do virgos conflate sex with love?

I know I have always had a hard time separating sex from love. I can sleep with a man once and not have it mean anything. Anything more than that and I start developing romantic feelings in a big way.

Is this a general virgo thing or is it just me?

I dont think there can be sex without some kind of love involved.

Unless its with a prostitute, or maybe in prison.

This isn't in any way to criticize you VirgoKitten ( 🙂 ), but rather I'm saying this just to preempt what occurred to me may be coming down the line in this thread.

I am sooooo not asking this question so we can start a discussion on the morality of promiscuity. Please, please, please let's not talk about whether or not those who sleep with multiple partners are good/bad people.

(And yes, I'm making this point because I don't want to get into a situation that I was in earlier with a post a few months back.)

Assuming that you are a virgo and you begin sleeping with someone before you have even the slightest emotional attachment to them... Will the act of sex (and the whole talking before, after, and in-between) foster love? Can you be a virgo, sleep with someone regularly, and not develop romantic feelings towards them?

fumingli: "yes, you can sleep with someone and not develope the slightest emotion as a virgo. (I guess so it was told to me...). I squeezed the info out of a virgo..."

Where were you squeezing when this info spurted out?

"I can sleep with a man once and not have it mean anything. Anything more than that and I start developing romantic feelings in a big way."

v-lady .. I think it has more to do with just a sense of needing feelings to be valuated, and not necessarily romantic ones. It just seems in this situation, romantic ones are easier to attempt to validate because of the intimacy involved.

Though, I agree with MsPisces that this condition is more prone in the female persuasion than male ... however, it's also a Virgo thing in both genders.

For instance: Look at VE and Dyr for example who are always writing essays about their personal life .. the point of this is to recieve emotional validation for their desires/decisions. Other signs don't really do this, v-lady. They will talk about things in their life, like problems or situations .. but, they don't post threads with the intention of having any kind of approval for their feelings.

In other words .. Virgo's have a need to rely on outsiders for acceptance in their lives. This is why we get so many people who come in here and say they are so misunderstood .. they are gentle, loving Virgo's and people take advantage of them .. this in essence, means they are looking for an outside person to bring them self-worth by embracing/confirming thier loving hearts.

As this relates to topic ..... when a Virgo first performs (in all areas of life, not just sexually) they doso with apprehension BECAUSE of this sense of needing to be accepted by others. So, the first hook-up is easy to walk away from if you sense that this person cannot be trusted to approve of you .. for you .. to feel worthy.

If you sense that this person might be able to help you feel self-worth then feelings start to develop. Haven't you ever noticed that these romantic feelings fly out of the window within seconds if you feel like you've been opposed in some way?

Most people who are really loving for the love of the person themselves and not to fufill an insecurity will not have this ability to turn off the switch simply because a person is in opposition .. we are all unique, we all have qualities that will be in opposition with others.

A sure way for the Virgo to tell if what they are feeling is real, or if it's just to fufill this insecurity of self-doubt .. is to actually be at oppostion with the Virgo and see if the switch gets flipped (the infamous MIA), or if the Virgo stays to share/embrace these feelings with partner.

It's not that simple. Sex is somehting that follows love, an expression of....so when one is not getting any, then it becomes an issue.

Logic dictates ( Virgo's and logic?) that one must follow the other, and if not something is awry.

Hell, we worship oursleves...why shouldn't everyone else? 🙂

To follow-up on your comment, PA... Here's an example of needing to be accepted by others run amok.

When Mr. Virgo and I first met, he came over and I offered him a glass of wine. He took it and drank it. A few weeks later, we decide to get kind of kinky in the bedroom and I bust out the ropes and blindfolds.

Yesterday we're talking and I discover that he hates wine and really doesn't like bondage play, either. The only thing that I can take away from that is that he was trying to please me.

Here's one of the many things that sucks about this. He and I have been so f***ing busy trying to gain each other's approval and get the other to like us that it seems we haven't really been ourselves at all. This is so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

That is so disturbing on so many levels .. some of it sounds like fun though 🙂

Oh it's soooooo dysfunctional. How can two virgos with issues get together and not have it be dysfunctional?

You've got a point, v-lady ... if Virgo's love is reflective, then it would be like one of those fun houses with all the mirrors, just bouncing off of each other and never really finding the real person, just another image.

