Are virgos rigid?

I was wondering if virgos tend be very rigid? Virgos I've met have a set standard of principles and they don't bend them for anyone.

For example, I went on a date with a Virguy yesterday and the restaurant turned out to be a little more expensive than we expected and he mentioned this. I said (to be nice) 'Oh, if it's too much, I dont mind splitting it with you." Honestly, I expected that he would decline and say don't worry about it like other guys do. Instead he said, "well, I am a feminist, so I am not really ever chivalrous or pay for my date's dinner." I was like ok, guess I am paying for myself, haha. I really don't mind splitting the bill in general, it was just such an awkward moment since he had invited me to go out with him and I thought he could be a little more charismatic in letting me know. So, we split it half and half.

Later, we went to go get drinks and he said he would get the first round. After we finished that one, he asked if I wanted another drink and I said yes. He says 'ok, your turn.' I knew it was my turn and paid, but it really was not contributing to a romantic mood.

Later, he tried to kiss me/make out with me and I just wasn't having it. He is a nice guy and I respect his principles, but I was simply just not in the mood, because being chivalrous just like makes me feel... more like cozy I guess. I would think in this situation, a guy should want to make the girl feel comfortable instead of sticking to his principles on a first date. But instead it was just awkward.. If this happened to you, would you consider maybe bending those principles for the sake of socializing?? Or are you guys all rigid!!

I am not particularly rigid, but eh this guys seems kind of lazy. I can understand the money thing, but the way you describe it? It's not very compelling. He does not sound like he is working very hard to impress you...

I am actually pretty flexible, though I can seem kind of formal in public.

The first date is when we put our best foot forward to make the only impression that our date gets so they will want to see us again. This is his best attempt. I wouldn't go out with him again. Dating is still a ritual and we haven't evolved beyond that despite the equalization of the sexes in other areas. The ritual being the guy pays when he takes you out on the first date, is the gentleman,etc. He has announced to you he is not chivalrous. He also verbally insisted to you that you two go dutch. You are right, it kills the romance. .

His cheapness is not a matter of principle to me, but a character flaw.. I mean, it's just one date, and he can certainly plan a more affordable 2nd date so it's not like this is going to set off some kind of pattern with you that he wouldn't be able to afford. If he had paid for both of your meals, he didn't have to go for drinks afterwards that would've cost him more. If he picked the restaurant, he should have taken responsibility for the expense if he was trying to impress you.

You were sweet to offer to split it, and of course didn't expect him to take up your offer. Gentleman do not.

I wouldn't lower your standards to his because if this is his best foot forward, I can't imagine what he'd be like down the road when things get familiar and he starts taking you for granted. I dated a Libra who was like that so I don't think it is a Virgo trait necessarily, but the need for control might be a factor here too. The relationship I had with that libra (and not all Libres are like this, I know) ended up being so maddening because he split everything down, to the penny and killed everything: the romance, the sex life, and any feelings I had for him.

I dont like it when guys say "your turn" on a first date. It's such a turn off. If we are going to be platonic friends, then yes, it's my turn.

I wouldn't really call that sort of behavior "principled". His principles are to govern his own conduct, not yours. It's nice to establish a kind of reciprocity in your interactions, but it has to be yours to offer, not his to demand. You just can't relate with people who keep score.

This sounds more akin to buying and selling favors. To what limits can the line "Now it's your turn," be used? 😆

I agree with Virgo, he just set the standard. He is going to think that dutch is the way you want to go... he looks at it like she offered she must have the money and maybe he doesn't have it or he does but would rather you spend yours since you offered.
Now that he knows you are nice and willing to pay, he will take advantage of that.. and thats not Virgos thats a lot of people period.

Posted by Virgospirit
The first date is when we put our best foot forward to make the only impression that our date gets so they will want to see us again. This is his best attempt. I wouldn't go out with him again. Dating is still a ritual and we haven't evolved beyond that despite the equalization of the sexes in other areas. The ritual being the guy pays when he takes you out on the first date, is the gentleman,etc. He has announced to you he is not chivalrous. He also verbally insisted to you that you two go dutch. You are right, it kills the romance. .

His cheapness is not a matter of principle to me, but a character flaw.. I mean, it's just one date, and he can certainly plan a more affordable 2nd date so it's not like this is going to set off some kind of pattern with you that he wouldn't be able to afford. If he had paid for both of your meals, he didn't have to go for drinks afterwards that would've cost him more. If he picked the restaurant, he should have taken responsibility for the expense if he was trying to impress you.

