · Topics: 37
My Scorpio Daughter see's her dad dead
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Posted by starlover
Which cards were you using and what age is your girl?
I think they were angel cards, but I cannot say for sure starlover. She is 10, and very intuitive.
.... and more specifically, We recently had quite the dilemma over the following concept.
She did not want to say she missed me when she was with her dad when We talked on the phone. That it was hurting her and making her sad to tell me this because she knew (In Advance) that she would still tell her dad that she missed him when he was away at work. That it was not fair to me and that's what made her sad.
That the reader said specifically when she flipped the cards: Is there someone she is missing? I said yes, her dad without even thinking. Then I asked if the person she was missing was male or female since my daughter is currently with her dad and she could be missing me (You follow?) The reader said it was a male person. Then she said "She see's her dad dead" just like that.
She did not want to say she missed me when she was with her dad when We talked on the phone. That it was hurting her and making her sad to tell me this because she knew (In Advance) that she would still tell her dad that she missed him when he was away at work. That it was not fair to me and that's what made her sad.
That the reader said specifically when she flipped the cards: Is there someone she is missing? I said yes, her dad without even thinking. Then I asked if the person she was missing was male or female since my daughter is currently with her dad and she could be missing me (You follow?) The reader said it was a male person. Then she said "She see's her dad dead" just like that.
Posted by FixedWater
Case in Point - He works at an underground Uranium Mine and there are times they have to go to the refuge station because something's happened that would compromise the worker's safety. He will tell her all about it in full detail. Obviously scaring the shit out of her. If this were me in this position? She wouldn't hear 'boo' about ANYTHING that may lead to my death.
What's he getting out of this "leeching" from my daughter?
Is there a specific name for it that I am missing so I can do some research?
How do you think I should handle it... through her? or through him (even though he will probably not hear anything I have to say anyway because he lives in a world of self-pity)
Forget the cards. Don't bring anything up with your daughter. This is an adult issue. Go to your family services in the area and talk to them and ask them what you should do. They make take a ride to speak with her father. Either that or counseling.
FWIW..angel cards are positive cards and do not denote death or negativity in them and concentrate on positive messages for spiritual guidance, so it was probably a different deck or you got ripped off.
Posted by Whatu
AKA superficial, If they cards are any good they would come with the full package. that includes death.
Yep. Angel deck includes..angels, archangels, unicorns, fairies, and mermaids
Starlover, I never considered it from this angle and he is emotionally dead IMO. I am just thinking out loud here, but he gets really insecure and will question her if she loves him. (And Misses Him)
I think he is feeding her, geez almost in a 'programming' way maybe? She definitely could feel responsible for him.
LetitB, I understand where you're coming from. He needs counselling and I have wished for many years that he would get it. Even as his (and ours) life fell apart right in front of him losing the life of his family but not his material possessions, he still would not go to counselling. He is so wrapped up in his self-pity and 'poor me' that even as I had to say goodbye to my beloved acreage that my late Father homesteaded, he still maintained his 'Victim' status. I do not believe counselling is an option unless he finally hits rock bottom or something happens to force him to look at who he is.
Also, she and I had a conversation about how to pick a deck and this may be where the 'angel' deck came into play. I really cannot remember but I shuffle and cut 3 times I believe and when she is done there is a bigger deck with archangels. There is no doubt that she is legit as there were/are many things that came/come up every time I have gone that she would have no idea of, or anyway of knowing.
I think he is feeding her, geez almost in a 'programming' way maybe? She definitely could feel responsible for him.
LetitB, I understand where you're coming from. He needs counselling and I have wished for many years that he would get it. Even as his (and ours) life fell apart right in front of him losing the life of his family but not his material possessions, he still would not go to counselling. He is so wrapped up in his self-pity and 'poor me' that even as I had to say goodbye to my beloved acreage that my late Father homesteaded, he still maintained his 'Victim' status. I do not believe counselling is an option unless he finally hits rock bottom or something happens to force him to look at who he is.
Also, she and I had a conversation about how to pick a deck and this may be where the 'angel' deck came into play. I really cannot remember but I shuffle and cut 3 times I believe and when she is done there is a bigger deck with archangels. There is no doubt that she is legit as there were/are many things that came/come up every time I have gone that she would have no idea of, or anyway of knowing.
That my daughter is seeing (I won't type it here but you know what I am talking about) in a physical way crossed my mind. I will have to ask my card reader if her deck will show all the positive and negative, as I never knew the decks could have this "option", if you will...
