struggling with breakup. Help!

Me and my fellow scorpio have been in a relationship for almost a year. Everything was fantastic until 6 weeks ago when his mother died after a long illness. I did everything I could to support him, gave him space when he wanted, was there when he wanted me to be. Held his hand at the funeral. But I could feel him drifting away day by day. the day after the funeral was valentines day. We got together for the night. I didn't want to make a fuss when he was grieving so we just had a quiet night in. Everything seemed fine. We told each other how much we loved each other as we did every other day. 2 days later he rang to say he no longer wanted to be in a relationship and it was over. He saw no future anymore. Obviously I was distraught but respected his wishes and didn't contact him for a week until it got too much and txt to say how much I missed him and could we talk. All I got was a cold reply saying it was over and he was sorry. fast forward 3 weeks and he txt today to say he was seeing his ex again. I feel like my world is shattered. The realisation that he has lied about not wanting a relationship,just not wanting to be in a relationship with me has hit me like a ton of bricks. I realise this is probably grief that's causing him to behave like this. but his behaviour has hurt me deeply and I'm really struggling to cope. Should I just move on?

Well answer this:

Would you honestly be able to trust him again given how this has played out?

Speaking from experience, it is possible that he is dealing with his grief by destroying the good things around him. However, that still doesn't excuse his behaviour. I really don't think that is what is at play here (getting with his ex to deal with his grief). Some things don't fit---but people deal with grief differently.

I wouldn't push for this.

No I don't think I could trust him now. And i totally agree about something not ringing true. He has a history of people abusing his trust, his friends and family treat him as a bottomless money pit. I think this has a lot to do with trust issues. If he pushes away the people closest to him he can't get hurt again. My head says walk away but the heart is a different matter. Incidently it's not just me he's pushed away, he refuses to talk to his best friend as well

That's fucked up. Like... seriously. Considering whats going on in his life, for him to do something so underhanded is disgusting. I get he's grieving all but damn.And with an ex? fuck that. I wouldn't have shit to say to homeboy.


I hope you heal soon and you find inner peace.

That sucks. Sometimes life-turning events will simply make us shift priorities. It is at those times that we realize what's truly important, for better or (in your case) worse. Maybe this ordeal made him realize that he felt lonely with you deep down inside, this can be for any number of reasons, and even if you were there for him it just didn't feel right anymore. Something inside of him dropped.

Sometimes I hate being a scorpio. I seem to have an unusually strong sixth sense about things. Had a feeling all along she was involved and was right. Really didn't need him to txt to tell me. That was incredibly hurtful.

He's being irrational and you need to protect your heart. He is using his ex gf to get over you.

Remember this if nothing else people will always remember the good you have done with them and will always come back to you because kindness is rare.

When he comes back make him work twice as hard to get you back that's IF you would want him back. Teach him how to treat you.

For now stay busy and focus on you 🙂

Posted by IrresistableScorp
Grief can cause a person to make really bad decisions.

Could be that too, yeah.

Posted by Rabbit


But it's his life, not yours. He needs to do what's right for him and he's not responsible for anyone else's feelings.

Im sorry, but if you're in a relationship you actually DO have to be responsible for you SO's feelings. You don't get to just start fucking your ex because you're "grieving". How selfish. And now she has to walk around in pain because of him. Astrology aside, he was grieving wasnt THAT damn hard. Especially to be fuckin on an ex while deceiving her.

He wasn't grieving that hard* *

Im gunna stop posting on the ssubject. Best wishes, lady. Chin up.

I know how he must be feeling. I lost my own mother to the same illness 4 years ago. I was single at the time but would have been so grateful if someone had been there for me.
She has only ever been after one thing from him and thats money. She doesn't work and he left her last time because he was sick of her and her grown up kids using him and getting stoned all the time. She's seen his defences are low and has taken advantage. I just need to keep my cool and rise above for now

What about his feelings? Why are they the only ones that matter?

People die all the time... parents, siblings and children. But his feelings are so important he can let someone hold his hand through her illness and death, say I love you and a few days later dump her and run to the arms of another woman?

