Please try to explain this

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Gooober
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Posted by Montgomery
Posted by Gooober
Based upon what I've seen, they usually reject these guys because they're usually lacking in the looks department and aren't charming.

These women who say this also want a balance, they don't want a complete ''nice guy'' they want some bad boy in their too.
Kind of yeah.


I wouldn't say it's looks so much as a lack of chemistry.

click to expand

That could be another factor too. I agree.
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spark
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This one is hard to explain, as there can be numerous reasons. The women who do complain about not finding a loving and caring guy despite one in front of them, are probably looking for a guy with the "total package." That is, he's not only loving and caring, but has other qualities that they're looking for such as: sweet, funny, handsome, smart, etc. Oftentimes, I've seen the blatant nice guy who is both loving and caring, but the female will only deem him as a "friend" and leave him in the friend-zone, due to lacking something else she is looking for.
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Gooober
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Posted by beautifuldiaster
Posted by Gooober
Based upon what I've seen, they usually reject these guys because they're usually lacking in the looks department and aren't charming.

These women who say this also want a balance, they don't want a complete ''nice guy'' they want some bad boy in their too.
Not for me.

The men I'm attracted to are labeled, " nerdy, geeky, and vanilla. "


A man's compassion and honesty turn me on. Bad boys need not apply. I don't have room to deal with a derelict.


I need a soul morphing connection. And I have a thing for the good men.




Think it's society that creates that illusion that women want someone, "tough?"
click to expand

Well, I'm only basing it off of what I see majority of the time.
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Gooober
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Posted by beautifuldiaster
Posted by Gooober
Posted by beautifuldiaster
Posted by Gooober
Based upon what I've seen, they usually reject these guys because they're usually lacking in the looks department and aren't charming.

These women who say this also want a balance, they don't want a complete ''nice guy'' they want some bad boy in their too.
Not for me.

The men I'm attracted to are labeled, " nerdy, geeky, and vanilla. "


A man's compassion and honesty turn me on. Bad boys need not apply. I don't have room to deal with a derelict.


I need a soul morphing connection. And I have a thing for the good men.




Think it's society that creates that illusion that women want someone, "tough?"
Well, I'm only basing it off of what I see majority of the time.
Ah I see. ๐Ÿ™‚
I wish I had more to offer but I never understood why any woman would want a " bad boy."

I ALWAYS went for the studious ones. The church goers and the bullied.

click to expand

Yeah, it puzzles me too. They know these guys are douche bags, yet they still go for them.
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Gooober
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Posted by beautifuldiaster
Posted by Gooober
Posted by beautifuldiaster
Posted by Gooober
Posted by beautifuldiaster
Posted by Gooober
Based upon what I've seen, they usually reject these guys because they're usually lacking in the looks department and aren't charming.

These women who say this also want a balance, they don't want a complete ''nice guy'' they want some bad boy in their too.
Not for me.

The men I'm attracted to are labeled, " nerdy, geeky, and vanilla. "


A man's compassion and honesty turn me on. Bad boys need not apply. I don't have room to deal with a derelict.


I need a soul morphing connection. And I have a thing for the good men.




Think it's society that creates that illusion that women want someone, "tough?"
Well, I'm only basing it off of what I see majority of the time.
Ah I see. ๐Ÿ™‚
I wish I had more to offer but I never understood why any woman would want a " bad boy."

I ALWAYS went for the studious ones. The church goers and the bullied.
Yeah, it puzzles me too. They know these guys are douche bags, yet they still go for them.
Self confidence issue?

The media does push health and body image.... ?
click to expand

I think it's a priority issue. They value somethings just a little too much. The bad guys are usually the charmers, the good looking ones, the ones with status, the ones with sex appeal ect. A guy having those qualities will put them into a trance. God forbid they sleep with these guys and the sex is great, it's a wrap.
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lisabeth
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Posted by Gooober
Posted by beautifuldiaster
Posted by Gooober
Posted by beautifuldiaster
Posted by Gooober
Posted by beautifuldiaster
Posted by Gooober
Based upon what I've seen, they usually reject these guys because they're usually lacking in the looks department and aren't charming.

These women who say this also want a balance, they don't want a complete ''nice guy'' they want some bad boy in their too.
Not for me.

The men I'm attracted to are labeled, " nerdy, geeky, and vanilla. "


A man's compassion and honesty turn me on. Bad boys need not apply. I don't have room to deal with a derelict.


I need a soul morphing connection. And I have a thing for the good men.




