Two Scorpios with no role models.

I know this is pretty premature to be thinking about any of this, but I just met my BF's son this weekend after dating for almost 3 months and it is just hitting me that we may be starting to get into real relationship mode and that this may actually be going somewhere. Getting to that 3 month place is a first for both of us for many years and we have just both been daters that have a hard time finding chemistry with someone. We are both over 40 and have never been married and I think that both of us are pretty skeptical about the whole forever lasting sanctity of marriage concept. Both of our Fathers have been married 4 times each and both of our Mothers were married twice each so we have had no marriage role models. We had a general conversation about the desire to be in a serious relationship that leads to marriage on our first date, but that we never wanted to just settle because we were older and give in to the societal pressure to marry. We both said that we think that we would have a much better chance of a successful marriage if we waited until later in life to marry someone so we would not make the mistakes that our parents made.

For the first month we talked a lot about things that we were are planning to do in the future together like trips and meeting each other's families (mostly him starting these conversations) but I have noticed that the more serious it gets the less he (we) talk about the future. I was even thinking that maybe his feelings were changing, but then out of the blue this week he was determined for me to meet his son. Just when I thought he was trying to slow things down. We just seem to be so much alike. Maybe too much alike. Neither one of us wants to jinx anything and we don't know how to act now that we are moving into this new phaze. I always thought the person I would end up with in the long run would come from a family that his parents stayed together and had no fears about committment and that person would teach me the ways of having a successful relationship. I can't help but get excited at the possibility that I might actually not end up alone in life, but I feel like we are two amateurs that if you look at it on paper don't have a chance in hell. It will be very interesting to see where this "blind leading the blind" relationship will go. I hate that I'm even thinking too far into the future and having to "know" what's going to happen. Why can't I just fucking relax and enjoy it?

"Neither one of us wants to jinx anything .."


I have some comments for you on this topic. First one is addressing the above quote of yours ... throughout your description over the last 3 months, you fill us in about your relationship using terms to suggest uncertainty, doubt .. such as, "this may actually be going somewhere.", "both of us are pretty skeptical", "we have had no marriage role models", etc .... in reality, there is no jinxing, there is however, thoughts which creates reality. And if you both are paranoid, afraid, or have any kind of mistrust about the certainty of both your hearts in togetherness .... then this fear or "jinxing" will become your reality, gslove.

Second .. this quote threw me, and I still cannot fathom what you meant by it, how you can process this as a reflection on you and him ...

"We both said that we think that we would have a much better chance of a successful marriage if we waited until later in life to marry someone so we would not make the mistakes that our parents made."

Time? You are basing the existence of love between two people according to years on the earth? This is inconcievable to me. Quality of life, and quality of a relationship does not know age, gslove, it only knows how to love, in order to bring this quality to you.

Whether your parents, or his, made a mistake 50 years ago, or 5 minutes ago as it pertains to their quality of love in life .. has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on how you feel about your man, or how your man feels about you ..... that is, unless the two of you incorporate this paranoia into your relationship essence = jinx (see above).

Third, a loving person does NOT, I said, does absolutely fucking NOT need a role model, or any kind of teacher .. to give lessons to the spirit on how to love. This (love) is a gift given to each of us, we are born knowing how to love.

You have a wonderful relationship trying to flourish and blossom into something beautiful, of it's own accord because two connected souls found each other ......... and your heart is full of doubt. You've found more reasons not to trust it, than you have TO trust it.

Stop it ... let it be free to grow unbound by conditioning you two inflict upon it.

P-Angel,

I know that everything you said is right and that is why I'm so mad at myself that I just can't turn off my mind and just go with the flow of the relationship. After I wrote this yesterday I was thinking about how my thoughts ARE my reality, just like you said. I know that we create our own thoughts and bring to us what we think so I got scared and started writing down all of these positive affirmations so that I can reprogram my negative thoughts. I am going to write them every night before I go to bed. Believe it or not for the most part I do think positive about the relationship, but I definitely have my freak out moments which seem to come at every new level of the relationship. I freak out for about a day and then I talk myself down off the ledge with your guys' help. LOL!!!

"started writing down all of these positive affirmations so that I can reprogram my negative thoughts."


There you go ... that's your road to peace and harmony with this man, and yourself.


You'll be fine, you love each other 🙂

I think you kinda do have a pont about marraige later in life. cos u no urself better there for can pick a mate better...i say go you..i wish u all the happiness in the world...