LOL is right. Poor baby, he just can't deal so he has to reject his gf, best friend and god knows who else. Is he allowed to shit on everyone at his work too?

smh. This is why I don't mess with Scorps, they hurt others by default and people are counselled to be understanding and wait out unexceptable bad behaviour.

fuck that and him... I'd torch his car and let him add that to his woes

Posted by IrresistableScorp

Posted by Scorpiette
I know how he must be feeling. I lost my own mother to the same illness 4 years ago. I was single at the time but would have been so grateful if someone had been there for me.
She has only ever been after one thing from him and thats money. She doesn't work and he left her last time because he was sick of her and her grown up kids using him and getting stoned all the time. She's seen his defences are low and has taken advantage. I just need to keep my cool and rise above for now

Do you know what sign the ex is?
How long were they together? How quickly did you get together after the break up? A little more detail please.

click to expand

No idea what sign she is. They were together around 3 years on and off. We got together about 6 months after they broke up.

Posted by Scorpiette
No I don't think I could trust him now. And i totally agree about something not ringing true.... If he pushes away the people closest to him he can't get hurt again... Incidently it's not just me he's pushed away, he refuses to talk to his best friend as well

To be clear, I was leaning towards what Rabbit explained. If it was simply about him pushing people away then it would apply to everyone---especially an ex. Not just you and his best friend.

Sorry.

I'm not a histrionic Scorpio Man-hater so you can leave the self-pity at the door.

Looking deeper into the situation = justifying bad behaviour. You can narrow it down as much as you like but not begin able to deal personally and using others to handle his emotions will still be the core answer.

Why can't he give HIMSELF what he needs? Why is he seeking solace through another person?

Posted by Rabbit

Posted by Rabbit
His mother's death may have caused him to rethink his own life. And he could have realized you were not the right person for him at that time. He may have decided his ex WAS the right person.

Is he correct in that analysis? Maybe yes. Maybe no.

Should he have been more honest with you? Absolutely.

But it's his life, not yours. He needs to do what's right for him and he's not responsible for anyone else's feelings.

The death of a parent can be traumatic. Other people may never know how much pain he felt/feels now.

But the non-Scorpio female talking heads will be awfully quick to crucify him regardless.

Right on que.

Tell me...do you think OP included every detail in her story?

Is she being 100% truthful?

What if OP's idea of "being there for him" wasn't giving him what he needed at the time.

But really...why does it matter?

The histrionic Scorpio Man-haters will ignore simple, obvious possibilities and go straight to the crucifixion process.

click to expand

Which bit do you think I'm not being honest about? The fact i dropped everything to be at his side when he asked? His own son who lives half a mile away couldn't be bothered to go see him.
Or the details that he cried in my arms at night while he slept for the first time in weeks?
I don't hate him, I'm simply trying to make sense of the situation

You're right, and she has every right to be pissed or confused. She was there for him and he dropped her for an ex. That's a cold, asshole move and she's trying to make sense of it.

Posted by Scorpiette

Which bit do you think I'm not being honest about? The fact i dropped everything to be at his side when he asked? His own son who lives half a mile away couldn't be bothered to go see him.
Or the details that he cried in my arms at night while he slept for the first time in weeks?
I don't hate him, I'm simply trying to make sense of the situation

Yeah, there's more to the story on his end...

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP...

Posted by Rabbit
OP just because YOU think you gave him everything doesn't mean that's what HE wanted.

So it's ok for him to use her for support... until the time she's no longer providing him with what he wants

Sounds very much like what the married Scorpio is doing with Gem9.

use, use and use some more

Posted by Rabbit

It may or may not be right, but it is something to think about regardless of how loudly the harpies screech.

Your passive aggression is annoying. Anyone who points out any type of hypocrisy or criticism is instantly a hater or a harpie. yawn

Posted by Rabbit
he recognized that you were there for him and he was grateful for that, but he came to the realization that you simply weren't the person he wanted to spend his life with....

You're assuming a great deal here and putting words into this guys mouth. Why do you think this is the reason he left her?