Think it's society that creates that illusion that women want someone, "tough?"
Well, I'm only basing it off of what I see majority of the time.
Ah I see. ๐Ÿ™‚
I wish I had more to offer but I never understood why any woman would want a " bad boy."

I ALWAYS went for the studious ones. The church goers and the bullied.
Yeah, it puzzles me too. They know these guys are douche bags, yet they still go for them.
Self confidence issue?

The media does push health and body image.... ?
I think it's a priority issue. They value somethings just a little too much. The bad guys are usually the charmers, the good looking ones, the ones with status, the ones with sex appeal ect. A guy having those qualities will put them into a trance. God forbid they sleep with these guys and the sex is great, it's a wrap.
click to expand


lol

refer to James Bond, Ian Fleming. ๐Ÿ˜†
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lisabeth
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Posted by beautifuldiaster
Posted by Gooober
Posted by beautifuldiaster
Posted by Gooober
Based upon what I've seen, they usually reject these guys because they're usually lacking in the looks department and aren't charming.

These women who say this also want a balance, they don't want a complete ''nice guy'' they want some bad boy in their too.
Not for me.

The men I'm attracted to are labeled, " nerdy, geeky, and vanilla. "


A man's compassion and honesty turn me on. Bad boys need not apply. I don't have room to deal with a derelict.


I need a soul morphing connection. And I have a thing for the good men.




Think it's society that creates that illusion that women want someone, "tough?"
Well, I'm only basing it off of what I see majority of the time.
Ah I see. ๐Ÿ™‚
I wish I had more to offer but I never understood why any woman would want a " bad boy."

I ALWAYS went for the studious ones. The church goers and the bullied.

click to expand

aw that's SO sweet, BD.

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enfant_terrible
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Posted by Gooober
Posted by beautifuldiaster
I wish I had more to offer but I never understood why any woman would want a " bad boy."

I ALWAYS went for the studious ones. The church goers and the bullied.
Yeah, it puzzles me too. They know these guys are douche bags, yet they still go for them.
click to expand

Who's more exciting, someone whose attention and approval you already have, or someone whose attention and approval you got to earn? Prettiii self-explanatory.
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MsTeeq1974
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Posted by risesafterall
Why is it that women often say they want someone who loves and cares about them, but overlook the men that do?

And then complain why they can't find someone like that?

Blame it on society's glamorization of all things dangerous, including men. Only women who have matured (no matter the age) to understand that relationship security is a MUST will actually look for and be open to men who are sweet, providing just that. So, while women may mature faster than men when it comes to actually relating to one another, we don't mature faster when it comes to knowing what's good for us. We tend to gravitate towards men who don't provide security for longer periods of time than men gravitate towards women who aren't loving/nurturing.

In that way, men come to realize what they really need in partnership and should pursue way faster than women do...in general.
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Gooober
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Posted by beautifuldiaster
Ugh.


All of it makes me skirm.

You are onto something with the priority bit. Why don't women put their priorities in order to preserve their self worth?

Is it possible that the parents are to blame? Or media? How does one get their priorities so mixed upโ€”?
That's a good question.

I thought about this for a while and couldn't come to a conclusion.
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Gooober
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Posted by enfant_terrible
Posted by Gooober
Posted by beautifuldiaster
I wish I had more to offer but I never understood why any woman would want a " bad boy."

I ALWAYS went for the studious ones. The church goers and the bullied.
Yeah, it puzzles me too. They know these guys are douche bags, yet they still go for them.
Who's more exciting, someone whose attention and approval you already have, or someone whose attention and approval you got to earn? Prettiii self-explanatory.
click to expand

This is true.

But do you think taking the chance of getting hurt is really worth the excitement?
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iCloud9
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it has a lot to do with maturity, at least for me

i was attracted to self proclaimed gangster type when i was young and naive and got myself one lol. it brought out a side that scared the heck out of me. i lost control of my crazy emotion and put lives in danger for a split second. and i only dated him for couple months can you imagine if longer someone would be dead for real lol. i completely lost attraction to this type after that. they ceased to exist to me. i guess my instinct didn't want me to become a murderer and ruin a good life ahead of me.
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MsTeeq1974
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Posted by iCloud9
it has a lot to do with maturity, at least for me

i was attracted to self proclaimed gangster type when i was young and naive and got myself one lol. it brought out a side that scared the heck out of me. i lost control of my crazy emotion and put lives in danger for a split second. and i only dated him for couple months can you imagine if longer someone would be dead for real lol. i completely lost attraction to this type after that. they ceased to exist to me. i guess my instinct didn't want me to become a murderer and ruin a good life ahead of me.
I never put anyone in danger, but when VERY young, I was also attracted to the bad boy. After that experience, I dated lots of straight laced police/cop like guys. lol Then I realized that they were emo cold and I swayed towards good clean, well dressed, arrogant men who ooze class. *sighs*...I'm still there. lol The arrogance. Lawd. That's the part that I can honestly do without.
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Gooober
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Posted by Rambunctious76
Posted by Gooober
Posted by Montgomery
Posted by Gooober
Based upon what I've seen, they usually reject these guys because they're usually lacking in the looks department and aren't charming.