I have been more open with my daughter, than closed. There have been issues that she and I have talked over in regards to her dad that had to be brought up with her. When I do, I always do it in such a way as to allow unconditional love to guide me. It is difficult, but I have found it works and does not rip her apart (or him for that matter) and in terms she can understand. It turns into a learning experience as opposed to a more common trash the parent hour.
She has a bigger deck with the archangels and I pick 9 cards (I believe)
I have been more open with my daughter, than closed. There have been issues that she and I have talked over in regards to her dad that had to be brought up with her. When I do, I always do it in such a way as to allow unconditional love to guide me. It is difficult, but I have found it works and does not rip her apart (or him for that matter) and in terms she can understand. It turns into a learning experience as opposed to a more common trash the parent hour.
She has a bigger deck with the archangels and I pick 9 cards (I believe)
Why would any father vocalize the danger he faces at work to his daughter (and clearly blow it out of proportion in the process because those refuge stations are equipped to the nines with everything they could possibly need for a very long time. They take mining accidents very very seriously around here)
It's like years ago, I got a call from him that he "cut his finger off" when just the little bit at the tip was cut off. My brother has had 50 injuries in his lifetime and he uses super glue (maybe sometimes duct tape) you see what I mean? He's a baby, a momma's boy, a whiner.... what does he get out of the sympathy that he is leeching off of his daughter. Gotta dig deep here...
It's like years ago, I got a call from him that he "cut his finger off" when just the little bit at the tip was cut off. My brother has had 50 injuries in his lifetime and he uses super glue (maybe sometimes duct tape) you see what I mean? He's a baby, a momma's boy, a whiner.... what does he get out of the sympathy that he is leeching off of his daughter. Gotta dig deep here...
IS, I never considered it as revenge for our break-up. That is another concept to consider and I agree, it's absolutely ridiculous. I know I never could give him the sympathy he always required. I attributed it to him being a 'city boy' while I grew up in the country. I am not kidding when I say I was the one on the roof cleaning off the stack while he was on the ground watching.
Would Venus in Scorpio play any part here? Just throwing that out there...
Would Venus in Scorpio play any part here? Just throwing that out there...
leeching?
Sounds like you have unresolved issues with her father, in which causes you to say resentful things against him.
And I find that very bizarre since you are attempting to sound like a mother who cares about her emotional well being.
btw ... there's nothing wrong with a child knowing that her parent has a dangerous job, and could die at work. There's nothing wrong with realistic fears.
Sounds to me like you don't like the fact that she has a relationship with her father .... and how odd that comes across, since you attempt to paint a different picture with intentions of trying to slant our perceptions.
Let's just hope you aren't projecting your resentment towards the fact that her and her father have a relationship in her presence .... because it's obvious in here.
Posted by P-Angel
leeching?
Sounds like you have unresolved issues with her father, in which causes you to say resentful things against him.
And I find that very bizarre since you are attempting to sound like a mother who cares about her emotional well being.
btw ... there's nothing wrong with a child knowing that her parent has a dangerous job, and could die at work. There's nothing wrong with realistic fears.
Sounds to me like you don't like the fact that she has a relationship with her father .... and how odd that comes across, since you attempt to paint a different picture with intentions of trying to slant our perceptions.
P-Angel, My relationship with my daughter is quite beautiful and I thankyou for having concern for her.
I do think you missed the point and focused instead on some details that I contributed to help ferret out Why she see's her father dead. It is important that I do this for her welfare, and not mine.
It is the revelation of my daughter "seeing her dad dead" that has this mother concerned. Which is why I am exploring all things that may come into play.
I have been part of a co-parenting couple with my son's father for 20 years. Our success at blending parenting style s as well as leaving our grievances in the past while we did so has given me a great deal of experience in the area of co-parenting successfully. I assure you that all of my choices and decisions are based solely on what's best for my children.
That any father or parent would knowing create fear in the hearts, minds and souls of their children isn't acceptable, In My Book.
That I want my daughter to be able to look to her father and her father's actions as an example for her in future, is my goal. I am sure this is an acceptable reason for wanting to find the stink in this situation and figure out how to fix it before it creates issues for her in the long run.
Now, if you have some helpful advice that isn't judgemental I would encourage it very much indeed. No harm done, no foul.
What a peculiar response, considering my point had nothing to do with your parenting skills.
Which means, you missed my point entirely.
Which also means, you taking a defensive posture is indicative of you feeling guilt.
Interesting .......
But, alright, since you insist that I remark on your parenting abilities, I will ......