What if it has nothing to do with that?

Rabbit, you have come to the conclusion that this guy left her because she was no longer meeting his needs.

Are you saying that the OP didn't give her partner love and respect?

If that was the case.. he could be man enough to articulate it. But maybe he's hurting so bad it slipped his mind to consider his partners feelings...

Posted by Rabbit
OP...if he had been honest and told you, after he broke up with you, that he recognized that you were there for him and he was grateful for that, but he came to the realization that you simply weren't the person he wanted to spend his life with....would this have changed your feelings?

it has the same meaning... nice try Rabbit

"if he had been honest and told you"

you are assuming that what you wrote is HIS honesty...

He has been honest to a point. He told me he was grateful for and appreciated my support and he loved me but didn't want to be in a relationship with ANYONE. that he wanted to be alone. I RESPECTED that decision. We had a perfectly normal loving relationship up until his mothers death. We were planning on moving in together. I have known him 17 years, longer than the ex has. She has hounded him constantly through our relationship wanting him back and asking for money. Yes the fact he has allowed her back into his life has pissed me off. she only wants him back for one reason. he can't see that at the moment.

Posted by Rabbit
That's why its a hypothetical question. The truth is not known by you, I, or any other user except the OP and her ex.

And no...it doesn't have the same meaning. Again... you're reaching.

I've already stated that I've offered one plausible solution. I've never claimed it was the truth nor did I claim it was 100% accurate. Neither myself nor you know what really happened or what's going on in this guys mind.

But as your extensive posting history on the Scorpio board can attest...you love to jump in on Scorpio threads and argue, regardless of the topic or context, and launch ad hominen attacks on anyone who's views don't match your own.

Right now you're just posting whatever you think will stick...

extensive posting history of attacks? lol I express my opinion like I do on every thread on every board. I had to go back and check to see the last time I've actually posted on the Scorpio board, don't spend much time here but whatever

you're going to take the poor me getting bullied approach...

carry on

Ok im back.


He is a weak man that is easily manipulated. He had a choice in letting her in or telling her to piss off because he was in a relationship. He decided to be disloyal and weak ; he let her back in. Dont ignore his behavior because of his mother's death. He is still a functional human being and made a choice.

And don't infantilize him to convenience yourself from looking the big picture. He betrayed your loyalty and trust. Why go back to someone like that?

I wasn't addressing you Gemi9 nor was I feeling sorry for you.

The guy you're cheating with knows exactly what he's doing while you seem to be clueless, or just accepting, or both. It's more a case of you two deserve each other.

Rabbit is right when he says that the Scorpio doesn't owe the OP anything, he is not responsible for her feelings. Still, the guy is in a highly emotional state and making decisions that are hurting others around him. He is responsible for his actions and their consequences. Not cool and he should be called out on it.

Did he realize within 3 weeks that his ex is the one he needs to be with? Unlikely... yet shade was cast on the OP and what she was or wasn't giving him.

Posted by Rabbit

Posted by shellshocker
I wasn't addressing you Gemi9 nor was I feeling sorry for you.
The guy you're cheating with knows exactly what he's doing while you seem to be clueless, or just accepting, or both. It's more a case of you two deserve each other.
Rabbit is right when he says that the Scorpio doesn't owe the OP anything, he is not responsible for her feelings. Still, the guy is in a highly emotional state and making decisions that are hurting others around him. He is responsible for his actions and their consequences. Not cool and he should be called out on it.
Did he realize within 3 weeks that his ex is the one he needs to be with? Unlikely... yet shade was cast on the OP and what she was or wasn't giving him.

That's where you're confused.
I did in fact say that OP wasn't giving him what he needs/wants.

But that's not OPs fault. I have no doubt she gave 100% of her heart and soul to him. But that just wasn't what he expected. She did nothing wrong.

It happens all the time. People come to the realization that they are just not on the same page. It's no one's fault. It just happens. That's a risk you take when you enter into a relationship.

I DO think he knew the relationship was rocky long before his mother's death. He should have addressed that sooner rather than later. He's not faultless in this by any means.

click to expand

that is true. sucks, but the reality of it, is true.