These women who say this also want a balance, they don't want a complete ''nice guy'' they want some bad boy in their too.
Kind of yeah.


I wouldn't say it's looks so much as a lack of chemistry.
That could be another factor too. I agree.
Greed.

They want everything and are unwilling to compromise (mostly in the looks department). I feel like vomiting every time someone says she wants a man who has everything.
click to expand

This is true too.
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MoonArtist
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Posted by Montgomery
Posted by Gooober
Based upon what I've seen, they usually reject these guys because they're usually lacking in the looks department and aren't charming.

These women who say this also want a balance, they don't want a complete ''nice guy'' they want some bad boy in their too.
Kind of yeah.


I wouldn't say it's looks so much as a lack of chemistry.

click to expand

Lack of chemistry, and possible other issues that they pick up on (intuition) that makes them not a good match. Just because someone loves and cares for you doesn't mean they're the person you should marry and live with.
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MoonArtist
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Posted by Gooober
Posted by beautifuldiaster
Ugh.


All of it makes me skirm.

You are onto something with the priority bit. Why don't women put their priorities in order to preserve their self worth?

Is it possible that the parents are to blame? Or media? How does one get their priorities so mixed upโ€”?
That's a good question.

I thought about this for a while and couldn't come to a conclusion.
click to expand

Those things aren't to be blamed. It takes honest, hard introspection to analyze one's priorities and modify them if needed. It's more about maturity.
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Gooober
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Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by Gooober
Posted by beautifuldiaster
Ugh.


All of it makes me skirm.

You are onto something with the priority bit. Why don't women put their priorities in order to preserve their self worth?

Is it possible that the parents are to blame? Or media? How does one get their priorities so mixed upโ€”?
That's a good question.

I thought about this for a while and couldn't come to a conclusion.
Those things aren't to be blamed. It takes honest, hard introspection to analyze one's priorities and modify them if needed. It's more about maturity.
click to expand

Agreed.
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MoonArtist
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Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by Montgomery
Posted by Gooober
Based upon what I've seen, they usually reject these guys because they're usually lacking in the looks department and aren't charming.

These women who say this also want a balance, they don't want a complete ''nice guy'' they want some bad boy in their too.
Kind of yeah.


I wouldn't say it's looks so much as a lack of chemistry.
Lack of chemistry, and possible other issues that they pick up on (intuition) that makes them not a good match. Just because someone loves and cares for you doesn't mean they're the person you should marry and live with.
click to expand

Adding: it really bugs me that people have this idea that just because someone FEELS a certain way (say they have the raging hots for you), that you're somehow OBLIGATED to reciprocate or give them what they want.
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Gooober
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Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by Montgomery
Posted by Gooober
Based upon what I've seen, they usually reject these guys because they're usually lacking in the looks department and aren't charming.

These women who say this also want a balance, they don't want a complete ''nice guy'' they want some bad boy in their too.
Kind of yeah.


I wouldn't say it's looks so much as a lack of chemistry.
Lack of chemistry, and possible other issues that they pick up on (intuition) that makes them not a good match. Just because someone loves and cares for you doesn't mean they're the person you should marry and live with.
Adding: it really bugs me that people have this idea that just because someone FEELS a certain way (say they have the raging hots for you), that you're somehow OBLIGATED to reciprocate or give them what they want.
click to expand

I know right. It's not fun being in that awkward position. I should know. People need to learn boundaries.
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MoonArtist
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Posted by Gooober
Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by Montgomery
Posted by Gooober
Based upon what I've seen, they usually reject these guys because they're usually lacking in the looks department and aren't charming.

These women who say this also want a balance, they don't want a complete ''nice guy'' they want some bad boy in their too.
Kind of yeah.