Thank you PPP. I do know myself and if I would have married early in life it would not have worked. I didn't have the knowledge or the maturity to know what it takes to make a relationship work. Hell, I'm not sure I do now either. Haha!! I do think that I have a better chance now though since I have been in enough relationships and made enough mistakes to know the difference now between a good healthy relationship and a bad toxic relationship. I also know exactly what my path is and finally love myself enough to know my worth as a woman and a human being and know what I deserve in this life and what the object of love deserves.

I heard from someone that I almost married 20 years ago recently and we talked about how young and immature that we were. He now has since been married and divorced with 2 kids. It makes me wonder what would have happened if I would have said yes to him. Where would I be in this world now if I had made different choices. I don't think I would have regretted having children, but my life would be much different than it is now so I definitely have no regrets of turning him down or the other 3 guys that I considered marrying. I now feel like I have completely lived my life to the fullest and now I would love to settle down with someone for the next half of my life, but I won't force it to happen. I didn't wait this long to settle.

Best of luck with this... hey, there's no Virgo in your chart mussing with your head, is there? It sounds so like me!!! 😉

I'm not sure if there is virgo in my chart or not, but I was just reading another girls thread just now the worryvirgo girl and I started laughing because she sounds like me. In fact I already have another issue that I'm dealing with.

I haven't seen my scorp since the weekend when I met his son and than we both had busy weeks, but we were calling and texting and teasing all week about how we can't wait to see each other again and he called me yesterday morning and said he had to do a work dinner thing, but wanted me to come over afterwards. I told him that I know how long those work dinner things can go so instead of setting a time I told him just to call me when he was done. I was all excited so I got all dressed up and called a friend who was kind of close to where he lives and planned to have dinner with her and wait for him to call. Then while I was at dinner he called and I let it go to voice mail and he was canceling on me because he got out of work late and they were just getting started on dinner and he was really tired and that his son wanted to come over and spend the night and that he hoped I would understand. Then he sent me a text message to tell me that he had left me a message. I sent him a text message back telling him that it was no problem and that I was having dinner with a friend. I haven't heard from him since. He didn't call me before he went to bed like he usually does and he didn't call me on his way to work like he usually does. I just don't understand how he can go from "I can't stand it and I have to see you" mode to canceling on me at the last minute and I don't even feel I have the right to get mad because it's his son and I'm supposed to be "understanding" when it comes to things about a man's kids. I'm trying to figure out what I'm really annoyed about. I think if he would have called last night and had been more sad or apolegetic that he had to cancel I would be alright but since he hasn't I feel like he is taking advantage of my understanding. Should I say something or let it go this time and see if it happens again? We do have plans to go to a concert on Saturday night but by that time it will have been almost a week since I have seen him.

I think you need to commnicate about this, but at a carefully-chosen moment. ie, maybe not for a while, after you've met up a ouple more times, so it's one of those "You know the other week..." conversations rather than, "This is such a big deal" ones.

So - NOT on Saturday. But if he blows off Saturday I'd be thinking hard about it all, and certainly looking to Talk... NB I'm not in a relationship, don't take my word, see what other people think too!!

He did call shortly after I wrote this post and he thanked me for being so understanding about the night before and I told him that even though I understood that I wished he would have let me know earlier before I drove half way to his house to meet my friend for dinner. I told him if I would have known he was going to cancel I would have had her meet me somewhere closer. He apologised about it and said that he didn't know that he needed to cancel earlier and told me he would make it up to me by taking me to that concert on Saturday night. So anyway I said a little something about it so that he knows that it was a problem for me, but I'm not going to mention it again amd make a big issue about it unless it happens again. I have a feeling it probably will. This is always an issue when a man has kids. I just thought that since his kid was older that it wouldn't happen as much. Truthfully so far it hasn't happened that much yet. Just enough that I'm expecting it to be a problem I guess. I should just stop expecting the worse or the worse will come Right?? 😉

Yes, probably right! The thing is though, it has less to do with him having a kid and more to do with him just Not Thinking.

That can be totally benign - doesn't necessarily mean he is doing it deliberately to be hurtful, or that there is some hidden meaning.

He may just be a bit thoughtless! In which case, laughing, light, loving communication will be the slooooooooooooooooooow way forward.

Hope you enjoy(ed?) the concert. 🙂

Yes, probably right! The thing is though, it has less to do with him having a kid and more to do with him just Not Thinking.

SAV you hit it on the nose with that. He definitely is not used to thinking about a girlfriend. It has just been about him and his son for so many years. He hasn't had a serious girlfriend in such a long time that sometimes he just doesn't know how to act and he definitely doesn't know how to say no to people. Do I really want to be the one to teach him?? Not sure. We will have to see if he is a quick learner or not. LOL!!