So, you think the father of your daughter is emotionally damaging your child, not only with telling her about his work, also, he prevents her from expressing herself .... and in all those years and all the experience you presented on your resume as proof to me that you know what you are doing.
You go to tarot to tell you what to do, then to dxp. People in here HAVE to tell you to seek authorities .....
yeah, so my judgmental opinion, which when reading between the lines appears extremely accurate is that .... you are pissing on our shoes, while telling us it's raining.
Posted by FixedWater
LetitB, I understand where you're coming from. He needs counselling and I have wished for many years that he would get it. Even as his (and ours) life fell apart right in front of him losing the life of his family but not his material possessions, he still would not go to counselling. He is so wrapped up in his self-pity and 'poor me' that even as I had to say goodbye to my beloved acreage that my late Father homesteaded, he still maintained his 'Victim' status. I do not believe counselling is an option unless he finally hits rock bottom or something happens to force him to look at who he is.
Well, I see P's point too. ^^^This isn't the first time you really knock down the father which borders parental alienation if in fact you show this attitude toward your daughter. What the father does with your daughter on his time, is HIS time. Unless she is showing signs of abuse, neglect etc...you really don't have a stand here. I still say you should have an outside counseling or school counselor sit with her and let her vent away. Again..the Tarot..doesn't justify anything.
Posted by IrresistableScorp
I wish I was like P. Just able to know everything without thinking it through and BAM! Bring the authorities in.
which means you also missed my point, considering my point had nothing to do with authorities.
this is what happens with Scorpios .... once they get their panties bunched up their ass ... they can no longer rationalize.
Had you been able to actually GET my point, like Tiz did ... you'd realize that it had no mention of anyone being stupid, nor did reference fault.
But, like a typical Scorpio, you were rendered mindless once your stinger came out.
Her stinger is always out. Watch your back. Look at the bullshit thread she started TO YOU on the Pisces forum around the holidays. Hiding behind Jesus' robe while instigating bullshit.
Yeah, I saw that .... it's a pity, really, because she isn't stupid.
She could actually be someone if only she could pry her panties out of her ass.
Posted by IrresistableScorp
It must be nice to be the type of person who doesn't really have to consider the ramifications of the father if her child's actions and weigh the pros and cons and maybe even consider that they are overthinking and not wanting to hurt someone intentionally.
I wish I was like P. Just able to know everything without thinking it through and BAM! Bring the authorities in.
Because once you bring authorities in life gets real fucking hard for everyone. But no. Let's not even think about that shall we? Let's just call the OP a stupid bleep or whatever. Because as we KNOW, it's always the woman's fault for being a stupid cunt according to the Pisces Angel.
I may have hit a few sore spots here with this topic... which I suppose isn't a surprise. That you are being my 'devil's advocate' right now is still helpful to me. It allows me to check and make sure I am not what you are trying to prove I am. So, Thankyou ...
That you have taken to this so adamantly trying to drive your point home is a reflection on you, as IS has pointed out and perhaps it's you that should do a little self-discovery. I only make my suggestion as I do understand we are all on our own paths in life and would not judge yours.
I agree IS, I wish I knew everything like P-Angel... then I would not ever need to post a thread or look to people that I have gotten to know for guidance and support. That there are women who will always side with the man in any given situation is not new to me. P-angel's opinion of me, and the situation I have posted here has no ill effect on me, what-so-ever.
LIB, I appreciate your suggestion to go to the authorities, but that isn't the route to go here.
Just to clarify, the card reader brought this issue up to me.
Posted by FixedWater
LIB, I appreciate your suggestion to go to the authorities, but that isn't the route to go here.
Where the heck did I say you should go to the authorities? 😕
Just so we understand one another, I'm not on ANY side but the child's. The grown up shit stays with the grown ups. If you are concerned about your daughter's feelings her school supplies you with a school counselor/psychologist if this is alarming to you AND it stays confidential.. Otherwise, you should not make a mountain out of mole hill and stir up any unnecessary crap. Keep your comments and thoughts of your ex away from your daughter. You'll screw her up if you don't.
Posted by sadisticdesirePosted by P-Angel
Let's just hope you aren't projecting your resentment towards the fact that her and her father have a relationship in her presence .... because it's obvious in here.
P-Angel, the problem is that when you come to a "conclusion" like what you did here, you run the risk of being wrong. You are more than entitled to you opinion, but this just sounds rude. You act as if you have the whole situation figured out and you don't. That's not advice, it's acting like she's wrong and you're correcting her behavior.click to expand
This is very well spoken.