Seriously, any two people of the same sign would be nuts. I'd like to see two Aries together, frigging ramming each other senseless. Or two Pisces .. you decide, no you .. no you .. no you .. no you .. meanwhile, they've died from starvation because a restaurant couldn't be decided upon.

Or how about the Gemini .... perpetual spinning head tops, sitting on the floor decapitated because they talked each others fool heads off .. just heads, laying on the floor .. mouth still yapping.

do virgos conflate sex with love?

Never! To do so would be illogical. Sex = physical pleasure. Love = emotional connection. Never shall the two be twain... it's complicated -- and messy!!

PA:

I liked your detailed comment on this thread. To be exact, the first comment from you on this thread. Very well said. I totally agree on that...
I too think two people of the same sign is nuts...

Capgirl you stole my line lol.

PA I was gonna say that your first post was talking to me. I could have read that yesterday. Gotta make more time to read on here. So much good stuff. 🙂

v-lady, I am shocked, appalled, and astounded. Not really, but I was surprised to read you pulled out bondage toys. I will be 33 in August, what do I have to look forward to... hehe. I remember having one hand cuffed and being beat in the face cheek with a baby whip by a Taurus dude. I either passed out from emotional distress of was just tired from that night's company function we went to. All I know is we woke up the next day and I had a bruise on my face cheek and he asked me what made us stop meaning how did we fall asleep. I guess he didn't remember stopping beating me and I don't remember waking up still cuffed. We dated off and on for 5yrs and that was an awesome and interesting man.

For me to even KISS a man I have to have feelings, not necessarily love but promise and hope that the Happily Ever After is possible with this guy. I have to have a vision of it being successful. Now, after being in a relationship once the novelty wears off I definitely can have sex without feeling like I am IN love because I now know more of his faults, some of which turns me off. However, the love is still there and I still acknowledge that we are in a romantic relationship and have needs.

One night stands I cna do but I have to be able to visualize the fantasy of it being too good to pass up. One nighters with FWB's or dudes who like me but I barely like won't happen because it's imbalanced and I look at the tomorrow (him pursuing me more) and it makes me halt. But, if I REALLY want to be with a guy and he only sees me as a sex partner then I can have sex with him knowing this. I get to be with the man I want to make love to, my vision. That's all I got.

(My posts are so long that I'm thinking of ending them with "The End!" lol).

At times I do conflate sex with love..... But this of course is at will rather than being subjected to the emotional response. Sex without love/passion/risk is masturbation which has it's uses....but I'd prefer to actually be with someone rather than 'using' them. For me simply 'screwing' is useless.....it's got to get inside someone, Sex quite simply to me is investigation.

I guess I'm looking for that moment when I'm out of control, and the feeling is so strong it sucks me in....emotionally, mental, and physically. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't as motivated by love/sex as anyone (perhaps more so than Virgo is the sign of the Virgin/Angel) I'm just twice as likely to protect this feeling becuase I don't like sharing my weaknesses(vulnerabilities) with anyone but the one I'm sleeping with.

I could go back through and pull out at least a dozen instances where a Virgo made either one of these kinds of references ...


1. Female V: Her relationship is ending and the man is either leaving, or has recently left. In her description of circumstances, she will express several things that were wrong (finances, trust, different ethics) ... yet, these mentions are only for background information to explain the differences that have taken place. Her main focus, the one in which brings her in here to seek insight, is around the removal of sex by her male counterparts .. these V-women who come in here say something like: "He's stopped having sex with me, why doesn't he love me anymore. I was good to him, I did everything for him, and now he won't sleep with me. Why has he stopped loving me."

If the guy was not being trusting, or working, or spending/wasting money, or any kind of valid relationship problems in which the union isn't going to make it because of stressful incompatibilities .. then her cries about why he no longer loves her SHOULD be based around why/where he is taking advantage of her, or abusing her .. her cries of not understanding or confusion over why he has stopped loving her SHOULD be around the "emotional" aspect of the partnership, for this is where love lays within ones heart. If a man has begun taking advantage of her heart by not caring about their goals, commitments and a harmonious life together ....... this, in his mind was formed around love/not sex .. and so around love of heart (not physical) is where the ending issue is as well in the mans eyes. He recognizes (eventually) that he was being measured sexually.

