Is he being honest or unfaithful?

I am an Aries. I admit to being jealous and controlling sometimes.

Been dating a Virgo male for a while now and things are pretty serious at this point. It is a same-sex relationship. The problem is, one of his exes messaged him with some explicit texts. I don't know what to think. He lies a lot about small things and I always catch him. I have the password to his phone--he gave it to me.

Long story short:

His ex hurt him really badly about 3 years ago
His ex texted him recently
He responded saying he was willing to meet up and talk (i saw the text)
He called me and told me all of this

THEN when I told him to just drop it and tell his ex to stop texting because you are now in a relationship, HE REFUSED and said that he needed to see his ex face to face in order to get closure by saying something along the lines of "you lost this, and now i am with someone much better and you can never have me again". (He is out of his ex's league and i am much better looking, being honest)

He literally allowed me to drive him back home from restaurant, get in this huge fight that lasted 3 hours and then FINALLY sent "not interested" to his ex reluctantly.

THEN I find out he texted his ex again after i left. (I have phone password, so the next few things are confirmed)
But the ex threatened to block his number if he didnt respond that night to meet up
He didnt respond
His ex blocked his number
and that was the end of that convo.

My boyfriend got really mad at me and said i forced him to do something my way when he wanted to handle it his way and get closure from that situation. He called me controlling and said he was pissed at me.

I don't know if he is just being dramatic to cover up lies (he has done this in the past) or if he would genuinely need to "tell off" his ex this bad even if it made me so mad.

i admit that I can be ridiculous and immature/insecure sometimes but is this one of those times? Or is my Virgo whom I love dearly trying to pull a fast one?

I also want to add that he didnt respond because his ex couldnt chat on the phone and my boyfriend wanted to talk on the phone only for some reason and his texts were very vague.

Oh and I don't check his phone often. He just knows that i have the password.

Posted by Impulsv
Now you'll have a man who will forever wonder n he might not want to stick around

I think our relationship is stronger than that for a number of reasons. But if I am in the wrong here, I just need someone to tell me so that I can make it up to him. He isn't mad anymore (at least not outwardly) but I want him to feel comfortable telling me things like this in the future. I'm still learning. I just don't know if I am wrong for thinking he was up to no good.

Posted by shutupmel
Based upon what you've told us, I think your boyfriend is not over his ex and personally, that would prompt me to leave. People who are actually over their ex (especially the ones that hurt them), that have ZERO intentions of getting back with them OR hope that they can rekindle "that old thing" are NOT interested in meeting up for"closure" sessions. I think that's just an excuse to see if the relationship can possibly be rekindled in my opinion. I think they are just waiting for that ex to say the right thing that will prompt them to give them a second chance but they gotta be face to face to read body language. I think he's trying to play "hard to get back" with his ex but doesn't want to make it too obvious (so he lets you view his text) because he doesn't want to completely drive you away or else there is a chance he'll end up the loser at the end of the day.

I thought about that but I can't possibly understand why? I have more going for me than his ex, I am objectively better looking (once again, being honest), and we have been together longer. Also, why even tell me at all? We don't live together and he could have deleted the texts/convo. He called me the moment it happened...Is this just some intricate scheme?

Also, aren't Virgos like afraid of being hurt? Why would you want back in with someone that has already hurt you and has been dishonest in the past?

From my experiences with Virgos, they like to maintain friendships with their exes.

But this isn't an amicable or 'innocent' friendship with a past ex.... this is an ex who wants to claw his way back in, and the Virgo seems to be loving it!

If he's crying about 'closure'...then what were you? His rebound?

When a new experience (true love) touches the heart...old wounds do heal faster, closure or no closure....it wouldn't have mattered.

My advice, let him meet with his ex,

Since you already have his password, monitor his calls after this meeting...

If he is still in contact with him after the closure he was given...DUMP HIM!

Posted by TaurusBull1977
From my experiences with Virgos, they like to maintain friendships with their exes.

But this isn't an amicable or 'innocent' friendship with a past ex.... this is an ex who wants to claw his way back in, and the Virgo seems to be loving it!

If he's crying about 'closure'...then what were you? His rebound?

When a new experience (true love) touches the heart...old wounds do heal faster, closure or no closure....it wouldn't have mattered.

My advice, let him meet with his ex,

Since you already have his password, monitor his calls after this meeting...

If he is still in contact with him after the closure he was given...DUMP HIM!

Yeah, I actually thought of this plan after it was too late unless the ex ever texts him again. Oh well.

I don't care if you straight or gay people need to treat people with respect and trust. Without trust there is not relationship. This is classic case of cleverly overly Controlling and lack of trust or communication.

I also want to add something that I was reluctant to add but it may be valuable. This has been an extremely rough time for our relationship because he recently attempted suicide and was committed to a psychiatric hospital for two weeks. He has since gotten the necessary treatment (diagnosed bipolar depression) and is stable. It has been a heart wrenching experience for me and my emotions are all out of wack. This ex situation is just unnecessary given all that we have going on right now.

Posted by Impulsv
Is she the cause of his depression?

No. This has been something I recognized long ago but he refused to get help until it got really bad. Very traumatic childhood etc..

Posted by Impulsv
Is he seeing a therapist
Perhaps both can go n discuss this recent sotuation

Yes, but the wounds are new still. I want him to work on himself that's why i am here talking to strangers about my issues :/

Posted by starwars
he needed a closure and wanted to do it, you should have let him go meet her and let him handle things his own way.

you sound controlling, which will lead to him lying about the little stuff so you won't bug him about it.

Sound controlling? I outright admitted that much, especially when my emotions are in disarray.

Posted by starwars

Posted by aressupreme

Posted by starwars
he needed a closure and wanted to do it, you should have let him go meet her and let him handle things his own way.

you sound controlling, which will lead to him lying about the little stuff so you won't bug him about it.

Sound controlling? I outright admitted that much, especially when my emotions are in disarray.

you may need to discuss how whatever he does makes you feel with him instead of just telling him what to do-asking questions-making assumption.

click to expand

You're the only Virgo reply so you're probably right. I really hope that you are...

Honestly, I've already decided to stay with him. At this point, I can't possibly know whether he would have or wouldn't have done something disrespectful. Time reveals all. For now, I can just be there trying to support him while he deals with his issues.