Also fair to point out that the circumstance that has me seeking outside advice is fairly unique. I am not questioning is he the jerk, or me. We all have our light and shadow sides and I am very in-touch with both of mine. This isn't about assclowns or some guy/girl acting strange and I want to know if he/she likes me.
That bringing it to the "Scorpio Forum" is about the most appropriate action I could take with something like this.
P-Angel, giving advice that comes from a place of love translates differently... we aren't all perfect and I gave you an opportunity to reflect and correct. You want to prove your right and so by all means, carry on.
Posted by sadisticdesirePosted by P-Angel
Let's just hope you aren't projecting your resentment towards the fact that her and her father have a relationship in her presence .... because it's obvious in here.
P-Angel, the problem is that when you come to a "conclusion" like what you did here, you run the risk of being wrong. You are more than entitled to you opinion, but this just sounds rude. You act as if you have the whole situation figured out and you don't. That's not advice, it's acting like she's wrong and you're correcting her behavior.click to expand
I realize your suggestion was to P-angel, but I was given this same suggestion some time ago.
Ya know what— I don't give a rats ass if someone thinks I come across rude, wrong etc...If I'm speaking the truth who the hell is ANYONE to tell me I can't or HOW to? The example here is...if I'm reading the same thing you are from P-angel and how it sets it up: "Let's just hope you aren't projecting your resentment ......" I thought the same exact thing because she repeatedly stresses negativity on the father..and I followed up with my thoughts on that. Is that rude? Wrong?
One has to wonder, when a defensive response comes after..it makes one ponder..what nerve was hit?
Posted by LetltBPosted by FixedWater
LIB, I appreciate your suggestion to go to the authorities, but that isn't the route to go here.
Where the heck did I say you should go to the authorities? 😕
Just so we understand one another, I'm not on ANY side but the child's. The grown up shit stays with the grown ups. If you are concerned about your daughter's feelings her school supplies you with a school counselor/psychologist if this is alarming to you AND it stays confidential.. Otherwise, you should not make a mountain out of mole hill and stir up any unnecessary crap. Keep your comments and thoughts of your ex away from your daughter. You'll screw her up if you don't.click to expand
Lib, my memory sucks ass without a doubt, but I was sure you had said take it to the authorities... as in, my local family services.
I agree, the grown-up shit should stay with the grown-ups for the most part. I have encountered a couple of situations with the ex that needed to be brought up with her. It wasn't my first choice, it was my last.
That my daughter see's her dad dead is a pretty big issue in my eyes. That I am looking for guidance on the matter indicates that it's got me pretty baffled. That I don't want to screw her up is the reason I am here.
I don't know if you mentioned it...do mind if I ask her age?
*do you mind
No, I dont mind.
She is 10... and wise beyond her years.
She is 10... and wise beyond her years.
Well then don't worry about it. She's old enough to express her concerns to her Dad. One would hope he will see the concern she has, and we all know how many questions a 10 year old can ask.
If she is really wise and curious, he won't be the only one she asks questions to in this regard and she'll figure this all out on her own and in time. All you can do is answer from your perspective of the "idea" (not him) and give examples. Hopefully you'll see this work out on it's own.
If she is really wise and curious, he won't be the only one she asks questions to in this regard and she'll figure this all out on her own and in time. All you can do is answer from your perspective of the "idea" (not him) and give examples. Hopefully you'll see this work out on it's own.
Posted by sadisticdesire
And so far you have not come off as rude at all. Your last point was well spoken and well made. You didn't seem attacking at all.
Well in all honesty, I can be pretty damn forthright & brutal especially if someone tries to sensor or bullshit me. Just went through it on the Misc. board. with someone who calls herself "a gift of God" yet lies and talks out of her ass.
There's a lot of liars in these forums, and I don't blame ANYONE who asks direct questions that definitely pertain to the subject even if it is in a suggestive manner to see if there is something the poster decided to leave out. That happens daily in these forums...daily.
Posted by FixedWater
.... I would not ever need to post a thread or look to people that I have gotten to know for guidance and support.
That there are women who will always side with the man in any given situation is not new to me.
P-angel's opinion of me, and the situation I have posted here has no ill effect on me, what-so-ever.
Of course, what I said doesn't effect you .... you still don't what the point was.
In your eyes, I am incomprehensible to you, obviously ..... so, since you don't know what I meant, how could it possibly effect you?
I haven't sided with the female or male parent.
It's really bizarre to me that you and IS, who seem like you have all your marbles ... can't grasp a point.
You really have no idea that I didn't call you a bad mother, do you?
That's is what you really think ... it's so strange to me how once people get a stick up their ass, they can no longer think.