Virgo women cannot see this because it is indeed conflated. Some men (mainly V's) might say something like, "All men base love around sex" .. however, that is bullshit, and we all know it. If a woman put out her kitty so easily, and a relationship was built entirely around getting laid .... then a male considers this slutty.

And to put evidence to the above assessment ..... her partner, when he pulls away from her .. it's sexually. He quit sleeping with her, yet, will continue to have her cook for him, spend her money, and pretend everything is ok .... but, because he sensed that her love to him was based solely on sex, the man will be the one who is actually being made into a sexual object, instead of loving emotionally ..

Hence: He stops sleeping with her because he was being use

And 2. Male V:

Branh, VG62, FC to name a few ... have all made mention of why they break up with not only girlfriends, also long-time partners in marriage. In which case, I copy and paste every time I read it, to make the observation apparant to whomever is reading.

"She was cool, nice and all .... but, she stopped sleeping with me."
"I met a new girl, she's kind of nice .... but, dayum the sex was hot."
"I don't know .. we'll have to wait and see how she is in bed."
"I can go a long time without calling her .. until I get too horny"


And similar expressions of how the woman is regarded .. it is indeed, all based around sex.

If a V-man is in a long-term relationship .... and this union ended because of lack of sex, while as he describes (breifly) of other qualities within her, as being: Nice, thoughtful, caring .... then the only reason WHY he loved her was because he was measuring her love for her according to her sexual performance.

Again, as it is so with the female Virgo .... the partner of the male V will discontinue having sex with him, while still wanting to maintain a relationship .... and this is done so because she senses that the love she has her heart for him is only valuable if it's expressed through her vagina, regardless of how devoted she is to him.

Male V's would say something like, "All men are just wanting to get sexed up, P-Angel." ... And this would be correct, in regards to a piece of ass to whom respect isn't required .... but, if this is how the male Virgo processes this condition, and that getting sexed-up comes first in any measurement of love for her .. then in essence, what he is implying is that his woman isn't any different in his regard for this love, than a whore. If this Virgo loves her for her sexual prowess than she is no different than any piece on the side that can be so easily walked away from.

And so it is true ..... V-men in here have said quite frequently that thier women were good loving women .. but, the reason for the break-up was lack of sex.


What the Virgo doesn't comprehend because they conflate love and sex is that it is actually this confusion in itself which has caused the relationship problem ..... because people have to be loved in the heart in order to feel desired and wanted as a human being, not a breathing blow up doll.

This is becoming complex for no reason at all I believe that instead of investigating the Virgoan character were talking more specualtively across the board about men in general: you can't lump all men in the whole together (as much as some would like to) You can count on me to want to be counted out everytime....sure I like sex, (and even suffer if I don't have that BOND it brings) but if there isn't any FEELING/LOVE involved than what good is the relationship? What would be the point of being in a relationship with someone (unless you're a gold-digging smut) if there is no personal feeling towards the person?.

The other Virguys go on about this and that as far as relationships are concerned, but when it's all said and done, they like the idea/feeling of love (and not just empty sex) as much if not more so than anyone else.....now, when it comes to MY feelings, I'll disclose the more intimate details with someone whom has my faith. I don't go flinging around my blue prints to everyone becuase that will result in someone gaining power over you.....that's something I don't deal well with: someone thinking they can 'enslave' or 'restrict' me. I have power/control/emotional things that may get in the way, but I masturbation on the whole, If I had to make a choice I'd rather like to 'feel' what my partners feeling rather than just to 'feel' a nice b.j. If it's done out of love, theres a difference to when it's just offered up casually.

I need someone who understands me, and dosen't just 'think' that she's got me down. Leave room for me to surprise you, and let me show you what I FEEL....that is of course if you strong enough to deal with it. I don't show feelings to those undeserving.....perhaps that's why most people think we're shy which I am not, I am either unamused by your presence and wish you'd stop wasting my time, or will just walk off....I'm not interested in superficiality or anything light and fluffy.....for me I 'instictivly' feel when I need to trust someone which makes me open up to that person, BUT I use my head to get to the bottom of things....gives me concrete evidence that my insticts were correct. I don't make or pass judgements until I have evidence asserting my belief.

