Security vs The Unknown

Do you guys ALWAYS pick the former? Even if you're not 100% happy?

The bull I was dating last week decided to give things "one last go" with his ex. Ever since I've known him he's said he's bored blah blah I spoke to his brother who said the same he's been trying to leave her for a year now and he doesn't know himself why he keeps going back. Yes I know he probably does love her but it's clear he's not happy so why stay in that situation?

I can only assume he's afraid of what else is out there and is preferring instead to settle for something that's not 100% but at least provides security and stability.

Having said that he's already text me saying he thinks he's made the wrong choice but doesn't know how to back out now because it will crush her.

And he keeps on texting all saying he wants me - for the record I've replied only once, saying that if he's going to make a go of it with his ex I'm staying well clear. I've told him to get in touch only when he's decided what it is he wants, and if it's not me fair enough.

He's driving me round the bend though, and I can't understand what it is he is so scared of? Are you guys really that into security, I mean at the risk of forsaking your dreams? He's told me all about what he wants to do, but I get the feeling he's too scared to take a risk - not just on me but on life itself.

Can anyone tell me what on earth is likely to be going through that head of his because I'm stumped. I'm a Pisces but mostly air and fire so taking risks isn't new to me, I want to live my life and will never allow fear to hold me back.

"He's told me all about what he wants to do, but I get the feeling he's too scared to take a risk - not just on me but on life itself."

Such is the nature of a fixed sign.

Newbie honestly I just don't understand it, it just seems to silly to be so set on something that you already know isn't making you happy.

If you want him to make a choice, you need to cut him off completely. No responses to anything. Just hit the delete on any communication.

That way you give him the space to decide...and if he decides losing you hurts more than the pain of taking a risk, then and only then will he change.

If you keep entertaining his attempts at communication you'll only confuse yourself further and he'll remain where he is.

I completely agree and that's what I've done, I replied only to his first text when he said he was confused and that he'd maybe made the wrong choice - saying I wasn't going to entertain him. I stand by that.

I'm just trying to get some insight into what he's all about, because his behaviour is baffling to me. Once I'm done I'm done there's no looking back - but he seems torn between what he has and what he could have. I just don't get it.

Well I already have, it's just annoying the life out of me. But that's just me not "getting" it so that's my issue to deal with I guess.

Thanks SF. 🙂

See that's a good point GB, you can face it if you feel you have a solid base. The thing with him, honestly what bothers me more has nothing to do with how he and I interact or whether or not he likes me. It's everything he's talked about wanting to do or who he wants to be that bugs me........he's so afraid to reach for it, preferring a life that's stable and secure but which ultimately bores him to tears.

As someone who just leaps into the unknown I'm not saying it's right or wrong just that I don't understand it. Hence my post, I'm looking for someone to explain.

It's true; Taurians are notorius for the "stable and staid" versus taking a chance. BUT, it's not impossible to change that, but you have to make a concerted effort. I made a promise to myself years ago that I would only complain a little bit about something and if I wasn't willing to change and/or do something about it, the I would shut up about it. I started this about 10 years ago, and I've pretty much held to it in both my personal and professional life. As a Taurian, we do love stability and knowing what's what!

i agree.
i have held on to a guy for 8 years... even tho i kno we do not connect, on a personal level... letting go of him just means letting go of a part of my life... and im too scared to do that, cuz im not sure how to take those steps.

im still trying to learn how to let go.

Thanks for the input everyone, I'm just letting the whole thing go for now, the ball is in his court. Although he's still texting, the last one was to say that he's trying to sort things out so wait and see - but as I said above I'm just letting him get on with it, no pressure or otherwise from me it's his life.

I still don't understand it though, then again I have Venus in Aries and Mars in Aquarius - so when it's time to move on I'm off without a backwards glance.

If everyone were the same, it would be pretty boring right? Taurus does like security. Nothing wrong with that. You like to leap into the unknown, no fear. Nothing wrong with that either. Just different. Your taurus must make the decision by himself what he's gonna do. No amount of your input will change his mind. He's gotta do it. And yeah once taurus is done, it's really done. Until your taurus comes to the conclusion that he's really done with his ex, it ain't over.

"because the thing about Taurus is, we may hang on until we've tried EVERYTHING to save our relationship"

Sexytoro this does seem to be the case, he said that he was 99.9% sure that he wanted to leave but had to be 100% lol. That's why I'm letting him get on with it, plus to be honest I don't really want to be anything to do with him leaving, as I said to him initially he should do what's right for him because it's his life - as in he should leave because he's not happy and it's not working, not specifically just to be with me.

And fore I agree with you, I wasn't having a pop it was just a case of trying to get my head around it because yeah I do have a different way of thinking. I tend to leave before it's totally dead because I know how bitter things can get - if it's nothing major yes I will work at it, but if I'm really not happy I just don't see the point in flogging a dead horse as it were!

Also, Thetis something to consider. Whose decision was it initially for your taurus to leave his ex? His or hers? Very very rare for a taurus to return to ex after making decision to leave the relationship. If it wasn't his decision to leave the relationship initially, then I think his actions here are quite understandable.

It was his decision Fore as that was something I had considered myself. I'm aware of there being other issues too, they live together for one - mortgage etc. he said he would be the one who would have to move which would also mean having to move jobs.

So I do understand there are other things to consider, and I think that plays a big part in it, he wants to leave but it's going to cause major upheaveal in other areas of his life.

🙂 @ Chocolate.

Wise words indeed hon. He has to realise what he wants in his own time, honestly I just think he's at a point in his life where he is really questioning what it is that makes him happy and what he wants out of life. I really do sense that he feels torn, like he's reluctant to let go of what he has because he thought that's what he wanted and he worked so hard for it. But I know he wants more out of life, and as I said before I don't mean me. I think meeting me has just made him question his ideals and he's struggling with it because he's now more aware than ever of what else is out there.

Romantically aside I really do feel for him, he's fighting an internal battle at the moment I think.

I spoke about travelling a while back and he said that's always been his dream, pack up and go, but I think this is where his practical side kicks in. He's torn between what he wants to do and what he thinks he should be doing.

OK I was right. He called me Saturday night, out of nowhere. I wasn't going to answer initially but then I thought it could be important.

He tells me he can't get me off his mind and he feels "torn" in two. That it's a choice between steady and secure/wild and happy. He says I'm a "risk" and that he's not much of a gambler.......but he can't go back to how things were now knowing what could be. It is messing me up in the extreme, especially when he puts it like that. I don't want it to be a choice between her or me - this whole thing isn't even about that. It's about his happiness at the end of the day. I mean talk about pressure...

Anyways the whole thing is just fucked up beyond belief, I like drama but FFS this is driving me round the bend.

Me too TA.....time will tell though, I guess I'll just have to try and be patient for once lol, Venus in Aries though - tough call! 😛

Well I was referring to me but he has Venus in Aries too!