Sexually assaulted not raped Scorpio rising, Taurus sun&moon

I was invited to a house party with a Virgo female friend . The 2 boys present there . One of them she knew . The one she knew assaulted me. It was 11 in the night she called me up said she was planning to hangout with these 2 guys . She knew one of them from 3 years. So I go there we all have drinks in the living room , just chill . This guy starts showing interest in me . I was flirting back as well . I told him I need to wake up early the next day so he got a blanket in the living room . He was funny and he seemed kind . After a while he said to me you can rest in the bedroom so I went with him there . That’s when things got bad . From the sweet , funny guy he turned into a guy who gave me nightmares.

Men are strong like really strong I know this now cos I fought his advances physically for an hour. With his words like stop moving or “you will be raped “. He kept telling me to stop fighting him . Twice i told him he can get a prostitude so he should just leave me. He said I ll punch you . The second Time when I said that he ll punch me . I believed him. I just wanted to get out of the bed . But no amount of effort or fight was helping .I kept telling him to stop putting his hand in my shirt , I kept telling him to let me go as he kept forcing his kiss on me . For an hour .The more I said no the more he violated me . I kicked I pushed all to no end . I cried , I begged , I told him he was scaring me . The only way he stopped is when I stopped kicking and pushing & told him I liked him too .I thought that my energy isn’t working maybe just playing along will. Cos I didn’t want to have sex with him . I was sure about that. When he asked me to kiss him I kissed him back. Cos I was tired of fighting him and being hurt . We heard some noise in the living room , thats when my opportunity struck and I told him to check what it was , and that I would stay here waiting for him . That’s why he stopped and left . The moment he left I leapt after a minute or 2 . Pushing my friend to leave with me . I was scared .

I screamed and shouted in attempts so my friend could hear me in the living room . She told me the next day she couldn’t hear me , infact she told me “why didn’t he do that to me”. She told me “why didn’t I just come out the bedroom” , she told me “ why dint I tell her the same Time “ .I was scared , she doesn’t understand what I mean scared I don’t know how to articulate it . Explain it . I was scared . Scared he would punch me like he said he would . Scared he would break me . Scared they are 2 and me and my friend are just women .

She can’t understand and guest what blames me .

I am suffering now from post assault symptoms. Spent 2 days crying , drinking , numb , thoughts that would take me back to him bed . That feeling of helplessness. Numbness . That humiliation. That anger of how dare he . I thought of reporting him to the authorities. But here’s the thing . My friend is a non believer, I entered the bed room with my wish .

I never thought this would happen to me . When I looked online 1 out of 3 women . 1 out of 8 men . It’s that common ?? What world are we living in