2nd part is, well, it was probably "hidden" inside him looooong before and his mother's death brought it out. It perhaps became the "catalyst". Even after a loved one's death, the connection is either strong or it wasn't really that much, deep down. which goes back to the first part, which sucks.

"You choose to continue to let them control your emotions or to free yourself from that control and grasp your own life."


The OP is pissed that she got dumped for an ex, and you LOL at that and made it about her ego. She is free to feel that way. You can tell her she should be controlling her emotions and grasping her own life all you want, but of course some ego is going to be involved.

You also said that OP wasn't giving him what he wants/needs and he very well can want to be with a gold digger who uses him for his money. Someone who provides a situation where he can wallow in pain and misery and suffer, who knows.

My issue with your comment(s) was that you were going to see things from the male perspective positive or negative, thats great. However, if anyone was going to see things from the OPs perspective... they were already in your eyes a harpie, Scorpio man hater.

People will be in disagreement it's not about right or wrong, but setting up an "if you see things like this you are a blank, blank, blank" then taking the higher enlightened road seems off to me.

Posted by shellshocker
"You choose to continue to let them control your emotions or to free yourself from that control and grasp your own life."


The OP is pissed that she got dumped for an ex, and you LOL at that and made it about her ego. She is free to feel that way. You can tell her she should be controlling her emotions and grasping her own life all you want, but of course some ego is going to be involved.

You also said that OP wasn't giving him what he wants/needs and he very well can want to be with a gold digger who uses him for his money. Someone who provides a situation where he can wallow in pain and misery and suffer, who knows.

My issue with your comment(s) was that you were going to see things from the male perspective positive or negative, thats great. However, if anyone was going to see things from the OPs perspective... they were already in your eyes a harpie, Scorpio man hater.

People will be in disagreement it's not about right or wrong, but setting up an "if you see things like this you are a blank, blank, blank" then taking the higher enlightened road seems off to me.

when youre put aside, and you(general - you) weren't enough for him, anyone on the receiving end, will have their ego destroyed. It sucks horribly when you are not "wanted" or not the "chosen one". It doesn't matter if she's a golddigger, or wealthy princess, or cheapskate office worker, or even a humble gardner. He didn't choose her. That would kill anyone's ego, but also, if she truly loved him, she would let him go. (because your ego is not in the equation anymore when you love) That's the hardest part of loving, is to letting people go, so they may have the chance to come to you. If it is meant to be. (i know that's a quote somewhere, but there is some truth to it.)

Posted by shellshocker
"You choose to continue to let them control your emotions or to free yourself from that control and grasp your own life."


The OP is pissed that she got dumped for an ex, and you LOL at that and made it about her ego. She is free to feel that way. You can tell her she should be controlling her emotions and grasping her own life all you want, but of course some ego is going to be involved.

You also said that OP wasn't giving him what he wants/needs and he very well can want to be with a gold digger who uses him for his money. Someone who provides a situation where he can wallow in pain and misery and suffer, who knows.

My issue with your comment(s) was that you were going to see things from the male perspective positive or negative, thats great. However, if anyone was going to see things from the OPs perspective... they were already in your eyes a harpie, Scorpio man hater.

People will be in disagreement it's not about right or wrong, but setting up an "if you see things like this you are a blank, blank, blank" then taking the higher enlightened road seems off to me.

+10000000000


He immediately took the guys side and blew the OP off. Totally tried to invalidate her feelings n call it ego wtf

Posted by Rabbit
No I wasn't taking his side. I was explaining the WHY part.

I was never given the opportunity to elaborate further.

Whatever.

😐

Posted by Rabbit
His mother's death may have caused him to rethink his own life. And he could have realized you were not the right person for him at that time. He may have decided his ex WAS the right person.

Is he correct in that analysis? Maybe yes. Maybe no.

Should he have been more honest with you? Absolutely.

But it's his life, not yours. He needs to do what's right for him and he's not responsible for anyone else's feelings.

