Whats This Bulls Problem...

Hi all,
Aries married to a Taurus for the last 14 years. We married after knowing one another for a year, child on the way and all. Being the "good" Taurus he was, he has lived up to his responsibilities. Something I was reminded a couple times before our wedding.

He has never "pushed" me to work in our time together, only required i take care of the house and my child, has provided food and shelter, vacations, when in the mood, and affordable, is very steady in his emotions, no fighting or anything. Physical relations started going downhill after the birth of my child. That was 14 years ago.

To keep this fairly short, he works 5 days a week, nites.(14 years) Comes home, sleeps, goes back to work. On his days off he drinks his beer, works on his project (car) or just spends time watching tv in his den or sits in the garage for time alone...Takes us out once a week to the same restraunt, cause its "affordable" and we do the same little shopping trip, week in and out also.

He does not carry on conversation very much at all, and if he happens to agree to get into a discussion, it will get the kabosh with a negative comment and he will no longer talk about it.

I am a creative person, and I like to share what I do. He does not understand it, but politely gives the obligitory nods, in between what ever else has captured his attention while I am speaking to him.

I have lived with this to varying degrees, for the last 14 years, and it is getting worse. He says he has been faithful for this time, and so far I haven't found evidence to the contrairy.
Although, I have wondered.

We haven't had relations for a good 3 years, because he shows no interest in me other than to kiss my forehead before he leaves for work.

I have addressed the problem quite a few times. But as I said, he is not a discussion minded person. He listens to what I have to say, and then when I ask what do you think we should do? He throws it back to me and says I don't know..What do you think I should do?

He is very quiet, my child is wondering why he is such a stick in the mud. Being a teenager, there are lots of things she would like to do, and I have always tried to keep things family orentitated. But that too has come down to just the two of us. Unless I plan an itenairy (sp) right down to the last detail. We continue to share our obligitory weekly "day" together, in the same ol' rut.

He is not verbally supportive of anything my child or I do, apparently assuming we should just "know". I realize people change over time. Relationships change over time. I have been there done that more times than this. But I thought this would be the "one"

His attitude has caused me to rethink many things. At this point, I hold only a feeling of friendship for the man, but thats about it. I have been faithful for the last 14 years. Devoting myself to trying to make this work..so, why doesn't he see that it has gone too far, blinded by his stubborness, or too possessive to let it go? Or Just to comfortable to see past the end of his nose?

Taurus Male here:

Hun, that sounds like many marriages of that length (and of different signs).
He seems to want to comply with your needs, but is overlooking one of the most important ones. I know that alot of times, Tauruses will slide on the statis quo, until something "shakes things up" I don't think he has thought of what would happen if he lost you altogether. Seems like that is a possibility if your life continues to sink like it is seeming to.

Some people don't wake up until they wake up alone. If he fails to respond to your need for a little passion, either try to build a fire under his butt, or make plans to find a replacement. You might try those little sensual things that women can do to wake up the sleeping romantic in him, and if that does not work....then maybe he has lost that "romance" in his life (which is a sad loss in my book). If someone chooses to sag into a "black hole of living", then you may have to rescue yourself and your daughter from this....

I do hope he wakes up....I think he will regret the consequences.

Taurus Male

Thanks, Taurus Male for your response.
See, I think he thought he was being romatic when he chooses to "grope" he tried a while back, and I explained it was not my idea of romance...so he didn't try anything else after that. In fact, flowers, candle light dinners, little gifts, etc. have never been his strong point. As a die hard romantic myself, I did try the route of being romantic early on, but it never seemed to catch, ya know?

As for figuring what ya lost, after it's gone, well, I will say he has lost a lot in the romance department, because he actually no longer appeals to me in that way.

So, I guess since I'm not getting any younger (altho, I don't think age is a real issue, as long as you can keep up) that it's time to shake the tree, and see what happens. Thanks again.

Do people really can/go 3 yrs. without sex if married? I find that SOOOOOOOO hard to believe for some reason but been hearing it ALL THE TIME these days!

I don't know if I'm just a hopeless romantic or is it that my hormones have been out of whack all my adult life? It's a tough call but all I can say is... if I was married (my age wouldn't matter BTW) and was sleeping next to my husband there would be no way on this earth that I would not desire him and want to be with him. Afterall is that why I not married him to begin with? I don't nor understand how any woman can have so much self control? OR are they with the WRONG person—

To answer your question. First off, we do not sleep together. Haven't for a very long time. As I said, he is on nite shift, for the last 14 years. He has not persued adult together time, I initiated it when i could, sometimes he responded, sometimes he said he wasn't interested. After so many years of this reaction, well, after the pain of rejection, you learn to do without. Trust me, I like making love as much as the next person. But when that love, is no longer a turn-on, as it should be between the two of you and you feel like you're living with a male member of your immediate family. You deal with it, until you can change it. And so it's been for the last few years. I kind of figure I have entered my second virginity. LoL.

Taurus Male here:

Maybe you are not as Hopeless of a romantic as you think, if you are going into your second virginity. Sounds pretty dang hopefull romanticism to me.

Hun, you find someone that can lavish you with Flowers, romantic candle lit dinners for two, wispering sweet nothings, and all the trimmings.

And if you can make that last for 14 years or more, then you deserve to be inducted into the Love Hall of fame, along with all of the great all time lovers.

I will bet that this world is full of romantics that find themselves in a void.

What a waste!!!

Taurus Male