You were sweet to offer to split it, and of course didn't expect him to take up your offer. Gentleman do not.

I wouldn't lower your standards to his because if this is his best foot forward, I can't imagine what he'd be like down the road when things get familiar and he starts taking you for granted. I dated a Libra who was like that so I don't think it is a Virgo trait necessarily, but the need for control might be a factor here too. The relationship I had with that libra (and not all Libres are like this, I know) ended up being so maddening because he split everything down, to the penny and killed everything: the romance, the sex life, and any feelings I had for him.

I dont like it when guys say "your turn" on a first date. It's such a turn off. If we are going to be platonic friends, then yes, it's my turn.

This.

Tell me what kind of principle is, "I'm not chivalrous." if anyone ever tells me that on a first date, I'd be GLAD to split the bill and end the night right there. It's one thing to not open doors for you but a whole 'nother thing to, in not so many words, tell you you're not worth it! So you're really better off in my opinion, one less scumbag to weed through.

Man o man! You should have just ended the night right after dinner. I'm virgo as well and I have dated virguys. The ones I've dated seem rather insulted if I offer to pay for anything. They really like to care for their women and it really depresses them if they can't the way they want to.

Or they way they know their woman deserves to be treated.

Thanks.. haha. This was such a funny experience to me. His principle is not prioritized on eradicating chivalry, but more on the woman paying equal what the man pays. The disappearing chivalry I think is just a result of that.

I have known him for a few months and we are friends and running buddies besides this. So I will just put myself back in the friendzone after this since I am paying for my stuff anyway which is what I do with friends.

He does not have to pay for me, but I also do not have to kiss him! haha. If he wants that, he should find ways to encourage me rather than turn me off.

It really depends on the guy too. I had a friend and we got along superbly for two years and I treated him on many occasions just as friends. When he decided I was the one, he turned around and treated me from then on, always paying for dates and very chivalrous. I have also had a platonic male friend invite me for dinner and paid for the date. Not because he was after me, but because that was who he is and wanted to. When a guy is pursuing you and not wanting to pay for your share, something is wrong.

Posted by gemcancervenus
Thanks.. haha. This was such a funny experience to me. His principle is not prioritized on eradicating chivalry, but more on the woman paying equal what the man pays. The disappearing chivalry I think is just a result of that.

I have known him for a few months and we are friends and running buddies besides this. So I will just put myself back in the friendzone after this since I am paying for my stuff anyway which is what I do with friends.

He does not have to pay for me, but I also do not have to kiss him! haha. If he wants that, he should find ways to encourage me rather than turn me off.

Healthy perspective. Good for you!

He has a job doing computer programming at a local university. I think we both make decent money where we have disposable income and it's not an issue. He had told me previously that he was a 'feminist' but I wasn't sure how that applied. I thought maybe he was joking or something, I don't know.

And at that time, I told him I was feminist in a flexible sense that women should have the same rights as men and should be able to do whatever they want and deal with the same consequences/rewards that men do. If a woman wants to work and make more money than man, then great and she should be paid equally. At the same time, some women may prefer to be at home cooking and cleaning. Personally, I would love to just sit at home, cook, clean, take care of kids, and not have to be in the office 40 hours a week!! I don't think that is degrading to our gender at all.

His definition seem more closeminded like women need to contribute equal amounts of money... without considering that there are other ways for women to contribute to a relationship.

It didn't insult me since I know he in general he is a respectful and nice person. It was just awkward because dates are supposed to have a 'mood' to them. And if he wants to ultimately get intimate, he needs to encourage that mood so things happen naturally.

I don't feel a connection with him and I don't feel any chemistry. I like people who are playful/flirtatious whether covnersationally or physically. I think we have some physical attraction and I know he wants to touch me... but the awkward moments make difficult to transition to that.

He is a quiet guy so I had provide 98% of the conversation. I gave him chances to speak and he would have an expression on his face where it seemed like he was thinking 'think of something to say.. think of something to say dammit!' I felt bad so I would ask him a question or something to keep it going. I can talk about most things and deal with quiet people. But with so little on his end, it is hard to fill all the empty spaces on my own. I did a good job though and I think my conversational efforts were worth a dinner from him haha.

I feel like if we were just like lounging at home, I am fine with the quiet and mellow activities which he does. I think things would have been much better if we did not go on a traditional dinner and drinks date that have so much talking time.

I dated a Virgo guy about a year and a half ago for three months. He was also rigid in many ways.. every morning he would make me eat breakfast with him and read the business section of the newspaper for half an hour. He would think I was mindless if I wanted to sit and read the comics and have pointless laughs. We had a sexual attraction and similar tastes, but perspectives on issues were different. My life was just not as organized as his and I felt like a lesser being sometimes, though he was never explicitly condescending.