How you were as a wife isn't indicative of how you are as a mother .... and since you can testify that you know that is true (as every mother reading is nodding her head), that you aren't going to treat your child the way you treated your ex-husband ......
1. then logic should dictate that all people are probably like that, in that their love for their child is not like their love for their partner
2. so logic should then dictate to you that that would include your child's father
What is in a child's best interest is for her to have ALL of her family members love on HER terms. Her relationship with her father is EQUAL in value with your relationship with her as her mother.
You are both biological parents = equality as a parental unit
So, if you believe his motives in loving his own daughter is - as you say - because of your experience with him as a wife ..... then the same principal applies for him .....
.... in that if he thinks you're a bitch, or that you're controlling ....
.... then if you were to abide by your principles ....
.... then your daughter by rights of her relationship with him being on the exact same level as your relationship with her ...
.... he would then have a RIGHT to DECIDE on her behalf that because you were fucking bitch to him as a wife, then that would mean you're a fucking bitch as a mother.
And every rational mind reading this, realizes that if you are denial of that .... then you cannot abide your own principals ....
So, if you cannot abide by your own principals ... then how you a proper teaching for your daughter in teaching her about principals and values?
So, my whole point wasn't whether your concern for her is valid or not ..... rather, how you automatically assume that their feelings for each other are under your control, and then approaching this situation with that mindset.
If she is truly in distress then some sort of truce should be called between you and him so you can be on more respectful terms, if the two of you are raising a child together .... because you say some horrible shit about her father.
leeching? ... as in sucking feelings out of her/or blackmailing her feelings?
what a horrid attitude to have for a the emotional well being of a child with her relationship with her father !!
You don't own your child ... she is not a possession.
The answer to your question should come naturally to a parent who is sharing the rearing ... the answer is to resolve your issues with him, so that she can grow with two loving parents ... rather than two astranged lovers who bad mouth each other.
You have 20 years raising a son, or however many years you wrote as your evidence of your worth as a parent ... so why is she 10 and you haven't figured out the most important thing of all for her emotional well-being?
which is love of family ..... it would be an easy and logical assumption to think that you're just as resentful of her relationship with his family also.
And I don't think any of this is a reach .... the words you use to describe how you feel about your daughter's father is an indication of how you feel .. how you feel is how you present to her on his character ..... and that should be obvious to anyone who pays attention to what they live.
A person can say anything ... how you present yourself is how you feel ... so you're representing some bad shit to your daughter about a man she absolutely adores.
Posted by P-AngelPosted by FixedWater
.... I would not ever need to post a thread or look to people that I have gotten to know for guidance and support.
That there are women who will always side with the man in any given situation is not new to me.
P-angel's opinion of me, and the situation I have posted here has no ill effect on me, what-so-ever.
That's is what you really think ... it's so strange to me how once people get a stick up their ass, they can no longer think.click to expand
We finally agree on something...
Posted by P-Angel
How you were as a wife isn't indicative of how you are as a mother .... and since you can testify that you know that is true (as every mother reading is nodding her head), that you aren't going to treat your child the way you treated your ex-husband ......
1. then logic should dictate that all people are probably like that, in that their love for their child is not like their love for their partner
2. so logic should then dictate to you that that would include your child's father
What is in a child's best interest is for her to have ALL of her family members love on HER terms. Her relationship with her father is EQUAL in value with your relationship with her as her mother.
You are both biological parents = equality as a parental unit
So, if you believe his motives in loving his own daughter is - as you say - because of your experience with him as a wife ..... then the same principal applies for him .....
.... in that if he thinks you're a bitch, or that you're controlling ....
.... then if you were to abide by your principles ....
.... then your daughter by rights of her relationship with him being on the exact same level as your relationship with her ...
.... he would then have a RIGHT to DECIDE on her behalf that because you were fucking bitch to him as a wife, then that would mean you're a fucking bitch as a mother.
And every rational mind reading this, realizes that if you are denial of that .... then you cannot abide your own principals ....
So, if you cannot abide by your own principals ... then how you a proper teaching for your daughter in teaching her about principals and values?
The same principals do not apply. I parent, he leaves his daughter with complete strangers so he can go drink and gamble. Logic doesn't apply when there isn't logic...
Posted by P-Angel
So, my whole point wasn't whether your concern for her is valid or not ..... rather, how you automatically assume that their feelings for each other are under your control, and then approaching this situation with that mindset.