I wouldn't say it's looks so much as a lack of chemistry.
Lack of chemistry, and possible other issues that they pick up on (intuition) that makes them not a good match. Just because someone loves and cares for you doesn't mean they're the person you should marry and live with.
Adding: it really bugs me that people have this idea that just because someone FEELS a certain way (say they have the raging hots for you), that you're somehow OBLIGATED to reciprocate or give them what they want.
I know right. It's not fun being in that awkward position. I should know. People need to learn boundaries.
click to expand

Yep!
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MoonArtist
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Posted by cheekyfaerie
Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by Montgomery
Posted by Gooober
Based upon what I've seen, they usually reject these guys because they're usually lacking in the looks department and aren't charming.

These women who say this also want a balance, they don't want a complete ''nice guy'' they want some bad boy in their too.
Kind of yeah.


I wouldn't say it's looks so much as a lack of chemistry.
Lack of chemistry, and possible other issues that they pick up on (intuition) that makes them not a good match. Just because someone loves and cares for you doesn't mean they're the person you should marry and live with.
Adding: it really bugs me that people have this idea that just because someone FEELS a certain way (say they have the raging hots for you), that you're somehow OBLIGATED to reciprocate or give them what they want.
Right?!

Just because a chick doesn't go for the first guy to try to buy her dinner doesn't mean she automatically wants a bad boy. Stay single and picky long enough and you either find the right one or you become comfortable with your own company. What's so wrong with that?
click to expand

There seems to be this idea that women are supposed to be DESPERATE and incapable of being happily single, so if they pass on guys who don't pass muster, but who put on a good act of being the super nice guy who really cares, something MUST be wrong with these women. Like hold the fucking press!! Who gave women the right to change the Disney Princess script?! .........WE did! That's right! Women got a clue and a spine and stopped looking for validation via a relationship.

Are relationships a good thing? Yes, if they're mutually beneficial. Otherwise, no.
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Akumo
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Posted by risesafterall
Why is it that women often say they want someone who loves and cares about them, but overlook the men that do?

And then complain why they can't find someone like that?

Maybe because women do not know what they want? so they want someone to tell them what they want, someone who will take charge of their lives for them, of course the only people who will do this are the sociopaths, psychopaths and control freaks.
The genuinely good guys would never impose or force themselves or their opinions on to someone else, result they are seen as being weak, not an endearing trait to certain female groups of the population.
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Scenic
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Posted by risesafterall
Why is it that women often say they want someone who loves and cares about them, but overlook the men that do?

And then complain why they can't find someone like that?

Probably because attraction and relationships are about a package deal, not one thing. Sure, a guy might care for me, but what else do I like about him and are his flaws acceptable?
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MoonArtist
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Posted by Akumo
Posted by risesafterall
Why is it that women often say they want someone who loves and cares about them, but overlook the men that do?

And then complain why they can't find someone like that?

Maybe because women do not know what they want? so they want someone to tell them what they want, someone who will take charge of their lives for them, of course the only people who will do this are the sociopaths, psychopaths and control freaks.
The genuinely good guys would never impose or force themselves or their opinions on to someone else, result they are seen as being weak, not an endearing trait to certain female groups of the population.
click to expand

BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Absolutely not!! I don't want anyone thinking they can control me or tell me what to do. Friends, family or a partner can give advice, but control me? No.
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Akumo
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Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by Akumo
Well MoonArtist, maybe you already know what you want? ๐Ÿ˜‰
That I do, and I'm not settling for less. I'm comfortable with my own company, and I'd rather have my own company than settle for someone out of "loneliness" and end up miserable with that person.
click to expand

That is good to hear but I can only comment form personal experience and observation and one of my wife's complaints abut me is that I am not controlling her more, and being more dominant in the relationship, I like to see a relationship with us being equals where as she wants me to take all the responsibility for everything.
One of things about me though is that I will not force my self or my opinions on another person I will state a given situation as I see it and give advice if asked,and it is then entirely up to that other person as to what they do with that information.
Ultimately it is a no win scenario, if I control what she can or cannot do then she will end up resenting me, even if she does reach her goals, whatever they maybe, and if I do not then she ends up unhappy.
I will though if asked to help and support someone do all that I can that the other person requires but sometimes there can be a fine line between supporting someone and controlling someone.
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MoonArtist
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Posted by Akumo
Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by Akumo
Well MoonArtist, maybe you already know what you want? ๐Ÿ˜‰
That I do, and I'm not settling for less. I'm comfortable with my own company, and I'd rather have my own company than settle for someone out of "loneliness" and end up miserable with that person.
That is good to hear but I can only comment form personal experience and observation and one of my wife's complaints abut me is that I am not controlling her more, and being more dominant in the relationship, I like to see a relationship with us being equals where as she wants me to take all the responsibility for everything.
One of things about me though is that I will not force my self or my opinions on another person I will state a given situation as I see it and give advice if asked,and it is then entirely up to that other person as to what they do with that information.
Ultimately it is a no win scenario, if I control what she can or cannot do then she will end up resenting me, even if she does reach her goals, whatever they maybe, and if I do not then she ends up unhappy.
I will though if asked to help and support someone do all that I can that the other person requires but sometimes there can be a fine line between supporting someone and controlling someone.
click to expand