P-Angel: "And similar expressions of how the woman is regarded .. it is indeed, all based around sex."

Yes, Angelina, and I could get sworn testimonials from the Virgo Men I know who'd tell a completely different story -- how they met, fell in love with, and connected physically and emotionally with One Certain Female with the intention of the relationship lasting for the rest of their lives.

Few Virgos post to DXP. It's a small sample size. But you go ahead and spin it like it's a Gallop Pole. Meanwhile, all of the 6 Virgo Males I know are married, and only 1 can't keep his d1ck in his drawers.

I'll put my stats (and the writings of paid astrologers) up against your biased bullsh1t any damn day...

Have a nice weekend!

~DY

Dyr, why must you take everything so personally, as if this is some reflection of you?

The question was asked, and I answered .. the question wasn't asked how we all think Dyr handles his love life .. and whether you conflate the two. Yet, this is the position you took .. as if you are the subject specifically of this thread.

Thankfully, v-lady comprehends in the terms of which I speak, and it to her that my answers are directed.

Conflate .....

I just want to know if the man I have a fierce crush on likes me in the same way. I'm getting some really mixed signals so I'm asking questions about sex and intimacy rather than going directly to the heart of the issue (cause that's how I roll).

I'm also getting the sense that I've reached the point where I need to talk to him directly about this. Time to be emotionally courageous.

There's nothing to fear .... and you know you can't rely on signals from him because he is showing the same way you are .... mirrored.

Is this the same man who was checking into other women on the dating site? Is he still doing that? If he isn't, and is with you exclusively, then perhaps you shouldn't fret about these feelings and just go with the flow.

This is the same guy and I've gone with the flow for months now. What's changing is that I'm starting to feel bad about myself and when that happens I know it's time for the self-protective side of me to step in and give the more vulnerable part some help. I'm not talking massive confrontation. I just have a few questions that I need answers to.

I could also use some advice because I have no idea what's going on any more.

Until I saw this post... I didnt realise that conflate is an actual word, thought it was a typo. It is actually a word. I think Im going to start implementing it into my vocab.

"I met this widower with a two-year old child (wife died in childbirth)"


Oh God, how aweful ..


Yes, marchgirl, it's really a word .. conflate: to fuse/combine/meld into one

I thought I'd issue a sort of general apology for hiding my posts. I know I do that - open up completely and then get all shy about it. Sorry for the back and forth!

Do you want me to hide the one answering it too, then?

Do your thing, PA. Whatever you'd like is fine with me, but thank you for asking.

Ok, I hid it, then. If you felt the need to remove the details of this situation .. then, I feel the need to remove the comments regarding it.

P-Angel: "Dyr, why must you take everything so personally, as if this is some reflection of you?"

Nice try, Spin Madame, but I did not take your comments personally.

"Virgo women cannot see this because it is indeed conflated." That's a GLOBAL comment about Virgo women, not a particular Virgo woman.

"What the Virgo doesn't comprehend because they conflate love and sex is that it is actually this confusion in itself which has caused the relationship problem ..." Another GLOBAL comment about the Virgo.

My response to you was a fact-based refutation of your statements. Basic Statistics Primer: The smaller the sample size, the less valid & reliable the results. Few real Virgos post to DXP, so extrapolating their comments to represent all Virgos is INCORRECT for absolutely non-emotional, non-personal reasons on my part...

Is that clear enough to you now, Angelina??

For those of you interested in the facts about Virgos, read Linda Goodman's Sun Signs -- it's an excellent primer / introduction to how we really are... FREE copies of it are all over the Internet, if you don't want to buy the book.

As for my Virgo expertise: I am one. I am the son of a very typical (almost textbook) Virgo man. I work with 4 other Virgo men (the Virgo Brain Trust).

My analysis (and self-analysis) is not perfect, but I strive to blend the stuff I read about us with the stuff I've experienced.

But on the personal side: I didn't marry LibraEX because of her p!ssy. I've written about our sexual chemistry, but our relationship started out (and eventually ended) on purely intellectual terms.

I married my Scorp because she is the most amazing woman I've ever met -- one who actually understands me AND accepts me as I am. We work so well together in every way that I can't imagine meeting anyone else like her in the years I have left on this earth.