Then he broke up with me over the phone and said he 'just wasn't feeling it' hahaha. I think I may have felt the same way, but did not recognize it because I thought he was hot and responsible so I was oblivious to the lack of chemistry since I was happy dating a guy who had many qualities on my checklist.

Paying for my food wasn't a buzzkill, it just was not a buzz-adder. Here is my analogy - If a guy is trying to get my under wears wet by the end of the date so that I will be in the mood to kiss, making me pay for my meal doesn't make them drier, but it also does not make them wet. So at the end of the date.. I was just at neutral.. nothing.. I don't hate him or dislike him. I am just not turned on either. It was not a test and I don't judge him for it. I am just thinking if he wants to seduce me, he has to use a different route cause I can't change my body's reactions based on him 'theoretically' doing nothing wrong. That is what chemistry is all about.

If you read the other details, the paying thing was like one non-buzz-adding thing. It was also the way he said it so seriously like I never pay for my dates, rather than joking about it smoothly. There were also conversation issues and then him trying to like grope me and kiss me as if it was expected of me respond positively. I was just not in a welcoming mood for that. I don't actually know if he had paid for my food if that would make me like him more, it was just one thing in a bunch non-buzz-adding activity that stood out to me.

rigid with a capital R! lol

Haha I am not choosing him, not chasing after him. He is just a nice guy I know who decided to ask me out. I had this experience and wanted to share and see if other Virgos relate to his behavior.

Not really typical.

I pay but only on the first date(s) as I believe in equal treatment. In a scenario such as yours, where you offer to pay, I would've probably said "sure, but you got to let me buy you drinks later", something playful like that.
From the way you described it, he sounds like an ass - "it's not only what you say it but how you say it".

Women are just so used to being treated to everything that even something like this becomes a red flag.


Just to get comfy?


Fuck that shit I'll just stay single for the rest of my life then.

Gemcancervenus: you mentioned your checklist...sounds very Gemini! I have Gemini friends and there's so much thinking going on that they sometimes don't get a chance to feel what is happening. Do you think that might have been the case with your Virgomen experiences?

VirgoR: I dated a Gemini off and on and even though our conversations were filled with witty banter and I made him laugh, we absolutely could not have a relationship. A Virgo ponders deeply on everything and we edit our thoughts before they come out of our mouths (in most cases) whereas he would just spew out whatever came across his mind and it was hurtful. But he wouldn't be particularly sorry about it, just would think it was funny. He could be as romantic and sweet as can be, but his words were his weapons. I think Virgo women are too sensitive for Gemini men, maybe the other way works better.

Posted by gemcancervenus

I knew it was my turn and paid, but it really was not contributing to a romantic mood.

..... and what were you contributing?

Posted by gemcancervenus

Later, he tried to kiss me/make out with me and I just wasn't having it. He is a nice guy and I respect his principles, but I was simply just not in the mood, because being chivalrous just like makes me feel... more like cozy I guess.

Let me get this straight .... him being nice, and you respecting his principles isn't enough for you to have a "mood" good enough to kiss him. So, your mood is going to make decisions, and this mood is depenedent upon something he gives you.

Again ... exactly what did you give to create this "mood"?

Posted by gemcancervenus

I would think in this situation, a guy should want to make the girl feel comfortable instead of sticking to his principles on a first date.

click to expand

I see, so you want a person who will yield to you, so you can have a desirable mood for your satisfaction, and a guy "should" do this, he "should" be chivalrous do pay for you, and give to you if he is going to expect you to be in a "mood" good enough to kiss?

In other words ..... you're a whore, and he has to "pay" for you, beit legal tendar, gentlemen services, or affectionate sentiments. If he doesn't buy you, then you are certainly going to refuse him being a nice guy with respectable principals, as you stated.


wow .... perhaps he saw that, and wasn't about to lower his standards and pay for a whore

Virgospirit: yes last time I dated a virgo, I basically went off a checklist and did not pay attention to chemistry. I know this sounds terrible but I was on a mission to have a relationship with a stable guy, so I found one and even though his jokes did not make me laugh and it didn't feel like I was in love with him, I stuck with it anyway. But he could see through this and knew even though there was no fights or friction, he could tell that we weren't ever going to be a couple that was truly in love. This time around, I am going off how I feel and the feeling was not there so I did not pretend to feel it and kiss him anyway.