The death of a parent can be traumatic. Other people may never know how much pain he felt/feels now.

But the non-Scorpio female talking heads will be awfully quick to crucify him regardless.

This is a good post.

He should have been considerably more considerate to OP's feelings. A year is a reasonable relationship. It was spiteful for him to say about the ex and it was unnecessary. Perhaps he wanted to put the boot in, perhaps he just didn't want to be with OP. Who knows?

Posted by Rabbit
Understood. To be honest you seem to always have an antagonist tone in your posts here. Maybe I misunderstood your intentions and I'll keep that in mind next time. I apologize.

And I agree with the ego part. Absolutley she has a right to feel hurt. Anyone would.

But let's be honest...if the ex wasn't involved, would this situation be as hurtful?

Not only is OP dealing with the hurt from the break up, she's dealing with the "what does the ex have that I dont? " factor.

Her ego is bruised. But that's one more person she's allowing to determine how she feels. She needs to let that shit go. She needs to remind herself that SHE was the one there for him, not the ex, that she was genuinely being herself and putting herself on the line. And THAT is makes her stronger and the better person.

I am blunt and can seem antagonistic... which can be off putting. I apologize.

I agree, if the ex wasn't involved it probably wouldn't be so hurtful. I don't think she should wait or make excuses for him because of his mother's death. The trust has been broken. It might help in her healing to express how the situation has affected her and sort out why she is so hurt.. before walking away.

A lot of interesting comments and thoughts on this. Given me a lot to think about.
I genuinely do not think he was with the ex before the break up. He could have dumped me before nhis mother died but didn't. He chose to be with me and asked me to attend the funeral with him. The same night he thanked me told me he loved me. We spent the weekend together as we always did.
I could have accepted the breakup if he had wanted time to grieve and think. But this thing with the ex seems spiteful. He didn't need to tell me as we don't live in the same town and are unlikely to bump into each other. His friends no nothing of them being back together either. He is a very emotionally immature man who seems incapable of forming lasting bonds. I am better off without him. Will take time but for now i have cut off all contact. It's the only thing i can do for myself to heal

Dear Scorpio Sister,

The Scorpio male will often deal with stress/grief with isolation. TOTAL isolation.
( like, if we could get to MARS ... that's where we'd be. )
The Scorpio male will often deal with LOSS of someone close to them by cutting off all other relationships to avoid FUTURE loss that they CANNOT control. So, they control it by getting it over with NOW. Does that make sense?

So, that's what happened. However I don't know if anything but TIME can fix it.
BUT ... sometimes we also TEST others to see how LOYAL they are to ensure their INVESTMENT in a long term relationship won't be wasted.

So ... why don't you just ask him if "maybe" any of those things were a factor in his wanting to break up, being sure to say "so that I don't feel like it's my fault" and see what happens.

Let me get this straight: he broke up with her (which he is entitled to), and AFTER that he got back with an ex... I see nothing wrong with that, all the guys who had attack this guy what did you expect? That after his mum passed away he should think on his gf feelings? He did what he could in a very low point in his life.
OP I understand your pain, but all you need to focus on is that you did everything you could. However I understand him as well because I have been in that position.
When my dad passed away I would try to break up with my then taurus boyfriend at least once a day for weeks, I was destroyed and because I loved him I wanted him to be happy but I felt that I couldn't make him as happy as he deserved so I tried to dump him for weeks, the only reason that we didn't break up then was because every time I said "i think we should break up" he refused to the break up and stayed with me no matter what.
Maybe your scorp guy really meant it when he said he didn't want to be with anybody, but then the ex came back and she made a stronger case... That's between him and her.
In this situation the best advice I could give you OP is to think only about yourself, to do things that make you happy and time will heal all your wounds.

Posted by scorpiopics
Dear Scorpio Sister,

The Scorpio male will often deal with stress/grief with isolation. TOTAL isolation.
( like, if we could get to MARS ... that's where we'd be. )

I do the same... I locked the door and no need to communicate the world. I communicate myself.

I think he loved her and he cannot afford a heartaches again... I believe it's FEARS.