Help please

This is a long story but I will try my best to get to the point as I need advice. Please be kind.



5 year relationship with a son, we've had our ups and downs. He is from Jordan(Muslim) and I am Indian (Hindu)



We had a huge blow out about two months back he said he didn't think I loved him and was tired of fighting so he called his family back home and asked them to arrange a marriage.



So they did find a girl, the families got involved and now two weeks later while they are in the "talking stage" as he is here with in Canada as I am they made this plan to engage in three months and marry in a year.



Two weeks and he told me and he says he cant get out of it because he involved his family.



He said he really thought I did not love him but I do and I want to make a life with him. He says he's in love with me and now he's in this with her and can't get out (not to mentioned her dad has money and will secure him for life, which has was abandoned by parents so he has been inner void for this stability) of it as it will tarnish and family will not talk to him again.



Yesterday he was here and we were crying together and today. We spent both days together in this. He played with our son and he is heavily confused so I gave him space tonight because he said he does not know what to do.



Please help how can I get him out of this without it harming him or his family reputation. Is there a way without hurting his families honour? What excuses, reasons can happen here to get him out of this.



I've even gone to the extent to tell him I would be his 2nd wife ( yes I love him this much) but he is afraid to even mention that.



We talked about having another child, spend the year together and see but how can he guarantee me anything. I told him waiting a year to break it off is much worse and now would be the time but again What excuses, reasons can happen here to get him out of this without hurting his families honour.

today he was throwing around pillows, hanging his head and telling me why did i say something earlier... we are so confused.



We are desperately looking for help here.

Reasons ~ you have a son together and he needs his father

What are the Astro signs?!

If I were you I might a wise muslim elder for advice.

We are not from your culture and our advice might not be useful or sensitive.

I mean an elder who won't just give you a cookie cutter answer about religion. But someone who seens you have a son etc.

Would you feel comfy doing that?

I think he’s lying to you and is full of shit. He knew that once he arranged a marriage that he wouldn’t be able to pull out because of the future bride’s reputation as well as his family’s reputation. This is his culture. He knows what this entails.

How could it be done so easily, because he’s had this planned all along.

An argument is never that big for a man to get married blindly to a stranger. He wanted a secure life with the comfort of a virgin bride and money.

There’s nothing you can do at this point if he’s not doing anything to stop it.

Try to start securing money for your child at this point.

This is ridiculous lol

This is also very messy. You chose to have a child with a man whose future/marriage was a big question mark due to his culture, and even to agree to engage in polygyny - and even further, want to be with a man who makes stupid decisions literally to spite you based on his emotions? Or even worse, had this planned behind your back all along? 😬

I am sorry, but you need to get a grip. He is doing exactly what he wants to do. Your son deserves better than to potentially be a shameful secret from an affair before his “real” marriage took place, as seen by his culture, and your son also deserves better than a father who put him last in order to secure a marriage and start a life with another woman than the one he claims to love and chose to have a child with.

Can you elaborate on the shame part - was it not shameful for his own parents to abandon him and also to have a child before he was married to someone of a different religion? Would such a man be able to secure a marriage with a woman of high status, like the one he’s arranged to? Or are both of those things secrets?

Marry before you carry

⬆️ interesting.

I would say you have zero intention on leaving this man alone. A clean break is out of the question due to the child.

Well, my advice is to find your place in this throuple.

Get legal protection for your child.

Hang out as a family when his other half allows it