If she is truly in distress then some sort of truce should be called between you and him so you can be on more respectful terms, if the two of you are raising a child together .... because you say some horrible shit about her father.
leeching? ... as in sucking feelings out of her/or blackmailing her feelings?
what a horrid attitude to have for a the emotional well being of a child with her relationship with her father !!
You don't own your child ... she is not a possession.
The answer to your question should come naturally to a parent who is sharing the rearing ... the answer is to resolve your issues with him, so that she can grow with two loving parents ... rather than two astranged lovers who bad mouth each other.
You have 20 years raising a son, or however many years you wrote as your evidence of your worth as a parent ... so why is she 10 and you haven't figured out the most important thing of all for her emotional well-being?
which is love of family ..... it would be an easy and logical assumption to think that you're just as resentful of her relationship with his family also.
And I don't think any of this is a reach .... the words you use to describe how you feel about your daughter's father is an indication of how you feel .. how you feel is how you present to her on his character ..... and that should be obvious to anyone who pays attention to what they live.
A person can say anything ... how you present yourself is how you feel ... so you're representing some bad shit to your daughter about a man she absolutely adores.
You have ventured so far off the beaten path...
You have some serious issues. I suggest you stay away from giving advice in regards to parenting and maybe stick to the FWB threads.
Posted by FixedWater
The same principals do not apply. I parent, he leaves his daughter with complete strangers so he can go drink and gamble. Logic doesn't apply when there isn't logic...
OK...I've seen ^^^ this before. Let me ask. Are you there with them? Are you spying on him? How do you know this?
Posted by duchessedenemours
At least her father is in her life. And tbh, I think it's better for her to be prepared.
I had to have a conversation about death with my daughter because of stuff she overheard elsewhere and she's only 3.
There is no way to protect children from death. And I say this as someone who experienced someone's else death as a young child..
+1
This is exactly what I am concerned about and you reiterated it for me IS, and thankyou. 🙂
"No parent wants their child living with real or imagined fears in their fragily growing tender minds. This can set a child up for a lifetime of irrational fears."
As her Mother, it is my job to get to the bottom of why she fears her dad dead. Why it came up in the cards, and why the card reader made a point of telling me that it was a 'big thing'.
Could she be having a premonition? Most certainly... she is very intuitive. It is a possibility, but I do not think that's what this is.
I know the kind of man he is, and have given a few examples here for the benefit of this discussion. That he is getting something from her when he tells her of the dangerous situations he is in and instills this fear in her for his benefit (can't be for her's right?) is what I am trying to get to the bottom of. Then, how to handle it.... If she brought it up to me on her own we could have a discussion and all would be well and good. She won't verbalize it because she is a little Scorpio girl and she will instinctually fear that verbalizing it will make it true.
What he gets out of it will surely indicate how it should be handled.
He is projecting his fears onto her.
He no longer has me to project his fears onto and so now she takes my place.
"No parent wants their child living with real or imagined fears in their fragily growing tender minds. This can set a child up for a lifetime of irrational fears."
As her Mother, it is my job to get to the bottom of why she fears her dad dead. Why it came up in the cards, and why the card reader made a point of telling me that it was a 'big thing'.
Could she be having a premonition? Most certainly... she is very intuitive. It is a possibility, but I do not think that's what this is.
I know the kind of man he is, and have given a few examples here for the benefit of this discussion. That he is getting something from her when he tells her of the dangerous situations he is in and instills this fear in her for his benefit (can't be for her's right?) is what I am trying to get to the bottom of. Then, how to handle it.... If she brought it up to me on her own we could have a discussion and all would be well and good. She won't verbalize it because she is a little Scorpio girl and she will instinctually fear that verbalizing it will make it true.
What he gets out of it will surely indicate how it should be handled.
He is projecting his fears onto her.
He no longer has me to project his fears onto and so now she takes my place.
Posted by LetltBPosted by FixedWater
The same principals do not apply. I parent, he leaves his daughter with complete strangers so he can go drink and gamble. Logic doesn't apply when there isn't logic...
OK...I've seen ^^^ this before. Let me ask. Are you there with them? Are you spying on him? How do you know this?click to expand
*She told me
Posted by duchessedenemours
At least her father is in her life. And tbh, I think it's better for her to be prepared.
I had to have a conversation about death with my daughter because of stuff she overheard elsewhere and she's only 3.
There is no way to protect children from death. And I say this as someone who experienced someone's else death as a young child. It's better for her to know than to suddenly have the experience and be completely unaware of what could happen. That would bring more shock, IMO.
Yes, he is in her life and spends a great deal of time with her.