I'm the same: I want an equal and to be treated as an equal, and I don't like pushing my ways on another anymore than I want them to push their stuff on me. I don't see there being a fine line between controlling and supporting. Controlling takes away the other person's choices and options. Supporting is about being there in the capacity needed by another (emotional, etc).

Maybe your wife is a submissive and wants a dom. This isn't always a hard bdsm thing, as it gets portrayed.
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Akumo
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10 Years

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Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by Akumo
Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by Akumo
Well MoonArtist, maybe you already know what you want? ๐Ÿ˜‰
That I do, and I'm not settling for less. I'm comfortable with my own company, and I'd rather have my own company than settle for someone out of "loneliness" and end up miserable with that person.
That is good to hear but I can only comment form personal experience and observation and one of my wife's complaints abut me is that I am not controlling her more, and being more dominant in the relationship, I like to see a relationship with us being equals where as she wants me to take all the responsibility for everything.
One of things about me though is that I will not force my self or my opinions on another person I will state a given situation as I see it and give advice if asked,and it is then entirely up to that other person as to what they do with that information.
Ultimately it is a no win scenario, if I control what she can or cannot do then she will end up resenting me, even if she does reach her goals, whatever they maybe, and if I do not then she ends up unhappy.
I will though if asked to help and support someone do all that I can that the other person requires but sometimes there can be a fine line between supporting someone and controlling someone.
I'm the same: I want an equal and to be treated as an equal, and I don't like pushing my ways on another anymore than I want them to push their stuff on me. I don't see there being a fine line between controlling and supporting. Controlling takes away the other person's choices and options. Supporting is about being there in the capacity needed by another (emotional, etc).

Maybe your wife is a submissive and wants a dom. This isn't always a hard bdsm thing, as it gets portrayed.
click to expand

As to whether or not someone is seen as being supporting or controlling depends on the current and past relationship between the two people and their respective personalities, I did say sometimes and how they see the situation, but I do agree with you that supporting someone should involve offering help and guidance in order to help them out of their predicament, where as with controlling someone options maybe given but those options will not be realistic so ultimately there is no choice.

And yes my wife does want someone more dominant but this is not my personality (it might be to do with her being a Libra she finds it difficult to make a decision :-)), as already stated I want to be in a relationship were my partner and I are equals supporting eac
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MoonArtist
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Posted by Akumo
Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by Akumo
Posted by MoonArtist
Posted by Akumo
Well MoonArtist, maybe you already know what you want? ๐Ÿ˜‰
That I do, and I'm not settling for less. I'm comfortable with my own company, and I'd rather have my own company than settle for someone out of "loneliness" and end up miserable with that person.
That is good to hear but I can only comment form personal experience and observation and one of my wife's complaints abut me is that I am not controlling her more, and being more dominant in the relationship, I like to see a relationship with us being equals where as she wants me to take all the responsibility for everything.
One of things about me though is that I will not force my self or my opinions on another person I will state a given situation as I see it and give advice if asked,and it is then entirely up to that other person as to what they do with that information.
Ultimately it is a no win scenario, if I control what she can or cannot do then she will end up resenting me, even if she does reach her goals, whatever they maybe, and if I do not then she ends up unhappy.
I will though if asked to help and support someone do all that I can that the other person requires but sometimes there can be a fine line between supporting someone and controlling someone.
I'm the same: I want an equal and to be treated as an equal, and I don't like pushing my ways on another anymore than I want them to push their stuff on me. I don't see there being a fine line between controlling and supporting. Controlling takes away the other person's choices and options. Supporting is about being there in the capacity needed by another (emotional, etc).

Maybe your wife is a submissive and wants a dom. This isn't always a hard bdsm thing, as it gets portrayed.
click to expand

As to whether or not someone is seen as being supporting or controlling depends on the current and past relationship between the two people and their respective personalities, I did say sometimes and how they see the situation, but I do agree with you that supporting someone should involve offering help and guidance in order to help them out of their predicament, where as with controlling someone options maybe given but those options will not be realistic so ultimately there is no choice.

And yes my wife does want someone more dominant but this is not my personality (it might be to do with her being a Libra she finds it difficult to make