P-Angel: I did my very best to make this a pleasant date and reduce the awkwardness of him being a very very quiet person who took me to places where all you can do is talk. We should have gone to a movie or something instead. Even for a gemini, it is difficult to improvise a 4 hour monologue. I was doing my best to not let him be embarassed that he is not good at thinking of things to say. I don't have any disrespect for him.. I still think he is a cute and nice guy but I can just see this gemini-virgo lack of chemistry happening again and I did not want to fake my way through it to have a content but ungenuine relationship.

I think it's interesting because astrology is such an abstract/non-scientific thing, so when I see a situation that fits into astrology's claims, it amazes me. It amazes me that there can be patterns in people's relationships and personalities that could be defined by something random like positions of stars in the sky. Mind boggling.

And I know P-angel can be quite the bitch that people detest on this site. Sometimes, I agree with her though her delivery is poor and sometimes she does not read everything the thread is about, leading her to provide ill-informed responses. If you work on your bedside manner, maybe people will listen to your advice instead of tell you to shut the f u c k up.

I don't give a fuck whether or not you appreciate the way I talk. I don't for your appreciation, or consideration .. perhaps you need to check that, considering you obviously made a judgement call on him based around how he provided to you, or lack of providing to you .. as if how you deem appropriate is gospel across the board.

Posted by gemcancervenus

I did my very best to make this a pleasant date and reduce the awkwardness of him being a very very quiet person who took me to places where all you can do is talk. We should have gone to a movie or something instead.

I was doing my best to not let him be embarassed that he is not good at thinking of things to say. I don't have any disrespect for him.. I still think he is a cute and nice guy but I can just see this gemini-virgo lack of chemistry happening again and I did not want to fake my way through it to have a content but ungenuine relationship.

You could have redirected the date instead of just following his lead, waiting for him to bestow something upon you. You let him take the steering wheel, then complain because he wasn't providing you with what you wanted.

You say "we" should have gone to a movie .. yet, did nothing to make the date a happy on by taking the riens and going to the movies.

And then you are so full of yourself .... your such a Princess that him talking to you needs to be rescued from embarrassing himself? Like you are all that.

And that last sentence is utter bullshit .. it had nothing to do with you deciding sincerity of a real relationship .... when in your own words in the OP you said that him not being chivalrous was your turn off, and if he had bought you with his charm, then your mood would have been more cooperative.

You're not going to fool me. Other people may be easily led, but, not me. I see right through you .... you wanted him to buy you. You wanted him to pay for you, and then you would have yielded.

lol, i was trying to give you some benefit as other people call you a bitch. I did make it as pleasant as I could. And overall it wasn't bad. Judging him or a future relationship wasn't the point of this thread. It was more wondering about patterns between Virgos of the same sign. If they have similar practices.. I have ideas about the proper way to do things or how to live my life a certain way, but many times I don't follow them or speak up about them because in general, they are less important to me than getting along with people or making people comfortable. Example: it'd be great to eat only organic and sustainable foods and I respect people who do. My Virgo girl friend sticks to that 100% of the time. I can't see myself going out of the way to a more expensive grocery store for that ideal. Every time we eat sushi, I just want to eat salmon, but she does not let me eat anything that is not on her 'sustainably caught' fish list. I coudln't live my own life that way and I could never see myself forcing it on others.

In this thread I mentioned that his thing is that he didn't pay for girls and I was fine with it and did not display any discomfort and paid. My question was loosely if other virgos have rules (doesn't have to be related to paying or dating) that they always stick to even if in a social setting where it could be uncomfortable.

I said it could have been more beneficial to go to a movie simply because we both know he isn't talkative. Even I am not that talkative so in general I prefer dates where there is an activity so we aren't just talking about nothing. He had asked me to join him for dinner at this restaurant; I was not going to derail that and say we should do a movie instead. I also gave him some silence to see if he would say anything or appreciate silence. And he would say... 'awkward silence...' I honestly don't care about paying for myself, but overall there was just not much chemistry. Believe me, I dated a guy for 3 years who was poor, lived in someones garage, and grew up on food stamps and he never bought anything for me. But we had chemistry and it never bothered me. He would even eat most of my food and I was happy to share with him and never go to expensive places. Also, there was no bathroom in his garage, so I would pee in a flower pot. I am a pretty laid-back person!! There are other ways to make a girl feel comfortable than paying for her.

Posted by gemcancervenus

My question was loosely if other virgos have rules (doesn't have to be related to paying or dating) that they always stick to even if in a social setting where it could be uncomfortable.

Seriously, I have zero tolerance for bullshit.