I agree, there is no way to protect them from death and as you've experienced, it happens. The shock of losing someone you love as a young child would be absolutely devastating, and I am sorry to hear that you went through that duchess.
I have considered bringing the topic up with her and exposing those fears for her. It would simplify matters and get the job done. If it were not such a major subject that's what would have happened already.
Posted by FixedWaterPosted by LetltBPosted by FixedWater
The same principals do not apply. I parent, he leaves his daughter with complete strangers so he can go drink and gamble. Logic doesn't apply when there isn't logic...
OK...I've seen ^^^ this before. Let me ask. Are you there with them? Are you spying on him? How do you know this?
*She told meclick to expand
So her father tells her he's going out drinking and gambling? I'm not buying that one, and neither would a judge.
Posted by IrresistableScorpPosted by FixedWater
I know the kind of man he is, and have given a few examples here for the benefit of this discussion. That he is getting something from her when he tells her of the dangerous situations he is in and instills this fear in her for his benefit (can't be for her's right?) is what I am trying to get to the bottom of. Then, how to handle it....
This is exactly why I was wondering about the dynamics of your breakup. Because, I do think that ego can cause some parents to use their children as revenge against the other parent. It might even be unconscious. But that is just one thing to consider.click to expand
Thanks IS, His addictions and lying to cover up his addictions was something we had been dealing with for several years. I would say the biggest surprise was that I finally said enough.
Posted by IrresistableScorp
Okay--the father of my niece actually sexually abused my niece as revenge for my sister not wanting to stay with him. This thing went through the courts etc and cost 10's of 1000's of dollars for my sister. It ended up being my niece's word against her father. But she loved her father and didn't want to make his life hard. Can you see how conflicting this might be for a child? My niece was 3yrs old and abused until she way about 8 when the courts started paying attention. In the end, he was never charged with abuse but he finally gave up custody over taxes and $ support of all things.
My niece has had nightmares, etc her whole life due to this. It really effected her.
By the way, by sexual abuse I mean inappropriate touching. In fact, when my niece got older she told us that her father wanted this abuse to get back to my sister. What you are talking about is not nearly in the vacinity of sexual abuse, but perhaps it is inappropriate in its own way. Good luck.
That is such a sad story and situation and I agree that ego can make people do some pretty awful things. Revenge, taken out through the kids is vile and unfortunately difficult to prove in too many cases.
His behavior is inappropriate to be sure, in it's own way. I thankyou for your input and well wishes.
Posted by LetltBPosted by FixedWaterPosted by LetltBPosted by FixedWater
The same principals do not apply. I parent, he leaves his daughter with complete strangers so he can go drink and gamble. Logic doesn't apply when there isn't logic...
OK...I've seen ^^^ this before. Let me ask. Are you there with them? Are you spying on him? How do you know this?
*She told me
So her father tells her he's going out drinking and gambling? I'm not buying that one, and neither would a judge.click to expand
No LIB. She told me he left her with a stranger. He was the one that told me what he did. Is that good enough for the judge? Seriously, you are barking up the wrong tree here.
Posted by FixedWater
No LIB. She told me he left her with a stranger. He was the one that told me what he did. Is that good enough for the judge? Seriously, you are barking up the wrong tree here.
With all due respect...I definitely am not barking up the wrong tree, because let me tell you as a parent if this is TRUE...my ass would be in family court filing neglect charges. All you're doing is complaining about it in a public forum where you don't know anyone. That makes no sense to me. Who the hell says it's ok for the other parent to leave their kid with a STRANGER? You have a right to know WHO is in charge of your child during her visitation when the other parent isn't there.
So WHY haven't you?
I'd be breaking my ass to protect my child especially if these accusations are true. All it takes is five minutes alone: The judge and your daughter and possibly a law guardian the court appoints.
It's weird that throughout this thread all you claim to be worried about is your daughter's worries of her father dying. Now this revelation. No..I'm definitely not barking up the wrong tree.
I smell bullshit.
It's weird that throughout this thread all you claim to be worried about is your daughter's worries of her father dying. Now this revelation. No..I'm definitely not barking up the wrong tree.
I smell bullshit.
In summary.....
I posted this thread to figure out how best to help my daughter.
I spent more time and energy reading and responding to trash talk geared towards me.
When you could not prove your point you disappeared.... where did you go?
Not exactly productive, wouldn't you agree? ... and you said you only cared about "the child". Pffft.
After reflecting more on what IS has said, I do believe it has a great deal to do with Ego. He ripped lives apart, and there's no one else to blame but himself. That is the nature of addiction...
