Reconciliation or what?

I hope you can help me understand better because I don't know anymore.

1. We are separated.
Almost a year ago, things got very strained between us. He thought I was demanding and I thought he was straight up uncaring. It led to serious tensions. In April this year, he asked that we get a separation. Nothing I said or begged for would work so I reluctantly agreed.

2. He said he would like us to work on reconciling.
About a month ago, circumstances led us together again. It was all quite awkward but then he says he would like to work on reconciling. We talked about our issues and talked to a counselor. Things seemed to be going smoothly till...


A wild Leo appears.

1. Leo really was a sudden addition to my work. You may call it serendipity, but his charisma and intellect had us ALL gravitating to him. Even Scorp has had Leo over to hang out with him and the boys. I mean, it was Scorp who encouraged Leo to move on from his current heartbreak and find himself a new girl.
The only thing he probably didn't expect would be that Leo would boldly turn to flirting with me.

Now, in order to nip Leo's bold overtures in the bud, I started to wear my wedding ring again. Leo backed off, until Scorpio saw it one day and said maybe I'm moving too fast. We are still separated. I was mortified because so many people were around... including Leo. Wish the ground had opened up then and there though because Leo came back with more than just flirting. He came full throttle to pursue me.

Scorpio got mad.

[Cont]

The thing is, I told Leo immediately that we had better run things professionally. It took confessing some of my darkest fantasies to get him to understand. Yet, Scorp refuses to see that the only person I'm interested in is him.

We had an argument where I told him he was as dumb as a skunk. I mean, how can one man be so blind.

Anyway, we got back to our counselor and he says he really wants us to reconcile.

So, I'm confused. Which is it?

Posted by Impulsv
Leo is a dirt bag for going behind his Freind but if u like that kinda guy go for it.
I mean who does that

I'm not interested in Leo.

I want Scorpio.

Man, I'm honestly not sure how you experience all of these things and still think the scorp is desirable. You two will be arguing your whole lives. But, hey, if you love him, you love him. It sounds like the scorp gets carried away with his emotions and insecurities. You ask how he can be so blind, but if he responds emotionally and in the moment, there's not going to be much logic behind what he's doing. Sounds like he's too stubborn to relay anything but what he said when he was emotional (so, if he actually wanted to reconcile, it sounds like he would not clearly state that since his words have shown that he is focusing on more negative things like your situation with the leo rather than something positive like reconciling.)

My advice is to take it one day at a time and to go into situations with him without expectations. Also, relay things with words more often, instead of actions. Actions can get misinterpreted as you've seen, but if you clearly state your intentions or thoughts, there's less chance for miscommunication. I would have left it at telling the leo that you're not interested. He doesn't even need reasons or 'fantasies' or whatever else. The simpler the conversation is, the better. Less for the other to misinterpret or use against you.

Keep in mind that all of what I just said is assumptions. You obviously know these guys a heck of a lot better than me.

Posted by Impulsv
." It took confessing some of my darkest fantasies to get him to understand. "
Does Scorpio know this?
Would take that too nicely.

As a Scorpio woman I'd be a bitch n not care about niceties to get him to get it. Maybe he's not seeing that side so HE scorp thinks there is some interest . N some scorp forget people are t like us, no issues being cut throat.

Leo and I are on equal paygrade here.

I just don't want things to get awkward at board meetings so I needed to use tact.

Posted by Scenic
Man, I'm honestly not sure how you experience all of these things and still think the scorp is desirable. You two will be arguing your whole lives. But, hey, if you love him, you love him. It sounds like the scorp gets carried away with his emotions and insecurities. You ask how he can be so blind, but if he responds emotionally and in the moment, there's not going to be much logic behind what he's doing. Sounds like he's too stubborn to relay anything but what he said when he was emotional (so, if he actually wanted to reconcile, it sounds like he would not clearly state that since his words have shown that he is focusing on more negative things like your situation with the leo rather than something positive like reconciling.)

My advice is to take it one day at a time and to go into situations with him without expectations. Also, relay things with words more often, instead of actions. Actions can get misinterpreted as you've seen, but if you clearly state your intentions or thoughts, there's less chance for miscommunication. I would have left it at telling the leo that you're not interested. He doesn't even need reasons or 'fantasies' or whatever else. The simpler the conversation is, the better. Less for the other to misinterpret or use against you.

Keep in mind that all of what I just said is assumptions. You obviously know these guys a heck of a lot better than me.

Obviously, I hardly know the one man I should know best.