You didn't loosely ask a question .... you spent one sentence asking, and then another 2500 characters talking about how you felt slighted because he didn't give you what you wanted, though, you never spoke about your wants.

As if he is suppose to just be in the know of how you expected him to behave on a date ... and then go on to insinuate that you are so hard for him to relate to verbally that you have to rescue him from embarrassing himself when addressing you.

That's not loose anything, that's actually harsh.

Posted by gemcancervenus
I was wondering if virgos tend be very rigid? Virgos I've met have a set standard of principles and they don't bend them for anyone.

For example, I went on a date with a Virguy yesterday and the restaurant turned out to be a little more expensive than we expected and he mentioned this. I said (to be nice) 'Oh, if it's too much, I dont mind splitting it with you." Honestly, I expected that he would decline and say don't worry about it like other guys do. Instead he said, "well, I am a feminist, so I am not really ever chivalrous or pay for my date's dinner." I was like ok, guess I am paying for myself, haha. I really don't mind splitting the bill in general, it was just such an awkward moment since he had invited me to go out with him and I thought he could be a little more charismatic in letting me know. So, we split it half and half.

Later, we went to go get drinks and he said he would get the first round. After we finished that one, he asked if I wanted another drink and I said yes. He says 'ok, your turn.' I knew it was my turn and paid, but it really was not contributing to a romantic mood.

Later, he tried to kiss me/make out with me and I just wasn't having it. He is a nice guy and I respect his principles, but I was simply just not in the mood, because being chivalrous just like makes me feel... more like cozy I guess. I would think in this situation, a guy should want to make the girl feel comfortable instead of sticking to his principles on a first date. But instead it was just awkward.. If this happened to you, would you consider maybe bending those principles for the sake of socializing?? Or are you guys all rigid!!

A question of a few words long ... and then 3 paragraphs complaining about a date.

"a set standard of principles and they don't bend them for anyone"
... and you saying that ^^^^^ sounds as if him not only having principals, also the balls to stand on them, is a bad thing. Why would you want him to bend his principals?

Are without integrity?

Posted by gemcancervenus

... if other virgos have rules (doesn't have to be related to paying or dating) that they always stick to even if in a social setting where it could be uncomfortable.

If you're uncomfortable, then fucking leave ...

You make that sound as if he had an obligation to make you comfortable, by means him bending his own principals .... all for the sole purpose of giving to you what you expect of him.

The only uncomfortable issue I see anywhere here is that you made a decision of your morals in whether you should kiss on first date according to what/how he could buy, bestow upon you as being chivalrous.


You're the one who only yields when a guy buys you, and I'm the bitch ... fine by me, I'd choose me over you anyday because I am aware enough to know the motive of my own actions .. you seem to be oblivious.

COULD make it uncomfortable. Yes, it is a choice between your integrity or something you think is important vs. socializing. And it can be interesting. It can be as small as never eating certain types of fish to something larger like defending someone against public bigotry or racism.

Anyway, I did not make a choice to not kiss him. He leaned over to kiss me and it just didn't feel right. I gave him a peck and I can't control what my body wants to do. It just wouldn't kiss him anymore. I would want to want to kiss him. I would love to be able to be happy in a relationship with someone who is nice and stable as he is. But apparently, it didn't work this time.

It doesn't seem like you read what I wrote. I don't need a guy to buy me. At the same time, I need to be feeling good and they can put some effort into that without money. Chemistry is not something that just magically appears. You just get off on trying to anger people. Seems like this is porn for you and I am sure you are having a great time.

Also, I never called you a bitch. Many others have and I was trying to help you out, but you seem to enjoy being hated as if you stand for something. You're not a martyr though. You seem like a lonely, angry person and I hope this is just a character on the internet you play because if you act like this in real life, I don't see how you can have any friends besides several cats and I feel bad for you. There are moments when I feel angry and hateful and want to act the way you do and then I remember such behavior leads in only one direction --- dying alone with your own cats munching on your face. I hope you are prepared for that. lol

ewwww I thought Virgo man likes to please the woman and be A MAN
Btw the Virgo man I just started dating didn't let me pay in our first date, and never let me so far...he's so sweet & such a gentleman.
Things are going slow (lol I expected this) since he's busy with his work/flies off often. grrrr as a virgo, I get it..slow space shut down slow space

Thing is, my own inclination is to pick up the bill and pay for it no problem but to see women complain underhandedly about when men don't tick me off. Especially, when they say they don't mind in the man's face.

lol @Amandus u're 9sept. and 11/2. same here