The "What to do" part came to me very suddenly and I asked her to make a list of all of her fears numbering them for importance. I asked her to include every single thing she could think of so the focus would be on "her fears". There were 17 in total and we dealt with each one starting at the top. We made a date of it, had popcorn and shut all of the phones and Ipad's and computer's off. Lit some candles and bonded over our fears, the serious and the silly. So, the answer was to deal directly with her and in doing that I have empowered her. Now she has a new understanding of her fears and can deflect when her father get's carried away.
I posted this thread to figure out how best to help my daughter.
I spent more time and energy reading and responding to trash talk geared towards me.
When you could not prove your point you disappeared.... where did you go?
Not exactly productive, wouldn't you agree? ... and you said you only cared about "the child". Pffft.
After reflecting more on what IS has said, I do believe it has a great deal to do with Ego. He ripped lives apart, and there's no one else to blame but himself. That is the nature of addiction...
The "What to do" part came to me very suddenly and I asked her to make a list of all of her fears numbering them for importance. I asked her to include every single thing she could think of so the focus would be on "her fears". There were 17 in total and we dealt with each one starting at the top. We made a date of it, had popcorn and shut all of the phones and Ipad's and computer's off. Lit some candles and bonded over our fears, the serious and the silly. So, the answer was to deal directly with her and in doing that I have empowered her. Now she has a new understanding of her fears and can deflect when her father get's carried away.
@ Rabbit if you're reading this...I almost bet this thread will be deleted too.
Posted by IrresistableScorpPosted by FixedWaterPosted by IrresistableScorpPosted by FixedWater
I know the kind of man he is, and have given a few examples here for the benefit of this discussion. That he is getting something from her when he tells her of the dangerous situations he is in and instills this fear in her for his benefit (can't be for her's right?) is what I am trying to get to the bottom of. Then, how to handle it....
This is exactly why I was wondering about the dynamics of your breakup. Because, I do think that ego can cause some parents to use their children as revenge against the other parent. It might even be unconscious. But that is just one thing to consider.
Thanks IS, His addictions and lying to cover up his addictions was something we had been dealing with for several years. I would say the biggest surprise was that I finally said enough.
Maybe you should discuss this with the father first and get his take? 🙂
Is your an ex the Aqua? Just wondering...click to expand
I am going to discuss this with him now, but to say simply that he needs to keep the horror stories to himself as they are creating fear and anxiety in her. I realized a long time ago that he needs to fix himself and that nothing I say will change his actions. It is his path...
No my ex-husband is Capricorn.
Posted by FixedWater
In summary.....
I posted this thread to figure out how best to help my daughter.
I spent more time and energy reading and responding to trash talk geared towards me.
When you could not prove your point you disappeared.... where did you go?
Not exactly productive, wouldn't you agree? ... and you said you only cared about "the child". Pffft.
After reflecting more on what IS has said, I do believe it has a great deal to do with Ego. He ripped lives apart, and there's no one else to blame but himself. That is the nature of addiction...
The "What to do" part came to me very suddenly and I asked her to make a list of all of her fears numbering them for importance. I asked her to include every single thing she could think of so the focus would be on "her fears". There were 17 in total and we dealt with each one starting at the top. We made a date of it, had popcorn and shut all of the phones and Ipad's and computer's off. Lit some candles and bonded over our fears, the serious and the silly. So, the answer was to deal directly with her and in doing that I have empowered her. Now she has a new understanding of her fears and can deflect when her father get's carried away.
If that^^ was directed at me..
Don't bullshit, the majority of us gave you the benefit of the doubt, and I'm beginning to think you pissed all over that after wasted time. What point was I suppose to prove?
Now you say you've "fixed" it with a list and some candles. But hey....allowing him to leave that child with a total stranger is alllllllllllll good & empowering eh?. Light a candle for that too. Thanks for wasting my time. You may want to include parenting classes perhaps they have candle lit ones that would be most befitting for your concerns.
Posted by FixedWater
I am going to discuss this with him now, but to say simply that he needs to keep the horror stories to himself as they are creating fear and anxiety in her. I realized a long time ago that he needs to fix himself and that nothing I say will change his actions. It is his path...
No my ex-husband is Capricorn.
^^^^^^^^^Yet the "horror" of him leaving your daughter with a stranger will get swept under the rug, because the bottom line is, this about YOU and the need to control as an ex-wife. This has nothing to do with your child. Perhaps when he leaves her again with a stranger and something backfires with that and family services asks you why you did not report this prior, don't use the fear and candle story. My guess is you'll simply say.."I didn't know"
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