He's intense. Everything gets intense. One minute we are all very happy, the next is this.

Well, scorps are stereotypically known to enjoy the highs and lows, or really any extreme. That's part of what ruined my relationship with one before.

Posted by 037
... until Scorpio saw it one day and said maybe I'm moving too fast. We are still separated. I was mortified because so many people were around... including Leo. Wish the ground had opened up then and there...

😐

And on so many levels.

Posted by starlover

Posted by WhiteChocolate
Too much drama.

Far too much

click to expand

Like he wants to play her like a piano, and see how she likes

being played.

This story looks much different on this side of the board.

I wouldn't tolerate that.

Posted by FrostAndBite
I'm a little confused about some of your details. Mostly the fantasy things. Like fantasies for life or sexual ones? Who did you tell the fantasies to again the Leo or the Scorpio? I'm also feel fuzzy on the initial separation by that seems too large to tackle for sale of current circumstances.

Regardless, the best bet is to go all in and stay steadfast in that. I'm the variety of Scorp that's more emotionally volatile and steadfastness is liberating to me.

This might be a terrible suggestion by the other scorps standards, but why not keep wearing that ring? Make a stance on how you feel that's a visual daily reminder of who you want.

The fantasy thing was because Leo is a high ranking board member like me. I had to reconsider a direct approach to telling him I wasn't interested because we work closely on very sensitive cases and I didn't want things to get awkward.

So, while reading through some files recently, our conversation was steered into fantasy movies. I managed to bring it to sexual fantasies and then I told him I'd dominate him and choke him if we were together like that.

I haven't got a good morning text since then.

I read the OP incorrectly. I'm not sure how I missed a key word. Ignore what I wrote earlier.

Posted by PhoenixRising
I read the OP incorrectly. I'm not sure how I missed a key word. Ignore what I wrote earlier.

No, actually, you may be right about pacing. I'm seeing evidence of what you suggested on hindsight.

Posted by 037

Posted by PhoenixRising
I read the OP incorrectly. I'm not sure how I missed a key word. Ignore what I wrote earlier.

No, actually, you may be right about pacing. I'm seeing evidence of what you suggested on hindsight.

click to expand

Okay, well if that's the case then if you would like to proceed I would look into Elly's advice. There is a desire for consistency and proof of loyalty. Scorps don't make it easy for people and the bar can often be unrealistic. Unfortunately.

Try to see through the games (testing limits and contradictory behaviour) and call him on it when they occur to pull him back when he goes off track out of fear. Not in a dramatic fashion (sorry Leo dig 😛), but in a simple matter of fact "I see what you're doing and it's not lining up with what you want. Come check me when you're ready to get back on track" and give him the space to get himself sorted. If you allow drama (e.g. overly emotional outburst, arguing) to come into play it will just be an opportunity to deflect and make it about you and justify why "things should go slow".

I would also strongly suggest you set ground rules for the discussing/disclosing the state of your relationship and the contradictory behaviour. If he expects loyalty and respect during this process he should d*mn well show it in return. If he's feeling uneasy about you wearing your ring or anything else for that matter then he needs to discuss that sh*t in private and in a respectful manner. He'd get a verbal foot in his a** once we were behind closed doors if he pulled that sh*t with me because it was uncalled for. If your moving forward then move forward better than you were before or go f*ck yourself. Sorry, I'm not a fan of airing personal business in public for any reason.

Do what you need to and wear what you want. Set the ground rules for clarity on expectations, the goals on both sides and to set the foundation for the best possible outcome.

Best wishes.

^^^
Lawd, I'm not hiding that post for the one typo! *fighting the urge though*....

*you're

It feels way off that he didn't want you wearing your wedding ring. Way off. Especially after reconciliation was brought up.

Have you considered the possibility that he doesn't really want to be married to you anymore? I'm not trying to dash your hopes, but if a Scorpio has made up their mind about what they want--good luck trying to change that. You may want to seek legal advice.

I'd ask "Reconciliation FOR what?"


he asked you to remove the wedding band at work in front of everyone? I'd flush it into the toilet in front of everyone "your wish is granted. boss"

Let me explain the ring thing.

We were sitting at a table at dinner with Leo and his assistant.

Scorp didn't go stand on a podium infront of people and say to remove my ring. He didn't even say it too loud, and didn't say to remove the ring. He held my hand and said, "Aren't we moving a bit too fast here? We are still separated."

I said, "Not in my eyes, but if it bothers you I'll take it off."

And so I took it off before I realized Leo's full attention was on us.